Weight problems and religious life

[NadaTeTurbe]

20 hours ago, Gabriela said:

This is what I'm talking about when I say that sisters tend to be so much more uptight and controll-y than brothers.

Ridiculous.

But we are feeding this. When us, catholic, spend hours and hours speaking about habit, the beauty of a habit, the beauty of a nun in habit, and "look at these beautifull/ young nun picture" we are feeding the "Nuns must be beautifull"  state of mind. And pretty in our society means thin.   And since women tends to be more directive and obsessed by look than men, you can feel it in community life. 

[Gabriela]

1 minute ago, NadaTeTurbe said:

But we are feeding this. When us, catholic, spend hours and hours speaking about habit, the beauty of a habit, the beauty of a nun in habit, and "look at these beautifull/ young nun picture" we are feeding the "Nuns must be beautifull"  state of mind. And pretty in our society means thin.   And since women tends to be more directive and obsessed by look than men, you can feel it in community life. 

Yep. I agree with you 100%.

This is why it's important to pay attention when those sisters come on here in the habit arguments and say the habit isn't an end in itself. It's not just about how sisters look. It's about what the habit points to, beyond the sister, what it reminds people of. That it does whether the sister herself is skinny or pretty or not.

Edited August 19, 2016 by Gabriela

[nikita92]

Going into middle age and experiancing perimenopause and menopause...slows metabolism (as a fact) for most women! Weight gain is a given! While material habits are shapeless....one can see....(just look at all the religious wedsites with photo galleries)...how many nuns/sisters are height/weight proportionally challenged! Especially the advanced elder/mature ones! 

[katherineH]

Just another comment on this issue: I applied to a religious community last year and on the application it asked for weight, but also had an open-ended question that went something along the lines of: Has your weight ever been significantly different than what it is now? If so, please explain.  I was initially surprised by the question as someone who has had a fairly stable weight her entire life, but after some more thought I liked that they gave space to talk about weight loss or gain.  Particularly, I liked how the question was more concerned about variation in weight as opposed to being over or underweight.  Sudden changes in weight are much more concerning than being over what is considered "normal." 

[katherineH]

On August 19, 2016 at 10:53 AM, NadaTeTurbe said:

But we are feeding this. When us, catholic, spend hours and hours speaking about habit, the beauty of a habit, the beauty of a nun in habit, and "look at these beautifull/ young nun picture" we are feeding the "Nuns must be beautifull"  state of mind. And pretty in our society means thin.   And since women tends to be more directive and obsessed by look than men, you can feel it in community life. 

This comment has been on my mind for a while and I think the reason it has stayed with me for so long is that it perfectly captures my experience around the narrative of joy in religious life.  Many women in RL and in discernment speak of the "incredible joy" that they see in the sisters and in consecrated life, which ultimately led to their decision to enter.  This hyper-focus on joy seems to imply that there is a joy that you can only find in RL, and that if you discern another vocation, you will have to settle for a lesser joy.  Obviously, joy is from Christ and is to be celebrated, and I would never fault sisters for being too joyful, but the way we talk about it perpetuates a similar mindset as the focus on beauty that you have described. 

[Sponsa-Christi]

3 hours ago, katherineH said:

This comment has been on my mind for a while and I think the reason it has stayed with me for so long is that it perfectly captures my experience around the narrative of joy in religious life.  Many women in RL and in discernment speak of the "incredible joy" that they see in the sisters and in consecrated life, which ultimately led to their decision to enter.  This hyper-focus on joy seems to imply that there is a joy that you can only find in RL, and that if you discern another vocation, you will have to settle for a lesser joy.  Obviously, joy is from Christ and is to be celebrated, and I would never fault sisters for being too joyful, but the way we talk about it perpetuates a similar mindset as the focus on beauty that you have described. 

I do think there is a special, particular kind of joy that can only be experienced in consecrated life. Though I'm not saying this means that other vocations necessarily have "lesser joys" (and actually, I'm inclined to think that marriage and parenthood are more intrinsically joy-oriented). But I think there is a joy unique to consecrated life, just as the joy of marrying Tom won't be exactly the same as a the joy of marrying Harry. 

However, I really appreciate your post, because I also feel like the hyper-focus on joy is sort of a problem. Perpetual joy---that is, in the sense of feeling happy all the time---is simply not a feature of fallen human nature living in this "vale of tears"! Consecrated life can involve a lot of suffering, and clergy and consecrated persons tend to have more experiences of the (to use a euphemism) "human side" of the Church. So I don't feel like vocations materials with a hyper-focus on joy give a truly realistic idea of what it means to live a fruitful and virtuous consecrated life. 

I think a hyper-focus on Sisters being joyful all the time can also sort of tend to presume that God works in simplistic ways. I.e., there seems to be sort of an assumption that if one is faithful to the Church's teachings on consecrated life, that God will provide for everything in such a way that one will never feel unhappy---and so that if one is not joyful, then it's essentially that person's own fault for not being virtuous enough. But even the most faithful of consecrated persons can still experience tremendous suffering, and even the most virtuous are still human with human emotions. 

Obviously, I understand the need to show joyful Sisters on vocations brochures! But for some of the more substantial vocations materials (like books, articles, retreat talks, etc.), I wish there was more of an emphasis on committing to Christ "for better or worse," and on the value of persevering through challenges. 

[Spem in alium]

5 hours ago, Sponsa-Christi said:

I do think there is a special, particular kind of joy that can only be experienced in consecrated life. Though I'm not saying this means that other vocations necessarily have "lesser joys" (and actually, I'm inclined to think that marriage and parenthood are more intrinsically joy-oriented). But I think there is a joy unique to consecrated life, just as the joy of marrying Tom won't be exactly the same as a the joy of marrying Harry. 

However, I really appreciate your post, because I also feel like the hyper-focus on joy is sort of a problem. Perpetual joy---that is, in the sense of feeling happy all the time---is simply not a feature of fallen human nature living in this "vale of tears"! Consecrated life can involve a lot of suffering, and clergy and consecrated persons tend to have more experiences of the (to use a euphemism) "human side" of the Church. So I don't feel like vocations materials with a hyper-focus on joy give a truly realistic idea of what it means to live a fruitful and virtuous consecrated life. 

I think a hyper-focus on Sisters being joyful all the time can also sort of tend to presume that God works in simplistic ways. I.e., there seems to be sort of an assumption that if one is faithful to the Church's teachings on consecrated life, that God will provide for everything in such a way that one will never feel unhappy---and so that if one is not joyful, then it's essentially that person's own fault for not being virtuous enough. But even the most faithful of consecrated persons can still experience tremendous suffering, and even the most virtuous are still human with human emotions. 

Obviously, I understand the need to show joyful Sisters on vocations brochures! But for some of the more substantial vocations materials (like books, articles, retreat talks, etc.), I wish there was more of an emphasis on committing to Christ "for better or worse," and on the value of persevering through challenges. 

This is an interesting topic. I discovered my sisters online and was initially attracted to them by their name and also by the pictures they had on their website (of many smiling faces). I saw great joy and it attracted me. When I actually met my sisters, I instantly saw how honest they are. What you see is what you get. Sometimes they are very joyful. Sometimes they are struggling with difficult times, or angry, or sad, or tired. I have seen sisters very upset with each other, and while it's hard to witness I think this is very important. This is one of the things I really came to value about them: that it wasn't always joyful and that there were no ulterior motives and no pretense. They didn't try to shield me from the reality, but immersed me in it. This is essential in discernment. Presenting only one side of the picture to someone, or trying to conceal the truth from them, is really doing them a great disservice.   

Journeying in consecrated life has been the most joyful time of my life. I now feel as though I am fully alive and living as I am meant to be. I know myself better than I ever have, and I feel the deep fulfilment and peace that I know comes from God and from living with my sisters. This peace is the most important thing for me. I strive to have that even if and when I cannot be joyful.

 

 

On ‎20‎/‎08‎/‎2016 at 1:53 AM, NadaTeTurbe said:

But we are feeding this. When us, catholic, spend hours and hours speaking about habit, the beauty of a habit, the beauty of a nun in habit, and "look at these beautifull/ young nun picture" we are feeding the "Nuns must be beautifull"  state of mind. And pretty in our society means thin.   And since women tends to be more directive and obsessed by look than men, you can feel it in community life. 

I totally agree. I'm not physically beautiful (I'm actually "disfigured"), and I know for a fact that some people have thought in the past (and perhaps still think this now, I'm not sure) that I have chosen consecrated life as a sort of "security" or to escape. I know that in the future I'll probably experience thinking like this too, and that things will not be easy for me. But God has filled my heart with peace and I think that is beautiful, so I try and show that to others as much as I can.

[Gabriela]

On 9/12/2016 at 5:53 AM, Spem in alium said:

I'm not physically beautiful (I'm actually "disfigured"), and I know for a fact that some people have thought in the past (and perhaps still think this now, I'm not sure) that I have chosen consecrated life as a sort of "security" or to escape.

Well that's just silly. I've met plenty of ugly married people!  

[dominicansoul]

On 8/19/2016 at 10:53 AM, NadaTeTurbe said:

But we are feeding this. When us, catholic, spend hours and hours speaking about habit, the beauty of a habit, the beauty of a nun in habit, and "look at these beautifull/ young nun picture" we are feeding the "Nuns must be beautifull"  state of mind. And pretty in our society means thin.   And since women tends to be more directive and obsessed by look than men, you can feel it in community life. 

This is unfair, in my opinion.  Nuns in habits are beautiful and we should be able to express that.  Sure, I understand where you are coming from, lots of people look at them only from a purely aesthetic point of view.  But most, I would hope, view the beauty that comes through from the consecration these women make.

To be honest, if people obsess over their looks...it doesn't seem that the convent is the right place for them to be...and vice versa, if convents obsess over people's looks, that is not a convent you'd want to spend the rest of your life at.   

Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder, and in the convent, the Beholder is God.  And He makes everything beautiful...

[Guest]

I do love the religious habit and to see our consecrated women wearing a habit  - and some habits I like better than others.

But I do love this even more:

4 hours ago, dominicansoul said:

Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder, and in the convent, the Beholder is God.  And He makes everything beautiful...

......in all states of life if we let Him.  Free will.

[DominiCanis]

I think it matters if an overweight person has bad stamina etc or not, especially if you are - like me - drawn towards the apostolic religious life. I am overweight (not morbidly obese but definitely carrying some extra bricks) too but I out walk/run/swim/cycle many people who have a normal weight easily. I exercise lots and my cholesterol level, blood sugar and blood pressure are like that of a much younger woman. So when asked about your weight, you could also give a general idea of how healthy you live (I hope you do). I think that is much more relevant.

Edited September 15, 2016 by DominiCanis

[lanpingpug]

I have a friend who is now a sister with the Dominicans in England. She says that the sisters ate so many biscuits and cakes and rich foods that most sisters were at least a little overweight but she as a nurse was weaning them off all that stuff throughout her formation! 

[vee]

Sisters come in all shapes, sizes, and metabolisms!  Skinny does not equal health and a bit chubby does not equal negative things. In religious life you eat what should be proper meals at proper times and go about the day. One should have sufficient health to do this irregardless of body type.  

If you are a regular member of a community and not a superior then how another Sister looks and what she eats is no one else's business but hers and those in charge!  You do not comment on anything of the sort, if she eats what looks like too much or to little etc. It's not your business. 

For those of us outside looking in it is also not our business to have concern with the physical appearance of a religious. Oh she looks too fat, oh she looks too thin what's wrong etc is only the concern of that Sister and her superior!!!  If one is discerning then just be aware of if they have a proper diet  

Remember God sees the very depths of the heart and that is the utmost concern. 

[Benedictus]

Most religious orders require health checks, even if only basic ones. Having weight and bloods done was a part of my evaluation and I got told to lose weight because my sugar markers weren't too good (even though I'm not technically obese).

I was also asked about my body image, including weight, and relationships etc as part of my psych evaluation. They may well pick and dig on the issue, and for good reasons to be fair, but I'd suggest to see it as good self reflection and to not be too defensive.  Others, of course, may not be asked at all. The process varies a lot between institutes and provinces.

Edited April 9, 2017 by Benedictus