Single Vocation

[Kayte Postle]

I'm working on compiling information on the Single Life as a vocation in the Church. I think it's a resource that's needed, since there seems to be a lack of information currently. I know there are some wonderful holy single ladies on here, I was wondering if I could ask you some questions, and pick your brains a bit. =)

[Sponsa-Christi]

I wrote an article on this not too long ago: http://aleteia.org/2016/05/04/is-the-single-life-a-vocation/

 

[Guest]

Hi Kayte - Just a nudge on including the lay celibate vocation in Vocation Forum: dUSt (Administrator) made some rulings back some years ago here:

Introduction to Vocation Station (rules & Guidelines)

At times in the past, the subject of a vocation to the lay celibate state has been contentious.

You might be interested in my thread here: Home Mass - Private Vows (Open Mic)

I purposely put the thread into Open Mic, to avoid potentially breaking any Phatmass rules or guidelines, although personally I don't think that private vows in the lay celibate state actually does.  But to be safe, I put it into Open Mic.

There is a whole heap of subjects incorporated in the thread, including some of my personal journey in private vows and also through suffering bipolar disorder..........and other bits and pieces.  Also included in the thread are heaps of items from research (compiled over years) on private vows or the committed lay celibate state from Church Documents and other reliable types of sources - all  with links......although my thread (lengthy!) might take quite some wading through to glean out what you might be able to use or not use.

I am over the moon that someone is compiling information on the single life (lay celibacy) into one place.  May I ask, Kayte, what form your compilation of informatiom will take? Is it a blog, a book - or something else?  Also, are you researching for an uncommitted call to the lay celibate state, or both committed and uncommitted?  Although to me, if one does feel a call to sacrifice marriage and embrace the lay celibate state as one's call and path in life, it is a vocation (vocation meaning "to call") with or without some sort of formalised type of commitment. 

But I wont say any more to avoid breaking possibly Phatmass Vocation Station rules by possibly inviting debate.  What I can do is stay in contact with this thread and anything I may not agree with etc., I can always start a thread in Open Mic (link in this thread), or post into my existing thread on private vows (link in this thread) - if I choose to do so.

2 hours ago, Sponsa-Christi said:

I wrote an article on this not too long ago: http://aleteia.org/2016/05/04/is-the-single-life-a-vocation/

 

Comments at the end of the article make some good reading too - food for thought.

Edited July 11, 2016 by BarbaraTherese

[Kayte Postle]

Thank you for the article Sponsa! It had lots of wonderful information.

Barbra- Right now I'm just compiling information and views on the subject. I'm hoping to some day turn it into a book, but that is a lot of research and prayer away. I'm researching for both committed and uncommitted single life. I am wanting the end work itself to be focused on committed single life. The work is going to be almost purely research, as I am too young and inexperienced to draw on my own life. But I have been feeling a call to consecrated single life for a very long time, and while I am still discerning I was hoping for some kind of good resource about what the vocation looks like. Since I couldn't find all the information in one place I decided to just compile it together myself.

[beatitude]

I'm in formation with a secular institute, and a couple of friends and I are in the process of setting up a prayer group for people living the single life in different forms. They're discerning secular institutes too, but aren't as far into it as I am. We would be happy to talk to you and share our experiences.

[Norseman82]

I hate to burst your bubble, but unless there is a vow involved to "lock you in", single life in and of itself is NOT a vocation.

Married people make a "vow" to each other, so marriage is permanent (until death). In the Latin rite, they cannot enter into clerical, religious, or consecrated life while married. Exceptions: permanent deacons, as well as eastern rite Catholic priesthood.

Clergy make vows or "solemn promises", and they are priests forever, unless in special circumstances they are laicized. They cannot enter married life without laicization.

Religious and consecrated take "vows". It is permanent unless they are somehow released from their vows.

Singles who have not taken a vow, on the other hand, do not need to be released from any vows in order to enter marriage, clerical, religious, or consecrated life.

[Guest]

As I live under private vows in the laity, exteriorly it wouldn't look different to a quite ordinary committed Catholic celibate life.  Nowadays, I lean more and more towards keeping it that way.  I'm now almost 71years of age and it has been a very long journey of probably 40 years or so and the journey has gone through various stages of development on various matters at different times due to presenting circumstances........at times I may have moved back to a previous stage for some reason.  "Stages of development" mainly due to the fact that at the time of discerning and then making private vows to the evangelical counsels, I could not find anything whatsoever about them.  All I had was an assurance from a priest religious and theologian (SD and confessor) that I could indeed make such a move quite validly and in accord with Church law and teaching.

My private vow of poverty is spelt out in my rule of life and would not be anything overt or obvious to appearances and deliberately so. It is, however, a radical following of Jesus and His Gospel in poverty - and more demanding than that poverty asked of me by my baptism.

 Obedience is to The Church and my rule of life, again not obvious to appearances - no external difference to an ordinary committed Catholic celibate life.  Again the obedience asked is a radical type of obedience and asking more than my baptism.

As with every vocation, a further call other than baptism will be a building on baptism.

For me private vows to the evangelical counsels is an interior journey and a Gospel ideal for which to strive in all things and circumstances.  The praise and petitions of The Our Father each form a subject heading in the rule.  I'm quite safe in stating that committed Catholic celibate people usually are involved in service in The Church and outside as well - as I am to varying degrees at different times. There are people in my parish, married, widowed, celibate (not privately vowed to my knowledge), who are far more active to appearances in the parish and outside it than I am. My private vows and my rule are means to an end, not ends in themselves.

A feature or mark of my lifestyle under my rule (approved by SD) is the embracing with trust and confidence Divine Providence in all things and this embracing of Divine Providence brings about a wondrous freedom and liberality of spirit............hence it is an unfolding way of life (as God's Will does in every vocation), both in the immediate and long term. My rule presents an ideal and is a striving for a spirit that is far superior to the rule -  yet through the rule. It is a striving for a spirit in which to live and serve in all things ideally and at all times and wherever I might, through Divine Providence, find myself/choose to venture.

I would be truly surprised if anyone identified me as living under private vows and no one has to date really, despite my 40yrs journey with the vows.  My most common 'titles' are divorced or sometimes even spinster or single.  Certainly, my Home Mass to renew my life vows was a surprise to those around me, except those most close to me such as the Carmelite nuns who attended and one of my brothers.  The rest were quite bemused and had no idea what private vows to the evangelical counsels were.  They did not know that a lay person could make such vows while remaining in the lay state in secular life in every way.  I did make available small booklets for those attending the Home Mass.  The booklets did explain what the vows were and were not and what The Church has to state about them and most guests took them with them after Mass and a light supper.  Pebble in the pool of understanding Catholicism.

I collated information and made the booklets for the Home Mass myself.  As well as this, a copy of my rule of life was available for those who may have liked to have a look.  I don't know if anyone actually did, I was too occupied with 'doing the rounds' and speaking to all guests.  It was a small gathering for The Mass of about 20 people i.e. Carmelite nuns, quite close friends and my brothers and their wives only.

Edited July 12, 2016 by BarbaraTherese

[Guest]

______________________

Edit:  My SD and confessor (priest religious with leadership experience) approached our Archbishop, through our Vicar General, for permission for the Home Mass and the reason for The Mass.  In due course, the VG advised that the Archbishop had given his permission.  The diocese is well aware of my bipolar condition and my history related to it, i.e. serious psychotic episodes.  Father did not mention to me that he intended to ask permission from higher up the line - until after he had done so and while he awaited the decision.  Hence, it was my feeling, that probably I would not get permission due to bipolar and my history (then 10years behind me).  I was wrong and so overwhelmed that when Father told me that he could go ahead, I burst into tears.  Tears of relief, of gratitude and no little humbled.

Subsequently, in accord with protocol, I asked my parish priest for permission to hold The Home Mass in his parish.  It was granted........of course. 

Hence, The Home Mass was preceded by all necessary permissions and protocol at diocesan level.

[He is Risen!]

On 7/11/2016 at 7:30 PM, Norseman82 said:

I hate to burst your bubble, but unless there is a vow involved to "lock you in", single life in and of itself is NOT a vocation.

Married people make a "vow" to each other, so marriage is permanent (until death). In the Latin rite, they cannot enter into clerical, religious, or consecrated life while married. Exceptions: permanent deacons, as well as eastern rite Catholic priesthood.

Clergy make vows or "solemn promises", and they are priests forever, unless in special circumstances they are laicized. They cannot enter married life without laicization.

Religious and consecrated take "vows". It is permanent unless they are somehow released from their vows.

Singles who have not taken a vow, on the other hand, do not need to be released from any vows in order to enter marriage, clerical, religious, or consecrated life.

My former postulant director said the same thing, that there are 3 vocations for women.  Religious life, consecrated virginity, and being married.  She made the point that we are not called to single life because God wants us to find a vocation, not spend a lifetime discerning.  I'm not sure how this fits into the secular institute thing, maybe that would be something you do in addition to a vocation as a married person or consecrated virgin?  Does anyone know what cannon law says about this?

Edited July 14, 2016 by He is Risen!

[Gabriela]

For those arguing that the single life is not a vocation, I wonder what you say to people who have carefully discerned that they are not called to the religious life, consecrated virginity, or marriage. Or what you would say to people who know they are not called to religious life or consecrated virginity, and are open to marriage, but never find a marriage partner.

Would you say these people have no vocation?

[truthfinder]

Single life is not a vocation if it is completely unconsecrated/settled.  I don't think we can be drifting our entire lives - single life can be consecrated virginity, private vows, or maybe just the firm determination to live out your life singly.  But just aimlessly being single is not a vocation. 

[Sponsa-Christi]

1 hour ago, He is Risen! said:

My former postulant director said the same thing, that there are 3 vocations for women.  Religious life, consecrated virginity, and being married.  She made the point that we are not called to single life because God wants us to find a vocation, not spend a lifetime discerning.  I'm not sure how this fits into the secular institute thing, maybe that would be something you do in addition to a vocation as a married person or consecrated virgin?  Does anyone know what cannon law says about this?

Secular institutes are for organizational purposes generally considered to be a form of consecrated life---that is, in the same general category as religious and consecrated virgins.

There is still some very technical debate about whether or in precisely what sense secular institute members can be considered truly "consecrated," but the Church definitely recognizes secular institute membership as a praiseworthy and "real" vocation. 

25 minutes ago, truthfinder said:

 I don't think we can be drifting our entire lives - single life can be consecrated virginity, private vows, or maybe just the firm determination to live out your life singly.

If you'll excuse a bit of crankiness on my part (and I'm truly not trying to be critical of anyone specifically here---I'm just picking on truthfinder because she happened to leave a quotable comment), it's sort of my pet peeve when consecrated virginity is considered as a form of "single life." Consecrated virginity isn't a call simply to remain single, it's a call to be married to Jesus. A consecrated virgin isn't "called to single life" any more than a diocesan priest is. 

[truthfinder]

14 minutes ago, Sponsa-Christi said:

 

If you'll excuse a bit of crankiness on my part (and I'm truly not trying to be critical of anyone specifically here---I'm just picking on truthfinder because she happened to leave a quotable comment), it's sort of my pet peeve when consecrated virginity is considered as a form of "single life." Consecrated virginity isn't a call simply to remain single, it's a call to be married to Jesus. A consecrated virgin isn't "called to single life" any more than a diocesan priest is. 

Thanks Sponsa for this clarification.  I put it this way only because I was trying to echo the implied notion in other parts of the thread. 

[Guest]

HERE

[Guest]

1 hour ago, truthfinder said:

Single life is not a vocation if it is completely unconsecrated/settled.  I don't think we can be drifting our entire lives - single life can be consecrated virginity, private vows, or maybe just the firm determination to live out your life singly.  But just aimlessly being single is not a vocation. 

Well said  (while I do agree with both you (in a later post to the above) and Sponsa that Consecrated Virginity is a division of Consecrated Life and cannot be classified as "single life" which is in the Laity/lay state of Life).

We all have a vocation and call to holiness (with or without a further call to a different state in life).  If I am just aimlessly and selfishly living in the single state then it might be due to an inculpable disposition i.e. lack of lay formation (understanding of the lay state and vocation and general call to holiness) than deliberately chosen. 

There can be so much internet conversation about what is or is not a vocation that the heights and highest calls of The Gospel as a call and vocation to every person is almost put aside.