List for Discernment - Questions

[SNJM]

I was going through papers the other day and found this list that TradMom had posted at some point - I thought it was so good, I printed it and have used it in my discernment work. I thought I would share it again as I have terrible problems using the search feature and who knows if anyone has ever seen this before. I have stayed in touch with her via snail mail. Her two daughters are professed now and seem to be doing well. She did a lot of research and is quite knowledgeable. I miss her posts.

Rose

 

Praised be Jesus Christ, now and forever!

Naturally, this depends upon the community you are planning on visiting or thinking about, but I have some general as well as specific questions for you. Some of them pertain only to monastic/enclosed communities and some to active orders. Hopefully many will benefit from this list.

Remember, as you get closer to the possibility of living life as a religious, every aspect of your life will be examined and questioned. This can be an intimidating and often overwhelming experience. Sometimes nagging questions can be pushed aside in the hopes of being accepted. Sometimes things come up that you might never have considered previously. Communities often put on the best face possible when greeting a possible candidate, just as you put on the best face possible when meeting them!

You are on the brink of making a decision that has life-altering possibilities, and you deserve to be fully informed. Do not consider a community that doesn't answer questions or says things like, "Don't worry about that now." 

Do they pray together and if so, in what format? (The Divine Office, Morning/Evening Prayer, Latin/English (or another language), Daily Rosary, Adoration, Daily Mass, etc.)

What is the process of formation? How long is the postulancy, the novitiate (I have seen some orders extend this) and temporary vows? Does the community "share" formation with another community (or communities) or send you to a different location? (If they do share formation, is it co-ed? How do you feel about that? Something to consider.)

What is involved in the process of application? (Letters from spiritual directors, psychological testing, medical and dental records, behavioral assessments, etc.)

What sort of financial arrangements would you need to organize in order to enter? (Meaning: Would you be responsible for your medical insurance, rent stipend, etc. until the you enter novitiate or make temporary vows? Does the community ask for a dowry? If an active order, are you responsible for procuring a job until you become a novice?)

Do they have the means and willingness to "care for you" in the event of a serious disease, illness or accident before you make solemn vows? If something unfortunate were to occur in your life (God forbid...cancer, an accident, etc.) would they ask you to leave the community? Would they help you get settled outside of the community?

Other than a community with strict papal enclosure, how do they handle family emergencies (in the event you live in another area)? In the event an immediate family member was seriously ill or died, would you be allowed to return home? If you were a postulant, novice or in temporary vows, would they find the means for you to return home? (There are Canon laws about how long you can be out of the novitiate, but it is important to know if they would help you financially in a time of need.)

How do they live out the charism of the founder or foundress of the community? 

What spiritual or religious practices/devotions are particular to them? Have they ever undergone a reformation? If so, why and how did it impact the community? Do they have different "branches" - if so, what are the differences?

Have their constitutions changed? If so, how and why? 

How did the Community incorporate the spirit of Vatican II into their daily life and spirit? In what ways did they change? (This is a good time to ask about the habit.)

How do they manage the "corporate" life of the community? Do they exist purely on donations and benefactors? Do they have arrangements for the care of the elderly sisters? (I would ask to visit to the "retired/elderly" sisters/nuns.) Do they send the elderly, sick or ill nuns to a nursing home? (***Personally, I cannot imagine anything worse than living my life in a convent/monastery and then being shipped off to a Nursing Home and having to die isolated from my sisters and home.)

How do they "govern" the community? How is it organized? If the Foundress/Founder is living, is a council in place that has a voice? (This is often very difficult with a living Foundress.)

Do they have an Abbess/Prioress/Mother Superior for life? How and when are elections held and what is the process? 

Who is the Novice Mistress and what is her background? Has she had training outside of the community (not always a plus, but can be)? Is your introduction to religious life an individual process (based upon your progress, temperment, educational background) or is there a specific formula/process that is more group-oriented?

Do you see diversity in the community? Are they open to women based upon their call from Jesus or is another criteria they consider? (Example: education level, color, age, country of origin, etc.)

Would you have access to an outside Confessor/Spiritual Director not connected to the community?

If you felt you needed therapy at some point, would they object or would that be seen as a "weakness" or problem?

Are you "allowed" to have private (unrestricted) conversations/communication with family members and/or close friends? How often? If not, what restrictions are in place (as in...does the Novice Mistress read the mail and then decide whether or not to pass it along to you) and are you comfortable with them?

How do they handle "problems" within the community? (Anger, conflicts, etc.) 

How is intellectual growth stimulated and encouraged? Creative growth and/or expression stimulated and encouraged?

How do they encourage and promote a healthy (physically) lifestyle? (Foods, exercise, etc.)

How do they balance integration into a communal lifestyle while maintaining healthy personal space and privacy? Another way of asking is how do they create healthy interdependence with healthy independence? 

In addition to the vows of chastity, poverty and obedience, do they take another vow? If so, what it is? What is their understanding of the vows? (Some communities have a very different understanding of what it means to be obedient...as an example.)

Do they incorporate any other sources into their lifestyle and/or formation that is not Roman Catholic? As an example, do they practice Zen Meditation, or host Inter-Faith Days of Prayer? If they do, how do you feel about that and is that something you are comfortable with? 

Are they politically active? Do they have Sisters (usually active orders only) who march, protest or proclaim a specific belief that has political ramifications? (Peace & Justice, Lobbying, Pro-Life, Anti-War, Sanctuary for Immigrants, etc.)

If it is a missionary order or a congregation that is international, could you be transferred to another country? Do you have a voice in where you might go? If not, how do you feel about being completely open to God's Will through the voice of the Superiors? 

If it is an active order that has a specific ministry, how are the assignments given out? Are you involved in the process or choosing a location, or are you assigned where needed?

Do they practice corporal penances? If so, what and how? 


In addition to their individual charism, do they follow a specific rule or hold special a particular spirituality? ("Sisters of Mary" might have Ignatian Spirituality)

How do they interact with the community in which they live (as in neighborhood)? Are they in good standing? (One community I visited has been involved with a variety of lawsuits.) 

How do they actively live the corporal works of mercy? Especially serving the poor?

Do they have a chaplain (if they are cloistered) on the grounds? (Sadly, some cloistered communities do not have access any longer to Daily Mass.)

Do they offer hospitality to others?

If you have a special talent or hobby (weaving, music, art, etc.) would it be encouraged and put to use or would you be asked to give it up as a sacrifice?

Lastly, do you have any input into your name? Many communities allow the woman to submit three choices.

After visiting:
Does the community feel safe to you? Do you feel you could be yourself? Relaxed? Do you feel that you would be able to reveal your weaknesses, your failings, your need for support, guidance and encouragement on the road to sanctity? Do the nuns/sisters appear to be mature, well-grounded, loving women? Are they warm? Do they seem happy? Are their elderly sisters well cared for and comfortable? It is very humbling to ask for help, which is why I started this with the question..."do you feel safe?" If you enter a community, you are asking for help to live out Jesus' invitation to you. You are saying publicly that you cannot do it alone, and you need the support, structure and outward signs a religious community to reach heaven. Look at the nuns/sisters carefully and ask yourself (especially the older ones and your potential Novice Mistress!) "Is this someone I want to be like?"

[DominicanHeart]

Brilliant 

[Swami Mommy]

Wow!  This is an excellent, thorough list!  It's a keeper!

[Antigonos]

4 hours ago, Swami Mommy said:

Wow!  This is an excellent, thorough list!  It's a keeper!

I think it ought to be one of the pinned posts that is at the top of the page, perhaps in a revised, more essay-like form.  Since I've been here, there have been numerous requests for it.

[Swami Mommy]

I totally agree, Antigonos.  This is a great reference tool and should be pinned for easy access.  it would also be a helpful tool for communities to use if they wanted to create an informational handout to give to prospective candidates after an interview.  

[Pax17]

Great idea, Antigonos.

[Quasar]

Did TradMom share the orders where her daughters became professed?  I'm thinking they must be pretty wonderful communities! 

[AveMariaPurissima]

This is a great list.  I really should print myself a copy!

[Pax17]

I seem to remember that one daughter was a Carmelite.

[SNJM]

She has two daughters in Religious Life - one a Carmelite, and one a Benedictine. Both are now finally professed. She was extremely cautious about the internet and never gave specific details, although I think she gave enough information for anybody to recognize that both her daughters were in more traditional, fully habited communites. I think she would appreciate knowing they are prayed for, as well as her large family. Thank you.