IgnatiusofLoyola Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 17 hours ago, Clare~Therese said: Thank you!! People now viewing this thread, I don't think anymore replies are necessary. Generally, I let the original poster or the Mediators of Meh (or dUSt) decide when it is time to end a thread. It's summer, maybe someone has been out of town and is only reading the thread now. Also, be careful of talking to me, too. I, also, am a divorced woman married in the Catholic church who has never pursued an annulment, mostly because I am not Catholic. Granted, I have not dated anyone in a LONG time and share my house only with my cat (she "allows" me to pay the mortgage). If we didn't talk to anyone who did something we disapproved of, we would talk to no one, yes, even on Phatmass. Heck, ESPECIALLY on Phatmass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dUSt Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 On 6/26/2016 at 8:57 PM, little2add said: being each other's maid of honor is a presious thing and it would be a shame to not follow your heart. It's more important to follow your conscience than your heart. I think agreeing to be a bridesmaid is a full on endorsement of the ceremony, while simply being there in attendance is not. Similar to how a Catholic could attend a Protestant service, but not actively participate or take part in the Protestant form of "communion". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IgnatiusofLoyola Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 (edited) 2 hours ago, IgnatiusofLoyola said: Generally, I let the original poster or the Mediators of Meh (or dUSt) decide when it is time to end a thread. It's summer, maybe someone has been out of town and is only reading the thread now. Whoops. Mea culpa. I didn't realize that you were the original poster of this thread. I mixed it up with one of the other recent marriage threads. If you want the thread closed, you can ask a Mediator of Meh. On the other hand, unless there is serious conflict, or harsh, unnecessary words being exchanged, most threads "run their course" on their own anyway, without the intervention of a Mediator of Meh. Edited June 28, 2016 by IgnatiusofLoyola Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dUSt Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dUSt Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 Merged all the marriage threads together because it was getting mad confusing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anomaly Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 Now it's confusing. Three very different circumstances 1-Attending second wedding of two divorced (not annulled) Catholic friends 2- Attending or participating in a siblings wedding, first marriage, "nominal" Catholics, possibly a civil wedding. 3- Talking to a dating couple (divorced Catholics) that are attending another's wedding. Though really, you may be right... They're all asking how to properly behave as a real Catholic that effectively communicates unambiguous disapproval. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 I'd love to hear the input of our phatmass SDs on whether or not you can attend a wedding while not condoning the marriage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IgnatiusofLoyola Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 This is going to sound "flip," but reading all these threads has made me glad I'm not a Catholic. I'd hate to live my life worrying about whether attending, much less participating in the wedding of a family member or close friend would "cause scandal." I shouldn't have to decide between "love" and "the rules"--ideally each would result in the same response. I was maid of honor at the civil wedding of my atheist sister who has been with her husband now for almost 40 years. Two wonderful children later, I'm very honored that I was there, whatever the religious views of the couple. But, apparently I shouldn't be attending weddings (or going out in public) in any case, because the very act of talking to me could cause scandal since I wear the "scarlet D" on my forehead (meaning divorced) through no choice of my own. Perhaps it's just as well I am homebound so that my presence brings scandal to no one else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Credo in Deum Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 Digging the new thread title. I read it in my best monster truck announcer voice. Why pay for the whole seat when you're only going to use the edge?! THE EDGE!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vee Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 Others make decisions in their life and we are stuck dealing with them and I think these threads are a way of figuring out how we are to respond to messes others have made. Yes it is messy when people marry then divorce, remarry and dont do the proper paperwork or procedures to make sure things are squared away. Feelings of love arent the be all end all, like anything in life there are rules and regulations to follow for our own good and the good of others. Get an annulment, and clean up things before moving on! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sponsa-Christi Posted June 29, 2016 Share Posted June 29, 2016 5 hours ago, IgnatiusofLoyola said: I shouldn't have to decide between "love" and "the rules"--ideally each would result in the same response. Setting up "love" against "the rules" is creating a false dichotomy. In general "the rules" (i.e., canon law and the moral law) exist for good, loving reasons---i.e., to protect people's rights and to guide us on the way to salvation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ice_nine Posted June 29, 2016 Share Posted June 29, 2016 Eh, I hate to be so sensitive but I'm a little salty that the threads were combined. As anomaly said, these are 3 different situations. Mine is still yet unresolved and I'm still fairly tormented over it, so having it devolve into Australian animal memes is kind of irritating Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anomaly Posted June 29, 2016 Share Posted June 29, 2016 (edited) 3 hours ago, Ice_nine said: Eh, I hate to be so sensitive but I'm a little salty that the threads were combined. As anomaly said, these are 3 different situations. Mine is still yet unresolved and I'm still fairly tormented over it, so having it devolve into Australian animal memes is kind of irritating Here's a thought, Maybe a good choice may be to attend wedding, but not be a maid of honor in the ceremony? Talk to a trusted religious adviser / confessor for thumbs up / thumbs down. Sure that's difficult, but isn't your faith and family worth the effort and discomfort? You're getting too many varied opinions here at PM, and it's hard for you to communicate the entire circumstances and know responders qualifications. If a thumbs up for attendance but no participation, talk to your therapist about how to discuss it with your sister. It seems a good choice because you are standing by your principles for the requirements of a Catholic wedding, but also showing love and support for your sister to marry and commit to another for life, children, better or worse, etc.. Tell her, as a sister, of course you will love her which is why you will always be willing to serve as her maid of honor at a Catholic wedding that will enable her to access all the graces God wants to bestow on her and her husband. Support her where you can, and encourage her where you can't in good conscience, agree. It is a matter of mutual love and respect for differences. I'm sure that qualified counsellors will be a lot more help than us Internet personas. It will be difficult, and I wish you well as you struggle and work on this. I do have confidence you have enough inherent strength and determination to power up and see it through. . Edited June 29, 2016 by Anomaly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted June 29, 2016 Share Posted June 29, 2016 It sounds super weird to talk about all the paperwork people need to do in order to receive the proper graces from their Creator. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basilisa Marie Posted June 29, 2016 Share Posted June 29, 2016 This is why the Church doesn't come out with hard and fast rules when it comes to particular situations like these. There are way too many variables and no "one size fits all" answer is going to work. But hey, that's why Catholics are supposed to form and use their consciences to make decisions in their unique situations, and not just blindly look to the guys in Rome to make every decision for them. Nihil and Ice, good luck and know that you're in my prayers. Society treats weddings like once-in-a-lifetime events, all-about-my-special-day (even if they don't believe they are) and there's a lot at stake with your families. I'm not sure what I'd do if I were faced with a similar situation with my brother or sister. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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