Nihil Obstat Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 Have any Catholics here been in a situation in which they have had to decline attendance at a wedding due to religious reasons? I will be making my decision known on Tuesday, and am not looking forward to it. Unfortunately I am in the uncomfortable position of having attended a wedding under identical circumstances a few years ago, going by advice which I now consider faulty though well intentioned. In this current circumstance, some time ago I made the decision to trust my current priest in his pastoral teaching, so I would have acted the same in the past had I had that same guidance. But it will appear inconsistent and rather like favouritism on my part. Tuesday is the last day of a novena to Sts. Monica and Augustine which I composed for this situation. With regards to my family I am forced to play the long game in addressing their loss of faith, so prayer is currently my only meaningful recourse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dUSt Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 I understand not participating in a wedding due to religious reasons, but can only think of a few rare instances where I wouldn't even attend do to religious reasons. So, no, I have not been in that situation yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 42 minutes ago, dUSt said: I understand not participating in a wedding due to religious reasons, but can only think of a few rare instances where I wouldn't even attend do to religious reasons. So, no, I have not been in that situation yet. Do you not, by your attendance, participate in the wedding? If you think of it in the same way you participate in Mass, I guess I could see where one could suggest they hadn't really participated simply by being there, but usually if you're there, you're actively involved in supporting the marriage, right? So how do you justify attending or not? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted June 16, 2016 Author Share Posted June 16, 2016 7 minutes ago, franciscanheart said: Do you not, by your attendance, participate in the wedding? If you think of it in the same way you participate in Mass, I guess I could see where one could suggest they hadn't really participated simply by being there, but usually if you're there, you're actively involved in supporting the marriage, right? So how do you justify attending or not? Yes, this has been along the lines of Father's teaching on the subject. And he gave a crystal clear, strongly reasoned homily on the exact subject just two weeks ago. No room for misunderstanding or difference of interpretation. I was looking for a compromise solution, but that homily was 'meant for me' in a providential sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dUSt Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 1 minute ago, franciscanheart said: Do you not, by your attendance, participate in the wedding? If you think of it in the same way you participate in Mass, I guess I could see where one could suggest they hadn't really participated simply by being there, but usually if you're there, you're actively involved in supporting the marriage, right? So how do you justify attending or not? I would participate in a Catholic wedding, and I would attend a civil wedding, but I would not attend a polygamous wedding. Does this satisfy your bait? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anomaly Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 (edited) I'm wondering how un-Catholic Nihil must seem in real life for a non-Catholic to seriously invite him to their wedding. Maybe they were just being polite because their friends with his mom. Edited June 16, 2016 by Anomaly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted June 16, 2016 Author Share Posted June 16, 2016 1 minute ago, Anomaly said: I'm wondering how in-Catholic Nihil must really be for a min-Catholic to seriously invite him to their wedding. Maybe they were just being polite because their friends with his mom. That is... so incredibly rude. I may very well end up estranged from immediate family over this. Do you think I like that idea? 19 minutes ago, dUSt said: I would participate in a Catholic wedding, and I would attend a civil wedding, but I would not attend a polygamous wedding. Does this satisfy your bait? This will be a civil wedding between a divorced non Catholic and a Catholic who is divorced and not annulled. So invalid three times over or more by my count. Anomally, have I ever treated you in that way? Not that I deserve anything in particular, just curious. That was really unprovoked and this is a situation I have been dreading for years. This is very serious to me, even if you do not care, or agree with my beliefs. Perhaps this is good practice. I am preparing for much worse treatment soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anomaly Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 21 minutes ago, Nihil Obstat said: That is... so incredibly rude. I may very well end up estranged from immediate family over this. Do you think I like that idea? This will be a civil wedding between a divorced non Catholic and a Catholic who is divorced and not annulled. So invalid three times over or more by my count. Anomally, have I ever treated you in that way? Not that I deserve anything in particular, just curious. That was really unprovoked and this is a situation I have been dreading for years. This is very serious to me, even if you do not care, or agree with my beliefs. Perhaps this is good practice. I am preparing for much worse treatment soon. You are not known for tempering what you say with politeness, and I'd say yes, you have treated people (including me) that way. I'm in a mixed / mostly Catholic family and have been on both sides of the issue. I've well experienced being in both sides of the hurt. I've done it both ways. You have to accept the consequences of your acts. What I've done before, I wouldn't do again. But my perspective now is much different than what yours is. You can find a priest to agree or disagree with just about any decision. Know that it's not just you who is affected. I'm curious why you even posted it as a question here in the first place. You haven't really appeared to take anyone's advice in theological issues here, unless you already mostly agreed with them in the first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maggyie Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 I've never been in that situation but I think you can go to the reception. You certainly do still wish them happiness (which would include converting and being all legally kosher) but there's nothing wrong with attending their party. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted June 16, 2016 Author Share Posted June 16, 2016 Wow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NadaTeTurbe Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 (edited) 22 minutes ago, Anomaly said: I'm curious why you even posted it as a question here in the first place. You haven't really appeared to take anyone's advice in theological issues here, unless you already mostly agreed with them in the first place. It's my understanding that in this thread, Nihil is not asking for theological advice, but how to handle this situation when it comes to family relationship... Nihil, what are your relationship with this couple ? How honest do you feel you can be with them ? Edited June 16, 2016 by NadaTeTurbe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted June 16, 2016 Author Share Posted June 16, 2016 6 minutes ago, NadaTeTurbe said: Nihil, what are your relationship with this couple ? How honest do you feel you can be with them ? The relationship is complicated, sometimes tense. Better at arm's length but still in a recovery phase. Not a relationship I can simply drop without permanent familial consequences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 1 hour ago, dUSt said: I would participate in a Catholic wedding, and I would attend a civil wedding, but I would not attend a polygamous wedding. Does this satisfy your bait? If by bait you were referencing my genuine curiosity, then no. Where does the line get drawn? You're okay with some kinds of sin (in the eyes of the Church) -- to the extent that you would participate in the wedding, even if only by attending -- but not with others which you think are gross or extra wrong? I'm genuinely curious what conclusion you came to that makes it okay for you to participate by attendance in some but not others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peace Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 2 hours ago, Nihil Obstat said: That is... so incredibly rude. I may very well end up estranged from immediate family over this. Do you think I like that idea? This will be a civil wedding between a divorced non Catholic and a Catholic who is divorced and not annulled. So invalid three times over or more by my count. Anomally, have I ever treated you in that way? Not that I deserve anything in particular, just curious. That was really unprovoked and this is a situation I have been dreading for years. This is very serious to me, even if you do not care, or agree with my beliefs. Perhaps this is good practice. I am preparing for much worse treatment soon. Did the Catholic marry without permission the first time around? Maybe we can get you down to double invalidy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted June 16, 2016 Author Share Posted June 16, 2016 11 minutes ago, Peace said: Did the Catholic marry without permission the first time around? Maybe we can get you down to double invalidy. The first marriage was in the Church and presumptively valid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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