Mother-Daughter Days

[sr.christinaosf]

We are having Mother-Daughter Days coming up in July...It is a great opportunity for motherss and daughters to spend some Quality time togeether while learning more about the Religious Life. More info:https://ourfranciscanfiat.wordpress.com/2016/05/02/an-invitation-to-mother-daughter-days-2016/

or by emailing Sr. Jean Louise: ndfranciscan@yahoo.com

[Spem in alium]

This is a nice idea. Mothers of women considering consecrated life need support and prayer. I think sometimes they can take it the hardest of all, and so any support given them by the community is a great move. My sisters have been very supportive of my mother who, although she is very encouraging of my vocation, struggles a lot -- they pray for her, and my superior encouraged her to call her if she just wants to talk. It's something I'm really grateful for. 

[4LoveofJMJ]

Oh man this is something I REALLY need to go to with my mom. Too bad it's so far away. It's such a hard topic to talk about with her that I don't know how to portray it accurately or even how to bring the topic up.

[Spem in alium]

4 hours ago, 4LoveofJMJ said:

Oh man this is something I REALLY need to go to with my mom. Too bad it's so far away. It's such a hard topic to talk about with her that I don't know how to portray it accurately or even how to bring the topic up.

It's really challenging. Does your mom know much about your discernment?

My mum has always told me she supports me, but also that it's really hard for her. At the beginning, she would call and email me quite often. I went for a family visit over January, and when I got back to the convent I found she'd written me a small note saying exactly that: that while she supports me, it's really hard. I think the best thing you can do for your mom is be open with her as much as possible. Tell her what you CAN tell her. Something I think could have been done better with my own family is explaining to them how this will impact THEM - how often they can call me or visit me, what it means for finances, etc. Sometimes it seems to me like they think I'm just on holiday, or travelling somewhere, and will return anytime. I think the hardest part, though, is actually beginning that sort of conversation.    

 

[AveMariaPurissima]

6 hours ago, 4LoveofJMJ said:

Oh man this is something I REALLY need to go to with my mom. Too bad it's so far away. It's such a hard topic to talk about with her that I don't know how to portray it accurately or even how to bring the topic up.

Quote

 

Prayers...I am in much the same situation with my own mother.  

[4LoveofJMJ]

3 hours ago, Spem in alium said:

It's really challenging. Does your mom know much about your discernment?

My mum has always told me she supports me, but also that it's really hard for her. At the beginning, she would call and email me quite often. I went for a family visit over January, and when I got back to the convent I found she'd written me a small note saying exactly that: that while she supports me, it's really hard. I think the best thing you can do for your mom is be open with her as much as possible. Tell her what you CAN tell her. Something I think could have been done better with my own family is explaining to them how this will impact THEM - how often they can call me or visit me, what it means for finances, etc. Sometimes it seems to me like they think I'm just on holiday, or travelling somewhere, and will return anytime. I think the hardest part, though, is actually beginning that sort of conversation.    

 

I've started this conversation with her multiple times but it never ends well. She always gets really emotional and there seems to be a riff between us from the time I bring it up to the time I drop it. Every now and then she seems to be fine with it and even gives me her blessing but it never lasts long. I started discerning too young in part of meeting a religious who unfortunately was an avid recruiter and she has been leery about it ever since. Plus I'm her only daughter so of course there are all the dreams of a big wedding, grandkids, and the lively Sunday dinners she never had. Plus I've never been on a date before so I think she's still waiting for the right guy to come along and sweep me off my feet. Truth be told I'm still hoping for that but I feel like this is where God is calling me right now. I know that it's my life to live but she's been through so much that I don't want to hurt her. Thankfully my dad is so much more supportive.

 

2 hours ago, AveMariaPurissima said:

Prayers...I am in much the same situation with my own mother.  

Thank you! Prayers are always appreciated. Be assured you will be in mine as well.

[Spem in alium]

A way I approached the conversation with my mum was first, to involve her, and second, to encourage her to ask questions. I invited her to visit the convent with me (which she was initially reluctant to do) and when it came time for my entrance, I asked her if she wanted to help me organise what I needed. Encouraging her to begin discussion was also really helpful. It meant that it wasn't just me bringing it up and trying to talk about it; I got an idea of what she really wanted to know and what was on her mind. 

Re. emotions, my approach was usually to just let my mum be as emotional as she needed to be. If she cried, I let her cry. If she got upset or frustrated (which was rare), I let her do that too. I tried to meet her at her level, and I think this is all that we are ever asked to do. Of course we want our friends and family to support us, but the reality is that sometimes they just can't - either because of their own convictions, misunderstandings, or feelings, or because they're just simply against the idea. 

And regarding marriage and children, I think this is something that is very instinctual for most people. I am a very maternal person, I love to physically care for other people, and I've always had the desire in me to have children and to look after a family. My discernment has really been weighing up that attraction against the attraction I have to give myself completely to Jesus as a consecrated woman in a particular congregation. Maybe family life is an attraction that will never go away, but is it the strongest desire of the heart? That's why we discern.

I think it is a really emotional thing for mothers, perhaps especially for yours because you are her only daughter. I'm the eldest in my family and my mother and I are close (to the extent that she'd ask me for advice on things) so I think that it really affects her emotionally. Remember that a lot of the time, care and concern for others motivates our emotions. Your mother loves you, and she undoubtedly wants the best for you and your happiness. I'm just making an assumption here, but it's quite possible that her emotion is being driven by this love and concern for you, which she may harbour simply because she doesn't understand consecrated life very well or she doesn't have positive memories of sisters or nuns. This was actually an issue for my mum, and has been for a few other people I know, and it did take an effort on my part. I've found, though, that once they see that you're happy and that you've really thought it through, it's easier for them to give you encouragement.