Should we really spend so much on first communion ?

[NadaTeTurbe]

http://aleteia.org/2016/05/18/should-we-really-spend-so-much-on-first-communion/

My parents are atheist. For them, my first communion was only a religious feast. So they did not buy a nice dress (I had a nice skirt and t-shirt from my "dressing"), the cross I've got from my baptism. I remember feeling stupid and inadequate, because the other girls had big, beautifull, expensive dress. After the mass, mom had cook a normal meal, invited a few of my friends and some family members. It wasn't a big party. I only received religious gifts : a bible, an icon, a little cross. Then, we all went to visit a monastery. That was amazing, very spiritual, very simple. But I felt so stupid, because all the other kids at cathechism, who had catholic family, they had a big meal at restaurant, and received a playstation, watch, monney, computer... So, at the next cathechism class, I was sad. The priest asked me why, and I answered : "If I had a catholic family, I would have had big gift and meals, no a Bible and a walk at a monastery !" He said "well, your atheist family act more catholic than catholic family ! You received Jesus. It's not a birthday, but a religious party. Your family respected your faith and the Church." It took me a few year to understand, but now I'm thankfull for this spiritual party (was the same for my confirmation). 

[DominicanHeart]

Yeah I agree. Because some people are just there to make it a pageant but it means nothing to them 

[MIKolbe]

totes

[franciscanheart]

Computer? PlayStation? HUH?

I got a Bible, a ceramic box with my communion date, a crucifix (no, two), and a rosary. So, yeah, I agree with you.

[Guest]

Yeah you must be surrounded by rich people. Who gets a Play Station or Computer for First Communion? Not many people.

Edited May 24, 2016 by Guest

[Not A Real Name]

I received a rosary and a Missal for my first communion. Playstations, computers, etc just shows us the sign of the times. These things are no longer being done for sacramental life and sanctifying grace, but are just done because they are viewed as fun cultural traditions that are done because their mom/father or grandmother/grandfather did them.

[Guest]

Let's not pretend it's the "new norm". 1% of people or less get gifts like that for First Communion. 

Edited May 24, 2016 by Guest

[truthfinder]

I think this may partly be the reason why churches here started making children wear the hideous "choir" robes over top their outfits. It helps even the playing field and also makes up for the terrible loss of modesty :gasp:

[Maggyie]

Personally I think the reception of a sacrament should always if possible be marked by parties, special clothes and gift giving. Appropriate gifts that is, not computers. Holy Communion is in many ways as important as a wedding. For weddings and baptisms it's great to wear heirloom clothes and have a special party. Similarly for Holy Communion and Confirmation. That's how we show that something important has happened.

I understand though because I never had any of those special things until my wedding. I did have a Holy Communion dress but it was very cheap, was sized for a much older girl etc

[NadaTeTurbe]

3 hours ago, Josh said:

Yeah you must be surrounded by rich people. Who gets a Play Station or Computer for First Communion? Not many people.

Funny thing in my parish, it's 50% high middle class (engineer, doctor), and 50% immigrants from DOM-TOM, Africa, Vietnam, etc... with not a lot of monney. And there's lot of tension between the kids because of this at first communion and solemn communion. 

In France (and a little in Spain, specially in Catalunya where my family is from), catholicism is just a cultural thing. Not A Real Name nailed it. You have communion so you can have a party. I wonder how us in parish we can work to speak to the parents about the spiritual side of the thing. 

[truthfinder]

1 hour ago, NadaTeTurbe said:

Funny thing in my parish, it's 50% high middle class (engineer, doctor), and 50% immigrants from DOM-TOM, Africa, Vietnam, etc... with not a lot of monney. And there's lot of tension between the kids because of this at first communion and solemn communion. 

In France (and a little in Spain, specially in Catalunya where my family is from), catholicism is just a cultural thing. Not A Real Name nailed it. You have communion so you can have a party. I wonder how us in parish we can work to speak to the parents about the spiritual side of the thing. 

Hi Nada,

sorry to slightly derail this, but is it still practice in France to have "solemn communion" sometimes also called "second communion"? I've come across this term historically but never in the present.  

[NadaTeTurbe]

Yes, but solemn communion is not the word used anymore, it's called "profession de foi"/profession of faith. the word Solemn communion (Communion Solennelle) is mainly used in traditionnalist or rural parish. It take place during mass. The children wear a white alb, renew their baptismal promises, and sometimes there's a "homemade" thing, such as a blessing, prayer to the Virgin, etc... Traditionnalist still have the traditionnal ceremony, not sure how it goes. In "normal" parish, first communion is at 10/11 years old, and profession of faith, at 13. In traditionnalist parish, first communion are often between 7/8, and Solemn communion the next year.  

The biggest problem with profession of faith is that often, youth stop cathechism after it and don't do confirmation. Confirmation is completely forgotten. 

[Archaeology cat]

2 hours ago, Maggyie said:

Personally I think the reception of a sacrament should always if possible be marked by parties, special clothes and gift giving. Appropriate gifts that is, not computers. Holy Communion is in many ways as important as a wedding. For weddings and baptisms it's great to wear heirloom clothes and have a special party. Similarly for Holy Communion and Confirmation. That's how we show that something important has happened.

I understand though because I never had any of those special things until my wedding. I did have a Holy Communion dress but it was very cheap, was sized for a much older girl etc

I'm having my wedding dress cut down for my girls' FHC.

[beatitude]

I received a simple cross necklace from my parents, a little brooch with the chalice on it from my Catholic school (all the First Communicant girls were given the same - the boys had a near-identical tie pin), a wall crucifix from my aunt, and a prayer book and rosary from my grandma. That was it. I've never been part of a parish where the norm was PlayStations and computers.

I do remember that there was competition among the girls over who could have the fanciest most beautiful dress, but we were seven, and there is inevitably going to be some of that with seven-year-olds. We wanted to be like Disney princesses. Luckily our school was quite sensible and they laid down guidelines for what was appropriate - no face veils, no trains on the dress, no floor-length veils. I still remember thinking that my veil was very inferior compared to my best friend's because mine only reached my shoulders and hers came to her elbows, but again, I don't think you can remove that dynamic from a group of children unless they're saintly to the point of unnaturalness.  

[DominicanHeart]

I know I got one of those cute little First Communion purses with all the little accessories in it. IF I get married and have a daughter, that's what she will get. But I have no idea what I would get if I had a boy