Pros and cons of visiting different communities

[The Bus Station]

Hello! I have rarely posted in here but I would appreciate reading your advice, similar experiences, etc. Thank you!

There is a specific monastic community (within driving distance) I have visited frequently over the past year and a half.  Were it not for my student loan debt, I probably would have applied for postulancy about a year ago, when I was visiting them very frequently.  Since last summer, however, I have only visited them once, mostly because visiting too frequently made it harder to accept that I couldn't join them.  My most recent visit, two months ago, felt very different than any previous visit; the "honeymoon" effect had faded and I didn't feel the same magnetic draw to the place.  I still cannot say precisely why.

I have never made a discernment visit with another community, and "shopping around" for communities is generally not advised, but still, my curiosity lingers.  I have read and been advised that, if God puts you in a good relationship with a certain community, then looking elsewhere is probably unnecessary and potentially distracting.  I've also been advised just the opposite, that visiting a different order or charism can teach you and give you peace of mind etc.

So I'm hesitant to contact another community about a visit.

Peace!

[TheresaThoma]

I think that visiting too many communities can be distracting and not good. If you are seriously discerning with a community it doesn't make sense to visit other communities. I would suggest talking with someone you trust (spiritual director, close friend, priest etc) about what has changed between your visits. It may be that you just had an "off" visit, it happens. Or it could really mean that you should look elsewhere. I wouldn't say just go visit another community just to visit but possibly look at some other communities and see if any appeal to you.

I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago. I was convinced that I was called to one community. I had talked on a regular basis with the VD and visited. Everything seemed like I should proceed. I was very very close to asking to apply. However there were still some things that bothered me. I talked it over with a friend (who happened to be the vocation director of another community). In our discussion I realized that I was in fact not called to that community at all. It was heartbreaking for me, I prayed about it for a while trying really to figure out what I should do next. I ended up talking with and visiting with another community and that provided the final bit of clarity for me.

[Gabriela]

I agree with TT that talking to someone about it could really help. It's hard to know why your feelings changed: maybe an off visit, as TT says, or maybe God intended for you to spend some time in that community for a particular reason that has now passed, or maybe you just grew or changed in a way that now makes another community more appropriate, or maybe you just got so used to the community that the superficial magicalness disappeared—which is normal and would have happened eventually even if you'd entered. Only you can know, and depending on what happened, visiting another community may or may not be wise.

One thing I will say: As I read your post, something a VD once said to me popped into my mind, "You'd better hurry, or else you might lose your vocation". That is utter nonsense. So if you're thinking maybe that happened, put it out of your mind immediately. People who say that are full of it and usually just trying to pressure you to make a rash decision.

[TheresaThoma]

10 hours ago, Gabriela said:

One thing I will say: As I read your post, something a VD once said to me popped into my mind, "You'd better hurry, or else you might lose your vocation". That is utter nonsense. So if you're thinking maybe that happened, put it out of your mind immediately. People who say that are full of it and usually just trying to pressure you to make a rash decision.

Something my running coach came to mind in response to this he told us "If you think you are going too slow, slow down" It sounds weird but what he means is that if you are running and feeling like you are going too slow (because someone may be watching you) slow down you are probably unconciously going faster than you should and trying to go even faster will hurt you. I think it is sound advice for anything in life!

[The Bus Station]

Thanks for your replies! TT, that running analogy is very insightful! I will remember it.  I am going to see a vocation director friend next weekend. I'm sure he can help me sort my thoughts out.