Higher education and alienating people

[xSilverPhinx]

I don't know you or the girl but I'll give my two cents, for what it's worth. I also have a few questions that you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but might be worth thinking about.

If you want to change her behaviour towards you then first thing you ought to do is diagnose the problem. What's really going on?  Only then can you effectively come up with measures to remedy the problem. 

It's probably not something on your end, but hers. As you said, she most probably is projecting, or even transferring. Maybe you remind her of someone she doesn't like? If this girl has had a troubled history it seems like a plausible explanation. Maybe you feed her insecurities? Perhaps it would be worthwhile finding out what this girl is good at and trying to focus more on that?  

What are the other staff like, especially with her?  What "works" and what doesn't? 

You mentioned that this is an intelligent girl, but how emotionally intelligent is she? Would sitting down with her and talking help her understand that coming off as superior isn't your intent? Maybe she'd appreciate someone who treats her like the bright person she is, instead of only seeing her disabilities. 

I wouldn't mention your education unless it's really relevant as that might easily be misconstrued.   

 

[beatitude]

Well, almost overnight this patient started cracking jokes with me, demanding to know why I don't plan activities for her the way I do for the others (I didn't remind her that the activities I'd offered her had all been met with eff off, or variations on that theme), and inviting me to share her hot chocolate. I don't know what happened. I didn't change anything in how I was approaching her. The most she could say was, "I used to think you were stuck-up, but you're not." I know she has a hard time figuring out how she feels about people at any given moment, so perhaps it's that. I've also noticed that the big change in her behaviour happened just as another patient was discharged, a patient who has always got on well with me. The girl who was hostile to me gets very upset and aggressive if she perceives staff as having favourites, often interpreting any positive rapport as favouritism, so she may simply have been feeling left out. Work is certainly easier now she's not rejecting everything I try to do with her outright, but I have a long way to go with her. Thank you all for the advice and prayers.

[CatherineM]

Prodromal symptoms of schizophrenia include the inability to read body language. That could have been the issue. 

[Benedictus]

1 hour ago, CatherineM said:

Prodromal symptoms of schizophrenia include the inability to read body language. That could have been the issue. 

Or Borderline Personality Disorder. I doubt they'd say that though if she's still fairly young.

 

On 21/04/2016, 21:17:45, Sponsa-Christi said:

Like Maggyie, I have no advice, but plenty of sympathy! 

I often struggle with the same thing. In catechetical/religious education circles especially, I've found that a strong academic background or a high vocabulary can often cause one to be labeled as "too unrelatable," and as such can really hurt your employment prospects. I think this sort of problem might even be worse or more widespread in the United States, since as a culture we tend to put a very high value on being an average "relatable" person, and "putting on airs" is kind of a social mortal sin.  

It's hard, because while of course I truly don't want to alienate anyone, there's only so much you can do to fit in without sort of morally twisting yourself into a pretzel! At the end of the day, you really can't be anyone other than yourself.

My years studying canon law were some of the best of my life, precisely because I always felt like I was one of the dumbest in my class! With my classmates, I could crack jokes, comment on what we were studying, be openly excited about "dorky" cultural pursuits, and just generally be myself without having to worry about offending or alienating anyone. 

Yes! I relate to what you said about the US. I have this problem sometimes, partly cultural I think. I do have to switch roles a bit and learn to adapt more. But there's an element of frustration about it. But what can you do? I tend to laugh it off as much as I can 

6 hours ago, beatitude said:

Well, almost overnight this patient started cracking jokes with me, demanding to know why I don't plan activities for her the way I do for the others (I didn't remind her that the activities I'd offered her had all been met with eff off, or variations on that theme), and inviting me to share her hot chocolate. I don't know what happened. I didn't change anything in how I was approaching her. The most she could say was, "I used to think you were stuck-up, but you're not." I know she has a hard time figuring out how she feels about people at any given moment, so perhaps it's that. I've also noticed that the big change in her behaviour happened just as another patient was discharged, a patient who has always got on well with me. The girl who was hostile to me gets very upset and aggressive if she perceives staff as having favourites, often interpreting any positive rapport as favouritism, so she may simply have been feeling left out. Work is certainly easier now she's not rejecting everything I try to do with her outright, but I have a long way to go with her. Thank you all for the advice and prayers.

Have you spoken to the other MDT staff in the unit about it too? It could be that some of them have noted these patterns or experienced it from her too at different times. It could be something they can tackle through their own work with her. Don't feel like you're alone in trying to resolve an issue with her either. Be careful not to get burnt out in the process of reflecting on the relational aspect or thinking it's your fault. You can start to feel inadequate and insecure in those environments if you take too much of other peoples reactions or problems onto yourself.

Edited May 12, 2016 by Benedictus

[Gabriela]

LOL. Sounds like plain old moody adolescence to me!