Visiting communities

[Julie de Sales]

There are 2-3 communities that I'm interested in and I want to visit during summer. I'm not in contact with any of them yet. There is one where I feel called to in particular, but I believe it will be the last one to visit for practical reasons, as it is the farthest away from my home.

I just have a couple of questions. Can I visit the other 2 congregations first even if I don't feel as drawn to them as to the third one? I somehow think that it would not be completely honest to go there having another community in mind. 

And second, I don't know how long I should stay for a first visit, given the fact that they never met me before. A priest advised me to stay 1 month in order to get to know them better, but I wonder if I should remain only a week or so and then come back if I want to discern further with them. Or I could ask the sisters how they would prefer to do things...

How do you think I should go about this? 

[DominicanHeart]

Well I say, go ahead and contact all of them. Let them get to know you and yes go visit them because you never know what God has in store. Let them suggest how long you stay for a first visit. They have their rules for girls who are interested and every community is different. 

[sr.christinaosf]

When I first was visiting communities, I was advised to stay a few days.  That may be best, especially if you are doubtful.

You may know pretty much right away if one is not right for you.  I had that experience once in particular.  Then, I was stuck in Chicago.  I ended up visiting another community there since my return bus ticket was not for a couple days.

[TheresaThoma]

I would advise against staying for a full month as a first visit. I know there have been more than a few cases of women really thinking they were called to a community, scheduling a long visit, only to find out a couple days in they were most certainly not called there! A visit of a few days is prudent. The sisters themselves will be your best guide on this.

As far as visiting multiple communities I would say the majority of communities expect this. I have even been asked by vocation directors what other communities I have been in contact with.

 

[Gabriela]

It is not at all dishonest to visit communities you feel only lukewarm about. In fact, it can be a good thing to visit those first, as you will have a "comparison point" for the community you visit last. Discernment is very much about paying attention to how you feel in different places, so knowing how you feel in a variety of communities can be very helpful to you, especially when you finally get to that one you think is "the one".

AND you may be surprised by how you feel in some of the "lukewarm" communities once you get there!

I agree with the others that a month is a very bad idea for a first visit. Unless you have to travel a very long way, stay for only a few days. I typically knew within 3 or 4 days whether I felt called to a place. But once, I had to go overseas to visit an order, so I scheduled a 6-week trip. After 3 days (1 day, really!) I knew I wasn't called there. After 4 days, I couldn't stand being there anymore. I told a sister I needed a phone, called the airline, and paid over $500 to change my plane ticket to get the hell out of there.

So yeah: If at all possible, keep it short!