Lay people and the religious habit

[BarbTherese]

I was going to post this into a current thread in Vocation Station about religious and the habit 40 years later, but I decided that I would be hijacking and so here I am in Open Mic:

What I can't understand is why a lay person cannot wear some sort of exterior sign of Catholicity and of commitment to it - if they choose to do so.  I used to wear a cross on a leather thong and had worn it for many years, walking down a main CBD street one day I heard someone call "Sister! Sister!" and when I looked a man was calling out to me.  He wanted bus fare, which I gave him.  Quite some time after that, a priest commented (nicely in passing - no sarcasm) that I looked like a nun......... by simply wearing a cross on a leather thong.  I took the cross and thong off and have never worn it again.  I am not a religious and have no desire to be identified as one.  My desire for some sort of identification is related to witnessing, not to imitation.

The cross I used to wear was silver with a black cross embedded into the silver and everything about that cross, which I still have, was symbolic for me.

It does seem to me almost as if religious have 'hijacked' secular clothing.  In the days before the religious habit was largely abandoned (and I do not contest for sound reasons), one could wear a cross on a leather thong or whatever in secular clothing and no one thought they were a religious - they did recognise however that the person was a committed Christian and usually Catholic Christian as well since other Christian faith expressions did not then wear crosses, nor was it an item of jewellery without meaning back then as very often it can be now sadly. 

In an attempt at some sort of compromise, a middle way, I have ordered a silver cross with some subtle touches of marquisite with a silver chain............I figure religious do not wear marquisite.  And I ordered it after a very long search indeed for something within my budget and nothing like a religious would wear.

It is almost as if The Church as hierarchy does not trust secular lay people to clearly identify themselves as Catholic in case they do not 'live up to standards'.    Religious have their rule, continuing formation, their fellow sisters and their superiors to ensure that they 'live up to standards'.  We lay people stumble and struggle along trusting in God as we stumble and struggle..........sometimes looking for a way or ways that is not going to be treading on someone's 'holy' toes somewhere and/or upsetting equally 'holy' Catholic cultural consciousness somewhere.  Sometimes, however, I do seriously wonder with prayer if I should not do my own thing and forget all the latter, which incidentally I would not find difficult to do at all.

Why don't I do my own thing?  I have very good reasons to me.  The priest religious and theologian who directed me towards either religious life or private vows left me with instructions not long before he died.  One of them was "Be credible".  A person then suffering with serious bipolar can find it very difficult indeed in the credibility stakes  If I start doing the 'never before seen nor known' type of thing, then I feel I indeed loose any credibility.

I did ask him that if I was not credible, would that mean I was "incredible".  He was not amused. 

Edited April 21, 2016 by BarbaraTherese

[BarbTherese]

Credibility can be very often that unwritten rule that has no authority whatsoever about it except that it is a generally accepted standard.  It has been set up by that most mysterious in identity "they".  It is an imaginary rule embedded in culture that can be an ever changing equally imaginary rule.  Very often, the only way to shift that rule is to challenge credibility as an accepted standard and very often too, if one does so challenge, one is asking for trouble of some kind and degree.

[BarbTherese]

This silver cross has symbolism for me.  The marquisite represents the Five Sacred Wounds of Jesus.  The silver cross of four points represents The Death of Jesus embracing the four corners of the world.  The ornate working of the silver at the four points of the cross represents The Resurrection.

I tried to upload from my Pictures, but I am only allowed 0MB on Phatmass, which is absolutely helpful.  I hope the cross will come out ok.  Link to above cross http://www.ebay.com.au/itm/281195297829

Edited April 21, 2016 by BarbaraTherese

[beatitude]

Lots of laypeople wear crosses. I don't think someone occasionally confusing you for a sister means you shouldn't have one. It might be different if you were wearing a cross that's specific to a certain congregation, but it doesn't sound as if you were. To be honest, I think you are reading far too much into this.

[Swami Mommy]

Perhaps it was the leather thong that the cross was hung on that gave the appearance that you were a religious.  It immediately made me think of leather sandals that monks wear.  Put your cross on a lovely, delicate silver chain that doesn't hang down too long and your cross will most likely not be mistaken for the crosses that religious wear that tend to be on longer chains.  It will instead be considered to be a lovely piece of jewelry that only you will know the deeper symbolic meaning of to you.  

Regardless, why do you actually CARE what others think when you wear a cross?  I feel like there is a subtext going on under your question that I don't quite understand.  Beyond being mistaken for a religious, are you overly concerned with what you feel others may be thinking about you in general?  I only ask, because to me your quandary would be a non-issue if it happened to me.  I'd probably just simply explain to a questioner that while I'm not a religious I like to express my belief in the values and tenets of Christianity as a way of life for myself and the cross is simply my own way of being a witness to my commitment to leading a Christian lifestyle.  End of problem.

[CatherineM]

Wear more expensive shoes. 

[BarbTherese]

1 hour ago, Swami Mommy said:

Perhaps it was the leather thong that the cross was hung on that gave the appearance that you were a religious.  It immediately made me think of leather sandals that monks wear.  Put your cross on a lovely, delicate silver chain that doesn't hang down too long and your cross will most likely not be mistaken for the crosses that religious wear that tend to be on longer chains.  It will instead be considered to be a lovely piece of jewelry that only you will know the deeper symbolic meaning of to you.  

Regardless, why do you actually CARE what others think when you wear a cross?  I feel like there is a subtext going on under your question that I don't quite understand.  Beyond being mistaken for a religious, are you overly concerned with what you feel others may be thinking about you in general?  I only ask, because to me your quandary would be a non-issue if it happened to me.  I'd probably just simply explain to a questioner that while I'm not a religious I like to express my belief in the values and tenets of Christianity as a way of life for myself and the cross is simply my own way of being a witness to my commitment to leading a Christian lifestyle.  End of problem.

Thank you for the response.

It has reminded me, laughingly, of one day when I was out and about and some teenagers asked me "Are you a nun?"  I gave them an explanation that was 'in more than three words'.  At the conclusion, the reply came "Yeah, you're a nun".

On the same page as you on the short delicate silver chain and the cross as in the image I posted - I have had to abandon however the cross on the leather thong, which I had worn for many years indeed.  My attachment will pass.  The leather thong originated as I could not afford a silver chain then and had no computer for cheap shopping on EBay. The image I posted previously of the cross is quite deceptive. It looks like a rather large cross although the actual measurements seemed to indicate it would not be. It arrived yesterday and it is not large, it is quite delicate.......short delicate chain still in transit.

 

 

 

Edited April 22, 2016 by BarbaraTherese

[BarbTherese]

I would like some sort of exterior identification if possible that I am a lay woman who is a Catholic Christian - and that is what motivated my initiating this thread (i.e. witnessing).......perhaps overly wordy for which I apologise - seemingly some can use many words, others should not.  Wearing a delicate cross on a chain nowadays is worn by many women as an item of jewellery without any meaning at all.  I have settled for a delicate cross and chain reasoning that God has His Reasons and perhaps I need hope that the person I am will speak.............a miracle needed.

Re the person I am.  Another problem I had in monastic life was being totally unable to fit into 'the mould' and having no attraction for it at all as it existed in the community I entered...........in fact fearful that if I stayed I might start to fit into it.

Edited April 22, 2016 by BarbaraTherese

[HisChildForever]

I wear one of those "delicate" crosses. I wanted a simple cross to wear with my wedding dress, and my parents gave it to me as a gift a couple weeks before on my birthday. It reminds me to share my faith with others in subtle ways when in difficult settings. By "difficult" I mean settings where it's not appropriate to speak too openly, like the workplace. Also I wear it every day, so that alone sends the signal that this symbol carries special meaning to me.

Edited April 24, 2016 by HisChildForever
Typo!

[truthfinder]

I know of a couple of men who wear rather large crucifixes (think those 2-3'' St. benedict crosses).  They're never mistaken for priests or religious.  It may be different with women though. 

[Not A Real Name]

You could always wear a really big cross. Then no one would mistake your for a religious. 

[BarbTherese]

 

2 minutes ago, Not A Real Name said:

You could always wear a really big cross. Then no one would mistake your for a religious. 

Love it!   Gosh a really really..... really..... huge.... and a MASSIVELY BIG cross............I never thought of that and surely no one at all would mistake me for a religious.  Problem is they would probably identify me for who I really am, which I am at great lengths at times to try to hide.