EmmaElizabeth Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 (edited) Hello! I am getting married on October 15, 2016 and have no idea how much we should compensate our priest for the wedding and marriage preparation. Any input or advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks so much and may God bless!! Edited March 30, 2016 by EmmaElizabeth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basilisa Marie Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 If the parish doesn't have any fees itself, any thank you gift is fine. I've seen people do $100 or something similar. It's a priest's job to prepare you for marriage and to receive your consent. If it's a special situation, like if he's coming in from out of town, paying for his travel fees can be a good gesture. Honestly there's a lot of variation, there really isn't any universal common practice nowadays, it depends on what's usual for where you live. Call your parish secretary to find out if there's something people usually do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhuturePriest Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 The Benedictine priest who did my sister's wedding traveled over five hours to do the wedding, so my parents paid all the travel fees, his hotel room, and gave him I think a $200 check for doing the ceremony itself. Obviously not everyone can afford to be this generous, so it really just depends on how much one can offer. So far as I'm aware, $100-$200 is average, but if one can't afford that amount I'm sure the priest won't flip the altar in protest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisChildForever Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 My parish asked for $600. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missionseeker Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 Our priest told us not to do anything. We will make a bigger donation, but some priests will not ask for anything... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Papist Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 I gave a gift. Our priest enjoys hiking/camping. I gifted him a swiss army knife with our wedding date engraved in the blade. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbTherese Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 On 31/03/2016 11:03:55, HisChildForever said: My parish asked for $600. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peace Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 On 3/30/2016, 8:33:55, HisChildForever said: My parish asked for $600. You should get a free pass out of purgatory for that much! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veritasluxmea Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 Maybe ask how much you can give, and go from there? What's in your budget? If you can easily give more than suggested, maybe just give what you can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisChildForever Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 On April 1, 2016 at 8:32:10 PM, BarbaraTherese said: 23 hours ago, Peace said: You should get a free pass out of purgatory for that much! On top of that, we had to pay for Pre-Cana and a second class called God's Plan for a Joyful Marriage. The combined cost for those two classes was just over $200. Furthermore, I had a service, not a Mass, as my husband and his family are Protestant, so we used the church for half an hour. We had no flowers so no need for clean up (the church is gorgeous enough already with tons of statues, candles, and the flowers they have thoughout the year). I was told that the $600 fee would be distributed out to the church, organist, and cantor. The secretary also forgot to inform me of the fee, and I received a call after the rehearsal because the rehearsal is when you typically give the "donation." So I found out like a couple days before my wedding that I had to pay this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbTherese Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 On 3/04/2016 10:27:18, HisChildForever said: On top of that, we had to pay for Pre-Cana and a second class called God's Plan for a Joyful Marriage. The combined cost for those two classes was just over $200. Furthermore, I had a service, not a Mass, as my husband and his family are Protestant, so we used the church for half an hour. We had no flowers so no need for clean up (the church is gorgeous enough already with tons of statues, candles, and the flowers they have thoughout the year). I was told that the $600 fee would be distributed out to the church, organist, and cantor. The secretary also forgot to inform me of the fee, and I received a call after the rehearsal because the rehearsal is when you typically give the "donation." So I found out like a couple days before my wedding that I had to pay this. I am shocked........ may God richly bless your marriage, your journey together. I was shocked too when prioress of a contemplative community of nuns told me they had to pay for a priest to say Mass daily for them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amppax Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 A nice single malt scotch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sponsa-Christi Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 Technically, it's a canonical crime to charge a fee per se for any sacrament (i.e., that's the crime of simony). Parishes are allowed to request or suggest a reasonable donation. Also, a fee can be charged for a non-sacramental thing that's accidentally related to the celebration of the sacrament, such as a fee for an organist or cantor. However, if the requested donation is a real hardship for anyone, a priest and/or parish is obligated to provide the sacraments even without receiving a donation. I personally don't think the "free" nature of the sacraments is stressed enough. However, if a priest or parish staff ever comes across as being sort of curt or demanding about donations, often this is because they see people spending tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding and then complaining about giving a couple hundred to the Church. While I don't think being cranky about donations is really ever justified, hopefully my pointing out the human dimension of this will help put things in better context. 2 hours ago, BarbaraTherese said: I was shocked too when prioress of a contemplative community of nuns told me they had to pay for a priest to say Mass daily for them. It's also customary to give a Mass stipend to a priest who celebrates Mass for a group or for a particular intention, which is probably what is happening here. Usually a Mass stipend is around $15. For a priest who comes out to say Mass for a contemplative monastery, often this would be essentially gas money. But my thought is that most priests who are willing to say Mass for a monastery at all would be happy to do so with or without a stipend! So giving a Mass stipend is more like a nice gesture than anything else. I think it's sort of like how when friends invites you for dinner at their house, it's a polite thing to bring flowers, a bottle of wine, or a hostess gift. But you wouldn't say that your friends are therefore "charging you" or "making you pay" for dinner. On 4/2/2016, 8:57:18, HisChildForever said: On top of that, we had to pay for Pre-Cana and a second class called God's Plan for a Joyful Marriage. The combined cost for those two classes was just over $200. This sort of thing is a major pet peeve of mine! I know classes cost money to run (though $100 per class seems like a bit much), but people have a fundamental right to marry and it drives me crazy when people in the Church insist on creating more hoops---financial or otherwise---for engaged couples to jump through. I do think it would be good to have more optional marriage prep classes or resources available. But with the number of young people who opt simply to cohabitate indefinitely, I think the Church should make it logistically easier, not more difficult, for couples to marry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbTherese Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 (edited) 1 hour ago, Sponsa-Christi said: It's also customary to give a Mass stipend to a priest who celebrates Mass for a group or for a particular intention, which is probably what is happening here. Usually a Mass stipend is around $15. For a priest who comes out to say Mass for a contemplative monastery, often this would be essentially gas money. Thank you for all the input in your post, Sponsa. "Had to pay" was the prioress's expression and it was the "had to pay" that took me aback. Possibly, she may not have meant how I took it........nor did I ask her to explain further. Our conversation had drifted to the cost of things (books, courses, training, retreats etc.) in The Church generally. 1 hour ago, Sponsa-Christi said: This sort of thing is a major pet peeve of mine! I know classes cost money to run (though $100 per class seems like a bit much), but people have a fundamental right to marry and it drives me crazy when people in the Church insist on creating more hoops---financial or otherwise---for engaged couples to jump through. I do think it would be good to have more optional marriage prep classes or resources available. But with the number of young people who opt simply to cohabitate indefinitely, I think the Church should make it logistically easier, not more difficult, for couples to marry. Does the priest-celebrant need to ensure that couples requesting marriage understand their Catholic commitment? 1 hour ago, Sponsa-Christi said: often this is because they see people spending tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding and then complaining about giving a couple hundred to the Church The problem with an attitude like the above is that what applies to a few is being applied right across the board?............resentment expressed in dollars? Edited April 4, 2016 by BarbaraTherese Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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