Makarioi Posted March 10, 2016 Share Posted March 10, 2016 What do you call a sleep walking nun?? A roamin' Catholic! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tab'le De'Bah-Rye Posted March 10, 2016 Share Posted March 10, 2016 (edited) Q: What sound does a Nun make on a dirt bike? A: Nunnnnnnnnnn Nu Nunnnnnnnnn Nu Nunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn Nun Nun Nun Nun. Doesn't work if you have never heard a dirt bike. And i'm not the greatest impressionist at the moment, very lethargic. Edited March 10, 2016 by Tab'le De'Bah-Rye Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Paul Posted March 10, 2016 Share Posted March 10, 2016 What do you call a nun at a costume party A Blessing in disguise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enitharmon Posted March 10, 2016 Share Posted March 10, 2016 (edited) Here's a joke my late uncle loved to tell... The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at the airport by a limousine. He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, "You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please let me?" The driver is understandably hesitant and says, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm supposed to do that." But the Pope persists, "Please?" The driver finally lets up. "Oh, all right, I can't really say no to the Pope." So the Pope takes the wheel, and boy, is he a speed demon! He hits the gas and goes around 100 mph in a 45 zone. A policeman notices and pulls him over. The cop walks up and asks the Pope to roll down the window. Startled and surprised, the young officer asks the Pope to wait a minute. He goes back to his patrol car and radios the chief. Cop: Chief, I have a problem. Chief: What sort of problem? Cop: Well, you see, I pulled over this guy for driving way over the speed limit but it's someone really important. Chief: Important like the mayor? Cop: No, no, much more important than that. Chief: Important like the governor? Cop: Wayyyyyy more important than that. Chief: Like the president? Cop: More. Chief: Who's more important than the president? Cop: I don't know, but he's got the Pope driving for him! Edited March 10, 2016 by enitharmon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foundsheep Posted March 11, 2016 Share Posted March 11, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
little2add Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 “I Shouldn’t Have Chosen The Rainbow” Several days after the US Supreme Court ruled that people with same-sex attraction have the right to “marry”, God admitted in an interview with AoftheA News that, in retrospect, using the rainbow as a symbol of his covenant with Noah was a poor choice. “I shouldn’t have chosen the rainbow,” the Almighty Creator of Heaven and Earth said. “I debated between that and the Northern Lights, and chose the rainbow simply because it was easier. Seeing how the Gay Pride movement has hijacked it and claimed it as their symbol…well, I regret it. Don’t get me wrong – I created the rainbow, so therefore it is good. How it’s being used today…eh, not so much.” Which then begs the obvious question: didn’t He see this coming? “I am outside Time and Space, so yeah, I’ve known this since before creation. I haven’t been caught off guard. Now, those rainbow-covered avatars on Facebook… unfortunate, really. So many people being ignorant and naive and trying to be ‘with it’. And then to see it displayed across the White House? Bad. So bad. “What’s ironic is that sodomy was one reason I wanted to destroy mankind, because “every imagination of the thoughts of [man’s] heart was only evil continually” (Gen 6:5). Every imagination. Continually. Trust me, it’s in there. So to abuse the symbol of my pledge to never flood the earth again as punishment for man’s sins – a bit insulting, to say the least. “Fire and brimstone, though – still in play.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
little2add Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 Why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple? It was a bird of pray. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
little2add Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seven77 Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 A priest, a nun, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks up at them and says, “what is this, a joke?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DominicanHeart Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 What comes after the Recessional hymn? All the people who forgot to change their clocks 1 hour ago, Seven77 said: A priest, a nun, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks up at them and says, “what is this, a joke?" You win at Catholic Jokes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enitharmon Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 (edited) And he asked them, “But who do you say that I am?” Peter answered him, "You are the eschatological manifestation of the ground of our being, the ontological foundation of the context of our very selfhood revealed." And Jesus replied, "Huh?" Edited March 17, 2016 by enitharmon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
little2add Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enitharmon Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 Two Monks Invent Denominations http://the-toast.net/2014/09/23/two-monks-invent-denominations/ More of that here http://the-toast.net/series/two-monks-inventing-things/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norseman82 Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 From a Dave Allen skit (modified from the original)... A priest is getting burned out, so he goes to the doctor, who advises him that he needs a change of pace and needs to "let loose" a little. So, one day, he is at the racetrack, wins some races, and is at the bar enjoying a few drinks with his winnings and buying rounds for people there. A lady with long flowing red hair comes up to him and says, "Thank you for the drink, Father." He replies "You don't know me!". She replies, "Yes, I do, Father". Again, he relies, panicking, "no you don't". The lady says, "Of course I do - I'm Sister Bridget - we go to the same doctor!". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missionseeker Posted March 28, 2016 Share Posted March 28, 2016 What did Jesus say at the Last Supper? If you wanna be in the picture, get on this side of the table! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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