Any literature on this?

[Sponsa-Christi]

This is mostly a question for the researchers, practicing SDs, and academically-inclined among us, but I'd appreciate any input or suggestions. Does anyone know of any literature which either: 1. discusses how to give appropriate spiritual direction to women who have left convents, or: 2. provides direct spiritual advice to women in this situation?

I know we have websites like Leonie's Longing (and even certain threads here on VS), but I'm thinking more in terms of a book or article which addresses this issue more comprehensively and/or "professionally." 

[Sister Leticia]

I can't think of seeing or hearing about any books or articles specifically about this. I suppose if I were accompanying someone in this situation, I'd be helping her deal with things like loss, grief, transitions, anger, doubt, openness to God's desires, bewilderment, rejection, new beginnings... etc - all of which have been written about extensively.

(Sorry - that probably isn't the answer you were hoping for)

[Nunsuch]

There is a book that was published by the Benedictines of St. Benedict's in St. Joseph, MN, a decade or two ago, with first-person essays by "formers," called "Always Our Sister." There is a new book from the Sisters of Loretto about their entrance class of 1962, which includes the stories and participation of their formers: "Voices from Silence: A Loretto Patchwork." The link for the latter is: http://www.lorettocommunity.org/who-we-are/loretto-authors-book/voices/  I have a copy of the other book, too, but can't get to it right now. I don't know if these would be of help.

 

[Gabriela]

I've been working with Leonie's Longing (and doing vocation research) for years and have never seen anything. I can second Sister Leticia's list of emotions/issues such women need to be helped with, and thank you, @Nunsuch, for the references!

[Nunsuch]

If you have access to the ProQuest database through a university library, there are a number of doctoral dissertations on the subject. I did a quick search for "former nuns" and got 136 hits (I suspect other terms would surface more). Some aren't relevant, but several seem to be.

[Gabriela]

8 minutes ago, Nunsuch said:

If you have access to the ProQuest database through a university library, there are a number of doctoral dissertations on the subject. I did a quick search for "former nuns" and got 136 hits (I suspect other terms would surface more). Some aren't relevant, but several seem to be.

I have seen research on former nuns, but most of it is... erm... "not orthodox", to say the least. I mean, there are a ton of books out by "former nuns". We've had conversations in here on those before. Some of them are so questionable we suspect they were written Protestants. I find research on nuns often takes the same really anti-Church angle. At least in my field.

Anyway, Sponsa-Christi: If you want me to search ProQuest for you, I can do that. Just PM me.

[Nunsuch]

I'm not referring to the "ex-nun" genre, most of which is problematic. I'm referring to scholarly research by sociologists of religion and religious studies scholars, mainly, on former nuns. While I've only read a couple of them, they tend to be based on qualitative social science research that is pretty substantial and not ideological. 

As one who not only does research on nuns but who reads a ton of it, I find most of the serious work is not polemical at all. 

[Sponsa-Christi]

Thanks, everyone, for the responses!

To try to describe better what I'm looking for...you know how there are a lot of good-quality books and articles out there on how to discern a vocation? And how there is enough of a body of literature on discernment that we basically consider certain pieces of advice to be the "right answers" to questions discerners have? (E.g., the "right answer" to "How to I discern a religious vocation?" is always going to be something along the lines of: "develop a regular prayer life; find a spiritual director if at all possible; contact communities that interest you; and trust God.") I'm wondering if there's anything like analogous literature of this sort for women who are leaving convents---something that would spell out similar common-sense spiritual "right answers" for their situations.

This does dovetail with some of my academic interests, but there is also a strong personal interest for me. Being a consecrated virgin, I do wind up coming in contact quite a bit with women who have left religious life, and obviously when the need arises I'd like to know how to be helpful (or at least not say anything that would make things harder for anyone!). Also, I meet a lot of fellow consecrated virgins who have had experiences of being treated very badly by people within the institutional Church, and this often seems to be a somewhat parallel emotional experience to being asked to leave a convent.

[Gabriela]

21 hours ago, Sponsa-Christi said:

Thanks, everyone, for the responses!

To try to describe better what I'm looking for...you know how there are a lot of good-quality books and articles out there on how to discern a vocation? And how there is enough of a body of literature on discernment that we basically consider certain pieces of advice to be the "right answers" to questions discerners have? (E.g., the "right answer" to "How to I discern a religious vocation?" is always going to be something along the lines of: "develop a regular prayer life; find a spiritual director if at all possible; contact communities that interest you; and trust God.") I'm wondering if there's anything like analogous literature of this sort for women who are leaving convents---something that would spell out similar common-sense spiritual "right answers" for their situations.

This does dovetail with some of my academic interests, but there is also a strong personal interest for me. Being a consecrated virgin, I do wind up coming in contact quite a bit with women who have left religious life, and obviously when the need arises I'd like to know how to be helpful (or at least not say anything that would make things harder for anyone!). Also, I meet a lot of fellow consecrated virgins who have had experiences of being treated very badly by people within the institutional Church, and this often seems to be a somewhat parallel emotional experience to being asked to leave a convent.

My first thought on reading this was, "Why don't you write a book on this?" I'm sure the ladies of Leonie's Longing could be helpful toward that end.

[veritasluxmea]

I searched far and wide for any threads with advice for people recovering from leaving the convent, but no such luck. I ran across people sharing stories or how they were feeling but not what we're looking for. The closest thing I found was this: 

http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/topic/103858-what-happens-when-nunssisters-leave-the-order/ 

This is just a theory, but I wonder if it has something to do with the negative aspect of leaving a convent. I know for something "good/easy/positive", like discerning your vocation, general advice applies to everyone (everyone in that situation needs SD and prayer, for example). Discernment for a positive thing is somewhat the same for everyone, and the advice can be applied to pretty much every situation. But when leaving, every story and reason is different- there is no general advice that pretty much can be applied to most situations. Was a decision you felt the Lord wanted you to make and you came to turns with, or was it due to some terrible circumstances outside of your control that left you unreasonably wounded? It can really seem to hurt a person. Because the situations are so different and often someone is dealing with recovery, maybe there isn't really any general advice to give, it needs to be handled on a case-by-case basis. 

[TheresaThoma]

Just a quick thought. I was living in a community setting for about 8 months and then the decision was made for me to leave. The counselor for the residents (who had also been a live in staff member) told me that if at all possible take a short retreat after leaving. She suggested this as a way to decompress and sort through everything. Obviously this isn't always possible (limited funds, needing to search for a job etc) But taking it easy the first week or so can really help. I found this to be very wise. 

As others have mentioned though there are so many different reasons and situations for leaving a community that it is is hard to find a general "right answer". Each situation would be unique not just for the young women but for how the community handles it. Some communities might have good advice on how they handle women leaving. They might be able to provide insight into what helped a woman be successful after leaving.

[Sponsa-Christi]

38 minutes ago, veritasluxmea said:

I searched far and wide for any threads with advice for people recovering from leaving the convent, but no such luck. I ran across people sharing stories or how they were feeling but not what we're looking for. The closest thing I found was this: 

http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/topic/103858-what-happens-when-nunssisters-leave-the-order/ 

This is just a theory, but I wonder if it has something to do with the negative aspect of leaving a convent. I know for something "good/easy/positive", like discerning your vocation, general advice applies to everyone (everyone in that situation needs SD and prayer, for example). Discernment for a positive thing is somewhat the same for everyone, and the advice can be applied to pretty much every situation. But when leaving, every story and reason is different- there is no general advice that pretty much can be applied to most situations. Was a decision you felt the Lord wanted you to make and you came to turns with, or was it due to some terrible circumstances outside of your control that left you unreasonably wounded? It can really seem to hurt a person. Because the situations are so different and often someone is dealing with recovery, maybe there isn't really any general advice to give, it needs to be handled on a case-by-case basis. 

I think you're totally right about women leaving convents all having different situations. Even beyond the differences between peacefully "discerning out" and being asked to leave for possibly unfair reasons, I imagine that advice would need to be different depending on what the women feels called to do next. Someone who thinks she might have a vocation to another community will have different spiritual needs that someone who has discerned out of consecrated life altogether. 

But in terms of where I would be looking for "right answers," here's an example: Very often, it seems that women who leave convents talk about feeling rejected by God. Of course, we know that God never abandons anybody. But since the vocation literature (and I'm presuming also probably some novitiate formation materials) often talks about a religious vocation as a call to special intimacy with God, or as a special call to be His bride, I can see where leaving the convent could be interpreted as God revoking this call to an especially close relationship with Him. So in that sense, feeling like one has been rejected by God actually might be a very logical way to feel!

I'm wondering how you would comfort or counsel someone who was feeling this way, without either: 1. saying or implying that her former community got their theology of religious life and vocation wrong; or 2. asking them to assent to two logically contradictory ideas at same time. It seems like the Church should have some tradition or spiritual direction custom on how to deal with this...

3 hours ago, Gabriela said:

My first thought on reading this was, "Why don't you write a book on this?" I'm sure the ladies of Leonie's Longing could be helpful toward that end.

My thought upon posting was "if there is no book on this, then somebody should write one!" I'm not sure I'm the right person for the job, although it's definitely something I'll keep in the back of my mind. I'm very grateful for the compliment of your confidence in my writing abilities, though!

Edited March 1, 2016 by Sponsa-Christi

[vee]

4 hours ago, Gabriela said:

My first thought on reading this was, "Why don't you write a book on this?" I'm sure the ladies of Leonie's Longing could be helpful toward that end.

That was my thought as well, so thats two votes!

[Feankie]

I've never seen anything written on this topic per se, but then again I've never researched availability either. I've had a few directees over the years who have left - either by choice or being asked to leave.  The main problems these women have faced was 1) their perceived lack of self-worth, 2) the perceived abandonment by God, 3) the negative reactions of friends and family (most especially family), 4) and their utter lack of clarity on what/where to go next.  In a nutshell, the ones who were asked to leave were shell-shocked whereas the women who discerned out of their own accord were much better off, spiritually speaking.  What always appalled me the most were the women who were asked/told to leave and either given no concrete reason/s (sappy generalities or downright mean missives) or the reasons given were "It is the will of God that you not be part of our community" or "God speaks through our (Insert here:  Abbess, Mother Superior, Mother General) and you must accept her decision as coming from God Himself....and that we do not question."

If I were staying in SD after my last directees leave I might consider researching/writing on this subject.  But my life is going in a different direction and I don't see that happening.

[Gabriela]

10 hours ago, Sponsa-Christi said:

But in terms of where I would be looking for "right answers," here's an example: Very often, it seems that women who leave convents talk about feeling rejected by God. Of course, we know that God never abandons anybody. But since the vocation literature (and I'm presuming also probably some novitiate formation materials) often talks about a religious vocation as a call to special intimacy with God, or as a special call to be His bride, I can see where leaving the convent could be interpreted as God revoking this call to an especially close relationship with Him. So in that sense, feeling like one has been rejected by God actually might be a very logical way to feel!

I'm wondering how you would comfort or counsel someone who was feeling this way, without either: 1. saying or implying that her former community got their theology of religious life and vocation wrong; or 2. asking them to assent to two logically contradictory ideas at same time. It seems like the Church should have some tradition or spiritual direction custom on how to deal with this...

I think it is perfectly logical that they feel that way. We get conflicting messages about vocation all the time: "Religious life is the highest calling" but "If you are called to marriage, then that is the best calling for you" and "People in the married state are no less worthy or loved by God than people in the religious state", etc. You really can't claim one vocation is objectively better than others and then expect people not to feel less worthy than people in that vocation. In this sense, I think you might be giving the Church the benefit of the doubt in assuming that She wouldn't ask people to assent to two logically contradictory ideas at the same time. On the contrary, I think She does that all the time.

In my opinion, the only way to resolve the problem we're talking about (on a general level, not an individual one) is to level out the "objective worth" of all vocations, to say to people: "All vocations are equally valuable and useful to the Church. The best one for you is the one God calls you to." End of story.

36 minutes ago, Francis Clare said:

What always appalled me the most were the women who were asked/told to leave and either given no concrete reason/s (sappy generalities or downright mean missives) or the reasons given were "It is the will of God that you not be part of our community" or "God speaks through our (Insert here:  Abbess, Mother Superior, Mother General) and you must accept her decision as coming from God Himself....and that we do not question."

I don't know if you're involved with Leonie's Longing, but we've also found that women who aren't given any reason have the most difficult time readjusting to the world. It's really cruel. All vocations directors in all Catholic religious orders should be given guidelines requiring them to make explicitly clear the reasons that a person is being asked to leave, so that that person can have closure.