Signs that One DOESN'T Have a Vocation to the Religious Life

[Julie]

Thank you everyone, your answers have been very helpful.

As for myself, I think I'm now at a point of "I just don't know, and that's okay." Maybe I'm called to the religious life, maybe I'm called to a holy married life, but either would be good. (I'm pretty sure I'm not for the single life...) Maybe that uncertainty is okay. (And as I said earlier in this thread, I know a lot of people in the same boat). 

I guess nothing to do but to keep praying, and see if one thing kind of "takes over"? 

Or is that dumb?

[Gabriela]

9 minutes ago, Julie said:

Thank you everyone, your answers have been very helpful.

As for myself, I think I'm now at a point of "I just don't know, and that's okay." Maybe I'm called to the religious life, maybe I'm called to a holy married life, but either would be good. (I'm pretty sure I'm not for the single life...) Maybe that uncertainty is okay. (And as I said earlier in this thread, I know a lot of people in the same boat). 

I guess nothing to do but to keep praying, and see if one thing kind of "takes over"? 

Or is that dumb?

Nope. That's the way. You've already made progress by ruling out the single life.  

[SNJM]

There are very good answers to this question already in this thread. I would like add one thought. I entered a religious community and the community as a whole changed in ways that were not how I wanted to live my response to God's invitation. I didn't "lose" my vocation nor did it mean I don't/didn't  have one. After long years of study, deep introspection and prayer, I know now that in entering religious life one must really be prepared for how the community, order, life is going to cooperate with your individual call. You indeed might be "called" but maybe not to religious life! If you are indeed thinking about religious life, the answers above are correct - most especially the ability to live in community, in chastity, in obedience. That being said, your conscience must always be your guide. If you enter (as I did) with the intention and desire to live a communal life in a traditional habit, and that changes, you must be open to the Spirit and be obedient to your conscience - as difficult, humiliating and embarrassing as it may be. Obedience is truly the hardest of the vows to live; if you find yourself stubborn, eager for attention, wanting always to be heard or perceived as "right," religious life will be very difficult for you. If you have issues with authority, or others, lack of patience or humility - again - signs that RL may prove difficult. This is not to say that you will not be "formed" in the ways of the institution, but if you are of the personality that takes direction with great difficulty, I would explore that deeply. As for me, my choice was difficult and painful. I never imagined the community would so drastically change. I chose to keep my vows and live a fully integrated life of service to the Church. As some of you know, at some point (hopefully soon), I will formally enter a monastic community. In the meantime, I keep my life simple and devoted to Him who my heart seeks. Please be honest about your own personality - the good and the bad - so a community will be able to cooperate with the Holy Spirit in discerning whether or not you are indeed called to their way of life and home. It does take three - the Triune God's invitation, your and the Community's response to that invitation in determining if this indeed His Will and if the community you have found is "the one."

I hope this helps, you are in my prayers!

Edited February 21, 2016 by SNJM
Typos. As usual!

[Amppax]

7 hours ago, Francis Clare said:

There is a tendency to forget that the single life is as much a vocation as the married or consecrated life. 

I don't want to draw this discussion off topic, but that is a much debated point. I point this out only for the sake of those lurking, not to start any discussion. 

[Gabriela]

5 minutes ago, Amppax said:

I don't want to draw this discussion off topic, but that is a much debated point. I point this out only for the sake of those lurking, not to start any discussion. 

Yeah, I was gonna say it, but then I just let it pass.

There's a thread around here somewhere where I explain what my theology prof said about that. It's about "big-V" "Vocation" and "little-v" "vocation". Anyone remember what thread that was in?

[Spem in alium]

8 hours ago, Francis Clare said:

There is a tendency to forget that the single life is as much a vocation as the married or consecrated life.  

42 minutes ago, Amppax said:

I don't want to draw this discussion off topic, but that is a much debated point. I point this out only for the sake of those lurking, not to start any discussion. 

This is highly important. Thank you for raising that. 

 

 

[Swami Mommy]

Okay, so this is a tangential take on this thread.  What seems to me to happen for many people in young adulthood (I know this is certainly what occurred for me when I was in my twenties and trying to decide on a life path), is that there is a lot of fear surrounding the notion of making a mistake, particularly if one's vocational path is not clear cut, simply because there is not one overriding passion that gives structure to the open field of creative possibilities.  When we look at people who are single-minded in their pursuits from a very young age and who just naturally seem to evolve into the person they are meant to be and to follow the path they are meant to follow, it can feel very daunting to come to grips with having an amorphous vision of oneself that hasn't yet found itself in the same way that more driven, focused people may have done.  ("Do I contradict myself?  Very well then, I contradict myself; I am large, I contain multitudes." --Walt Whitman).  

But here's a little secret--there is no one PERFECT way to move through life for ANY person, including those who seem to know what they are called to do from a very young age.  No matter what vocation someone decides to pursue, every single path, without exception, will come with its own set of obstacles and challenges over time and every single path, without exception, will offer its own unique way to be of service and to express one's love for God.  And additionally, no matter WHAT vocation one chooses, one's own personality issues will always come along for the ride and will be reflected back to them in some way or another.  Married life, religious life, single life, consecrated life--all are doable if one acknowledges that there is no one singular way that is perfect for them.  Each vocational tendency has its own set of trials and graces, and ALL are equally viable and useful for one's spiritual growth and devotion to God.  The mistake we make in our youth is somehow believing that our choices once made, are immutable.  Just as Nature evolves and changes over time, so does our relationship with our own self, with God, with our inner spark of creativity and love that constantly seeks out new ways to express itself, and with the world at large.  We are so worried that if we choose the wrong path, we will have wasted valuable time, we will lose our foothold in the world, we will lag behind our peers who seem to have their lives all figured out, or that we will somehow disappoint God (as if He could ever be disappointed with us or love us any less!).  Basically, at our deepest level, we are terrified to face the essential groundlessness of the impersonality of Life that accepts ALL things and leaves nothing out of its love for its own Self. We feel like we have to DECIDE, unequivocally, what our vocation is to be, when really all we need do is lean into the wind, follow the hidden and obvious clues of what our vocation is by watching and interacting with what is unfolding before us in our ordinary, daily lives, and have trust, faith and patience that God's plan for us is already in motion.  Ultimately, no matter what we choose to do with our lives, there will always be a moment when we must leap with blind faith into the unknown.  We can only hedge our bets for safety, security and surety so much before we are forced by default (if we do not make a conscious choice) into the 'next thing' of our life journey.  

What I'm hearing in this phorum is a lot of fear about what others will think of someone who dares to make a radical, unconventional choice for our times.  I'm hearing young women who have not yet separated from their parental approbation and who worry about what their parents will say or how their parents will respond to their very real and acceptable choice for themselves.  I am hearing the uncertainty of young women who have not yet found their own steady, sailing feet, and who are allowing fear to cloud their aspirations.  For goodness sakes, you're only asking to be a postulant at first--you will have plenty of time to decide if the path you are wishing to try is ultimately the right one for you.  How long is a postulancy?  Six months?  A year?  Hardly any lapsed time at all if you decide, after trying the life, that it's not meant for you!  You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain if you can just take the bull by the horns and take a chance at finding out whether your inner longing is real, and whether it will be fulfilled or dashed. And if it's dashed, far better to have that occur at the front end of your life rather than in the middle, or to spend the rest of your adult years secretly pining romantically and nostalgically for what might have been.  As Nike, the sneaker manufacturer would say, 'JUST DO IT'!  Time is fleeting.  Be bold; be brave; be FEARLESS!  And good luck to you all--such lovely, sweet, sincere hearts!

Edited February 21, 2016 by Swami Mommy

[TheresaThoma]

I know I have shared this story on here before but I think it is very relavant to this thread. I was on a Come and See retreat and one of the young women there was split between religious life and married life. Over the course of the weekend she came to realize that religious life was not where she was being called and she found great peace in that. But to find that peace she had to check it out and "close that door". It was really beautiful to see.

Another friend gave this wonderful quote "God deals in the real". He thought that he might be called the priesthood and entered the seminary. He said it was only when he was surrounded by other young men who were pursuing that vocation and being around a lot of priests that he was able to confidently say he is not called to be a priest. It was when he took a concrete step and brought his discernment "out of the clouds" that he was able to truely discern. He is now happily married and he and his wife are an adorably cute Catholic couple. 

The point to both these stories is that at some point we have to go do something to really figure it out. I think that is what the book is trying to say. Don't complicate discernment and give God a chance. That being said I know more than a few people who know with great certainity that they are called to married life. In that case it would not be very fruitful or productive for them to discern religious life. 

[Gabriela]

Great posts, SwamiMommy and TheresaThoma. Your first story reminded me of one of mine: I started a Master's program in philosophy a few years ago. I very quickly realized I hate philosophy. But I kept pushing to see if I could find some corner of it I like (which I since have), until it finally dawned on me that all the people around me had a certain relationship with philosophy that I just didn't have. And that is what made the decision for me that I did not belong there.

So I add: Sometimes, just looking around at the other people doing a thing can really help you decide whether it's for you. Are you like them? Do you feel at home with them? Do they understand you? No? Well then, move on.

[Julie]

1 hour ago, Gabriela said:

So I add: Sometimes, just looking around at the other people doing a thing can really help you decide whether it's for you. Are you like them? Do you feel at home with them? Do they understand you? No? Well then, move on.

Funny story: the occasion (NOT the entire basis of, just the thing that made me, and then my SD, and then me even more say "religious life... Hmm") for my kind of turning my attention to religious life this year was that I have an unusual propensity to fall in love with future Friars. (Not like... when they already know they're future Friars... They usually fall in love with me too, and THEN go off to become Friars).

I've gained some amesome spiritual friendships and a LOT of fodder for jokes.

------------------------------------

 

Anyways, thank you all for the thoughts. This has been a really insightful thread!

Edited February 22, 2016 by Julie

[Julie]

Annnnnd I've randomly spent the past few days getting to know the entire novitiate of the western Dominican province...

Again, I know that I get along just GRAND with Friars, but I don't really KNOW any sisters personally.

What an absurd situation! 

[Gabriela]

1 hour ago, Julie said:

Annnnnd I've randomly spent the past few days getting to know the entire novitiate of the western Dominican province...

Again, I know that I get along just GRAND with Friars, but I don't really KNOW any sisters personally.

What an absurd situation! 

So go for a live-in.

[BarbTherese]

 

Quote

Vita Consecrata (Thanksgiving for the consecrated life

http://w2.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_jp-ii_exh_25031996_vita-consecrata.html

2. Because the role of consecrated life in the Church is so important, I decided to convene a Synod in order to examine in depth its significance and its future prospects, especially in view of the approaching new millennium. It was my wish that the Synodal Assembly should include, together with the Bishops, a considerable number of consecrated men and women, in order that they too might contribute to the common reflection.

We are all aware of the treasure which the gift of the consecrated life in the variety of its charisms and institutions represents for the ecclesial community. Together let us thank God for the Religious Orders and Institutes devoted to contemplation or the works of the apostolate, for Societies of Apostolic Life, for Secular Institutes and for other groups of consecrated persons, as well as for all those individuals who, in their inmost hearts, dedicate themselves to God by a special consecration.

 

 

See quotation above from Vita Consecrata.

While religious life is that way of life formally constituted by The Church as the state of perfection in which the evangelical counsels are (ideally) the sole focus and raison d'etre, it does not therefore mean that those within the life are of necessity perfect - or any 'better' than another.  One can be in any state of life whatsoever and attain holiness or that perfection designed by God as their purpose in life, which is the goal and object of holiness.

As the CCC states "915 Christ proposes the evangelical counsels,in their great variety, to every disciple."  God invites or recommends (not commands) every person to poverty, chastity and obedience (evangelical counsels) and how one actually chooses to live out these counsels in their lives is their own free choice supported by God's Grace or invitation - else it would be absolutely impossible to live out their choice.  Certainly, one cannot attain holiness without living the evangelical counsels in some way and according to one's own state of life.

 It probably boils down to how one defines poverty, chastity and obedience - and, as with religious life, there will be a variety of definitions in the concrete.  That way of life constituted by The Church (religious life) is a radical living out - but not the only way to radically live out the evangelical counsels.

Edited February 24, 2016 by BarbaraTherese

[BarbTherese]

I think that the more recognised signs or impediments of not having a vocation to religious life would probably first become evident/revealed in the early interview stages prior to acceptance and postulancy.  I think too that the various religious orders or communities might have their own unique impediments to their way of life (but not of necessity canonical impediments).  Once one is accepted into a certain community as a postulant, it is then in the living of the life that other signs of not have a vocation to the life/community would become evident simply by living out the life in situ - evident either to the person or to the community or to both.  Discernment is a continuing stage or level of more intense commitment up to final vows.

If one does not have the more recognised signs or impediments to religious life, then I personally think that one should seriously and prayerfully consider (best done with spiritual direction) that state in life officially constituted by The Church as the state of perfection i.e. religious life.

[Julie]

On February 23, 2016 at 7:25:13 PM, Gabriela said:

So go for a live-in.

Well, I'm going for a visit right now, so I guess it's a start!