Signs that One DOESN'T Have a Vocation to the Religious Life

[Julie]

What are some signs that one doesn't have a vocation to the religious life? 

I read "Religious Vocation, An Unnecessary Mystery" and he makes it seem like practically everyone should enter the religious life! 

Basically, it seems the only reason not to is lacking the proper disposition (ie wanting material security or to please grandma, rather than desiring to serve God), lacking the ability (physical/mental health), or some other obvious impediment (responsible for taking care of parents or... Ruling a country or something).

Somehow, even though religious life is objectively superior, I don't think that's quite right.

How can someone tell that they're NOT called to religious life? It can't be just having a desire to get married... that's natural, right?

Also (sorry if this is a little tangential) exactly what sorts of things would make someone unsuitable for religious life? Let's say someone has a health problem they need daily meds for, but it's well controlled (diabetes, hypothyroidism, asthma, something like that). Is that a sign they shouldn't enter religion? What about mental health (I assume schizophrenics wouldn't be terribly well off in a community, but what about depressed people?) Are there some past actions or experiences that would indicate one shouldn't enter a community? I know a few ask about stuff like abuse, eating disorders, jail time, self-harm, that sort of thing, and I assume they ask because it matters.

 

 

I'm just wondering, because everywhere I read and everyone I talk to seems to be very vague, alluding generally to "suitability" as if what that is is obvious.

[Gabriela]

The religious life is a lot more materially secure than lay life, at least for most laity.

I can think of some signs:

1. Unwillingness to obey

2. Desire for worldly glory

3. Inability to live with others

4. General misanthropism

5. Habitual commission of mortal sin(s)

Etc.

Recognize, though, that just because someone has these issues now doesn't mean they'll never be called. Look at St. Augustine (and cf. #5). Quite a few sisters I interviewed had some of these. So all these mean is that one is not called right now.

[Julie]

5 hours ago, Gabriela said:

The religious life is a lot more materially secure than lay life, at least for most laity.

I can think of some signs:

1. Unwillingness to obey

2. Desire for worldly glory

3. Inability to live with others

4. General misanthropism

5. Habitual commission of mortal sin(s)

I guess this is kind of what confuses me. Is everyone called to the religious life except those who are deficient in some way? That doesn't sound right, but nearly every time people list "signs one isn't called to religious life" they list sins, faults, and disorders... Isn't anyone who is really good, striving to live a holy life and to do God's will called to get married? Or to be a consecrated virgin? 

 

5 hours ago, Gabriela said:

The religious life is a lot more materially secure than lay life, at least for most laity.

Yeah, which is why some people could feasibly seek the religious life for that reason, and thus lack the proper motivation.

[FlowerofCarmel]

If a person is truly desiring to serve God, they feel a possible call, and if their condition can be controlled, I don't see why they cannot enter a religious order.

[Julie]

1 minute ago, FlowerofCarmel said:

If a person is truly desiring to serve God, they feel a possible call, and if their condition can be controlled, I don't see why they cannot enter a religious order.

Hmmm... I guess I'm just asking whether it's possible that someone COULD enter an order, be WILLING to enter an order, even be attracted in some ways, yet God would rather have them do something else. 

 

[FlowerofCarmel]

21 minutes ago, FlowerofCarmel said:

If a person is truly desiring to serve God, they feel a possible call, and if their condition can be controlled,(Such as Asthma) I don't see why they cannot enter a religious order.

 

Apologies don't know why the comment entered as a repost, still learning these phorums....

[NadaTeTurbe]

When someone is running away from a love story/want to enter religious life only by fear of married life 

[Spem in alium]

9 hours ago, Julie said:

How can someone tell that they're NOT called to religious life? It can't be just having a desire to get married... that's natural, right?

Also (sorry if this is a little tangential) exactly what sorts of things would make someone unsuitable for religious life? Let's say someone has a health problem they need daily meds for, but it's well controlled (diabetes, hypothyroidism, asthma, something like that). Is that a sign they shouldn't enter religion? What about mental health (I assume schizophrenics wouldn't be terribly well off in a community, but what about depressed people?) Are there some past actions or experiences that would indicate one shouldn't enter a community? I know a few ask about stuff like abuse, eating disorders, jail time, self-harm, that sort of thing, and I assume they ask because it matters.

 

 

I'm just wondering, because everywhere I read and everyone I talk to seems to be very vague, alluding generally to "suitability" as if what that is is obvious.

Before I entered (and even now, sometimes) I had many people say things like, "I could never do that" --- and often I would think, why?? What's so impossible? And what if you felt God calling you - would you still say the same thing? It always interested me hearing that kind of thing.

I think the best way to know is by experiencing it in some way: by going on a retreat, staying in a community, etc. Doing that will help a person to know if they're called, but also if they're not.

The ability to control health problems is important to consider, as is any potential cost of treatment, etc. In some cases, they may well be seen as impediments by communities (but not sure when). Depression, as far as I know, generally isn't an issue, but again, if a person is receiving treatment or taking medication that also needs consideration. When I first applied, I was asked questions about abuse, eating disorders, etc. I don't think they're necessarily asking to weed people out. To me, when I was asked, it seemed more like the sisters wanted to know so that if I entered they would be aware and know how to manage it. Recently I had to have medical tests done, and several issues were found. My formator told me that having health problems doesn't mean you can't stay in the convent or you don't have a vocation. They ask this kind of thing so that they have a history, in case anything happens in the future and they need records. 

[Feankie]

I assume you're speaking about the "formalized" religious life, right?  Monastery , convent, consecrated virgin?  I think we are all called to the religious life but in different venues and in different ways.  We are all called to holiness in whatever path we walk.  Thinking about myself and my friends, we are all called to religious life in different ways....for instance, I am called to be a Dame in the Order of Malta (a Papal Order which serves the sick and the poor and defends the Faith), my best friend is a third order Carmelite, another friend teaches children in religious ed classes, and so on.  One shouldn't berate oneself  if s/he is unable to enter formalized religious life for one reason or another....God has plenty of other places for us to serve and love Him...and our fellow pilgrims on our journey. 

[Julie]

29 minutes ago, Francis Clare said:

I assume you're speaking about the "formalized" religious life, right?  Monastery , convent, consecrated virgin?  I think we are all called to the religious life but in different venues and in different ways.  We are all called to holiness in whatever path we walk.  Thinking about myself and my friends, we are all called to religious life in different ways....for instance, I am called to be a Dame in the Order of Malta (a Papal Order which serves the sick and the poor and defends the Faith), my best friend is a third order Carmelite, another friend teaches children in religious ed classes, and so on.  one shouldn't berate oneself if one is unable to enter formalized religious life for one reason or another..God has plenty of other places for us to serve and love Him...and our fellow pilgrims on our journey. 

This is part of what I have been thinking. I suppose it has to do with the "universal call to holiness". But, as for the last sentence: "one shouldn't berate oneself if one is unable to enter formalized religious life for one reason or another", I think that what I'm asking is this: What if there is NO reason, and one IS able? What if one could enter religious life and know that they would be good and happy as a sister or brother (since priesthood is a whole 'nother deal), but they also feel attracted to some other kind of life, and they do that instead? Is that ignoring God's will, or following it? Is it ever subjectively better to FREELY choose what is objectively the second best? Let's say that St Zelie hadn't had health problems, and St Louis had been a better student- might they not still have gotten married, and that have been God's will for them? Or does God only will that someone who has an attraction to a convent/monetary or whatever do something else if there is some obstacle to the first?

 

 

I'm sorry if I'm being frustrating. It's just a struggle that I see many dearly loved people going through: "If you really love God, and He's the center of your life, as He should be, and if there's no reason why you CAN'T join the religious life, does that mean you should? Always? Is that really the only way to live a (as near as possible) perfect life (for those who don't have kind of external impediments)." 

It seems at the same time that the answer is yes (the rich young  man, St Thomas's article on the subject in the Summa, what people are saying here) and that it can't possibly be so (because then the only married people, say, would be the physically, morally, mentally, or emotionally weak... Or people overwhelmed by debt and obligation. Which I'm pretty sure would be bad for the upbringing of children).

[MarysLittleFlower]

When I was talking to a friend about this book, it seemed to me like desire for religious life is one of the dispositions towards it. So if you have a supernatural based desire for it, the book says - go for it and try it, unless there's an impediment.

If someone only feels drawn to marriage, like most people, they are not disposed internally to consecrated life through a desire for it so its not their vocation. If they want it and it doesn't work out then the person is disposed but for some reason there are obstacles so God would call them to something else. Does that make sense?

One of the points I think is that people spend so much time wondering "I feel drawn to both vocations. Which is it???" And they go crazy over it. But if they have a desire for religious life that is not a natural desire so they may be called, they just need to try it and see. if there are impediments that's another part of discernment.

Basically to summarize the book seems to say:

IF you have a desire for consecrated life or feel some sort of a call or through reason understand its probably your call (there are different ways this happens)

AND you have no obstacles

THEN you can believe its your vocation and try it.

If you feel no call at all and or your situation doesn't allow it, then its probably something else.

All the people who feel very drawn to marriage and religious life together and can enter religious life, are over complicating it maybe, based on what I understood from the author. 

[Gabriela]

10 hours ago, Julie said:

I guess this is kind of what confuses me. Is everyone called to the religious life except those who are deficient in some way? That doesn't sound right, but nearly every time people list "signs one isn't called to religious life" they list sins, faults, and disorders... Isn't anyone who is really good, striving to live a holy life and to do God's will called to get married? Or to be a consecrated virgin? 

To the question: "Is everyone called to the religious life except those who are deficient in some way?" St. Thomas would seem to say 'yes'. In the Summa he suggests this is the highest form of life, the true Christian way of life, but acknowledged not all are called to it.

These days, that's not a real popular answer, and I disagree with him myself. You've asked a very big question. There are a lot of ways to answer it. I think immediately of Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, who didn't seem flawed in any way (even physically—man, was he a looker! ), and yet did great things as a single man. We can think of lots of saints like that. So while the (written) tradition of the Church suggests that the RL is the highest form of life and all should attempt to pursue that unless unable, I think there's a kind of "competing" tradition that is less fixed (in writing) that acknowledges that people are positively called to many states and ought to go wherever God calls them. (Even St. Thomas acknowledges you should do whatever God calls you to.)

So, then, I'd add:

6. God has given you a positive call to some other work/state in life.

Lots of people feel this positive call to other things, and so never consider RL. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. If you've known since you were 6 that you want to be an engineer, and you geek out on all things engineering, and engineering gives you joy and peace, and you feel God is totally on board with you being an engineer, then go be an engineer. You can serve God that way, too.

10 hours ago, Julie said:

Hmmm... I guess I'm just asking whether it's possible that someone COULD enter an order, be WILLING to enter an order, even be attracted in some ways, yet God would rather have them do something else. 

 

Yes, absolutely. If one is running from one's real vocation as an engineer (for whatever reason—afraid to live in the shadow of one's dad, who was a great engineer, comes to mind), then totally.

[MarysLittleFlower]

It seems to me like vocation isn't so much what you do (engineer) but more who you are... It seems to be separated into marriage or consecrated life which is either more hidden or more in the world. I read reasons for that but I don't really know how to articulate it. Its like marriage is a sign of heavenly reality but consecrated life is living it out more directly. Celibacy for the Kingdom and poverty and obedience seems to affect the heart in some way.

There are Saints who weren't religious but still committed to that in the world like St Giuseppe Moscati. So all are holy vocations but some more perfect than others (cloistered, active, consecrated in the world, marriage - seems to be the order in terms of STATES alone. The path for holiness for me and you is God's Will only). It seems the traditional view is that if possible religious or consecrated life should be taken but possibility means: disposition and capability. If someone only is drawn to marriage (i dont mean feelings necessarily!) then God's Will is for them to marry most likely. I wondered too about this same question: why people are called to marriage. I think to me its kind of a mystery. I'd have to think more on that. 

[Feankie]

It seems to me like vocation isn't so much what you do (engineer) but more who you are... It seems to be separated into marriage or consecrated life which is either more hidden or more in the world.

There is a tendency to forget that the single life is as much a vocation as the married or consecrated life.  Not everyone is called to marriage, but some use it as the "default" vocation.  "If I'm not called to consecrated religious life, then I MUST be called to marriage."  That quote is and has been the cause of many unhappy marriages and possible divorces. That's why one must discern with great care their future vocation.  It's both who you are and what you do, not either/or.  There exists a completeness, a "holy wholeness", if you will.

[vee]

This article and St Ignatius's methods have been very helpful for me and it is useful to determine any God given path in life.

http://lafayettecarmelites.org/god-calling/