What's expected of me here?

[Guest]

My parents divorced when I was in the 5th grade. My mom remarried and my dad stayed single and occasionally dated. Before the divorce my mom was a Lay Eucharist Minister and took my brother and I to Church every week. My dad never went. We lived with my dad. Every other weekend when we went to my mom's she would take us to Mass with my step dad. He identified as a Protestant. My dad took us to CCD every week. We didn't go to Mass on the weekends spent with him. My brother was six years younger and I think my dad and brother might have went to Mass sometimes after I moved out. My mom and dad never got the marriage annulled or attempted to as far as I know. My step dad just recently passed of a heart attack at 70. He was a really nice guy and I hope he will be in heaven one day. Right after he died my mom had breast cancer and survived it. She is really taking the loss of my step dad hard. She's doing okay but is sad about it. I don't talk to either of my parents as often as I should but am trying to do a better job. In the past I'v told my dad that him and my mom should look into getting the marriage annulled or something. He has been dating the same woman now for 15 years or so. He lives an hour away from her but he stays at her house a lot. I've asked him before if he receives Communion when he does go to Church and he said yes. That was a couple years ago. I told him you are required to go to Confession once a year. Anyhow what's my responsibility as a guy who loves his parents? What should I say to them? I'm not trying to threaten them with hell unless i should? I feel like I should tell him you can't date and have sex and still receive Communion. And I think I've attempted to convey that point in the past to my dad. To complicate things a hundred fold my past sins are horrible. I've never been divorced or had an abortion but I've committed so many sins. Thanks to Phatmass anytime I've received Communion I've went to Confession first. I really don't want to have a talk with my parents about all this but I don't know. Am I required to?

Edited February 11, 2016 by Guest

[CatherineM]

My parents were divorcees. My Mom had her first marriage annulled but my Dad didn't. Hers was done because her ex married a Catholic. My Dad didn't out of stubbornness, and we couldn't afford it. My Mom wanted to be baptized a Catholic but couldn't because of the circumstances. It's a hard conversation to have. My Dad would say that God understood the circumstances. I had to be content with that. Lecturing your folks on Hell isn't a conversation I could have, or wanted to. 

[MarysLittleFlower]

Hi Josh, it depends maybe on whether your dad knows the Church teaching and ignores it, or is ignorant of it. If he knows it, you telling him would probably not do much.. St Thomas Aquinas says correction should be given when it won't make the person worse. If in the past when you brought this up your dad didn't respond well at all and got very upset, then he might simply not be ready to accept the truth. In that case correction could be deferred to a better time.

Meanwhile you could pray for him... Have you ever read about the green scapular? I believe Our Lady used it to help my grandma find faith in God. The person.doesn't need to know it's among their things but you need to say the daily prayer for them that's on the scapular, and get the scapular blessed. Anyway if your dad might simply not really know or understand the teaching, instead of getting into a potential argument, maybe you could get some catechism for him like the Baltimore catechism or another text that would have this information, and say something like "hey dad I know sometimes you go to church, I found this book and thought of you"... I don't know your dad obviously and what would be best. There's a chance though he might not read it. Maybe the topic could be brought up just by mentioning Mass (maybe you can bring it up casually about yourself or something) and if something more direct could work, maybe you could say along the lines of "dad I know sometimes you receive Communion. I've been learning about the faith and found out there are ways we prepare for Communion. Did you ever hear about this?" And if the discussion goes to Confession, you could share the examination of conscience with him... Its very important to do all this with much peace (no matter how he responds) and not debate him.

Anyways these are just ideas I had, of course you know your dad better and what would be more realistic to do I'm sure there would be other responses as well. God bless you!

 

(The thing thats key is praying for him. Maybe offer Mass and Communion for him. Making sacrifices for him. That can help him to respond to what you say even if not right away). 

I wouldn't lecture him or threaten him with hell etc. It has to be very gently done. 

I made mistakes before with this that made it harder for people that's why I'm saying this

[Spem in alium]

It is really hard and can be really difficult to know what to say. On the one hand, in a sense you know what "should" be done, but at the same time, it's hard to communicate difficult things to people we love. I can't really offer any advice, apart from steering clear of lecturing and Hell-talk, but I will pray for your family. 

 

[Guest]

21 hours ago, CatherineM said:

Hi Josh, it depends maybe on whether your dad knows the Church teaching and ignores it, or is ignorant of it. If he knows it, you telling him would probably not do much.. St Thomas Aquinas says correction should be given when it won't make the person worse. If in the past when you brought this up your dad didn't respond well at all and got very upset, then he might simply not be ready to accept the truth. In that case correction could be deferred to a better time.

 

Meanwhile you could pray for him... Have you ever read about the green scapular? I believe Our Lady used it to help my grandma find faith in God. The person.doesn't need to know it's among their things but you need to say the daily prayer for them that's on the scapular, and get the scapular blessed. Anyway if your dad might simply not really know or understand the teaching, instead of getting into a potential argument, maybe you could get some catechism for him like the Baltimore catechism or another text that would have this information, and say something like "hey dad I know sometimes you go to church, I found this book and thought of you"... I don't know your dad obviously and what would be best. There's a chance though he might not read it. Maybe the topic could be brought up just by mentioning Mass (maybe you can bring it up casually about yourself or something) and if something more direct could work, maybe you could say along the lines of "dad I know sometimes you receive Communion. I've been learning about the faith and found out there are ways we prepare for Communion. Did you ever hear about this?" And if the discussion goes to Confession, you could share the examination of conscience with him... Its very important to do all this with much peace (no matter how he responds) and not debate him.

 

Anyways these are just ideas I had, of course you know your dad better and what would be more realistic to do  I'm sure there would be other responses as well. God bless you!

 

 

 

(The thing thats key is praying for him. Maybe offer Mass and Communion for him. Making sacrifices for him. That can help him to respond to what you say even if not right away). 

 

I wouldn't lecture him or threaten him with hell etc. It has to be very gently done. 

 

I made mistakes before with this that made it harder for people that's why I'm saying this 

 

Hi MLF thanks for your reply it was helpful and I think good advice. I live across the country and don't see my parents much. I was home for Christmas and it was good seeing them. My dad I'm pretty sure is Mass a couple times a year kind of Catholic (although it could be more not positive). When we talked about Communion over the phone that one time it wasn't intense or argumentative. I'm hoping it stuck. In all honesty he has no business receiving Holy Communion. Confession would require he stop dating this woman. She's a nice lady but it's serious sin. I just don't think my parents get it. I don't think my mom truly understands in the Church's eyes she wasn't remarried. She was living in adultery. I don't think my dad truly understands that what he's doing has the potential to send him to hell without repenting before he dies. I think he will get Purgatory but again I realize I can't presume anything and I really don't know what will happen. Although it feels like I know internally God will have mercy on him and save him. I think my step dad being a Protestant probably reinforced in my mom's mind divorce was okay. She's a very smart lady and hard worker. A kind lady as well. She had posted something on Facebook about my step dad being in Heaven and I said something to the effect he's probably in Purgatory. I could of said he may be in hell although I can only imagine she would hate me for that. I don't think he's in hell. Despite his sins he was a good guy. But I'm not God and I've learned here I can't presume where anyone is. But when I told her the Purgatory thing she didn't even really know what that was. I sorta snapped at her you're the one who raised me Catholic and made me go to Church yet you don't even know your religion. I was being a prick but she was cool about it. She goes to grieving meetings at a Catholic Church but but not sure how often she goes to Mass. I think I will just take your advice and start praying more for them. I really don't want to start talking about grave/mortal son with them. Recently I read somewhere that when parents get divorced they put down their crosses and the kids pick them up. I think there's some truth to that.

Edited February 12, 2016 by Guest

[Guest]

16 minutes ago, Josh said:

I really don't want to start talking about grave/mortal son with them

*sin

Here's another question. Say a person is committing grave sins and receiving Communion without examining their conscience and going to Confession. St.Paul says that people who do this are bringing judgment on to themselves and then he goes on to say that is why many people become sick. Is it possible when a person does this they can cause other people to get sick as well? Like family? Or does God just allow the sickness to happen to the person who is guilty of receiving Christ body and blood without examining  their conscience?

"Therefore whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord unworthily will have to answer for the body and blood of the Lord. A person should examine himself,* and so eat the bread and drink the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body, eats and drinks judgment* on himself.That is why many among you are ill and infirm, and a considerable number are dying.If we discerned ourselves, we would not be under judgment"

 

 

[MarysLittleFlower]

Totally agree with praying for them and making acts of trust as you pray too my parents were separated when I was in my pre-teen years and it was very painful. I do think the kids end up carrying a cross if their parents are divorced or even separated.

About your second question, I've never been able to understand quite what this verse meant about sickness - maybe it was like a chastisement they had. The main problem is of course in the soul and we know there are holy people who get sick and sinners who seem to thrive. As St John Vianney said they have a temporal gift but not eternal - the eternal is infinitely superior. Then some bear chastisements for others like victim souls. Maybe St Paul is speaking of something particular at the time when those in the early Church were sick and dying more because of this sin? I don't know what the Church teaching is here or if there is one, maybe someone does but I wouldn't make this into a rule for every case or something.

As for others getting sick - this may be true if someone voluntarily takes on another's cross (that's a special grace though), but as for it just happening... I'm not sure what the Church says...  Maybe its not like a punishment but an opportunity to offer it up for that sinning person.  I wouldn't make it into a rule its not like we get a sickness for every personal sin - its an effect of original sin and saints get sick too. There are healthy sinners. I guess what I'm saying here is... Its a complicated topic, somewhat mysterious, and we don't really know the reasons in each case, so just trust God we don't want to be like the 'word of faith' Protestant group who believe that if you're sick, you're personally sinning.

I think St Paul spoke of a chastisement that happened at that time maybe as a sign, but I haven't read any commentary on this so I'm unsure if that's true sorry :) I hope this wasn't a confusing answer for you!