it just struck me..

[MarysLittleFlower]

It struck me just now while reading a thread, how "crazy" what we're doing seems to the world. Since I'm discerning mostly contemplative life that's what I imagined. Who would expect a woman (young or older but especially young) to give up marriage, children, all her things, cut off her hair, and live closed up in the same house all her life (especially if behind a grille) ? And no one would really understand why a woman would not only do this willingly, but dream of it, and want it so much, and find joy in it. Similarly to how we might struggle with how martyrs found joy in their martyrdom. I guess that's the mystery of God's love working in our souls! what is naturally bitter becomes sweet, in the supernatural life. It's literally above-natural...

so if people think that this is all crazy, I don't know if it's possible to even explain a possible vocation to them and it be completely understood. It's something you have to experience to really understand and appreciate, although some might be much more open than others and respect it at least. It's so strange living in the world, and having ideals that go against everything the world values. I'm not saying I'm totally detached from the world at this point or something. But there's this contrast with what we dream of and what most around us might dream of. I'm not "better" in any way.. but it's just strange. I remember watching the movie about St Teresa of Avila and there's a scene with St John of the Cross who says he is treated like a "strange beast" as he describes it. As we try to follow Christ more and more in a consecrated vocation we might feel that way too, though of course we are not totally isolated from others since our vocation is for the benefit of other souls as well, not just our own. But how do we deal with feeling this way?  

when I just focus on my prayer life I sort of forget it, but when I have to go out in the world more, for example for work, I feel such a contrast between just what the world values and what I'm trying to value. Sometimes it takes a bit of effort to not be drawn back into the worldly things and not get attached to them.

Edited February 2, 2016 by MarysLittleFlower

[Luigi]

In the non-Catholic-but-Christian churches there is a recurring theme in their hymns - "I can't feel at home in this world," "This world is not my home," etc. It's that same feeling of detachment that you mentioned.

Here's a simple example. It has most of the recurring stock phrases in it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdOOxuQii_s

These songs focus on getting dying, getting to heaven, finally feeling at home there, and so forth. But you can take that same attitude as you walk through this world while you're waiting to enter a monastery.

[Spem in alium]

I think misunderstanding generally comes from people viewing consecrated life as a "consolation prize" or the person desiring consecrated life as making sacrifices. 

When I was home last month, my sister made a comment about how my choice to live a consecrated life is such a sacrifice, because I'm not getting married or having children. Others have remarked to my parents comments along the lines of "What a waste". I explained to my sister (and to my parents) that it's not a sacrifice or a waste if it's really what I'm called to do. If I am truly called to be a consecrated woman, this is what is written on my heart, so marriage and family were never really mine in the first place to "sacrifice". That's how I see it anyway.

It's easy to get caught up in the reactions of other people. What I've learned throughout my discernment, particularly when people have made comments like, "Are you sure you're not running away from anything?", "Are you just insecure?" etc., is to work to project happiness and God's love. A lot of these comments are made out of concern and not maliciousness, so showing others that I'm very happy and peaceful, and showing them that God loves them, has really helped. And the funny thing is, I really didn't have to work hard to do this, because it seems to be just within me. Many times I've had people comment how I'm so much more "myself", or so "contented" -- to them, it seems like a big change, which of course it is. But it's also perhaps a natural result that has come from me following the desires of my heart and journeying with God.

 

[MarysLittleFlower]

Thats very true! I notice too sometimes religious life is talked about all in the context of sacrificing family etc. I don't know others experiences with discernment and I'm still discerning my particular vocation, but in my own journey though I have a natural desire for family, its become a joy to "sacrifice" having a human spouse. Its one of the most joyful things in my life and that's something that honestly surprised me. I don't know what its like for others. But when people talk about this sacrifice I don't know what to tell them! It would be too personal to explain ones relationship with Jesus. I agree with you about being joyful.. I met some Sisters yesterday who just spread joy all around them! They were so wonderful :) its a great witness and something I hope to grow in as I can be very reserved and melancholic in my temperament. Hopefully as you said finding the actual vocation helps for this to be more natural :) yes I do think there's something in a persons heart from God and if they correspond with that grace that does bring joy!

[Spem in alium]

8 hours ago, MarysLittleFlower said:

Thats very true! I notice too sometimes religious life is talked about all in the context of sacrificing family etc. I don't know others experiences with discernment and I'm still discerning my particular vocation, but in my own journey though I have a natural desire for family, its become a joy to "sacrifice" having a human spouse. Its one of the most joyful things in my life and that's something that honestly surprised me. I don't know what its like for others. But when people talk about this sacrifice I don't know what to tell them! It would be too personal to explain ones relationship with Jesus. I agree with you about being joyful.. I met some Sisters yesterday who just spread joy all around them! They were so wonderful its a great witness and something I hope to grow in as I can be very reserved and melancholic in my temperament. Hopefully as you said finding the actual vocation helps for this to be more natural yes I do think there's something in a persons heart from God and if they correspond with that grace that does bring joy!

I also have a natural desire for family. I think I would be a good wife and a good mother, but I don't see myself as sacrificing those things in order to pursue consecrated life. If I am called to this life, then all I am really doing is following this path -- the path that is meant for me -- and not another one. I do, however, recognise the meaning that is to be found in making sacrifices, but I have come across some people who get so caught up in actually sacrificing something that they don't seem to realise what God is actually asking of them. 
In terms of explaining relationship with Jesus, I would say there are times when we should get very personal. From what I have noticed, there seems to be a desire in people's hearts to hear about God's love for them, and to recognise when someone else loves God. It's like a hunger. I think there should be limits, sure, but I don't generally tend to shy away or hold back completely when people ask me how I view Jesus or what my relationship is like with Him. He is the Beloved of my heart.  People need to know how much God loves them, and a lot of people don't go looking for that themselves but need others to either tell them or show them. So it makes sense to me to actively show a loving relationship with God.
I can also be a reserved person, but I believe I am also very joyful.  I think it does. I think when we find and live our vocation, the joy we experience is the most complete we can ever hope to experience in this life. There is, of course, suffering, but the joy of having heard God's voice and responded to it with life -- amazing. 

 

Edited February 8, 2016 by Spem in alium

[MarysLittleFlower]

I see what you mean about talking about Our Lord.. there are definitely things I wouldn't share and things I only share with my SD but I would also talk about Jesus and what He's like.

I think that part about finding God's call and responding to it totally is what I really feel a need for at this point. I think I am not called to marry, if I've discerned correctly, I have given myself to Jesus in this way. However, I have no way of living that out to the extent that I am drawn to and I don't know if that would ever be possible.

Of course, it all depends on what His Will is, and who knows maybe sacrificing my desire for religious life could be the real sacrifice for me, if it is not possible. It's up to God but I'd be very happy to become a nun / Sister, and even if I don't I'd still like to live a consecrated life.

When I met some Sisters the other day and they were so wonderful and joyful, and I thought how that is something I'm really missing, because although my relationship with Jesus gives me joy, I feel like I still haven't found THE way for me to serve Him..

I have the sense I'm just in some sort of vague waiting time, though I try to use it for Him and to prepare for my eventual vocation. I don't know if you have any thoughts on how to be more joyful during this "waiting time", but if you do I'd be very grateful, because sometimes I think I'm just not the best witness to others. God bless

Edited February 8, 2016 by MarysLittleFlower

[Spem in alium]

5 hours ago, MarysLittleFlower said:

 

I see what you mean about talking about Our Lord.. there are definitely things I wouldn't share and things I only share with my SD but I would also talk about Jesus and what He's like.

I think that part about finding God's call and responding to it totally is what I really feel a need for at this point. I think I am not called to marry, if I've discerned correctly, I have given myself to Jesus in this way. However, I have no way of living that out to the extent that I am drawn to and I don't know if that would ever be possible.

Of course, it all depends on what His Will is, and who knows maybe sacrificing my desire for religious life could be the real sacrifice for me, if it is not possible. It's up to God but I'd be very happy to become a nun / Sister, and even if I don't I'd still like to live a consecrated life.

When I met some Sisters the other day and they were so wonderful and joyful, and I thought how that is something I'm really missing, because although my relationship with Jesus gives me joy, I feel like I still haven't found THE way for me to serve Him..

I have the sense I'm just in some sort of vague waiting time, though I try to use it for Him and to prepare for my eventual vocation. I don't know if you have any thoughts on how to be more joyful during this "waiting time", but if you do I'd be very grateful, because sometimes I think I'm just not the best witness to others. God bless

I don't think we ever live that out to the greatest extent until we get to heaven.  In this life, all we can do is use what we have been given, and await all that, God willing, we will be given in heaven when we can finally see Him face-to-face.

After I submitted my application to my order, due to a few complications I had to wait four months before I heard anything, then another month before I was officially accepted as a candidate, and another month before I could move in to the convent. It was sometimes very difficult to be joyful because things were for me, as you say, very vague. Although my sisters were very kind in keeping me updated on the progress, it was the way it was. What did help me to be joyful was to live in the present moment. I couldn't change anything about my situation, and while I desperately wanted to be accepted/move in, I had to wait. Things were completely out of my hands. I found God quite closely in that waiting. Actually, during this time I thought a lot about what it would have been like for the Blessed Mother and for St Joseph to wait for Jesus to be born. That gave me a lot of peace, and it helped me to recognise more clearly the small things in each day as well as the beauty of my life. I found I developed a strong sense of gratitude for life. Because I was focused in the moment, rather than on something in the future, I found I was also able to more fully enjoy time with my family, especially when it came closer to my leaving home.
I hope this is helpful.  

What kind of things are you doing to discern better? I know you mentioned your SD and that you had met Sisters --- are you doing anything else?