The Ebb and Flow

[Kayte Postle]

We all have ups and downs in our faith life, that just comes with living. But how do you discern well during the ebb and flow? Is there ever a perfect time to be discerning? Some backstory for you all is that I have been discerning off and on for about four years (since my conversion). I have graduated college, I'm employed full time, and have grown and matured in my faith a lot. I feel ready to begin visiting communities and really giving religious life a chance. But I will stumble and fall, have a down turn in my faith and feel like I need to be in a better place to ever fully discern. Part of me thinks that I'm using this as an avoidance mechanism, because let's face it discernment is scary, joyful but scary. I also have some medical issues that feel like I'm using as an excuse to put things off. Despite the highs and lows in my faith life the idea of religious life never goes away. It's always there, that draw is always pulling on me. And now I'm just rambling...

So do you have any advice for an indecisive rambler?

[Luigi]

No, there's no good time and no bad time. You'll have the same ebb and flow in religious life. Just as we all have them in secular life, too. 

Set yourself a timeline of tasks. For example, by the end of January - two formal letters of inquiry to two institutes. By the end of February, a complete inventory of medical issues (including medications, suggested treatments, the extent they might affect your religious life, whatever else). By the end of March, have found a nd met with a Spiritual Director. 

You know the details better than I do, but you see what I mean. 

Might help - YNK. 

[salveregina10]

Great post Kayte, I've been there! It sounds like you know who and where you are in your journey.  That will take a lot of the surprises out of any formal discernment process.  Good news! I agree with Luigi that making a plan will help you, also seeking wisdom from a spiritual director or confessor will be of assistance.  When I was discerning, it was encouraging to know that no commitment to Religious life is made overnight - visits, talks, correspondence, interviews, live-ins, etc., it is all a time of exploration and relationship-building.  No risk you take in discernment will be wasted either. 

My "advice" to you is not to be afraid. You are choosing among good things and desiring to give your life to God in whatever vocation He has for you, that's a gift. Don't let your medical issues frighten you either, there are communities out there who accept candidates with medical issues. One in our wider Benedictine order is - http://www.benedictinesjc.org 

Feel free to message me if I can be of help to you in any way, know you're in my prayers.

[MarysLittleFlower]

I think St Ignatius said to only make decisions during times of consolation not desolation. But it doesn't mean during those other times you can't discern we can just stick to the decision we made previously (to discern) and not change it, but continue to do what we are doing. During the drier times we can write letters to communities, visit, etc. God can still work in those times and does and if you visit the right community He can still help you understand. Its important during those more difficult times to just stick to decisions we already made, though we may not feel the same way about them, and the decision you made is to discern so you can keep doing that just my understanding! I could be wrong... But I certainly spent a lot of time in unactivity due to this and now i see i could do more. God bless!

Edited January 19, 2016 by MarysLittleFlower

[Kayte Postle]

Thank you everyone for your great advice, it is very helpful! I love the idea of setting a time line for myself, as a way to both keep myself moving forward in faith, and keeping from going too fast or getting too overwhelmed. Thank you Luigi for the suggestion.

Sister, thank you for the encouragement! I've spent the last year specifically focusing on depth of self knowledge, and healing. Both are things needed for any vocation, and I'm glad that comes across. I love your advice, ironically my desktop background is a quote from Pope Francis, "Ask what Jesus wants of you and be Brave".

Maryslittleflower, wonderful advice! That is something I have struggled with, sticking with the decision to discern. It seems anytime I hit a bump in the road of faith, I stop discerning. Ups and downs will never stop, and I think I need to learn to not let the bumps stop me.

Again thank you all for your advice, its so helpful! I've contacted a priest about sd, and decided to contact at least one community when I have completed my Consecration on Feb 11th. If anyone else has any advice, or anything to add I'd love to hear it. =)

Edited January 20, 2016 by Kayte Postle
I can't spell

[emma8201986]

When the thought of religious life first came into my daughter's head, she banished it but it would just not stay banished.  She ran as far and as fast away from it as she could but, in the end, she just couldn't outrun the persistent pull.  I confess, I was not in favor of her becoming a sister and that seemed to validate her refusal to take any steps in discerning.  She once described it to me like a tractor beam from the old Star trek series.  Once you were called, there was just no way to avoid it.  It took several years for her to do anything about it.  I think she was hoping that if she pretended to be doing something but really wasn't, that was good enough.  Finally she wrote to some communities then visited a few and eventually decided on the community she joined.  I guess my point is that everyone will have a different journey.

[MarysLittleFlower]

I don't know if I'm called for sure but I've felt it for 6 to 7 years already now and whenever I moved away from it due to fear etc, God always seems to draw me back to it. I think I agree, that it somehow always stays. 

[Kayte Postle]

I think that our vocation in life is something so essential to our personhood that we can't escape it. It dwells on the heart no matter what we do. I think thats why we can't seem to "escape" it, it is who we were made to be. 

[Kayte Postle]

Instead of starting a whole new thread, I figured this relates enough to the original subject that I can ask it here. Lately there have been times where I have found myself drawn to deeper prayer, and a desire for the cloister. How do I know the difference between wanting more solitude and prayer in my life, and being called to the cloister? I guess I am really struggling with even the thought that I might be called to the cloister. I have a list about a mile long as to why I *can't* be a cloistered nun, but God doesn't call the qualified, he qualifies the the called.....

[veritasluxmea]

You could just visit one for a retreat and see if you like it, no pressure. Doesn't even have to be a vocations retreat, just a day visit can be great too! Often the sisters will pick you up and drop you off at the airport if you're flying so contact a monastery that you like and see

http://desertnuns.com/vocation-information/discernment-retreats

[Spem in alium]

What I try to remind myself of is that God is always inviting us, very gently but very persistently. We are never forced by Him to do anything, but at the same time, if we let Him, He will guide our heart. Today's (Saturday's) gospel also corresponds to this theme. The disciples take Jesus into the boat, "just as he is", the gale blows up seemingly without warning, and where is Jesus? He's fast asleep! Isn't this itself a picture of the ebb and flow of discernment? We journey with Jesus for a while, and it feels like all is going well, but then something happens or our feelings change or alter and we wonder where Jesus has gone -- when, as in today's reading, he's actually always with us, even if he is resting. He was human, so he needed to rest too  I personally find great comfort in remembering that. 

Regarding your desires and wondering where you're called, I had a similar feeling when I was visiting communities. I would be attracted to several, or I would think, yes, I like this place, but is it actually God inspiring or speaking to my heart about my call or just a recognition of something I need or want for myself? I was eventually given very good advice by a sister who is now my superior - when you visit a place, try and notice the place itself and how it makes you feel, because while we are called to be with other people, place is a big part of the call. In the end, sisters will move on, pass away, etc., but the place - and Jesus - remains. You will only reach this understanding by visiting. The fact that you have a list of why you *can't* do it is indicative to me that there is a desire rising in your heart. What it is for is up for you to realise. Follow it and see where it leads you