Feeling Torn!

[Pax_et bonum]

Just wanting to say, I feel you. I visited a wonderful community with a beautiful apostolate, but I'm not sure if that's where God is calling me. Their apostolate is something I'm really drawn to, but I'm not sure if I match them well enough spiritually. For me I think finally getting my degree will be important as I figure out if I really want to do special education and how that might fit a community's apostolate.

There's not going to be a perfect community. Like in marriage, we have to be able to compromise on some things, and I think that is important to keep in mind in discernment.

[BigJon16]

I grew up with a group of Parish Visitors in my home parish, so they hold a special place in my heart. Whenever I meet a new PV, I feel like I've known them my whole life, simply because of the impact their sisters have had on me when I was a young boy.

 

 Providence leads us, even amongst our fears and confusion. Prayers for you!

[TheresaThoma]

6 hours ago, be_thou_my_vision said:

I haven't read this whole thread or anything, but I wanted to share a question I asked myself when I was discerning:

Do I see myself growing old here?

Maybe it's not a perfect question, but I guess for me it gave a bit of clarity and led me to discern with the community with whom I spent 5 years.

This is a really good question for reflection. There were/are many communities whom I like their apostolate and/or see a real need for it in the Church but they are definitely not where I am called. It was helpful to remind myself that one day I most likely would not be part of the active apostolate and as a result I asked if I would be happy in that community if I was no longer part of the apostolate.

Another version of this question is am I able to recharge and personally grow in this community. The apostolate may be wonderful but if you are not able to recharge then you will burn out very very quickly. I experienced a tiny bit of this when I was working and living at a maternity home. I was so focused on what I would be doina there I never stopped to ask myself if my needs would be met. I was in love with the work but I quickly found out that the schedule and overall environment did not give me the opportunity to recharge. I ended up burning out, you can't give what you don't have. 

Definitely go visit. Visits can provide much clarity. I was "on the fence" with a couple of communities but a visit or even a phone call made it clear that I was not called there.

[Julie]

Thanks everyone. 

I'm going to talk with the vocation director for the PVIVM next weekend (because I'll be at the walk for life this weekend!) and hopefully schedule a visit. That, combined with my visit to the DSMME in a few weeks, should give me some clarity. 

In the meantime, I've been watching some videos for both communities. It's not as good as being with them, obviously, but I feel like I get a more complete impression than just reading what they write. Do you think that's so?

[Sponsa-Christi]

I'd re-emphasize the advice that you really need to visit and get to know both communities. But as someone who discerned seriously with the Parish Visitors for a while, I'd say definitely at least get to know the PVMIs! As far as I could tell, they're a healthy, stable community with a beautiful spirit. Whenever I would visit them, I was always struck by how much the Sisters genuinely loved each other and the people they ministered to. 

Also...at their Motherhouse at least, they do chant the Office. They don't have study as part of their charism in the same way as the Dominicans do, but some of their Sisters earn Master's degrees in theology or religious education, and I also got the sense that they'd be supportive of personal reading of academic-level theology or philosophy. 

The PVMIs call themselves "contemplative missionaries," meaning that they foster a deep prayer life to nurture their apostolate. They may not have a lot of specifically monastic practices, but when you meet them you can tell right away that they take the "contemplative" part of their vocation very seriously

[Julie]

On January 19, 2016 at 6:13:09 PM, Sponsa-Christi said:

I'd re-emphasize the advice that you really need to visit and get to know both communities. But as someone who discerned seriously with the Parish Visitors for a while, I'd say definitely at least get to know the PVMIs! As far as I could tell, they're a healthy, stable community with a beautiful spirit. Whenever I would visit them, I was always struck by how much the Sisters genuinely loved each other and the people they ministered to. 

Also...at their Motherhouse at least, they do chant the Office. They don't have study as part of their charism in the same way as the Dominicans do, but some of their Sisters earn Master's degrees in theology or religious education, and I also got the sense that they'd be supportive of personal reading of academic-level theology or philosophy. 

The PVMIs call themselves "contemplative missionaries," meaning that they foster a deep prayer life to nurture their apostolate. They may not have a lot of specifically monastic practices, but when you meet them you can tell right away that they take the "contemplative" part of their vocation very seriously

That is really good to know. Thanks for the reminder that my general impressions might not be right. I'm going to chat with one of the PVMI sisters on the phone soon, and I'm very excited!

 

I just got back from the Walk for Life. It was a really beautiful weekend, and it both made things much more clear for me and much more confusing.

First, the clarity: We had a looooong bus ride with a lot of time for prayer, and really convenient access to Adoration all weekend. While my friends and I explored the city after the walk, we had a good time going on a "mini pilgrimage" and popping in to visit as many churches, shrines, and basilicas as we could find. (SanFran has some BEAUTIFUL old churches, and a very exciting shrine with a relic of St. Francis the we found totally by chance this morning, because we noticed a friar walking towards what we had mistakenly assumed was an Anglican Church! ) Plus, there were religious everywhere! Having the chance to pray in such a focused way and to talk to religious really affected me. Obviously, the prayer was focused on the unborn, but this weekend, I was kind of reawakened to God's love for us. It was really a weekend filled with incredible consolation (which has kind of been rare for me lately), and, not just because of that, it just became very clear to me that looking into the religious life very seriously is the right thing for me to do. I don't know, I just finally stopped looking at myself so much, and started looking at Him. (Despite this post, which is kind of thinking about myself too much...but I'm bursting to say something about this weekend, and I don't know how to do it without talking about myself) And then, started looking at other people differently. It's not that I didn't love them before... It's just... Different. And it makes sense. And even with blistered feet and lack of sleep, I feel covered with peace and filled up with joy.

Now for the confusion:During the walk, my schoolmates and I were in charge of guiding/protecting the high school kids at the front of the walk- who just happened to be students of the DSMME, chaperoned by several sisters. It was really cool to sort of hang out with them at the walk. Then, when my friends and I went to an evening Mass at a random parish in SF (to visit a former chaplain of ours and have a dinner and Holy Hour with the Sisters of Life) we were surprised to walk into the church and find the DSMME again! Spending a little time with some of the sisters was great!  

But then... We spent the later part of the night (until nearly 2am) walking around in SanFran.  And we came across a lot of very sad people. We got the chance to get to know a couple of homeless people, and I was reminded that it's not just about material poverty. There are so many who are lonely and spiritually/emotionally poor, who have never known God's love for them. And I don't know, if somehow, God could use me to show people who really wouldn't know Him otherwise that He loves them... That would be really, really cool.

 

[loveletslive]

just wanted to chime in on your comments of wondering if you're being too "shallow" about preferences for habits, singing, ways of praying. i joined a community that has a particularly beautiful habit (it still makes my stomach flutter when i see one of the sisters with her veil and scapular billowing behind her), beautiful chapel, and beautiful way of chanting the office. i expressed to the VD that maybe I was just being attracted to the community on external things and she said it was valid to pay attention to these things because if you think "i'll hate to wear that habit, it's so ugly" when you enter or "this chapel doesn't inspire me to meditate on the beauty of God" then the habit is always going to be ugly and the chapel always dull and the chant always lacking.

so, those things do matter when you're discerning!

[Nunsuch]

In her wonderful autobiography, "My First Seventy Years," the great Sr. Madeleva Wolff said that, when she first saw the habit of the Sisters of the Holy Cross, she thought it was hideous. A year later, she entered, of course--and wore it happily for the rest of her life. If you enter a habited community, I would think the dress should not be not terribly signficant as a determinative factor.... Things like clothing, the fascination with names (as I've said before, most communities don't take religious names anymore, despite what some here may think), seem rather secondary to me as compared to questions of charism, spirituality, and ministry.

[mantellata]

Its also worthwhile to remember that the novitiate in large communities (having been in a large community and a smaller one) does not necessarily reflect the lives of the sisters afterwards.  There are DSMME's who live on mission in groups no bigger than three and the singing / chanting depends on the sisters you are with.  If you end up on mission with sisters who can't sing - the office has to become less adorned.  So I would advise against basing your decision on how well or not well the office is sung is maybe not where you want to put your discernment energy. Its the same principal holds true for the Nashville Dominicans - the mission experience is different from the motherhouse experience in regards to the office.  The DSSME are (from my knowledge) one of the few active communities that pray the Office of readings... which I agree is a huge plus if you are into the Office. Visiting is key.  Do you feel "at home" with a group of Sisters?  Do you feel their way of life will help you to simultaneously get closer to God (the vows) while serving others (if your call is the active life)?  Also.... just food for thought.. while teaching you still end up meeting A TON of fallen away Catholics.  The parents of your future students will need all of your love and invitation to a more dynamic lived faith. Know that you have my prayers!

Edited January 30, 2016 by mantellata