Head Shaving

[katherineH]

Hello friends,

Asking for a friend, do the School Sisters of Christ the King have shaved heads under their veils?

Thanks!

[Sister Marie]

Hi Katherine!  I would advise your friend to ask the sisters.  That is a pretty personal question that would probably best be answered between a woman in discernment with the sisters and the directress of vocations/formation.

As an aside... Those sisters are great!

[katherineH]

2 hours ago, Sister Marie said:

Hi Katherine!  I would advise your friend to ask the sisters.  That is a pretty personal question that would probably best be answered between a woman in discernment with the sisters and the directress of vocations/formation.

As an aside... Those sisters are great!

Thank you  At what point in a conversation would it be appropriate to ask? I imagine that it might be perceived as intrusive if a person has just begun discernment with them. 

[Sister Marie]

I think it comes down to the reason for asking.  I would assume that the reason would be because one is seriously considering entering.  I can't see a reason to ask before that point except out of curiosity.  I don't think curiosity is a good reason to ask such a personal question.  It is a good reason to ask other things like spirituality, charism, ministry, etc.

In the end, if one is called to a community one will have to accept both known and unknown parts of the life. 

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

I agree with the comments above--this seems like a personal question to ask purely out of curiosity. And, if a candidate is seriously discerning the Community, she may not even need to ask if she is allowed to do a live-in. She might find out the answer simply by living with the Community for a week or two.

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

37 minutes ago, IgnatiusofLoyola said:

I agree with the comments above--this seems like a personal question to ask purely out of curiosity. And, if a candidate is seriously discerning the Community, she may not even need to ask if she is allowed to do a live-in. She might find out the answer simply by living with the Community for a week or two.

BTW--In this comment, I didn't mean that a live-in candidate would see the Sisters without head coverings. As with almost everything else on VS, I'm sure Communities differ on whether they would, as a matter of course, share this information with an aspirant doing a live-in. I suspect that some Communities might be casual and open about the subject, and others more private. An aspirant doing a live-in would get a much better feeling as to whether this could be a question that she would feel comfortable asking. However, I do think that ideally a Community should be willing to share this information with a candidate who has been accepted as a Postulant. 

[Sponsa-Christi]

I understand how this might be too much of a personal question to be discussed here, but recalling my own time discerning, sometimes these kinds of minor, personal unknowns can be one of the most stressful parts of discernment. I can imagine how someone might be more open to taking the next step in their discernment if they have time to get used to the idea of something like shaving their head, etc. at their own pace, before they've made any kind of formal commitment to the community.  

(Of course, being a consecrated virgin, I'm used to people asking if one has to be a literal virgin to be a CV, so maybe my own scale of "too personal to discuss" is a bit off!  )

[nikita92]

 We have talked on here about many topics concerning different communities and what they do or do not do. Some communities we know of, that cut hair one's hair ie- Poor Clares at their ceremony is public information. So why is asking THIS particular question being judged on the reason behind it being asked???  Curiosity is not a bad thing. It is not disparaging to this particular community, so I feel from my perspective this question should be acceptable to ask and answered, if anyone has that info. Just my opinion!

[Sister Marie]

I didn't say that curiosity was bad.  I said it wasn't a good reason for this particular question to be asked.

If something happens at a public ceremony, such as the cutting of hair, then it is already public knowledge.  I wear a modified habit which shows the front of my short hair.  When my students ask if all sisters have to cut their hair, they are asking about something that is already public-they can see part of my hair already.  Sponsa, as indelicate as the virginity question can be, your consecration was a public act so that makes sense to me too (just as often Sisters get indelicate questions about chastity-which we publicly profess).  This community doesn't show any hair and doesn't seem to have posted whether or not they shave their heads so it seems like a more personal, private matter to me which should be discussed between the community and the individual discerning.  

If I had my head shaved and covered I don't think I would appreciate having it posted all over a public forum.  I also wouldn't want it to be something people knew about me in my professional environment... These sisters do a professional ministry.  

I don't think it was judgmental to suggest this is a private question.  I'm certainly no authority so you can take or leave my response but I do feel it is right to respect the privacy communities have a natural right to keep.  Discernment is much about developing a relationship with a community.  When you develop a relationship with another person you both reveal more and more as time goes on and the relationship gets deeper and I think the same is true here.  The only people who need to know this information are the sisters and those in discernment with them.

[beatitude]

I agree with Sister Marie. The abbess of one Poor Clare monastery told me that when she is asked by children if she has hair under her veil, she laughs and replies, "Feathers," partly to amuse them and partly for the sake of her own privacy - it's not a topic that she would normally discuss. Thinking about it, many women I know would be the same if someone waltzed up to them and went, "Do you shave under your armpits? How about your legs and bikini line?" Head hair might not seem so private, but once it's under a complete veil, it becomes private for that sister. Even if they don't cut their hair at all (I know a couple of communities where it's optional - you're only required to cover it and the sisters themselves decide the length that's easiest for them to manage) they might not want people asking about it, because one reason for a veil is to avoid focusing too much on worldly appearances. Fielding questions on hairstyles does defeat the point. It's different if you're on the brink of entering, as then you need practical info.

[Sponsa-Christi]

I'm actually not trying to disagree that what a particular community does with regards to hair or personal hygiene might be too personal to discuss really openly. I can appreciate where Sisters might not want to have this information posted publicly on the internet. I was just trying to point out that what might look like idle curiosity on the part of a discerner might actually have a deeper, more worth-while intention (i.e., mental readiness to take the next step) behind it. 

[Sister Marie]

Dear Sponsa, I didn't take your post that way.  I'm sorry.  I was just pointing out when a really personal question might be asked and be more appropriate (depending on how the person asks of course!).  You are definitely right about needing to have some conversation about certain things before entering.  

[nikita92]

With all due R-E-S-P-E-C-T asking a particular sister/nun within this community "if they shaved their head", would be personal. Asking "what they wear underneath their habits would be a private invasive question as well. A general question regarding the community as a whole - in my opinion, is not. Hair, veils & sisters//nuns has been a topic of curiosity (whether it's a gee wiz used for one's own useless information data bank storage or info gathering decision making reason for asking) with people forever. Asking it as a whole, I don't feel is overstepping privacy boundaries. And... I wouldn't want the community to judge me for even inquiring about it in the first place. Even if it is a minute (small) part to consider while discerning, it does factor in as a whole. 

 

Just because a community doesn't publish this certain hair aspect on their website, doesn't necessarily mean it is a off limits topic or they would feel their privacy was breached if it was mentioned else where. Even though Mother Angelica's community has published their investure ceremonies photos online (showing cutting of the hair) their heads are fully covered... Would it be to personal and or invasive to want to know if they continue to keep hair short from that point on, or do they allow to grow it out??  No passages state in the bible for women to have shorn hair in the first place.   I feel and submit Sister Marie, that you are projecting your personal feelings, perhapes because you are in a enclosed community for the reason you have labeled this question as personal! 

As far a judgmental- "I don't think it was judgmental to " Suggest" this was a private question", you had already deemed this question as personal! " I don't think curiosity is a good reason to ask such a personal question" - "This is a pretty personal question"! Yet with all due respect, I submit, that yes it could be viewed as you judging it. 

So I stand by my original reply. Plus you never know.. It may help another discerner in reading it.. If she might be to shy etc in asking for herself. Who knows?! Thank you. 

 

 

[NadaTeTurbe]

I don't think Sister Marie is part of an enclosed community, she's a teacher in an active community... 

 

(sorry if I'm wrong, sister !) 

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

I don't think Sister Marie is out of line at all. As we say so often on VS, every Community is different. Some Communities might be very open about talking about how long they wear their hair and others are probably very private. A discerner would need to try to figure out the best time to ask a specific Community this question.

Also, the initial question was asked about the practices of a specific Community. Since I don't know anything at all about this Community, I have no idea how they'd feel about having their practices regarding hair discussed on a public Internet page. If I knew the answer for this Community, I would have PM'd the OP.

I don't think there is anything wrong with the question, but I think there is an issue of determining, for this specific Community, the best time to ask the question.