MarysLittleFlower Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 Some really good advice here! I have the same worry.. talking to my parents. I think it might be a good idea to write a letter. I don't know your parents and of course you'd know better how to word it, but I think something like this might sound not as stressful: I tried religious life before but the community wasn't a really good fit for me. But I still feel drawn to it and I just want to discern God's will for me. It's really hard to discern without visiting a community and doing a live-in with them. I'm seeking God's will and I found a community that seems much healthier and doesn't have the problems the other one did. I know it was difficult before when I entered and I really don't want to hurt you, but if ultimately this is the path for me, I believe that is where I would be most happy. I still feel drawn to religious life and I want to figure out why. I'd just like to give it a try and visit in order to discern. I'd like for you to be a part of my discernment and guide me in any way or pray for me, and I want to be honest with you as I'm going through this journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMariaPurissima Posted January 8, 2016 Author Share Posted January 8, 2016 Thank you, everyone, for the advice and the prayers!!! Lots of great things were said - thanks to each one of you! I think I like the letter idea...it's true, as a general rule I'm more comfortable writing than talking. Plus it would probably help me to respond more calmly and gently when later conversations happen. (one of my other worries about telling them has been that I worry I would get frustrated and lose my patience, which would be very counterproductive, to say the least!) My concern with using the writing approach is that it might send the message that I don't trust them enough/am not comfortable enough with them to tell them face to face. Thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheresaThoma Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Maybe in the letter mention something about giving them some time and space to process what is a pretty big change. Focus more on this gives them time to think it over and then you can have a discussion and have it be more rational and thought out for all of you. This may help them not feel like you are too scared to tell them but that it is something that you feel you can have a better conversation about when it starts with a letter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spem in alium Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 You have my prayers, Ave! Writing a letter sounds like a great idea. Re. the trust issue, I would second TT's advice about being clear that you want to give them time and space to think, and maybe you could also mention that writing things down helps you to express things better and more clearly. Discernment is a subject that can really leave us tongue-tied! Being clear about your preference for writing over telling them in person should allay any fear or suspicion they may have that you don't trust them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swami Mommy Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 Ave, if you DO decide to write a letter and you are so inclined, please comsider sharing it with this group if you'd like any further refinement/editing suggestions or comments. Many here might find it useful to have your letter as a general guide when it comes time for them to craft their own discernment letters to their parents. Or, perhaps discerners on this forum could compose and post similar sample letters which could then be morphed together for general use, incorporating all the ideas already posted. That might be fun to do and would provide a concrete way for those discerning to obtain additional clarity in their discernment introspection. Sometimes committing dreams and longings to paper in a compelling way can be a very empowering thing to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loveletslive Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 ugh i feel you girl. my mom still gets upset when she thinks about me being in the convent or if I talk about it. you are brave to enter a community again! saying a prayer for you right now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMariaPurissima Posted January 19, 2016 Author Share Posted January 19, 2016 I'm most of the way through drafting the letter. I may consider sharing it here when I'm done. I'm going to be talking to the VD on the phone tomorrow, so hopefully we can talk about some of this too. In the letter I'd like to touch on why I think this community is healthier than my old one. I'm not sure what else to say besides chalking it up to intuition.... and a couple priests I know and trust who think so. But as for specific comparisons/contrasts between the two communities... the only example I can think of at the moment (though I'm sure there are more) is that this community seems less unhealthily perfectionistic. I don't think my parents really know a lot of details about what made my old community an unhealthy environment* -- they could just see that I got hurt. Now to figure out when and where to give them the letter. It's so hard to pick the right time.... *By the way, I'm not trying to make it sound like my old community was totally awful or that my experience there was completely miserable. There were good things and many beautiful moments, and I truly believe that my time there was part of God's plan. But there definitely were serious issues present as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kateri89 Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 Whether you decide to post the letter or not, please tell us how it goes. I don't know how I'll eventually tell my parents, but I think I'll wait until I'm fairly sure of the community before I mention it. It's not as if I haven't told them before, but that was several years ago and it did not go well at all. It came up a few times after the initial conversation and it usually involved tears and bad feelings so I'm not looking forward to it again. Although recently I told one of my oldest and closest friends which was a huge deal because I've never really talked about it to anyone aside from immediate family and my old spiritual director. It's a tough conversation for sure so I wish you all the best and you're in my prayers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swami Mommy Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Check out this lovely article written by a father whose daughter wanted to enter the cloister. http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thefont/2014/10/sure-we-need-nuns-but-not-my-daughter/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMariaPurissima Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 33 minutes ago, Swami Mommy said: Check out this lovely article written by a father whose daughter wanted to enter the cloister. http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thefont/2014/10/sure-we-need-nuns-but-not-my-daughter/ That was beautiful -- thank you for sharing!! This article is really beautiful too: http://franciscansisterstor.blogspot.com/2015/08/what-is-it-like-to-be-mother-of-sister.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMariaPurissima Posted February 13, 2016 Author Share Posted February 13, 2016 I know I need to do something soon, especially because the live-in the Sisters and I have planned is only about three weeks away now! () So last night I was thinking that this coming Monday might be a good time to present the letter. My dad has the day off because of President's Day, though I still have school and work. So maybe if I leave the letter somewhere where they'll see it before I leave for class in the morning....then they would see and read it during the day while I'm not home, then we can perhaps discuss it more when I get back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMariaPurissima Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 Aaaggghhh! I'm freaking out again and on the verge of putting this off yet again. I'm sick of not being able to overcome my fear/reluctance to tell them! I guess I probably have to "just do it." I'm beginning to think that there's no perfect time to tell them, no perfect way to do it, so I probably have to just do it and deal with the results. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheresaThoma Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Giving them some time to read and process the letter before you return is a good idea. I will be praying for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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