Does your faith ever make you feel alone and/or crazy?

[Not A Real Name]

I used to feel this way, but now it is society which seems crazy to me.  

 

[Luigi]

Church-going Christians used to be a majority in this country. So we tended to feel mainstream, in the right, supported at least passively by our society and nearly everybody in it. 

Church-going Christians might still be a majority - I don't really know - but the media (movies,television shows, even television commercials) and plenty of people I know personally often make me feel like there are very few church-going folk left. 

Which means that I'm having the same experience as the-only-Black-employee in the division,or the first few thousand Vietnamese who immigrated after the war, or the-only-Hispanic-kid in his new neighborhood. And I suppose others who've posted here are, too. 

Which means that we have to become more intentional in our beliefs, more aware of what we believe and why we believe it, more committed to living those beliefs in the face of at least passive non-support and sometimes opposition. But that's the way most minorities have been living for a long time. It's just new for us.  

[Ice_nine]

On 1/4/2016, 1:00:13, Basilisa Marie said:

When we go to confession, we know for certain that our sins are forgiven and we can try again to live in a right relationship with God and one another. It's such a real blessing to be able to rest our religion on these things, and not be left to go where ever we feel like our sanity is taking us. 

Unless of course, you do it the wrong way. Then you're committing sacrilege and going to hell. Maybe you're not specific enough about those embarrassing sexual indiscretions or you hid something one time but then you confessed it another time but you didn't re-confess all those sins that went along with the one you hid, and so sorry you're still probably going to hell. And then when you receive communion you're probably committing sacrilege again.

I don't mean to be snarky. I understand there's issues of scrupulosity tied up in this little crisis of faith I'm having. Probably a mental health component too, but I'm not finding any comfort in the things you're speaking of. Only doubt and uncertainty. I pray (crappily) a quick prayer every night because it's all I can manage, and go to Mass every Sunday, confess my sins every few months even though I feel no relief from doing so . . . out of sheer force of will. I say I believe, but I don't feel it and I'm so riddled with doubt I wonder what my paltry faith is even worth. Is it even faith at all?

On 1/4/2016, 9:14:41, CatherineM said:

If you're doing Christianity right, you're going to look like a Martian in our society. 

But I don't look like a Martian. I probably look like an awkward person, because faith aside I think I'm kind of a weirdo (as most people who hang out on the internet are, so you guys are probably weirdos too). But I don't speak about my faith and all and usually just smile and laugh and try to get along and blend in. Which is probably a sin too right? In addition to all this other croutons I'm also a coward.

 

I really appreciate all the replies. They help, even though I'm coming off as cantankerous and inconsolable, the fact that people are willing to share their advice and/or difficulties is helpful. I just feel like crawling out of my skin all of the time. I don't know how to "unite one's suffering to Christ" when I'm feeling this faithless and irritable.

On 1/4/2016, 12:19:01, Maximilianus said:

The fact that society thinks taking religion seriously makes me feel like a recusant Catholic. It's a constant internal battle trying to balance my convictions and faith with what is expected from me by my peers and even my family.

Well I had to look up the word "recursant" but after doing so I'd have to say I agree.

On 1/4/2016, 7:55:42, Lilllabettt said:

I remember mentioning on here that I faced prejudice at work and school based on religion - and I also remember some phatmass members poo-pooing that and telling me I was imagining it. 

 

I don't think I'm feeling prejudiced against or targeted in any way. Most people I interact with, save family and close friends, know nothing about my personal life let alone my faith. There's hostility against what I believe but I don't think it's intended to be personal. Of course it feels personal, but I've found people to be generally respectful "to your face" and mostly leave the topic alone. Can feel really alienating but I wouldn't call it prejudice.

[Basilisa Marie]

1 hour ago, Ice_nine said:

Unless of course, you do it the wrong way. Then you're committing sacrilege and going to hell. Maybe you're not specific enough about those embarrassing sexual indiscretions or you hid something one time but then you confessed it another time but you didn't re-confess all those sins that went along with the one you hid, and so sorry you're still probably going to hell. And then when you receive communion you're probably committing sacrilege again.

I don't mean to be snarky. I understand there's issues of scrupulosity tied up in this little crisis of faith I'm having. Probably a mental health component too, but I'm not finding any comfort in the things you're speaking of. Only doubt and uncertainty. I pray (crappily) a quick prayer every night because it's all I can manage, and go to Mass every Sunday, confess my sins every few months even though I feel no relief from doing so . . . out of sheer force of will. I say I believe, but I don't feel it and I'm so riddled with doubt I wonder what my paltry faith is even worth. Is it even faith at all?

This is just incredibly toxic thinking, and you're right, it's so scrupulous. As long as your intention is to confess your sins as best as you are able in that moment, with sorrow for all your sins, and the priest says the words of absolution it's a valid confession. You don't EVER have to re-confess a particular instance of a sin. I teach my second graders to end their lists of sins with "And I'm sorry for these and all my sins" or "I'm sorry for all my sins and those I can't remember". If you intentionally withhold a MORTAL sin you have to confess it. 

Yes it's faith. It's faith because faith is a choice, it's not warm feelings of divine rapture. You choose to pray. You choose to go to mass. You choose to go to confession. That is how we live our faith. The fact that you are choosing to keep on keeping on despite not having any warm fuzzies is a great testament to your faith, even if it doesn't feel like it. Keeping up with prayer and sacraments when, to put it lightly, you don't feel like it gives more glory to God than hours of adoration when we're experiencing spiritual consolation. Not to sound like an old lady or anything.

Hang in there, hon. It's so, so hard. 

 

[Seven77]

1 hour ago, Ice_nine said:

Unless of course, you do it the wrong way. Then you're committing sacrilege and going to hell. Maybe you're not specific enough about those embarrassing sexual indiscretions or you hid something one time but then you confessed it another time but you didn't re-confess all those sins that went along with the one you hid, and so sorry you're still probably going to hell. And then when you receive communion you're probably committing sacrilege again.

I don't mean to be snarky. I understand there's issues of scrupulosity tied up in this little crisis of faith I'm having. Probably a mental health component too, but I'm not finding any comfort in the things you're speaking of. Only doubt and uncertainty. I pray (crappily) a quick prayer every night because it's all I can manage, and go to Mass every Sunday, confess my sins every few months even though I feel no relief from doing so . . . out of sheer force of will. I say I believe, but I don't feel it and I'm so riddled with doubt I wonder what my paltry faith is even worth. Is it even faith at all?

But I don't look like a Martian. I probably look like an awkward person, because faith aside I think I'm kind of a weirdo (as most people who hang out on the internet are, so you guys are probably weirdos too). But I don't speak about my faith and all and usually just smile and laugh and try to get along and blend in. Which is probably a sin too right? In addition to all this other croutons I'm also a coward.

 

I really appreciate all the replies. They help, even though I'm coming off as cantankerous and inconsolable, the fact that people are willing to share their advice and/or difficulties is helpful. I just feel like crawling out of my skin all of the time. I don't know how to "unite one's suffering to Christ" when I'm feeling this faithless and irritable.

 

Thanks for sharing. You know, what you've posted reminds me of  St. Therese… she went through feeling as though her faith was nothing,  she had difficulties believing and at one time she was even gripped with the feeling that there was nothing after this life––and yet, she believed, through sheer power of will as  you put it. Of course, it was God's grace that enabled her to be sustained, and she recognized this. St. Therese felt nothing and still believed––and this is actually faith at its strongest. Soon to be St., Mother  Teresa went  through something similar.

When St. Therese felt the pain of tuberculosis and “suffered poorly,"  she would go on to offer the suffering poorly to Jesus-- when feeling like you have nothing to offer, offer that nothingness to Christ;  nothing is wasted. We can offer our irritability and even the pain of the sins that we lament of. The key is being patient and trusting in the mercy of God--- and when we do this poorly we can offer that up too.

I've come to understand these things from my own personal experience. And I also go through some of the things you described. Sometimes I feel as though I don't belong anywhere, that I'm in this all by myself. I have few friends and have a kind of melancholic social anxiety.  Anyway, I do my best to offer everything, especially my failures to Jesus through Mary.

[Ice_nine]

36 minutes ago, Basilisa Marie said:

This is just incredibly toxic thinking

 

Story of my life lol

[Ash Wednesday]

Prior to moving to post-Christian England, no.

A little moreso now, though a lot of people around me that have no faith at all have their own dysfunctions and madness I know I wouldn't be better off in their camp.

That said, I think I already felt pretty alone and crazy without even throwing the faith question into it.

Life has really put me through the blender in the past year, though the silver lining it has taught me a great deal about reliance on God, sanctity and suffering. My faith is the only thing bringing me much of any solace in life right now.

[Basilisa Marie]

12 hours ago, Ice_nine said:

Story of my life lol

Love you Buddy.

[Papist]

Actually no. I do not feel alone. Never thought about it, but I guess it might be b/c I have the Church and its Truth behind be. Believing that it does matter what society dictates. And I do not give a rat's flatulence what people think. If they choose to believe I am some religious nut-ball, then so be it.

Edited January 6, 2016 by Papist
:o\o\

[Not A Real Name]

Cheese balls.

[LittleWaySoul]

On 1/3/2016, 11:50:43, Ice_nine said:

Just a question for the room. Sometimes I feel like my faith is hanging by a thread and the stuff I believe about God and the church is crazy and/or I'm crazy and not sure I really believe anymore. I want to believe, does that mean I believe. This dialogue tends to circle in my head every night and it's becoming a mental load. It's hard to to find an outlet to vent all my fears and confusion. Yes, phatmass is nice, but it's only personal to a limit, and it's not really a blog so I don't typically like to come in here and just blather on about my thoughts and circumstances. It makes me feel a little whiny and petty and desperate for validation of some kind. I don't like it but sometimes I cave and do it anyway.

But it's hard. I feel like I need to work with, trust, love, and depend upon people who hold radically different values, especially being a young person. I can't be honest about what I believe because people will think that I'm an anachronistic werido God-freak, and it's hard enough for me, a socially-anxious depressive, to sometimes just manage to live and work and survive let alone "be the light of the earth" and all that.

tl;dr: does that fact that society thinks that taking religion seriously is crazy, ever make you feel actually crazy?

I've been feeling a lot of this, too, lately, especially the parts I bolded. It occurred to me this summer that whenever I'm presented with an opportunity to evangelize to my friends, I'm almost always depressed or struggling with my faith or just plain tired of it all. And that's because I feel that way a majority of the time. I want to be honest with them about my faith and about who I am, but I'm afraid it will only dissuade them from Catholicism. You put it perfectly: "it's hard enough for me...to sometimes just manage to...survive, let alone 'be the light of the earth' and all that." How can I be a witness to others when I'm wrestling with all of this stuff just as much as (if not more than) they are?

I don't have any answers for you, really, except that you're not alone. I simply cling to is the knowledge that I'm better as a Catholic. Whenever I try to run away, I become someone I don't like. My most frequent solace is found in the Sacraments. It almost never lasts beyond the time of the mass/confession itself, but it's there more often than it is in my day-to-day life. It's small, but it's peace. Heaven knows I need that, even though sometimes I have to drag myself to the place where it's found. Weird how that works, isn't it?

Anyway, I'm rambling. The point is, you're not alone and God loves you in the midst of it all. Your post actually helped reassure me of that for myself, so thank you for that. It's just tough sometimes. Hang in there, friend. 

[Credo in Deum]

There was a time when I had a serious crises of faith. I was big into apparitions and miracles, always looking to them to supply the fuel for my belief, until one day it all just fell apart. Nothing mattered to me and I continued like this for some time. 

Then one day I went to church and looked at the crucifix and laughed at it. I'm not kidding either, I laughed out loud.  I told Jesus he looked rediculous hanging there and that the idea that a jewish carpenter, was (is) God, and died for me, was the most out of this world belief I have ever heard of. I felt so much anger, anger at the idea of God and anger at Jesus. After my rant in church I sat there in silence for a while. I felt like I zoned out until I heard, what I can only describe as a quiet interior call, inviting me to trust in Him. Not as I had "trusted" in the appartitions which I used to cover my doubt and unbelief, but a trust in Jesus soley because He is worthy of being trusted. Even if there is no heaven, no rewards on earth, no prayer requests answered, He, is worthy of being trusted.  So I knelt down and told Him I will trust in Him and that I don't care what He does with me, my life, or my wants.  I just gave Him my heart and asked Him to lead me wherever He wants me to go, and that is what He has been doing despite my stiffed-neck nature. 

Now is every thing snowflake kisses and chocolate bunnies? No! There is still disagrements and moments of anger, but this no longer shocks me.  I dont beat myself up over it, because I'm in a relationship with a Personal God. He is going to do things different than me and that is in itself proof He is personal since if God did evertyhing I agreed with, and disagreed with everything I disagreed with, then I wouldn't be having a relationship with a Personal God, but with myself.

Christ is the light of the World.  If we want to be the light of the earth, we need to let Him live in us.  Sometimes letting Him live in us is as simple as giving Him our simple lives of working and surviving.   Christ was hidden in obscurity from 12-30 yrs, where he lived a simple life of work and survival, and I believe He did this to show us that souls who live in quiet obscurity, working and survivng, immitate Him and are special to Him. 

 

[Ice_nine]

I'm just so beaver dam tired. When I can occupy myself and focus on tasks outside of myself, I can do OK. When I turn inward, which is all to often, things get particularly nasty. I get in a spot where it's hard to reach. Even though there are people who love me it's like I don't feel worthy of it and I feel even more like a jackass because it all feels really self-imposed. So I feel guilty and utterly alone. Great combo.

I'm genuinely touched by y'all sharing you advice and your own struggles around this. I know lots of you have prayed for me. Sometimes I feel a little lift after I post a prayer request (the cynic in me says it's coincidence, but just maybe . . .), and I just appreciate that you guys will listen to me vent and commiserate with me/offer a helpful response. Just wish I could do the whole mutual self-disclosure thing in flesh and bone and not just over the internet! It's still nice to have something. So thanks

[HisChildForever]

Ice, I would suggest daily Scripture reading, and to also read through some writings of the saints. Something to keep you spiritually anchored each day, that you can look forward to in the midst of a busy work day. I also suggest listening to Catholic radio for a pick me up (Relevant Radio). And of course continue to post here, and if you're on any social media check out Catholic groups you can join for discussion.

[MarysLittleFlower]

On 1/5/2016 10:07:32, Basilisa Marie said:

This is just incredibly toxic thinking, and you're right, it's so scrupulous. As long as your intention is to confess your sins as best as you are able in that moment, with sorrow for all your sins, and the priest says the words of absolution it's a valid confession. You don't EVER have to re-confess a particular instance of a sin. I teach my second graders to end their lists of sins with "And I'm sorry for these and all my sins" or "I'm sorry for all my sins and those I can't remember". If you intentionally withhold a MORTAL sin you have to confess it. 

Yes it's faith. It's faith because faith is a choice, it's not warm feelings of divine rapture. You choose to pray. You choose to go to mass. You choose to go to confession. That is how we live our faith. The fact that you are choosing to keep on keeping on despite not having any warm fuzzies is a great testament to your faith, even if it doesn't feel like it. Keeping up with prayer and sacraments when, to put it lightly, you don't feel like it gives more glory to God than hours of adoration when we're experiencing spiritual consolation. Not to sound like an old lady or anything.

Hang in there, hon. It's so, so hard. 

 

Totally agree that faith is a choice... I was taught that if we forget a mortal sin we should say it in a later Confession... But of course its forgiven if we just forgot. I forget things all the time and if I remember later then I just mention them. 

17 hours ago, Ice_nine said:

I'm just so beaver dam tired. When I can occupy myself and focus on tasks outside of myself, I can do OK. When I turn inward, which is all to often, things get particularly nasty. I get in a spot where it's hard to reach. Even though there are people who love me it's like I don't feel worthy of it and I feel even more like a jackass because it all feels really self-imposed. So I feel guilty and utterly alone. Great combo.

I'm genuinely touched by y'all sharing you advice and your own struggles around this. I know lots of you have prayed for me. Sometimes I feel a little lift after I post a prayer request (the cynic in me says it's coincidence, but just maybe . . .), and I just appreciate that you guys will listen to me vent and commiserate with me/offer a helpful response. Just wish I could do the whole mutual self-disclosure thing in flesh and bone and not just over the internet! It's still nice to have something. So thanks

I struggled very much with feeling unworthy of God's love this year. I've found that it helps me just trying to think of how He loves me and open up to that more. We don't have to earn it, He loved us when we were not even with Him. I find often that's the only thing that helps me keep going.