Does your faith ever make you feel alone and/or crazy?

[Ice_nine]

Just a question for the room. Sometimes I feel like my faith is hanging by a thread and the stuff I believe about God and the church is crazy and/or I'm crazy and not sure I really believe anymore. I want to believe, does that mean I believe. This dialogue tends to circle in my head every night and it's becoming a mental load. It's hard to to find an outlet to vent all my fears and confusion. Yes, phatmass is nice, but it's only personal to a limit, and it's not really a blog so I don't typically like to come in here and just blather on about my thoughts and circumstances. It makes me feel a little whiny and petty and desperate for validation of some kind. I don't like it but sometimes I cave and do it anyway.

But it's hard. I feel like I need to work with, trust, love, and depend upon people who hold radically different values, especially being a young person. I can't be honest about what I believe because people will think that I'm an anachronistic werido God-freak, and it's hard enough for me, a socially-anxious depressive, to sometimes just manage to live and work and survive let alone "be the light of the earth" and all that.

tl;dr: does that fact that society thinks that taking religion seriously is crazy, ever make you feel actually crazy?

[Nihil Obstat]

Short answer: Yes.

Better answer: [22] And Jesus saith to him: If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth. [23] And immediately the father of the boy crying out, with tears said: I do believe, Lord: help my unbelief.

[Maximilianus]

The fact that society thinks taking religion seriously makes me feel like a recusant Catholic. It's a constant internal battle trying to balance my convictions and faith with what is expected from me by my peers and even my family. Can't say I have ever felt crazy,  self conscious maybe, sometimes I have to conquer something that is hard to accept, especially when accepting that very thing will undoubtedly mark me as crazy to everyone around me. I suppose if believing makes me crazy, maybe it's not such a bad thing. All the "sane" people already quit Christmas, I still have a bunch of days left. 

Happy Christmas Ice.

 

 

[vee]

prayers for you

Edited January 4, 2016 by vee

[veritasluxmea]

As for the cycle at night- maybe just try to stop paying attention to it. It's not worth it. As soon as I recognize that pattern happening, usually I pray something like, "allow me to praise you, oh holy virgin- give me strength against your enemies." That particular phrase works for me because it was written by my patron saint and has a lot of meaning for me. Might sound stupid to you, maybe try something else, but I'd still request the strength against the desolation. And forget about it. Listening to a podcast while lying in the dark before sleep is great  (try welcome to night vale). 

Idk if that helps. It takes a lot of practice and some self-awareness, but if I can do it it works for me. There's a lot I do during the day to combat that too. I'll say a prayer for you too

[MarysLittleFlower]

I know what you mean.... I'm also socially anxious often and melancholic and it makes me really aware that my life and views are different. One time I really struggled caused I realized how 'crazy' my vocational discernment would be to society - whenever I'd be on the bus or at work I'd feel it very much. At times I felt crazy though I didn't rationally believe it or lose my conviction. Faith is in the will! Not feelings. Something to really remember all the time. One thing that's helped me tons is mental prayer. I just spent a while this evening reading and meditating on Ven Louis of Granada's writings and wow! Its like it opened my eyes to what I knew but got too accustomed to. God made our souls immortal, out of nothing, with a greater capacity of happiness than any other earthly creature! And such a capacity of happiness that only God could make us truly happy. That we would be made for no one less than God! And He knew we would offend Him and still gave us all these gifts, made us in His image, DIED for us. How can we be so little grateful to God? Try to meditate on what is beautiful, on God's attributes, that can help to just forger the struggles and during that time of rest with God, He can heal the mind. If we dwell on our struggles it makes it harder. We were made for God, for eternal happiness. If people think that's "crazy" and insist we need to live like beasts, subject to our passions instead of the intellect and will, - is their way of seeing life somehow superior to Christianity? It is something so flat, temporal. The reality is much much greater than they think. If people think you're crazy, have patience with them and pity, as we are all in this condition, that we would be so insensible to such a beautiful reality. But this blindness is such a sad pitiable thing, and the more we meditate on the truth the more we might see that clearly, and the pressure to be like the world might be felt less. I don't know if this is helpful but just some thoughts. God bless

It also helps me to just try to be little before God. Because we are little, that's just the truth, and we need Him. We can come and say to Him, "I have nothing, I need faith, courage, strength to overcome human respect, etc, and I just can't get there without Your help". Ask the Holy Spirit for fortitude. we need that to persevere. 

Try to rely on Him to get through this and pray for hope and fortitude, which help against discouragement and the type of feeling you describe. Its important to fight these things so they don't grow and become less manageable, like a weed that takes over the garden. 

[A Yearning Heart]

Sometimes I keenly feel the differences between what I believe and most of the people around me.  It can feel pretty isolating that people just don't get what we believe and why, or if your circustamces are a little different, etc.

I think St Teresa of Avila wrote about it being very important for Catholics who wanted to stay faithful (and grow in their prayer life) to come together regularly with other like-minded people to discuss their faith, listen to each other's journey's, and support each other with advice and prayer. Of course, we are communal beings so we do best when we get a chance to share what we really think and to grow in those relationships. It also helps that they can say, 'hey, I've had that too! You're not crazy!' So your desire to share your thoughts is normal! Maybe have a look around your local area for some possible study or prayer groups to explore, or ring a friend who you know get's the real you. Sometimes that's not possible so maybe spend time with Jesus in Gethsemene: the lonliest time for Him.

I agree with the above about finding something to occupy your mind at night. If that's your time of struggle, and you know it tends to cycle over one topic without resolution, definately find some routine that you can put in place then that you know will strengthen and build you up: reading, exercise, prayer, Adoration, study, or a fun hobby etc.

If already stuck in those thoughts, I guess I would really rebuke them: 'I believe, I hope and I trust in You (Jesus)!' Acts of trust and belief when struggling with things can really strenthen us. Then I would deliberately go and do something else.

I'll be praying for you!

[Basilisa Marie]

Yes, often.   I used to lie about what I wanted to do with my career and what I was studying in college (I said I was an English major because somehow that felt less embarrassing and weird than theology) until I got over it. I didn't want to feel more different from the people I had to work and interact with than I had to. 

What you're feeling smells of elderberries, but is totally normal. In my own experience, feelings of faith (and all that goes with it) tends to go in ebbs and flows between good periods and not great periods. 

There's a reason why Christ gave us the sacraments. They're tangible. When we receive communion, we know without a shadow of a doubt that we've encountered God in an intimate way. When we go to confession, we know for certain that our sins are forgiven and we can try again to live in a right relationship with God and one another. It's such a real blessing to be able to rest our religion on these things, and not be left to go where ever we feel like our sanity is taking us. 

You ARE anachronistic, in a way. I really believe we're living in a post-Christian society, and in a lot of ways it's new experience for all Christians in the West. But we aren't anachronistic to the point where we have no relevance or place in society. As lay people our calling is to live out the Gospel in society. Catholicism is full of apparent contradictions and oxymorons, this is just another one of them, being in the world but not of it. It's going to chafe. It's okay. 

What's helped me is finding consistent ways to nourish your spiritual life. Mass and the sacraments and prayer. Spiritual reading. I have a favorite priest friend whose homilies I listen to over the internet. Connecting with other Catholics is so important, even with other serious Christians is so much better than nothing. Anything to help battle the feeling of being weird and alone. 

[MarysLittleFlower]

I've also heard (and noticed) that fighting doubts by dwelling on them just confuses more and increases doubts. At times like that we need grace not more simply human effort. I totally agree with the suggestion to not go over things in your mind in the evening by making an evening prayer routine, and rebuking any thoughts through an act of trust, instead of dwelling on them. Its been said by priests that two types of temptations can't be fought directly - temptations against faith and purity. They must be fought through immediate prayer and changing the topic, though its hard to do that 

This doesn't mean its wrong to reason, but the reasoning is best left for a calmer time when our reason is illumined by faith and grace, rather than fighting a doubt or discouragement. Reasoning overly much on doubts at the wrong time can confuse the mind more. 

[Guest]

Obviously everyone knows I'm crazy and how I feel. I come here and type it all out because I'm an a-hole like that and I tend to shut everyone out in "real life" unless I'm Facebooking periodically. It's easy to come on Phatmass and type away when the internet basically makes you anonymous. Although I've been paranoid Voris will take my post and make videos about me on Church Militant and figure out who I am. Then some radical trads will try to come and burn me at the stake because obviously to them I'm a heretic. I look and find stuff all the time that appears contradictory in Catholicism/Christianity that fuels doubt or frustration. Or feelings of distaste for dogma and religion. It's dumb I give these thoughts any energy and dwell on them because I 100% believe in God. I know He's there. Why I worry about stuff being/appearing contradictory is beyond me. I contradict MYSELF everyday and am a huge hypocrite so it's pointless for me to nitpick at Catholicism/Christianity when I'm the real problem. I've experienced the power and authenticity of Confession, The Eucharist, and Rosary. I know something is happening there and not just in my head. Just like I know when I woke up from my sleep a week before my best friend's brother was killed in a drunk driving accident and said he's gonna die audibly in my sleep/upon immediately waking up. A week later it happened. More experiences than just that one have convinced me reality is not 100% materialistic with no spiritual aspect and Higher Power. Further confirmation of this is with what physicist have learned about the laws of nature and how it's impossible we are here. God's real. Christianity is how He has chosen to reveal Himself. Catholicism is the religion He started. I really feel bad that all I can offer Him a lot of times is a sincere belief from the depths of my heart that He is real and He died for my sins. And a prayer each morning and a request to have my sins forgiven. I know betting my Soul on the Scripture that says we are saved by grace through faith and not by works is risky. That's why I attempt to be Catholic and utilize the Sacraments. I s u c k at it though. I'm a horrible Catholic. I'm thankful for the Church and I love Jesus. This is a new song from Justin Bieber called Purpose. It's describes exactly how I feel.

https://youtu.be/D6uNCSVhPmE

Edited January 4, 2016 by Guest

[Guest]

https://youtu.be/J8yhsbMULsQ

 

 

Edited January 4, 2016 by Guest

[Lilllabettt]

I remember mentioning on here that I faced prejudice at work and school based on religion - and I also remember some phatmass members poo-pooing that and telling me I was imagining it. 

 

[CatherineM]

If you're doing Christianity right, you're going to look like a Martian in our society. 

[superblue]

16 hours ago, Ice_nine said:

Just a question for the room. Sometimes I feel like my faith is hanging by a thread and the stuff I believe about God and the church is crazy and/or I'm crazy and not sure I really believe anymore. I want to believe, does that mean I believe. This dialogue tends to circle in my head every night and it's becoming a mental load. It's hard to to find an outlet to vent all my fears and confusion. Yes, phatmass is nice, but it's only personal to a limit, and it's not really a blog so I don't typically like to come in here and just blather on about my thoughts and circumstances. It makes me feel a little whiny and petty and desperate for validation of some kind. I don't like it but sometimes I cave and do it anyway.

But it's hard. I feel like I need to work with, trust, love, and depend upon people who hold radically different values, especially being a young person. I can't be honest about what I believe because people will think that I'm an anachronistic werido God-freak, and it's hard enough for me, a socially-anxious depressive, to sometimes just manage to live and work and survive let alone "be the light of the earth" and all that.

tl;dr: does that fact that society thinks that taking religion seriously is crazy, ever make you feel actually crazy?

 I agree phatmass is nice, but I wouldn't tie my faith to what I have experienced online for starters nor would I suggest anyone outside the faith to get to know the Church based on any Catholic forum or via radio shows.

I was thinking about the same stuff you have Ice  recently, and realized I am okay, and that it is normal for faith to flux, and faith can't flux if it was never given to a person by God in the first place.  May not be the best analogy, but as with a family, one does not constantly enjoy or love every family member all the time, but it is family, and for the most part we stick with family through thick an thin. Same for me with my faith and the Church, I believe that over all the Church has more things right than not, but I don't hang my hat on the Vatican nor am I interested in what bishops think, and I don't pay attention to the papacy that often for the fact it is on the opposite side of the world and I feel beyond disconnected with the papacy and the Vatican in general.

I base my faith entirely on Christ and the New Testament , and my personal experiences with Christ. I need the sacraments and the Church offers that entirely, if it didn't, and if I didn't believe in the sacraments, I probably would not be Catholic. I don't find it healthy for me to just blindly accept the modern history of the Church, and especially the politics of the Church as being the best ever and always. I also don't like leaving policy up to someone else who may just not be that much morally or even faithfully better than I am.I also gave up on believing that I am going to see the second coming in my life time, and I get tired of people trying to argue that one can't know when that will be and that is true enough, but if we are going to gamble then we mine as well panic every time the sun sets because it just might not come back up. So people might be eager to label me as a " bad catholic ", but I have to find that ironic on a lot of levels, as what I say on this forum is only a fraction of my faith and the way I live my life, and if anyone really online thinks they know me, they are simply wrong because they have not met me.

You gota figure Ice that you are on track versus those who go to mass out of habit, feel as if they have the done the required mandate and think nothing more and forget everything the second they leave the parking lot. I only share as much as I do on here to hopefully show that people like yourself are not batty in the head and are not doomed for eternity for questioning things.

[DominicanHeart]

I've been struggling lately too. Society does make it really challenging. I feel so bad when I find myself feeling doubtful. I know many Saints had these moments. I guess that's what makes us humans. I need to spend more time in the Confessional. I think the Devil has been after me since I started discernment. I truly find my peace again when I'm at Mass and Adoration