Families and Religious Names

[Sister Leticia]

Here in the UK most orders no longer require members to change their names. Some monasteries still do for everyone, and with others it's optional, not mandatory, or it's required if there's already a monk or nun with the same name as the new entrant. I also know one apostolic order which does this to avoid a duplication of names: the new entrant keeps her baptismal name but adds her middle name or confirmation name or another. So the majority of newer UK religious still use their baptismal names and many of those who entered before 1970 have changed their names back. Many of our congregations are international, so whatever happens here in the UK would be the congregational practice wherever they have sisters - including the US. We only have a few newer communities, but they too don't change their names.

In my own congregation sisters have never changed their names. We started in a semi-clandestine way, shortly after the French Revolution closed and disbanded (and sometimes executed) religious communities, and our first sisters were known as Madame or Mademoiselle Surname, which was the normal mode of address for any woman. When the title sister could be used openly they still used their surnames. Thus Miss Smith would become Sister Smith and eventually Mother Smith - but she'd never stop being Lucy or Katy or whatever her family had always called her, regardless of whether it was a saint's name or not. If her sister also entered she'd be known by her first name, so you'd have Mother Smith and Mother Angela [Smith].

In the US and some other countries our sisters still officially use their surnames (ie Sister Smith) but here in the UK by the time I entered in the early 1990s most sisters were known by their baptismal names, and the move from Sr Smith to Sr Anne was smooth and natural. Fundamentally, they'd never stopped being Anne or Barbara, and their families never had to get used to any new names. This would have helped some families, especially if their daughter had been named after a relative or special saint, or had always been known by an affectionate name or diminutive, as she never lost her identity within her family.

As for what my family and friends call me... it would never have occurred to them or me to call me Sister! If a friend or relative gets a new title you might say "congratulations Dr Brown or Mrs Jones", but you wouldn't call them Doctor all the time! Obviously, they'd be doctor or Mrs in certain settings, like work or when they visit their bank, but not with those who know them well, no matter how proud their parents might be. The same, for me, applies to being called Sister - some of my friends jokingly called me sister when I entered or made vows, to congratulate me, but that was it. I use my title when it's appropriate, in my ministry or other formal settings, but never with family or friends.

[andibc]

Replying to the original post, we have two daughters who are religious, one active and one cloistered.  Both were given new names when they received the habit and both understood that it would take us time to adjust while at the same time gently letting us know that their new names were profoundly meaningful to them and that they wanted us to work on switching over. It took all of us around two years to fully make the switch so that we think of the girls with their new names.  We don't see them very often, which is why it probably took so long.  At home we now use their religious name. 

There is some logic in using their given names with outsiders.  We had to help the girl's old friends, church family and neighbors transition into the new names, so even now I'll sometimes say their given name and then their religious name like you would use an appositive in a sentence.  We almost always use their given name in the family when we talk about something they did before they were religious because it is just weird to say, "Do you remember when Sr. X was learning to ride a bike and...." 

It's just a respectful thing to do for your child; if they can make all the changes necessary to embrace religious life I think parents can make the change of calling their child by their new name.  There is also the supernatural aspect that can't be described of understanding their calling more fully by accepting and pondering their new name.

Edited January 4, 2016 by andibc

[katherineH]

Most of the communities I've talked to understand that it is difficult for parents to adjust to new names and accept the fact that they may continue to call their child by their baptismal name.  Their general attitude seems to be that it is simply not worth arguing or fighting about, and that the Holy Spirit will work on their hearts in His time. 

[be_thou_my_vision]

When I was a Sister, I asked my family to call me my religious name when out in public. They did just fine with it after a while. 

[TheresaThoma]

At my old parish I got to know a woman whose daughter is a Sister. She would ususally call her Sr. ___ but sometimes would slip and use her baptismal name. I'm sure it takes a period of adjustment just like when a women gets married and chooses to take her husband's name it takes the family a bit to adjust.

And @andibc thank you for sharing your personal insight into this.

[emma8201986]

The order Emma joined does not change names although some of the older sisters who entered when that was the custom, still retain their religious names. Most of the sisters go by full baptismal names so if your name was Cindy when you joined, they call you sister Cynthia or if your middle name is say Marie, they call you sister Cynthia Marie. We always called Emma by a nickname-a shortened version of her name-now she wants us to call her by her full name as that is what she will be when she takes the habit in a while. I forget every single time and she doesn't bother reminding me so I doubt anything will change with her family.

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

What do Communities who keep their own names do when a Sister has a clearly secular name such as Brandy or Blue Skye? (Yes, I am waiting for Beyonce's child to join a Catholic Religious Community.  )

Are baptismal names REQUIRED to be saint's names? I'm not sure what the rule is for converts.

[Julie]

28 minutes ago, IgnatiusofLoyola said:

What do Communities who keep their own names do when a Sister has a clearly secular name such as Brandy or Blue Skye? (Yes, I am waiting for Beyonce's child to join a Catholic Religious Community.  )

Are baptismal names REQUIRED to be saint's names? I'm not sure what the rule is for converts.

I've wondered this. I know a little boy named Kale, after the vegetable. I suppose there could be a Brother Kale. (I guess he could end up a saint, paving the way for future little Kales.) Maybe they'd use confirmation names? 

[Nunsuch]

I have friends named Sister Sabrina, Sister Audra, Sister Amy, Sister Diane, etc. It doesn't seem to be a problem. Also, to answer another question someone asked earlier in the thread, it is not a problem that there are several sisters in the same community with the same name (Sister Anne, Sister Barbara, Sister Jane, etc.).

In the 19th century, when communication was much slower but when duplicate names were prohibited by custom, many communities founded in Europe assigned certain letters of the alphabet to the American provinces to prevent duplicate names. The Sisters of the Holy Cross had A-E; the de la Salle Christian Brothers had A-C. That was fine for the first few new members, but the names got increasingly, well, obscure or odd as the communities grew. Use your imagination (or look at the indices of their early American histories)!

[Antigonos]

1 hour ago, Julie said:

I've wondered this. I know a little boy named Kale, after the vegetable. I suppose there could be a Brother Kale. (I guess he could end up a saint, paving the way for future little Kales.) Maybe they'd use confirmation names? 

Frankly, if my parents had doomed me to a name like "Kale", I think I would only discern with orders where names were definitely changed at investiture.

Edited January 5, 2016 by Antigonos

[Starets]

My family calls me by my religious name. Religious names are usually names of saits but biblical characters will also do. We have a brother Jacob for example

[HollyDolly]

My grandfather  had a sister Eva,who belonged to the School Sisters of Notre Dame in Milwaukee. He always called her Eva.

[nikita92]

My 87 yr old mother could care less! My father named me any way! For me, receiving the habit, veil and name change are a part of what makes being a religious stand out and a special part of becoming a religious!