Understanding Suffering

[Ash Wednesday]

Please pray that the Lord will illuminate my heart and help me to understand suffering.

As you may or may not know, because of an iatrogenic condition, I have never suffered in life as much as I have this year. Some days I don't know how much more of it I can take, but I take it a day at a time. It is the only way one can endure it.

I do understand, in theory, that suffering with Christ has great merit. That said, I often have a hard time really understanding it like the saints did. I sometimes wonder if I'm supposed to be some kind of victim soul because of the amount of suffering I have endured, but right now I am just tired of suffering. I am just tired of it.

But I know that this will probably continue for a while, so perhaps God is trying to teach me something. Please pray that I may come to understand it. Some days I truly feel at wits end.