Break up with my girlfriend?

[Socrates]

In response to the OP, a few points from a random guy on teh interwebz:

1) As others have pointed out, the point of dating for the Catholic/Christian should be discerning possible marriage.  

What I don't think anybody's brought up is that marriage is not just about you and your spouse, but chances are it will involve your children and their upbringing. 

The Church has traditionally frowned upon mixed (Catholic and non-Catholic) marriages, because of the importance of raising children in the Faith.  When one parent is not Catholic, most often the children end up losing the Faith.  If your spouse shares your Faith, she will also be more likely to help strengthen your own faith.

I think your spouse should at least be respectful of the Catholic Faith, and have at least some openness to converting.

Speaking for myself, being "pro-choice" on the abortion issue would be a deal-breaker, as this shows a serious difference on very core fundamental values.  Even if she would not consider abortion for herself, I would not want my kids to hear from their mother that killing a baby is an acceptable choice, or that it's a "woman's right."

You'll also have to take into consideration likely differences on contraception.

You should be asking yourself:  Is this a woman you'd want as a mother to your children?  Does she have the values and beliefs you'd want taught to your children?

(And while perhaps you can convert her, don't presume that she will convert to your values after marriage.)

2)  Yes, fornication is a mortal sin, which means it's serious and should be seriously repented of.  However, it's not some unforgivable sin, nor is it the worse sin one can commit.  And unless she's pregnant with your child, or gave you some nasty disease, there's no reason this should preclude you from dating or marrying other women if she's not "the one."

[Peace]

7 minutes ago, Socrates said:

In response to the OP, a few points from a random guy on teh interwebz:

You are much more than a random person on the internet to me Socrates. But only when you agree with me, of course.

7 minutes ago, Socrates said:

1) As others have pointed out, the point of dating for the Catholic/Christian should be discerning possible marriage.  

What I don't think anybody's brought up is that marriage is not just about you and your spouse, but chances are it will involve your children and their upbringing. 

The Church has traditionally frowned upon mixed (Catholic and non-Catholic) marriages, because of the importance of raising children in the Faith.  When one parent is not Catholic, most often the children end up losing the Faith.  If your spouse shares your Faith, she will also be more likely to help strengthen your own faith.

I think your spouse should at least be respectful of the Catholic Faith, and have at least some openness to converting.

Speaking for myself, being "pro-choice" on the abortion issue would be a deal-breaker, as this shows a serious difference on very core fundamental values.  Even if she would not consider abortion for herself, I would not want my kids to hear from their mother that killing a baby is an acceptable choice, or that it's a "woman's right."

You'll also have to take into consideration likely differences on contraception.

You should be asking yourself:  Is this a woman you'd want as a mother to your children?  Does she have the values and beliefs you'd want taught to your children?

(And while perhaps you can convert her, don't presume that she will convert to your values after marriage.)

I agree. Some of those things do bother me. And we will have to discuss them sooner rather than later. The chastity issue was the most immediate thing that needed  to be discussed.

I don't know if the abortion issue is a core issue for her, or really just a result of her upbringing or the people around her. I don't know if she has seriously thought about it. But yeah, if we have a conversation and she is like "Yeah, I would have an abortion myself" - that would pretty much end it for me I think. I can't have anyone aborting my child.

I also think I would have trouble marrying someone who cannot understand that abortion should be illegal for everyone. That does say something about a person's core values, and I would want those things to be the same for the person I marry.

7 minutes ago, Socrates said:

2)  Yes, fornication is a mortal sin, which means it's serious and should be seriously repented of.  However, it's not some unforgivable sin, nor is it the worse sin one can commit.  And unless she's pregnant with your child, or gave you some nasty disease, there's no reason this should preclude you from dating or marrying other women if she's not "the one."

The thing is man - it is almost impossible to find "the one". There are only 17 African American Catholics living in the USA. It is not critical to me that I marry an African American (although it would be nice). Dating a Catholic of any ethnicity would be more important than that. But I don't think that too many white Catholics generally date African Americans (in my experience), and let alone white Catholics who are morally conservative and adhere to all of the Church's teachings concerning contraception, etc. A brother named Peace generally doesn't get a lot of attention from the morally upright types. It is what it is.

To a certain extent I feel like I have to be open to dating protestants, and then convert them!! It's good for their soul. Really. It is.

If I am limiting my dating pool to Catholics who adhere to all of the Church's teachings, and who would date me, I would seriously be limiting myself to like 0.00001% of the population . . .

Maybe that is too skeptical but . . .

[MarysLittleFlower]

There's an African man at my parish (like from Africa, I think) who is married to a white Catholic woman, both are very traditional / conservative and they have around 5 kids. It does happen

Edited December 16, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower

[Peace]

3 minutes ago, MarysLittleFlower said:

There's an African man at my parish (like from Africa, I think) who is married to a white Catholic woman, both are very traditional / conservative and they have around 5 kids. It does happen

Only 5? You call that conservative?! J/K

[MarysLittleFlower]

Lol they are young

[Socrates]

On 12/15/2015, 10:33:17, Peace said:

The thing is man - it is almost impossible to find "the one". There are only 17 African American Catholics living in the USA

Really?  There's more than that just in the ultra-conservative Latin-Mass FSSP parish I attend.  (And many more in other parishes I've been to in the DFW area.  Many of them appear to be African immigrant families - for whatever that's worth.)

On 12/15/2015, 10:33:17, Peace said:

You are much more than a random person on the internet to me Socrates. But only when you agree with me, of course.

I agree. Some of those things do bother me. And we will have to discuss them sooner rather than later. The chastity issue was the most immediate thing that needed  to be discussed.

I don't know if the abortion issue is a core issue for her, or really just a result of her upbringing or the people around her. I don't know if she has seriously thought about it. But yeah, if we have a conversation and she is like "Yeah, I would have an abortion myself" - that would pretty much end it for me I think. I can't have anyone aborting my child.

I also think I would have trouble marrying someone who cannot understand that abortion should be illegal for everyone. That does say something about a person's core values, and I would want those things to be the same for the person I marry.

The thing is man - it is almost impossible to find "the one". There are only 17 African American Catholics living in the USA. It is not critical to me that I marry an African American (although it would be nice). Dating a Catholic of any ethnicity would be more important than that. But I don't think that too many white Catholics generally date African Americans (in my experience), and let alone white Catholics who are morally conservative and adhere to all of the Church's teachings concerning contraception, etc. A brother named Peace generally doesn't get a lot of attention from the morally upright types. It is what it is.

To a certain extent I feel like I have to be open to dating protestants, and then convert them!! It's good for their soul. Really. It is.

If I am limiting my dating pool to Catholics who adhere to all of the Church's teachings, and who would date me, I would seriously be limiting myself to like 0.00001% of the population . . .

Maybe that is too skeptical but . . .

For whatever it's worth, a morally conservative, serious Catholic white woman I knew just recently married a black man.  And I know a number of other good Catholics in mixed-race relationships and marriages.  I think a lot more might be open than you think.  Have you tried any Catholic "dating" sites?  (That's how I met my wife.)  You might be surprised.

Contrary to what some may try to tell you, conservative Catholics aren't all a bunch of racist bigots who think "miscegenation" will send them straight to hell.

But good luck, bro.