i don't get it..

[MarysLittleFlower]

I am trying to remember that God has a plan for me but it feels like I have no place in this world at all or even the Church. I have decided not to marry, and now I may not be a religious, and theres no form of consecrated life in the world that I felt was a fit for me, I have always felt drawn to contemplative life for certain reasons in my spiritual life. Maybe it would be in the world and I just don't see that now. I feel like a random person who fits nowhere..  I just never felt so strongly like this earth is a place of exile as I do now, and I don't see anything in my life except a cross, and I need the grace to carry it. Im sorry for being so dramatic i dont know how to explain 

Edited November 17, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower

[vee]

Calm down and take things one day at a time!  You are trying to guess the future too much when we really dont know what it holds.  WE ahve the year of mercy coming up and what is written on the bottom of the divine mercy image?  JESUS I TRUST IN YOU!  Trust Him!  All that matters is that we are doing His will and on the path that will lead to our utmost holiness and the salvation of souls. 

[Swami Mommy]

MLF,  How old are your parents and what is their estimated age expectancy based on your extended family trends?  How much additional money per year do you guess they would need beyond their own financial earning capacity at this point in their careers in order to live modestly but comfortably for the number of additional years you estimate that they might live?  How long do you realistically think it would take for you to save up that total amount?  

How is your parents' health?  Do they have health insurance with a low deductible and low copays that they can rely on in case of a serious, unexpected illness that could wipe out their savings?  How secure is their housing situation?  How worried are THEY that they won't have enough to live on?  Have they expressed any hope or expectation that you will be around to help them in their old age, or are these worries based on your own concerns?

 

 

 

[MarysLittleFlower]

I agree with trusting God and that His Will is all that matters... I think I have trouble taking it one day at a time but the reasons are complicated... I'll try to speak with my SD how to do this. 

MLF,  How old are your parents and what is their estimated age expectancy based on your extended family trends?  How much additional money per year do you guess they would need beyond their own financial earning capacity at this point in their careers in order to live modestly but comfortably for the number of additional years you estimate that they might live?  How long do you realistically think it would take for you to save up that total amount?  

How is your parents' health?  Do they have health insurance with a low deductible and low copays that they can rely on in case of a serious, unexpected illness that could wipe out their savings?  How secure is their housing situation?  How worried are THEY that they won't have enough to live on?  Have they expressed any hope or expectation that you will be around to help them in their old age, or are these worries based on your own concerns?

 

 

 

They are in their 60s.. healthcare is not private where we live so its free. They're trying to make housing situation more stable. Its true that their pension would be very low, they arent asking me to support them but i cant see another way. Even if i became a religious i would need to save up money for them i think. 

Edited November 17, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower

[Swami Mommy]

MLF,  Most young people who haven't yet settled into their lives feel like they don't fit anywhere.  Your feelings of longing and confusion are pretty common in one's twenties and early thirties.  I didn't start really feeling like I was expressing the fullness of my heart until I was in my forties!  Life unfolds slowly and often takes many meandering pathways until it finds the course one's soul is meant to follow that will best teach it what it needs to know.  Everything is happening perfectly for your ultimate good and upliftment.  Trust the process and have patience.  Don't focus on the future or regret the past--just take life day by day and do the best you can to open your heart and keep it open even in the face of disappointment, obstacles or fear.  Don't worry--God has your back!

Edited November 17, 2015 by Swami Mommy

[CatherineM]

My take:  first off, I had a cousin who was an only child and a convert. She had a Masters in Nursing from John Hopkins, and her parents flipped completely out when they found out she was washing floors as a novice. She still entered. They eventually aged, went to nursing homes and died. She's still a nun. 

Secondly, having handled my share of estates and probates as an attorney, I dealt with lots of people who didn't have kids  they had never married, their kids had died, or couples just never had kids by choice or nature.  My retirement and estate planning is up to ME, not our son.  He is not going to have to take care of us or even make difficult decisions.  He wouldn't be capable of them, but that's not the point.  It's my responsibility to take care of my life.  If my son wanted to join the French Foreign Legion or Peace Corps that would take him far away from home, I'd be thrilled that he was happy and sad that he was leaving, but I would never ask him to give up his dreams or vocation to take care of me at some time in the future.  What if he gave up his dream, and I outlived him?  

There's a great movie about this issue. It's in Spanish but has subtitles.  It's also a bit racy in parts, but it's about a Mexican tradition that the youngest daughter has to give up their life to take care of their moms.  It's called like water for chocolate.  Worth watching before you feel bad.

 

[MarysLittleFlower]

Thanks CatherineM! Its helpful to know that this same sort of thing happened to someone like your cousin. I see also what you mean about not giving up your life, - I think my whole issue is that my family situation would be like an impediment. I had a plan to try and pay off my loans and also save up some money for my family, maybe that could be done. I think my parents definitely want me to happy and not spend my life like the girl in that movie but I guess convent life doesn't seem like happiness when everyone. They were raised without religion and maybe that makes it something new. I hope my parents would see that marriage is not what would make me happy. 

 

Swami Mommy, I see what you mean about most young people not feeling like they belong, maybe that's true, but I just noticed that the way I want to live is shared by few people I know and yet I'm not able to live that way in my situation and wonder if I ever will. Its not a confusion about myself so much like many young people have, "what do I want to do with my life". I know what I want, its just different from the 'norm' in society I guess. 

A question for anyone... Do most convents allow the nun to go see her parents if they are dying? Do cloistered communities not allow this at all? 

I just don't know the rule about that and also with how cloistered life works. 

Edited November 17, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower

[marigold]

Thanks CatherineM! Its helpful to know that this same sort of thing happened to someone like your cousin. I see also what you mean about not giving up your life, - I think my whole issue is that my family situation would be like an impediment. I had a plan to try and pay off my loans and also save up some money for my family, maybe that could be done. I think my parents definitely want me to happy and not spend my life like the girl in that movie but I guess convent life doesn't seem like happiness when everyone. They were raised without religion and maybe that makes it something new. I hope my parents would see that marriage is not what would make me happy. 

 

Swami Mommy, I see what you mean about most young people not feeling like they belong, maybe that's true, but I just noticed that the way I want to live is shared by few people I know and yet I'm not able to live that way in my situation and wonder if I ever will. Its not a confusion about myself so much like many young people have, "what do I want to do with my life". I know what I want, its just different from the 'norm' in society I guess. 

A question for anyone... Do most convents allow the nun to go see her parents if they are dying? Do cloistered communities not allow this at all? 

I just don't know the rule about that and also with how cloistered life works. 

Could you pose the question to the community/communities you have been in contact with? This will likely be a recurring concern for both enquirers and sisters, so they will know their stance on it. I think that's the only way you are going to get answers that will put your mind at rest.

[Sr Mary Catharine OP]

MLF, it seems to me that part of your difficulty is that instead of directly asking the communities you wish to discern with you get anxious based on what you read from other sites or what you THINK might be a difficulty. There is some good advice on this thread, mostly encouraging you to start to discern with actual communities, talk to them, build up a relationship with them. I can assure you that 110% of your concerns, fears and anxieties will be answered. Then you take those answers and weigh them before the Lord and TRUST in His love and concern for you and your family. Living the Gospel means living in the present moment. Jesus told us not to be anxious for tomorrow! God will provide if you let him! Discerning a religious vocation is about whether GOD is inviting you! He's going to take care of everything to make that possible.

My prayers!

[MarysLittleFlower]

Thank you! I agree that makes sense. Sometimes I get so anxious instead of trusting that's true. God bless!

[Nunsuch]

MLF, this prayer, known as "St. Teresa's Bookmark," got me through cancer a number of years ago.  I offer it to you, and suggest that you meditate on it and keep it in mind.  

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.

[Mags]

MLF, this prayer, known as "St. Teresa's Bookmark," got me through cancer a number of years ago.  I offer it to you, and suggest that you meditate on it and keep it in mind.  

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.

This says it all! 

MLF, if you can do this your concerns will, if not disappear, at least become more bearable. My prayers for you x

Edited November 17, 2015 by Mags
grammar

[Feankie]

Am I having de ja vu, or did we not discuss this topic at great length a few months back?  It seems SOOOO familiar and it seems like the same question/fears.  I believe I gave some advice at that time about getting a good SD or older, trusted friend/relative to have a frank discussion about this.

[AuthorOfMyLife]

Am I having de ja vu, or did we not discuss this topic at great length a few months back?  It seems SOOOO familiar and it seems like the same question/fears.  I believe I gave some advice at that time about getting a good SD or older, trusted friend/relative to have a frank discussion about this.

I am sure it has come up before, as it is one of those cyclical worries! You feel at peace for a while, and then someone asks when YOU are finding a special someone, or someone remarks that 28 (etc.) is old enough to get started on your real place in life, etc.--and then you doubt and fear all over again--or at least I do! I imagine MarysLittleFlower does talk to her friends (and I think she said she had a spiritual director?), but still, speaking as someone who knows almost no one in my own local community with any interest in religious life, sometimes you need the community's answers to know you are not alone! I, for one, have found all the answers very comforting!

[MarysLittleFlower]

MLF, this prayer, known as "St. Teresa's Bookmark," got me through cancer a number of years ago.  I offer it to you, and suggest that you meditate on it and keep it in mind.  

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.

Thank you! I should meditate on that  

 

This says it all! 

MLF, if you can do this your concerns will, if not disappear, at least become more bearable. My prayers for you x

thank you Mags!  

 

Am I having de ja vu, or did we not discuss this topic at great length a few months back?  It seems SOOOO familiar and it seems like the same question/fears.  I believe I gave some advice at that time about getting a good SD or older, trusted friend/relative to have a frank discussion about this.

I am sure I asked this before... I'm sorry I keep asking lol! I assure everyone I'm not a troll I just have the same recurring fears. I do have a great SD but I am waiting till he has some time to meet because he's a very hard working parish priest 

 

I am sure it has come up before, as it is one of those cyclical worries! You feel at peace for a while, and then someone asks when YOU are finding a special someone, or someone remarks that 28 (etc.) is old enough to get started on your real place in life, etc.--and then you doubt and fear all over again--or at least I do! I imagine MarysLittleFlower does talk to her friends (and I think she said she had a spiritual director?), but still, speaking as someone who knows almost no one in my own local community with any interest in religious life, sometimes you need the community's answers to know you are not alone! I, for one, have found all the answers very comforting!

Yes I totally agree! I alternate between really peaceful comforting times in my discernment and times when I get distracted with fears. I see what you mean about the comments, and I find if I'm in a more fragile state spiritually or emotionally, even seeing lots of people around me seeking marriage makes me feel lonely and then I'm distracted and fearful. I don't mean lonely without a spouse I mean without spending much time with other discerners.  

 

Edited November 18, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower