Is it proper to give gift to the religious when we visit a congregation?

[Mary Catherine]

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ,

I am going to visit a congregation next month. I have had e-mail correspondence with the sister foundress and the priests who say masses for them for years, but we have never met. 

Now I wonder if it would be appropriate for me to give gifts to them. I have been thinking over it, and later I found there are 3 priests and 2 sisters there, and I probably can't afford to a gift for each one of them.

Now my question is, do you give gift to the religious when you visit a congregation? Is it an appropriate behavior or not?

I would much appreciate your kind advice.

[Strictlyinkblot]

I usually bring flowers as religious congregations usually need a lot of these for the altar, statues, shrines etc. When I visit Summit I usually bring tea and some kind of Irish treat like Tayto crisps or proper Cadburys chocolate. And I often get them an Amazon voucher. On my last visit because it was during Advent I brought a Christmas tree ornament. 

[Gabriela]

I asked this question once years ago. Strictlyinkblot is right: Flowers are probably best, since they can use them for devotional purposes. But if you can buy a very large quantity of chocolate or tea or coffee or something nice that they aren't used to having, they can save that for a feast day and use it as a treat for the whole community.

What you don't want to do is buy a gift for a specific person, because they gave up all their "personal stuff".

(The priests might be an exception, if they're diocesan.)

[Mary Catherine]

Thanks Gabriela, but this time I am going abroad to visit a congregation, and this country does not allow us to bring any food to them.

Secondly, I even don't know where to purchase the flowers.  For icons or statues or materials for liturgical usage, perhaps they have plenty.

Thanks for your good point for the personal gift, I had this idea before, now I'm convinced that it's a bad idea. 

So can I just give up this idea?

[Gabriela]

Thanks Gabriela, but this time I am going abroad to visit a congregation, and this country does not allow us to bring any food to them.

Secondly, I even don't know where to purchase the flowers.  For icons or statues or materials for liturgical usage, perhaps they have plenty.

Thanks for your good point for the personal gift, I had this idea before, now I'm convinced that it's a bad idea. 

So can I just give up this idea?

Yes, of course you can. Nobody will EXPECT you to bring a gift!

On the other hand, if you really want to bring something, you could perhaps ask what books they would like to have but don't have. Or you could make something personal for them, like a knitted throw or a pillow or something that they could put in a common or guest room.

A community once told me that they were ever so grateful when people gave them stamps. No one ever thought about the really practical needs of the community. Stamps, office supplies, socks, etc.

[Mary Catherine]

Thanks Gabriel again. 

Besides, I can't take any book for them because they speak different language from us.

Also, the sisters are living in the basement, so I don't think they need anything in their guest room.

Thus, I may just go there with empty hands, haha. 

[truthfinder]

 

A community once told me that they were ever so grateful when people gave them stamps. No one ever thought about the really practical needs of the community. Stamps, office supplies, socks, etc.

yep, I'll second this. And around Christmas time, I'd try to buy the specifically Christian stamps the post office would issue and send some to the convent. 

[TheresaThoma]

Stamps are always a good idea. It sounds like you are going to a different country but I'm guessing that it wouldn't be too hard to find where to buy stamps. Nice paper for letters is another good choice.

Of course you don't have to bring a gift but you can if you want to!

[katherineH]

I visited a community once and brought a nice box of tea and a decorative candle.  They seemed appreciative, and when I return to visit I always see the tea out on their beverage cart

[Sr Mary Catharine OP]

You can bring me chocolate anytime!

Seriously, we NEVER expect a gift but as we all know there is something beautiful when someone gives us a little gift unexpectedly!

If this is a new community and the sisters are living in the basement I KNOW they would love a simple treat of some sort. Can you stop at a store or pick up something in the airport? Or bring a little gift bag with something like a candle or soaps

Most of all, bring a loving and open heart!

[SophiaMaria]

I usually take fun coffee. Things other than Folgers. I just Took some Italian espresso with to a community recently. They seemed pretty excited. 

[Sister Leticia]

Perhaps some nice cards from your country or your town/city/area if it's a picturesque place? In the UK, for example, you can buy cards with lovely views, flowers etc from National Trust places or Visitor Information Centres as well as gift shops in tourist-y areas. Or you can buy cards from a cathedral or museum gift shop. Sisters don't have to have religious cards - sunsets, flowers, panoramic views, birds etc can all be spiritually uplifting, multi-purpose cards for all occasions. I make cards, and like to use them as gifts when I stay with one of our communities. It's fun seeing how they pick and choose and decide/negotiate who takes which one!

Or, as Sr MC suggests, a candle or some special soap. Remember that they won't be expecting anything, and religious have simple tastes, so whatever you give - however small - will be received with surprise and genuine gratitude.

[Sponsa-Christi]

If this is a new community and the sisters are living in the basement I KNOW they would love a simple treat of some sort. Can you stop at a store or pick up something in the airport? Or bring a little gift bag with something like a candle or soaps
 

Gee, I wonder where someone could go to find nice, nun-approved gift soaps?

This wouldn't work for travelling overseas, but often fresh, seasonal local produce can be a nice gift for religious. One time I brought a bunch of fresh cherries to a monastery where I was making a retreat, and it was a big hit! 

Perhaps some nice cards from your country or your town/city/area if it's a picturesque place? In the UK, for example, you can buy cards with lovely views, flowers etc from National Trust places or Visitor Information Centres as well as gift shops in tourist-y areas. Or you can buy cards from a cathedral or museum gift shop. Sisters don't have to have religious cards - sunsets, flowers, panoramic views, birds etc can all be spiritually uplifting, multi-purpose cards for all occasions. I make cards, and like to use them as gifts when I stay with one of our communities. It's fun seeing how they pick and choose and decide/negotiate who takes which one!

Yes, greeting cards or nice stationary would also make a good gift.

I have a funny personal story with this. When I was studying in Rome, I was living in a house for student-sisters from a variety of American congregations (though for privacy reasons, I won't share the name of the house here). Being a consecrated virgin, I was the only one not wearing a habit, and I also wasn't familiar with a lot of the little smaller customs which are apparently common to community life.

In our house, it was the custom to leave a card at someone's place at the refectory table on her birthday and/or feast day. But, the card was always blank inside "so that it could be reused." Well, I thought this meant that the same cards were recycled within the house--as in, a card was basically used just to decorate someone's place, and would be put away and brought out for the next Sister's birthday. With this in mind, on my first birthday in Rome, I enjoyed the pretty picture on the card at breakfast, and then left it where it was when I went to go get ready to leave for my university that day. 

When I came home for lunch, the superior of the house asked me why I had left my card at the table. I said: "But I thought it was meant to be reused?" She laughed and explained that it was meant to be reused by me, as an extra card I could send to whomever I wanted! 

And so I wound up getting teased quite a bit about remembering to take my card for the next several birthdays and feast days I had in Rome!  

[Gabriela]

@Sponsa-Christi: Great story!

When I went to visit Sr. Mary Catharine, I drove straight from a conference at Notre Dame. There's a local, homemade fudge place right across from campus. So I stopped in and got a couple pounds of fudge for the sisters. I heard they loved it. 

I always like to take "local" gifts, i.e., gifts that aren't just mass-produced things you could buy anywhere, but that you can only get in the place I'm coming from. That way I KNOW it'll be special!

[Sr Mary Catharine OP]

Gee, I wonder where someone could go to find nice, nun-approved gift soaps?

This wouldn't work for travelling overseas, but often fresh, seasonal local produce can be a nice gift for religious. One time I brought a bunch of fresh cherries to a monastery where I was making a retreat, and it was a big hit! 

Yes, greeting cards or nice stationary would also make a good gift.

I have a funny personal story with this. When I was studying in Rome, I was living in a house for student-sisters from a variety of American congregations (though for privacy reasons, I won't share the name of the house here). Being a consecrated virgin, I was the only one not wearing a habit, and I also wasn't familiar with a lot of the little smaller customs which are apparently common to community life.

In our house, it was the custom to leave a card at someone's place at the refectory table on her birthday and/or feast day. But, the card was always blank inside "so that it could be reused." Well, I thought this meant that the same cards were recycled within the house--as in, a card was basically used just to decorate someone's place, and would be put away and brought out for the next Sister's birthday. With this in mind, on my first birthday in Rome, I enjoyed the pretty picture on the card at breakfast, and then left it where it was when I went to go get ready to leave for my university that day. 

When I came home for lunch, the superior of the house asked me why I had left my card at the table. I said: "But I thought it was meant to be reused?" She laughed and explained that it was meant to be reused by me, as an extra card I could send to whomever I wanted! 

And so I wound up getting teased quite a bit about remembering to take my card for the next several birthdays and feast days I had in Rome!  

Too funny! If you wait long enough the card or holy card you gave will come back to you for another feast day! :-)
Yes, giving "blank" cards with a note inside on another piece of paper seems to be a common nun custom. So, we never write on the envelope, either.

Notecards are a big hit because we don't buy them!