chrysostom's update. Struggling forward.

[chrysostom]

Hi.  I only was on here often for a short period of time but I thought I'd post a little update and ask for a little prayer.

I'm taking some more time off my education to get some things sorted out, specifically depression.  I'm doing okay at this point and beginning to take some steps forward, but some of the external circumstances that are helping me move ahead - like job and residence - aren't exactly a rock to stand on, and they could change.  It's very easy for me to go back to clamming up and shutting down.  I don't want to be that way and I don't want to feel that helpless.

One prayer request is that I connect with good outside help, i.e. a therapist or something similar.  My school knows about my issues and has asked me to seek that help in my time off, so it's something I've got to do anyhow.  Also I need to find someone affordable with my insurance.

Another prayer request is for my vocation.  I met a very sweet Catholic girl at church a few weeks ago, in fact at pretty much the same time that I started to get my act together.  The interest is mutual.  I am not expecting a possible relationship to be a panacea for my life or anything.  I'm not stupid.  But whatever happens, whether it works out or not, I want to follow God's will and Mary's heart.  I want to learn to live life for the Other - ultimately that is Jesus - and at least for the present moment, I ask your prayers in getting out of this depressive slough, or at least in getting to learn how to deal with it healthily.

Cheers,

chrys

Edited October 20, 2015 by chrysostom

[chrysostom]

I can actually be a pretty positive person.  Problem is, I'm not very aware of my emotions until I get hit in the face with them.  Today in the afternoon I was taking the long trip back to my apt and BAM, it was suddenly like I sunk deep into the ocean with a ball and chain tied to my foot.  Ack.

[Gabriela]

Praying for you, chrysostom. 

[chrysostom]

Thanks so much. 

[Era Might]

I can actually be a pretty positive person.  Problem is, I'm not very aware of my emotions until I get hit in the face with them.  Today in the afternoon I was taking the long trip back to my apt and BAM, it was suddenly like I sunk deep into the ocean with a ball and chain tied to my foot.  Ack.

You might be interested in Gestalt therapy/psychology. "Gestalt" is a German word for "the whole," and the therapeutic approach has its roots in psychoanalysis but rather than trying to locate a problem/solution (like childhood inhibitions), it's more focused on the here, now, next. The goal in gestalt is to be present in yourself, here and now, and be able to recognize the environment you're in and adapt/act within it. With something like you just described, going back to your apartment, I would suggest really getting in the moment and asking why the apartment triggered that. What does the apartment mean to you? Is it a living environment where you feel alive? Does returning there act as a sort of act of isolation from the rest of your life? Questions like that help you start being aware of the present...as you say, when you get hit in the face with a "situation," that is the moment to be aware of it and question it so that you can learn how to adapt, not to some ideal life but to the life you actually are in. We pass much of our lives living in the contexts that others have defined for us (routines, institutions, obligations, etc.) and it's easy to live in a coma, unaware of actually living.

Edited October 27, 2015 by Era Might