How do I politely answer this?

[tinytherese]

I switched parishes because of how the priest who was appointed there behaves. I was tired of getting upset during and after mass. How do I politely answer people when they ask why I'm no longer at my original parish? Responding, "I'd rather not say," or "I'm uncomfortable answering that," may sound suspicious. 

I'll describe what the priest was like. When people go up to Communion, instead of saying "The Body of Christ," he says, "Here you go." He lets lay people give homilies. He cracks jokes throughout the entire mass and replaces parts of the liturgy with inclusive language. His homilies consist of saying that stuff like Jesus didn't come here to judge and I'm okay, you're okay. He's known to leave the confessional earlier than he's supposed to, so you can't count on him for that. 

During one October, he told us that he was supposed to give homilies about pro-life issues for Respect for Life Month, yet ironically, he didn't talk about them. The closest he came to doing that, was was when he commented that people complain that he doesn't give enough homilies on abortion. Not once in the over a year of him being at my original parish did he ever give a homily about abortion. 

The worst was when he went up to me and asked in front of some of my family members why I hadn't received Communion that day. I awkwardly looked down and responded that I needed to go to confession. I once found myself again not in a state of grace on the day of my grandpa's funeral at that parish and couldn't get to confession beforehand. So as not to repeat what happened last time in front of even more family members, I kept my eye on him at the luncheon afterwards and hid from him. Thankfully, I was able to avoid him.  

 

[truthfinder]

I switched parishes because of how the priest who was appointed there behaves. I was tired of getting upset during and after mass. How do I politely answer people when they ask why I'm no longer at my original parish? Responding, "I'd rather not say," or "I'm uncomfortable answering that," may sound suspicious. 

I'll describe what the priest was like. When people go up to Communion, instead of saying "The Body of Christ," he says, "Here you go." He lets lay people give homilies. He cracks jokes throughout the entire mass and replaces parts of the liturgy with inclusive language. His homilies consist of saying that stuff like Jesus didn't come here to judge and I'm okay, you're okay. He's known to leave the confessional earlier than he's supposed to, so you can't count on him for that. 

During one October, he told us that he was supposed to give homilies about pro-life issues for Respect for Life Month, yet ironically, he didn't talk about them. The closest he came to doing that, was was when he commented that people complain that he doesn't give enough homilies on abortion. Not once in the over a year of him being at my original parish did he ever give a homily about abortion. 

The worst was when he went up to me and asked in front of some of my family members why I hadn't received Communion that day. I awkwardly looked down and responded that I needed to go to confession. I once found myself again not in a state of grace on the day of my grandpa's funeral at that parish and couldn't get to confession beforehand. So as not to repeat what happened last time in front of even more family members, I kept my eye on him at the luncheon afterwards and hid from him. Thankfully, I was able to avoid him.  

 

Humph...sounds like a gem.  Well people really should leave it if you say "i'd rather not answer" but you could always try sometime like "the new parish is more convenient for me" or something neutral.  

I really don't get why priests would inquire about not receiving communion geez...

[Basilisa Marie]

Yeah, say something like, "Well, [new parish] is more convenient]" or "I just felt like a change" or even "I feel like it's a better fit for me." 

[Anomaly]

Learned this one from Clergy, back in the day. 

Never say something negative about the old parish.   Simply say you prefer the new parish and look for things you like.  The subject of homilies, the participation of the congregation in songs, the organ sound, Mass times, hope to get involved in other ministries there, etc.

Other than saying you prefer the new, don't make direct comparisons for the various things. If challenged with someone saying the music director or homilies are as good or better, simply agree and list additional things as well.  The other person has to be a jerk to push it to an unpleasant disagreement. It becomes a conversation of things that are positive.  

[CatherineM]

You could always say you're looking for a husband, and had already checked out all the available guys in your old parish, so looking for fresh meat. 

I understand. I had to change because my old parish changed their security system and it permanently locked the accessible entrance. 

[Didacus]

tell them you look to he future rather than the past

[Gabriela]

I went through this once. I was surrounded by really nosy people who took my switching parishes as a political and personal affront to them. Everyone wanted to know why I switched. I just told them it was for personal reasons. They understood I meant: "It's none of your beaver dam business" and left it alone.

[blazeingstar]

I actually have been more vocal about priests/parishes.  In that I actually meant that a priest was rightfully removed from a parish.  It wasn't just me, but others started to report things to the bishops that weren't kosher....like the denial of Jesus as God, denial of Mary as immaculate, denial of Papal authority.    Now, the priest got so bold as to write a letter to the editor that was sent to the bishops...but I feel that others kept an eye out.

I do think you have an obligation to report what you've experienced to the Bishop.

My major concern is that on top of all the liticual abuses this priest sounds plain out abusive and cruel.  This is in no way, shape or form acceptable.  If this were a store, workplace or doctor's office I'd reply frankly, "I found the priest to be a bit abrasive/uncouth/unkind"  I think it is our duty as fellow human beings to warn others when they may step into danger.

[Slappo]

Just say you wanted to try out different parishes in the area. if they ask why just say you felt like it.

[truthfinder]

I hopped a couple parishes a few years ago.  My first hop, if any one were to ask, was the better Mass times (although a liturgy sans bongos and mandolins was a big plus). 

[tinytherese]

I do think you have an obligation to report what you've experienced to the Bishop.

My major concern is that on top of all the liticual abuses this priest sounds plain out abusive and cruel.  This is in no way, shape or form acceptable. 

Yea, I'll do that. I just hope that the priest doesn't whine about it in homilies or in conversations with others at the parish. My mom and grandma would figure out that it's me. They like him and didn't like that I switched. Mom and I in particular have had arguments about the faith and other issues and I've developed a temper. I told her in an email that I left because of the priest and said that I refuse to further the conversation and if anyone in the family pushes further, that I won't respond. I'm glad that no one in the family has pushed this issue, but unfortunately doesn't stop them from pushing on other topics. 

If anyone at my new parish asks or those from my old one do, then I can say that the parish is a better fit for me, I like it there, or I go for personal reasons. I could tell my new priest in private the full reason. 

I agreed to attend mass on Christmas Eve and Easter so that my mom feels like we're all together during those special times. In the future, I won't do that, especially when I have kids. Those masses are so irritating to get through. I go to the bathroom for part of the homily. I'd stay the whole homily if I could get away with it, but people would get suspicious and consider it rude.

Edited October 7, 2015 by tinytherese

[dUSt]

Sounds to me you should let your bishop know about the things the priest is doing.

[TheresaThoma]

I also echo what others have said. Those are not just annoying traits, some of them are legitimate liturgical abuses (the whole not saying the Body of Christ...). Bishops can't be everywhere and so the people in some ways have to be their eyes and ears. I'm pretty certain you are well formed in your faith but for others who are not this could cause major issues.

Also asking why someone didn't recieve Communion in public is just rude. I could see a priest asking in private out of concern and a desire to help ie hear your confession, help you through a spiritually difficult time etc.

As far as questions about why you changed just say that the new parish is a better fit for you.

[tinytherese]

I also echo what others have said. Those are not just annoying traits, some of them are legitimate liturgical abuses (the whole not saying the Body of Christ...). Bishops can't be everywhere and so the people in some ways have to be their eyes and ears.

Spy for the bishop, now that sounds cool. Mission Liturgical.

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

Spy for the bishop, now that sounds cool. Mission Liturgical.