What should we wear when we visit the convent?

[Mary Catherine]

Dear friends,

I plan to visit a Benedictine semi-contemplative convent in November, and now I wonder what I should wear during the visit.

Can I make up? Should I dress more poorly or simply? How about high-heeld shoes?

Kindly advise, thanks.

[MarysLittleFlower]

If I was going, I would dress simply, maybe a long skirt in a simple colour and a shirt / sweater. I don't wear makeup or heels in general but if you do, I personally would not wear them to the visit. For one thing it could distract from prayer.  

I guess the dress doesn't have to be super simple - but just neat and clean and tidy looking. I wouldn't wear fashionable things though to focus more on the spiritual things. Just how I'd approach it!  

Edited September 29, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower

[NadaTeTurbe]

Dress simply, without brand, but don't worry about it and don't try to disguise yourself, be honest about who you are with the sisters  

[sr.christinaosf]

I would dress simply and avoid high heels or anything flashy.  Skirts would maybe be nice, if you have them.  

[Sr Mary Catharine OP]

Dress simply but be yourself. If you wear make up, wear make up. How make up would distract from prayer I have no idea. Just think of a combo of minimum of fuss, dressing for a job interview, and being yourself! I remember when I came for my aspirancy I washed off my make up in the train and took out my beloved little gold hoops from my ears! The 2nd day the novice mistress said, "Don't you wear earrings? We'd love to see them!" On the other hand Sr. Judith Miryam wore big HOOPS and one sister said that she watched the altar during mass through the hoops!

I would say no high heeled shoes. Not that there is anything wrong with them but you'll find you are on your feet a lot and also, they can mess up hard wood floors! (I have proof!) Also, you will probably feel self conscious clicking down the corridor.

I agree with Sister, skirts, if you have them. But if you have only straight, short skirts pantaloons are better.

I didn't write pantaloons!

 

Edited September 29, 2015 by Sr Mary Catharine OP

[vee]

If there is the possibility you may be working with them make sure you have appropriate clothes for that.  

 

[MarysLittleFlower]

Personally I just find if I'm trying to focus on prayer in a discernment / retreat sort of way, it helps me to dress more simply so all my mind stays on spiritual things and discernment during the time. One time even wearing something nicer than usual drew my attention to it during Adoration.  

Of course we should make sure we look clean and neat. But beyond that I'd think that having all those things while prayerfully discerning God's will for a couple days could get fussy. Especially if the discernment involves whether one should leave those things and all possessions  if I take more effort on my appearance beyond just looking presentable, I think my mind would drift to my appearance while I'm thinking about leaving the world and attachments. There would be a lack of congruence in my mind or something.

Plus these things exist to be more attractive to others and in consecrated life we belong only to God and seek to please Him alone, with spiritual rather than physical beauty?

I don't know I've just noticed this has affected how I feel about discernment and religious life. It just frees my heart somehow to take them off... And focusing on them especially if I have an attachment, draws my heart to them. I know I have an attachment if there's a dislike for giving something up if God would potentially ask of it. I'm speaking about me cause I don't know what its like to be another person..  Maybe someone can relate. 

Edited September 29, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower

[blazeingstar]

I don't think that love of clothes and fashion is something that is totally apart from being a Sister or a nun.  I think that love of God and sacrifice can help burn away selfish desires just like love of God, husband and children can do the same to a fashionista mom.  One of the best Sisters I know loves fashion and has a good eye but she's truly humble in her veil, habit and little mini backpack she uses as a purse.  The sisters will appreciate your being who you are, despite what you may choose to wear in the future.

I would encourage you to wear comfortable, serviceable shoes and clothing that won't rip or be damaged easily.  As far as makeup.  Different orders have different rules.  Some do allow the sisters to wear a bit here and there depending on their skin or likes or whatnot.  Some makeup is actually oil-absorbing so it can be a health thing to combat greasy skin so as long as it's not flashy it's ok.

[beatitude]

In convents and monasteries I just dress as I usually would, casual but smart. I wear jewellery every day (necklace and earrings, sometimes a bracelet) so I keep those on. I never wear makeup anyway so that's not an issue for me. It was a struggle for me to get ready for Lauds and Matins in time anyway at the last monastery I visited, so if I did wear makeup I'd probably leave it off, and prioritise making my hair look neat and not as though large birds of prey have been nesting in it overnight.  I agree with the advice to just be yourself - don't act as though you're going to be like one of these desert hermits and are arriving to live on top of your pillar, or decide to imitate John the Baptist with the camel-skin cloak. The sisters want to see you as you are. I expect you would always tidy yourself and dress smartly when going to someone's home as a guest, and it's no different here, but don't overthink your appearance in a way you wouldn't normally.

[franciscanheart]

I'm with @Sr Mary Catharine OP and @beatitude on this one. Enjoy your visit!

[Swami Mommy]

When I would go on retreat to my Guru's ashram (monastery) I would wear midi-length rather full, yet lightweight skirts in solid, neutral colors (we sat on cushions on the carpeted floor of the meditation hall to meditate and needed ample skirt room for our folded legs!), simple solid-colored pullover tops or pullover sweaters, depending on the weather, and flat, rubber-soled shoes to muffle my footsteps as I walked in uncarpeted hallways to preserve the ambient silence of the environment.   I rarely wore jewelry except for a ring or a simple 18 inch long chain pendant, I wore light, natural-looking makeup, and I curling-ironed my baby-fine hair so I looked presentable.  Oh, and I brought a set of work clothes (sneakers, jeans or khakis and a T shirt) in case my assigned chores involved outdoor landscaping work or moderate cleaning tasks.  I dressed in a practical, calm style that didn't draw undue attention to myself and that helped me to fit in with the over-all feel of the sacred space I was in.  You might want to consider dressing like you're going to church to attend a special, dignified event like a baptism.  And, depending if this is a look-and-see retreat, you might want to consider packing a pair of pantaloons and a casual top just in case you're going to be hanging out with some of the attendees at a casual sponsored event during the retreat.   How many days is the retreat?

Edited September 29, 2015 by Swami Mommy

[NadaTeTurbe]

and ask the sisters how cold it is... I did a retreat in a convent in october, and I was not expecting this. Thankfully, a sweet sister gave me a good sweater, because I thought I was going to die from the cold. And make sure you have comfortable shoes, during the same retreat a sister took me on a walk in the forest, and my shoes did not resist... ! 

[veritasluxmea]

Yes, check the weather in the area before you pack. Did they send out retreat information or will they be sending that out before you go? Usually that includes what to wear.

Whenever I do visits I always wear what I wear to school or visiting friends- jeans, whatever top, and hoodies or a jacket. Whatever you wear normally for shoes is fine. Make sure to being some tennis shoes for recreation or long walks in nature. Have "fancy" clothes to change into: I also pack a skirt, blouse, and flats for mass. If you wear makeup and earrings normally, then wear makeup and earrings like you would in a professional/school environment. Like Beatitude said, they just want to see you normally! 

[katherineH]

I usually wear jeans and comfortable shoes.  I avoid a lot of accessories, and try to bring a skirt or dress for Sunday Mass.  Another thing: bring a water bottle.  I don't know why but I'm always super thirsty at the convent (probably from all of the talking, praying, and singing!)

[Mary Catherine]

My dear friends,

Thank you so much for your kind replies, I feel really warm inside.

I am not sure if there would be a retreat for me, I will ask the sister. Now I have decided to clothe myself in my Sunday best, long dresses with light makeup. Think that would be nice, just be myself. No worries, normally I do not wear high- heeled shoes.

I look forward to a nice visit and appreciate your prayers for my discernment.