reactions to a potential call

[MarysLittleFlower]

There's a thread about people struggling with coming back to the world after being in a convent. I'm wondering - for those who are rather suffering because God is not calling them to marriage - what could be a helpful thing to say? What would be definitely unhelpful? This isn't about me but advice on how to help someone. Thanks!

[beatitude]

It is hard to give advice without knowing the person and their situation, because this is not an issue with a one-size-fits-all answer. Some people struggle with the idea that they won't get married because they really want children, some people are frightened of loneliness, some people are in love with a specific person but have realised for whatever reason that they can't marry this person, and some people feel as though they ought to be a priest or religious and try to bludgeon themselves down this path when God is not asking them to go there. And there are many other reasons. Based on what others have written, I suspect that the experiences of feeling rejected by a religious community or even God himself possibly have more in common than this.

Sometimes the best comfort you can give someone is just to be their friend. You don't necessarily have to have an answer for what they're experiencing or be ready to dispense spiritual advice. If they haven't got an SD, you could suggest that they find one, but that's as far as I'd go without knowing more details. As for what to avoid, that's clearer - don't try to tell them how holy a religious vocation is or repeat things such as "God knows what's best for our happiness", because most people already understand that and it doesn't make the feelings any easier to bear. It just sounds like platitudes. This is why it is good for them to get guidance from an SD, who is equipped to listen to them and help them on their journey.

[MarysLittleFlower]

Thanks for the reply! I've told a friend in this situation to speak to a good priest but she doesn't have an SD. This isn't the case like where a person just has a natural desire for marriage that they are trying to let go. I don't know all the details but she's really suffering with it. I think a priest would be important to help discern it all .. Yea I feel like there's not much I could do but I am quite worried for her it really seems like a heavy trial for her. 

[MarysLittleFlower]

I think what makes it confusing for me is that I almost have the opposite thing of really wanting consecrated life. So when my friend told me of her struggles I thought - its so easy for me to say something that wouldnt help, even in wanting to help. But in case she mentions it again I have no idea what to say besides "I think it would be good to speak to a priest"

I think what makes it confusing for me is that I almost have the opposite thing of really wanting consecrated life. So when my friend told me of her struggles I thought - its so easy for me to say something that wouldnt help, even in wanting to help. But in case she mentions it again I have no idea what to say besides "I think it would be good to speak to a priest"

[Feankie]

What I would advise you to do is just BE.  Be with her, listen to her, sit with her, have coffee with her, etc.  Walk with her, but don't offer advice.  Whatever you say will somehow sometime be the wrong thing and it may fracture your friendship.