Do You Ever Get Stuck?

[Kayte Postle]

I've been moving forward bit by bit in my discernment. I have a community in mind that I think I would be a good fit for, and I am arranging a visit there by the end of the year. But I feel like I'm getting stuck on all the small things I'm not super gung-ho about (the big one right now is how much I hate their habit). I feel childish, and I know that in the grand scheme of things those small traits won't matter. Has anyone ever experienced this before? If so how did you work to overcome it?

[TheresaThoma]

I think the biggest thing would to be to go and visit them. I know with the community I have been discerning with and hope to enter there were/are some things that I wasn't completely gung ho about. There are a couple of their apostolates that I'm not sure if I would be a good fit for (they have many different apostolates so it would be a very good possibility that I would not be placed in one of those). When I get hung up on that type of thing I think back to my visits and my communications with the Sisters and how much peace and joy I experienced there. A good test I have found is, if this changed or if I couldn't do this 50-60 years down the road would I still be attracted to the community. It helps me focus on the core of the vocation to that community; charism and spirituality, how the community views itself and functions etc. I know that will be more important that things that may very well change such as habits, location and apostolates.

It is good that you are recognizing these things but don't let that stop you from discerning with this community. You may find that the things you don't care for as much become non-issues once you meet the Sisters in person.

[AccountDeleted]

Kayte - Just go for the visit and see if the pros of the community outweigh the cons. And give each pro or con a weighting as how whether it is a deal breaker or just a nice to have/not have. Use a combination of logic and heart when making your decision. 

And also, I would take this to Jesus in prayer and ask Him to help you out. Maybe a little divine guidance could help out!  

 

Edited September 6, 2015 by nunsense

[beatitude]

I've been moving forward bit by bit in my discernment. I have a community in mind that I think I would be a good fit for, and I am arranging a visit there by the end of the year. But I feel like I'm getting stuck on all the small things I'm not super gung-ho about (the big one right now is how much I hate their habit). I feel childish, and I know that in the grand scheme of things those small traits won't matter. Has anyone ever experienced this before? If so how did you work to overcome it?

I used to get stuck over things like this. For a long time I hesitated to check out any secular institutes because I didn't like the idea of not wearing a habit or being marked out as consecrated. (Some secular institutes do wear habits, but I always found that confusing and in my heart of hearts I knew that I would not approach an institute that did - a habit doesn't fit with secularity in the modern world as I understand it.) It took me about three years to shake off this desire to be 'noticed' and to be seen to be doing something special. It was a form of vanity that was holding me back, plus the fact that like many discerners I was intrigued by externals. God overcame it for me. I prayed to be faithful to him and to learn what he had to teach me in this present and holy moment, and as my daily life unfolded I began to see beauty in that hidden unmarked life, which corresponded so closely to how the Holy Family lived at Nazareth. I didn't learn to tolerate what had initially held me back, I grew to love it.

A few months ago, having been in formation with a secular institute for just over two years, I started to feel restless. My thoughts kept returning to religious life - specifically enclosed contemplative life - and I could not judge if this were just a response to the stress that attends the final year of a doctorate, a thirst for deeper prayer where I am now, or something more. There was one particular community that had recurred in my mind over the years, which I had never contacted, so I decided to write to them and arrange a visit. When I discerned religious life as an undergrad student I was pretty insecure and this meant my discernment was clouded in insecurity, so I felt that I should look again at the possibility now that I have clearer sight and I am more confident in myself. To be honest I expect this visit to confirm that I am in the right place now, allowing me to persevere with the knowledge that I have closed the doors whose presence was niggling at me, but if it does turn out to be something more I know that my time with the secular institute will have done me some good: I no longer care about how a habit looks, for example, and I am no longer so afraid of giving things up and knowingly placing my future in the hands of God. The past few years have taught me that.

In your position I would not worry now about the community's habit. Concentrate on the visit. Pray. Go with the intention of growing in holiness and learning whatever the sisters have to teach you; don't see it as an opportunity to get a firm 'yes' or 'no' answer about whether you are called there.  If you feel at home there, if both you and they have the sense that God is asking something from you, then take it further. Just go one step at a time. If you do this I think you'll find that the aversion to their habit will resolve itself without you even having to think of it again.