Great Interview with Dr. Janet Smith about SSA

[Gabriela]

Read it all here: http://www.hprweb.com/2015/07/july-editorial-interview-with-dr-janet-smith-of-the-sacred-heart-seminary-in-detroit/ 

Two common responses to the difficulty of appearing loving, and also of being faithful to the truth, is that some people dispense with truth-telling altogether, and try to appease those who seem miserable at hearing the truth. They then fail to speak the truth to those who desperately want to do things we know to be bad for them.  Parents who take their daughters to Planned Parenthood are a good examples of that tendency.  I suspect there was a significant amount of this motivation in the decision of the Supreme Court that same-sex marriage is a constitutional right.

Another response can be to put forth arguments—with varying degrees of aggression—that we think should persuade any reasonable person.  This approach rarely does any good, either for the person who needs to know the truth, or for the person who delivers it. Those of us who would speak the truth effectively need to take great care to develop and employ the proper methods.  Building a strong trusting relationship with a person is nearly always a necessary precursor to an honest sharing of delicate views, especially when one person is likely to feel condemned by the views of the other.  And no matter how sensitively, and lovingly, one may present the truth, there is always the danger that the recipient will react negatively. We need to be prepared for that, and be prepared to work on continuing to be in relationship.

....

 

M. Scott Peck, in his book, The Road Less Travelled, begins with the line, “Life is difficult.” Those looking for an easy, guaranteed path to happiness, will not find it in marriage, or any where else. What makes marriage a possible source of happiness is that it requires people to become generous, sacrificing, patient, self-giving, and forgiving. As any semi-conscious human being knows, marriage is a very challenging way of life, and not any guarantee to happiness.

Moreover, we need to recognize that most people have a fairly serious cross to carry in this world, whether it be financial insecurity; abandonment by, or death, of loved ones; mental and physical disease; lack of self-confidence; persecution by enemies; estrangement; the burdens of caring for children, siblings, or parents who are very dependent, etc. In the midst of crosses, happiness is still to be found and, in fact, might only be found there.

Same-sex attraction is, in my view, an exceptionally difficult cross. But it is not an insuperable obstacle to happiness, nor a condemnation to a lonely life. Those who live with same-sex attraction are certainly lovable, and capable of radical self-love. Marriage is not required to enable them to love, or be loved. In many cultures, and certainly in our current culture, many people choose not to marry, or be in sexual relationships, many do not find a suitable person to love, many are abandoned, and live on without a partner. While those lives are often challenging, those who work to reach out to others, to build networks of support—both by giving and receiving support—find their lives are rich and rewarding and, in fact, can rightly be considered profoundly happy. They may never have expected to find happiness where they have, but they do find happiness there.

[Era Might]

I'm reading a book called "Living with Contradictions" by Esther de Waal, it's a sort of meditation on the Rule of St. Benedict. I've been thinking a lot about a point she makes about our crosses/contradictions as life-long questions that may never be answered, but if we are going to take our lives seriously and grow, we have to face and learn to live with those questions (which may become even harder to answer the more we grow). I like Smith's point about the wider context...we all have hands we are dealt in life, whether it's something like SSA or being born into a violent country, etc. I've been learning that if we try to escape from those contradictions, we are guaranteed to be unhappy, because we can't change them, but if we face them, there will be no easy happiness, but there is the hope of happiness, because we are facing the situation we have to face. I think that's the real "cross" we carry...suffering is often bearable in itself if it's just a passing thing, but when we carry a suffering that is not just fleeting, but is something that will define our life and the path we take...that's when the cross really gets heavy.

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

Read it all here: http://www.hprweb.com/2015/07/july-editorial-interview-with-dr-janet-smith-of-the-sacred-heart-seminary-in-detroit/ 

I found this to be one of the better articles I've read about homosexuality from a Roman Catholic perspective.

One of the most important points made in the article was that learning how to respond with love and caring when a person you care about (and in my case, was married to) is homosexual takes TIME. Because I had grown up near San Francisco, where there has been an active gay community since the 60's, I understood my ex-husband's feelings on an intellectual level. That helped me some, particularly in the first months, although I was devastated that my ex-husband no longer wanted to be married, and the fact that his news came out of the blue with no warning. I have never cried so much before or since.

But, it took me years to at least somewhat understand what it might feel like to be homosexual. I have never had homosexual feelings, and my first emotional response was revulsion. I needed to get over what I came to call "the ick factor" so that I would not simply love and forgive my ex-husband intellectually, but also on an emotional level. After a time, I came to understand emotionally how two men (or two women) could love each other.

I realized that I was focusing too much on thinking about sex and "the ick factor." After all, even though I am heterosexual, I certainly am not physically attracted to every man I meet--far from it. I can easily be friends with a man even though the thought of having sex with him would repulse me. With the vast majority of men I meet, I don't even think about sex.

For me, trying to understand how the other person feels, even if I have never had those feelings myself, was my first step to treating that person with dignity and respect. I HAD to learn how to do this in my case--I couldn't assign this issue to the back burner. I had to make peace with the fact that I am divorced (something that still sometimes makes me feel like a failure, and still stigmatizes me as a "loser" to some people), and in order to be able to honestly wish the best for my ex-husband. But this didn't happen quickly--it took YEARS.

I suspect it will take years for the Roman Catholic church to learn how to really love homosexual men and women. But, it is something that needs to be done, because loving your brothers and sisters in the way Jesus asked of us means we need to figure out how to do this. Jesus shared meals with prostitutes and tax collectors--He truly loved them. We need to learn how to love the way Jesus loved.

 

Edited August 16, 2015 by IgnatiusofLoyola

[Not The Philosopher]

God bless her. I'm glad that that conference happened.

[franciscanheart]

... I needed to get over what I came to call "the ick factor"...

I realized that I was focusing too much on thinking about sex and "the ick factor." ...

... I suspect it will take years for the Roman Catholic church to learn how to really love homosexual men and women. But, it is something that needs to be done...

Me, when I see a post like this and know some other people get it: