Question about vocation...

[Zoe]

After long time lurking and reading Phatmass i have finally decided to join and i hope that you will able to help me or give me some advice.

This year i'm starting my last year of high school and in the next spring i will graduate,For long time i feel that i have Vocation and that i called to become sister.I'm allredy in contact with one community and i have visited them meany times.They know for my interest for that community and they are nothing then kind and supporting to me.

My parents of course know for my interest for them and they never try to discourage me to go there or spend some time with them.They even drive me there and we have spend some time together with sisters.I 'm coming from amazing Catholic family and they are great for me in any way.

Few weeks ago all this has been dramatically changed when i have told my parents that i will like to join sisters next year after i finish high school.They told me that it is not good idea and that they will not support this.They even tell me that they strongly disprove this.They told me that they want that i go to collage and finish it and then i can consider Vocation.

Parents told me that they have nothing against the Vocation in general and that they will support me in my decision but after i finish collage.I have try to explain them that Vocation is not working in that way and that  i can not wait 4-5 year more, i feel that moment is now.This trigger even more reaction and then i have stooped this conversation because it has been hard for me to continue about this.I have never seen my parents like this before.Till this situation they have support us in any decision we have made.

From this occasion it has been very hard to talk with them and i feel that they are angry to me.This few weeks are very hard for me because till now i have realty nice relationship with both of my parents, i know that i'm not only one in this situation but what i should do now?

I realty feel in my heart that it is time for this.I feel that i'm reedy and that this is my true Vocation.i do not want to spend 4-5 years at collage,I feel that it will be do much distraction in this time.I know they want only best for me and i respect that and of course i do not want to disappointment them.But also i do not want to leave what i feel it is right in my heart.Thank you and

 

God bless you all.

 

 

 

[marigold]

Welcome, Zoe!

Unfortunately, your experience is really common. Many really devout parents love the idea of vocations in general, but are horrified when it 'happens to them'. I would try to keep things as peaceful as possible, while staying committed to your decision. Most people come around eventually - but it will take time, and a lot of being gracious on your part.

Two things to consider:

- Will you be of legal age when you graduate next spring? I don't know what country you are in, but in many countries, on turning 18 you are a legal adult and don't need your parents' consent to do things. If you are under the legal age, you will probably have to wait. In any case, don't burn any bridges with your family that you won't be able to repair.

- Try to minimise the 'forever' part. This is, I think, what hurts a lot of parents the most; the thought that they will suddenly lose their daughter and never have the same relationship with her again. If you persevere in the convent, yes the relationship will naturally change, but you will always be their daughter, and at this early stage, it is more prudent to phrase it in terms of 'this is something I am trying out'. Take it from someone who learnt it the hard way - it's less heartache for both you and your family.

Finally, give thanks to God that he is giving you this opportunity! Stay strong and persevere

[AccountDeleted]

Zoe

Your parents are naturally concerned for your future life should you have to leave the convent for any reason (there are sometimes reasons beyond our control) and find yourself with no means of financial support or income.

You, on the other hand, are probably naturally concerned about things like students debts and distractions and other things that might interfere with your eventual entry into a convent.And let's face it, it's human to hate waiting.

The mature thing to do (which is always hard) is for all of you to sit down and discuss the pros and cons of waiting or of entering after graduation. This will be difficult because they will want to convince you of their point of view and you will want to convince them of yours. But if both sides could discuss this and perhaps even write down the pros and and cons, some kind of collaborative decision might be reached. Certainly you are entitled to your own choice, but speaking from their own years of experience, they might have some seriously worthwhile things to take into consideration. And they might not have considered the very valid reasons (like student debt for college) why you don't want to go to college first. If the community you are considering offers education to its sisters,that might be a selling point for you.

I suggest that you do your best to try to keep the lines of communication open with your parents because, after all, they are your parents, and they obviously love you. They are experiencing protectiveness for their 'baby' and also fear about what the future might hold for you and them. You are only seeing the bright and beautiful side of religious life (probably) right now and want to run to embrace this.But your whole life is ahead of you and there is no rush.You will miss your parents when you don't have them in your life. Take it one step at a time, and include them in your plans as much as possible, as you would for a wedding. Share your hopes and dreams (and perhaps even your doubts and fears if it seems appropriate)and let them share theirs with you. God isn't going anywhere. Don't break the tender reed, help it to bend. Good luck.

[HopefulHeart]

Hi Zoe. Welcome to Phatmass!

I agree with nunsense that you should discuss the pros and cons with your parents. Try to understand their reasoning and give their ideas some honest and prayerful consideration.

Also, it's great that you've formed a relationship with a community! Have you told the vocation director or another sister in the community that you are seriously considering entering? She may have some valuable advice about your entering directly after high school. I visited a community during my senior year of high school and wanted to enter without delay. However, the vocation director gently recommended that I wait, while still encouraging continued discernment with the community. I was a bit frustrated, but I decided to attend college, and I am so glad I made that decision. So, be sure to consider what the vocation director advises.

Take everything to prayer and trust in the Lord! I will pray for you.

Edited August 14, 2015 by HopefulHeart

[Gabriela]

Welcome to Phatmass, Zoe!  

I think you've received some good advice already. Probably all you need. I just wanted to mention that what I "hear" in your post is two parents who may be stuck in the very common "normal life trajectory" mindset. I mean: Most parents of a certain economic stature imagine their kids graduating high school, going to college, and then "doing something with their life". This is a mental rut that the average, middle-class family in many societies can't get itself out of. They've been brainwashed by mainstream culture to think that college is necessary for everything. It is not.

That being said, I do think you should talk to the community to see what they think about the new situation with your parents. And you should be understanding of your parents' concerns, because they can't help but fear for your future. If your parents will fund your college 100%, then having a conversation with them in which you take the position that you just want to "try out" religious life first so that they don't waste their money on something you won't need if you persevere in that life could be effective. And you can always ask them if they'd be willing to pay for college after you try religious life, in the event that you decide that life isn't for you. (Be aware they may say 'no' to the latter just to try to frighten you out of trying religious life! Worried parents often do desperate things.) If they aren't able to fund college 100%, then explaining that debt would prevent your following your God-given vocation is a strong argument.

Whatever happens, FOLLOW YOUR HEART. Your parents will always love you, and even though they may be angry with you for awhile, especially if you can't get them to see your side of this, the kind of parents you describe will come around eventually and be happy for you. Even if you don't remain in religious life, given time, they will eventually see that it was something you really needed to do to be at peace on your future path.

So the main thing to consider here isn't "should you enter right after high school?", but "how can you get your parents to accept that?". Given that you seem very certain that God is calling you to that community right now, I say: Follow that call, and the rest will work itself out.

In the meantime, you've got some meetings to schedule: with the community, and with your parents, and maybe with a priest or SD. God bless you, and good luck! 

[Pax_et bonum]

As someone who's been in a similar situation with my own parents, I would say leave the vocation thing alone for a bit while around your parents. Focus your relationship with your parents on all the good things that let you bond with them. Be with them, laugh with them, love them. Before again bringing up entering right after high school, talk to the vocation director of your community. See what she has to say about you entering. If she says not yet, then the issue with your parents is nonexistent. If she says yes, you'll have to go from there. Tell your vocation director about your parents' concerns, and see what she has to say. Maybe you two can talk to your parents together sometime.

I know parents can be really hurtful, and I'm sorry you're going through this. 

[julianneoflongbeach]

Pax hit it on the nose I think. If the community you want to enter won't let you it's a complete non issue. Or maybe there is a community you can enter and still go to school at the same time. In any case, if you can't enter right away (some communities will want you to have an education beforehand) you can choose a college that's close by to stay in touch or go to a community college. They are way cheaper and you can get an AA or AS in just two years.

[He is Risen!]

Welcome Zoe! Most communities that I have looked into here (USA) want the candidate to have some college or work experience before they enter although some send their sisters through school themselves for specific degrees.  There are some contemplative communities that don't require this I think. It's really between you and the community's vocation director.  I was told to wait a year and was totally crushed, looking back now several years later, I can't imaging it any other way.  There was so much grace and growth for me in that waiting.  Stay hopeful and go wherever He leads!

[MarysLittleFlower]

I don't have anything new to add but I just wanted to share this  http://imaginesisters.org/forparents/

 

[Zoe]

Thank you so much for you kind and amazing replays.It seams that it has been great idea finally to join here.

You all give me a lot to think about and i mean that in the most positive way.Also you have ask me some question and i will try to answer you that you maybe get new perspective for my current situation.

Yes in spring i will turn 18 years and yes then i can enter no matter what my parents think.But i think it will be worse solution for me and for them.Burn bridges are not my style i'm not raised in that way.As i say before my parents are amazing in many ways and also they have raise us in strong Catholic spirit.Then even suggest me to go in my current high school (Catholic one)..

That school is one of the main reason why i'm in the discerning my possible Vocation.They give us great education and amazing perspective about what religious life means.

This decision about entering did not came to me just like that.It is not just some time period for me.I considering this for some time now and i have only ask support from my parents to search and explore it more.By my nature i not fast in my decision because of this i have wanted to tell them more then one year before possible entrance.To talk about it and discuss about it.My desire in not written in the rock.I'm open even to take a year off and not to go to collage and spend year in discerning about my possible vocation.I have just ask supoort for my future steps.

Also the most important thing for me now is to talk with sisters and tell them about my current situation.They know for my interest but i have never officially ask them permission for entering.I have wanted to talk with my parents first to show the respect and to ask me them what they think.

Also i need to say i have desire to continue my education but not in the way my parents want.I need to talk with sisters about possible solution of this.

I have decided to take this situation slow and give time to my self my family and the sisters but also.I just feel in my heart it is right time for for explore more my discerning.

Be free to ask me if you want something to know.

Thank you and God bless you all

 

 

[marigold]

That sounds like a good plan, Zoe. Let us know what happens!

[Zoe]

That sounds like a good plan, Zoe. Let us know what happens!

Of course i will .Thank you for you kind replay.I'm still new here so i'm looking some topics here.You have relay a lot of material to reed and study about Vocations and discerning.It it easy to see that also a lot of peoples have similar problem like mine.When i reed this topics it get easier and i will get new perspective to fix my current situation with my parents,

I'm still on my summer breaks and i have plain to visit sisters to tell them my current situation.Also i have consider to ask some guidance and advice from my teachers at my high school.With some of them i'm very close and because they are living religious life it will be great to ask them for their opinion.

What you think about that?

i wish you all the best

Zoe

 

[Gabriela]

Of course i will .Thank you for you kind replay.I'm still new here so i'm looking some topics here.You have relay a lot of material to reed and study about Vocations and discerning.It it easy to see that also a lot of peoples have similar problem like mine.When i reed this topics it get easier and i will get new perspective to fix my current situation with my parents,

I'm still on my summer breaks and i have plain to visit sisters to tell them my current situation.Also i have consider to ask some guidance and advice from my teachers at my high school.With some of them i'm very close and because they are living religious life it will be great to ask them for their opinion.

What you think about that?

i wish you all the best

Zoe

 

I think that also sounds very wise! 

Out of curiosity, Zoe, what country are you writing from? (You don't have to say if you're uncomfortable posting it on the internet!)

[Zoe]

I think that also sounds very wise! 

Out of curiosity, Zoe, what country are you writing from? (You don't have to say if you're uncomfortable posting it on the internet!)

No Gabriela it is not a problem I'm from Italy and i live here for longer period of time.But my family origin is not from here i have quite a complicated family background with mixed of few nations.But at the moment i'm here and i hope i will stay here

 

[Zoe]

I need to say that my current situation with my parents it is little bit better.We have talked that we will have serious talk and that we will try to understand both position theirs and mine.We will try to talk openly and to found some solution for all this but first we will give to us little bit of time.

But i have other dilemma in my mind now.I have talk with our parish priests about my situation and my discerning.He is young priest and he has been very kind in this conversation and offer me all help as he can give me.We have very long conversation and he told me that i should enter next year.That after high school it is best time for formation and adjusting to religious life.

On other hand when i have told the sisters about my intentions the suggest me that first i fix the situation with my parents and if i need that i took year for my self and discerning.I'm very confused now.This confusion did not change my desire for entering but also i respect sisters and their opinion is very important for me.

God bless you all

Zoe