If You Cannot Forgive,

[Guest hidden]

I have a question.

If you cannot forgive your abuser, is that a sin? Are you condemned?

I was abused as a child. I have tried, and failed to forgive my abuser. I have prayed to God over this, many times. I have gone to reconciliation to confess not being able to forgive. I have prayed for the saints' intercession, and I have tried to follow Jesus' example of turning the other cheek and forgiving those who harm you.

I still cannot bring myself to forgive my abuser. I tried to delude myself thinking I had forgiven him, but my rage and hurt persist, and I realized that I cannot forgive this person.


I am currently not in therapy, and I doubt I will be anytime soon, due to financial issues.

I cannot bring myself to talk to my parish priest about this, outside of confession.

What should I do?

[Pio Nono]

JMJ
6/21 - St. Aloysius Gonzaga

hidden,

These issues are difficult to deal with, as I am sure that you are aware; however, forgiveness is something that is necessary - not easy, sometimes not even desired, but necessary. I suggest you take Christ Crucified as an example of supreme forgiveness: "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." It is said that one of the reasons the ostrich became so big and bulky (and thus unable to fly) is because it always stuck its head in the ground; I encourage you to do what you can to make these relationships right instead of bottling up anger or resentment. Only swift eagles - and not ostriches - can soar to the heights of Mount Zion, to the dwelling of the Living God.

Pray for the strength and trust to talk to a spiritual confrere about this outside of the realm of confession. Also, counseling may be a sound option if you are able to acquire that tool. I hope this helps. Know of my prayers.

Yours,
Pio Nono