Obstacles

[MarysLittleFlower]

I've been discerning religious life for a while.. I have some obstacles like loans but I thought, I still have some time to pay them off. However yesterday I found out that my parents who are entering retirement would not get enough pension to live on when my dad can no longer work. That's because we haven't lived enough time in this country as immigrants and though they would be getting pension from another country, the currency conversion rate makes it very little. When i say not enough to live on i mean just that.

I have no siblings and we have no savings or relatives in this country. This means that I'd be the only financial support for my parents. Yesterday as I considered this I felt like all my plans crashed down. I don't see how I could be a nun.. Also I feel so bad for my parents because we've always been kind of poor and my dad has worked at a difficult labour job for many years, and now the government won't give enough money because we are immigrants. When i realized that in addition to all this I may not be able to be a nun, I felt such pain. I offered this to God and I love Him. But I'm going through a lot emotionally. If anyone could fit in a prayer for me and also for my parents i'd be very grateful. 

I don't know God's plans .. Could be that He wants me to serve Him in the world... I don't feel drawn to marriage but there are other options. Maybe my family would somehow get money for their support but that would be a miracle. Anyway I just wanted to check and ask - is there any hope at all or no? I mean are there any ways out there that a family in this situation could still be supported and I could enter an order? If not though then God's Will be done. 

Edited August 6, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower

[AccountDeleted]

I've been discerning religious life for a while.. I have some obstacles like loans but I thought, I still have some time to pay them off. However yesterday I found out that my parents who are entering retirement would not get enough pension to live on when my dad can no longer work. That's because we haven't lived enough time in this country as immigrants and though they would be getting pension from another country, the currency conversion rate makes it very little. When i say not enough to live on i mean just that.

I have no siblings and we have no savings or relatives in this country. This means that I'd be the only financial support for my parents. Yesterday as I considered this I felt like all my plans crashed down. I don't see how I could be a nun.. Also I feel so bad for my parents because we've always been kind of poor and my dad has worked at a difficult labour job for many years, and now the government won't give enough money because we are immigrants. When i realized that in addition to all this I may not be able to be a nun, I felt such pain. I offered this to God and I love Him. But I'm going through a lot emotionally. If anyone could fit in a prayer for me and also for my parents i'd be very grateful. 

I don't know God's plans .. Could be that He wants me to serve Him in the world... I don't feel drawn to marriage but there are other options. Maybe my family would somehow get money for their support but that would be a miracle. Anyway I just wanted to check and ask - is there any hope at all or no? I mean are there any ways out there that a family in this situation could still be supported and I could enter an order? If not though then God's Will be done. 

If you mean that your father can't collect Social Security because he hasn't paid enough into it yet, then that isn't really an immigrant issue - it is a simple mathematical issue (although devastating in its effect). My sister, who is a born and raised US citizen, came to Australia when she was in high school, so she never earned enough money in the US to qualify for Social Security either. One of my brothers, who was older when we moved here, has nearly enough to qualify, but might have to go back there and work a few more years if he wants to collect SS. I actually went back to the States to live for many years, so I did qualify. So it isn't about your family being immigrants really, it's that they didn't immigrate early enough to spend the necessary years earning the amount of money that would qualify them for benefits. 

Is there any way your father could work longer and then qualify? He could discuss this with the SS Administration and get a statement from them showing how much he has earned over how many quarters and how much more he would have to work and earn to qualify. It's just an idea. Lots of people are working later and later and in fact, the age of retirement keeps moving, even for SS. It was 60 when I was growing up, then it became 62 and 65 and I don't know if some people now have to wait until they are 67? It depends on date of birth I know.

As for the religious life vocation - well, nothing is impossible for God, but it will probably involve a lot of research and prayers on your side to try to find some kind of remedy that works for everyone. Maybe you could start your own community and move your parents in with you?  It's been done before, believe it or not.

But no, I don't really have anything constructive to offer except for your father checking with Social Security to see how and when he could qualify and if that would be possible in his lifetime. As I said, it all depends on the math.

[MarysLittleFlower]

Thanks for the advice Nunsense! We live in Canada and its the Old Age Security and CCP that isn't enough... Just the regular pension... Apparently if a person was born here or lived at least 40 years they get it fully, but if less then partially. There's the pension from our home country but it becomes very little in Canadian money. Maybe there's something they're missing that could be figured out..  There's some other thing they could get apparently though it doesn't make it enough.

As for my vocation...I'm planning to speak to my SD... Its true its impossible to know God's plan. My options I guess are to either be some sort of consecrated person in the world or maybe I would be able to be a religious in some way after all... I mean maybe my parents would be able to find a way, or there would be a way for them to be supported with the community...

I'm trying to trust God. I'm trying to love Him and not complain inwardly. I believe He can use this to help me love Him more... More than being a nun I just want to be fully His but the way this is expressed in religious life became very meaningful to me. At first, last night it seemed to me like He doesn't want me as much, but I'm trying to resist that thought and just trust. St Therese's spirituality is so helpful now  she never complained and didnt ask for consolation but just loved Jesus

[AccountDeleted]

Sorry,I assumed you were in the US. Canada is a whole different kettle of fish. My brother, who lived and worked in Montreal for 12 years is entitled to some Canadian pension but I don't know how much it is. He will also get US Social Security plus a 401K from his employer, so he is set up.

I know how hard it is to live on a pension - we have something similar here in OZ. I have been on unemployment benefits for quite awhile and it really is poverty level income but the old age pension isn't much better. I am fortunate in that I get some US Social Security benefits as well - the minimum, but it helps.

Certainly prayer is probably the best solution to your problem, and research. Maybe Canada has some kind of supplementary system for those who don't have any other income, but maybe not. Maybe you could work for a few years and put away some money for them.

Hopefully someone else here with more financial sense than I have will offer some suggestions. 

[BarbTherese]

Prayers for you and very sorry to read of the family situation.

It is not, MLF, that God does not want you "as much" and do talk it out with your SD.  It is a temptation, I would think, to discouragement and lack of trust in The Lord.  You have mentioned some situations that might amend what seems the family situation at the moment and prayers for this too.  Something might come up too re the loans.

St Therese's spirituality is so helpful now  she never complained and didnt ask for consolation but just loved Jesus

In another thread you gave a link to "Mystics of The Church" and I have long noticed on that site that there are many who were not in consecrated life.  But don't give up on your vocation and certainly not on The Lord and His Ways.  He can often move in very strange ways indeed and though very painful for you, here is an opportunity to trust Him in adverse circumstances - and it probably wont be easy at all.  There is too the option of a secular institute of consecrated life.  This is not religious life which is lived in community - but it is still a life formally consecrated to God by The Church and in every way, but instead of being a call to community life under the same roof, it is a call to community life in the world.  Third Orders another option, although not consecrated life.

God bless and keep you in His Peace.

 

[beatitude]

MLF, you haven't talked much about the specifics of your vocation, but from what you've written I get the impression that you are drawn to consecrated life in general and you haven't found a particular community that you want to join. If this is the case, then try not to get upset over the loss of something that right now you don't even know. That is a waste of your energy and emotion. You've mentioned that you have debts to clear, which would be an obstacle even if your parents' situation were different. I would work on paying those debts off and living a holy Catholic life in the world, praying every day for God's blessing on your family. Wait and see what happens. It may be that by the time your debts are paid your parents' situation might be different. Or you may realise that you are called to another form of consecrated life, not in a monastery. Take it one day at a time and try not to worry about tomorrow. As Jesus tells us, "Today's troubles are enough for today."

[sr.christinaosf]

Praying for you!!!

[Swami Mommy]

Perhaps your parents may need to consider moving to a cheaper country in which to retire where their money will have a better exchange rate.  For example, living in a tropical country like the Dominican Republic is very cheap.

[Maggyie]

I'm suspicious that your parents have told you this when they are very opposed to your discernment. I hate to say it but this may be a tool for manipulating you.

Canada has a well developed social safety net and there are likely options for them to obtain affordable housing and medical care. They should talk to a financial planner. 

Regardless I feel that it is irresponsible of them to expect their child to give up everything and support them in their old age because they haven't managed to save enough (is it a cultural thing in your home country perhaps?) I think this is particularly common with daughters where the child is destined and expected to be practically an indentured servant. The pressure can be intense in some cultures. 

[MarysLittleFlower]

I'm suspicious that your parents have told you this when they are very opposed to your discernment. I hate to say it but this may be a tool for manipulating you.

Canada has a well developed social safety net and there are likely options for them to obtain affordable housing and medical care. They should talk to a financial planner. 

Regardless I feel that it is irresponsible of them to expect their child to give up everything and support them in their old age because they haven't managed to save enough (is it a cultural thing in your home country perhaps?) I think this is particularly common with daughters where the child is destined and expected to be practically an indentured servant. The pressure can be intense in some cultures. 

no not at all... They don't know I want to be a nun, and my mom never asked me to take care of them, neither does it sound like she even expects me to. She even rejected some money I offered to give her. That's not like my parents at all  

As for discernment my parents don't know the whole thing, when there were talks about me not moving towards marriage the fear was that I'd be alone and unhappy, not about taking care of them. My parents have always been very unselfish in taking care of me and with me not marrying my mom was concerned for my sake. (I believe I would be happy unmarried but I'm talking of intent here).

Just to clarify! My thoughts on having to take care of them come from me alone. I'm trying to hope that something could be worked out where they'd be taken care of AND I could be a religious.. I'd have to speak to my SD. I want to do God's Will first but of course we don't just abandon parents, and having them being dependent on you is also an impediment.

I'm trying to trust God that something could be worked out and that He would take care of the situation and my family... 

Or maybe He wants me to be consecrated in the world or with private vows. Who knows. Its a painful topic but I'm trying to trust in His goodness in any case.. 

Perhaps your parents may need to consider moving to a cheaper country in which to retire where their money will have a better exchange rate.  For example, living in a tropical country like the Dominican Republic is very cheap.

i don't think my family is adventurous enough for such a thing  

Edited August 7, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower

[Swami Mommy]

I don't think my family is adventurous enough for such a thing  

Sometimes necessity gives us the us the courage to do the practical, expedient thing. 

[NadaTeTurbe]

Moving to a cheaper country is hard and cost a lot. In fact, you don't do that much economy. And, if MLF are already immigrant, I think they know very well what it is to have the courage to change of country. 

MLF, I will pray for you. 

[MarysLittleFlower]

Thanks for the replies everyone!  

I think my family found it very stressful moving to a new country and I doubt they would be willing to do it again except if they moved back to their home country. Not saying others can't do it!

Edited August 7, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower

[MarysLittleFlower]

MLF, you haven't talked much about the specifics of your vocation, but from what you've written I get the impression that you are drawn to consecrated life in general and you haven't found a particular community that you want to join. If this is the case, then try not to get upset over the loss of something that right now you don't even know. That is a waste of your energy and emotion. You've mentioned that you have debts to clear, which would be an obstacle even if your parents' situation were different. I would work on paying those debts off and living a holy Catholic life in the world, praying every day for God's blessing on your family. Wait and see what happens. It may be that by the time your debts are paid your parents' situation might be different. Or you may realise that you are called to another form of consecrated life, not in a monastery. Take it one day at a time and try not to worry about tomorrow. As Jesus tells us, "Today's troubles are enough for today."

thanks Beatitude, we I've been trying to examine myself more and it seems what I feel drawn to is to love Christ in some exclusive way, and as for spirituality I tend to like the communities that focus on consoling Him. I dont know what that means for me if anything. I haven't gotten too specific cause I want to be more open to what He wants and not bias myself too much. My SD encouraged me to discern actively by visiting communities and try to pay my debts. I'd have to discern if my vocation is religious life or consecrated in the world.