Secular Institute and disability

[NadaTeTurbe]

I think I am called to lead an apostolic religious life. However, I have also disability that can be a burden for community : part-time wheelchair, medication, need a lot of time to rest, etc... I know that every community is different, of course, and I always try to have an open mind. Anyway, I'm wondering if joining a secular institute could not be a possibility, so I am slowly discovering the secular institute out there (two of them are actually close to two religious communities I love, while one is more contemplative on the heart of his vocation). Anybody have thought, advice ? Or just interesting secular institute to discover ? 

I must add, the discretion part of the life in a secular institute, really speak to me. I have always been attracted by communities who live in discretion. I am in love with the spirituality of Nazareth, with the idea to live a hidden life. 

Edited August 5, 2015 by NadaTeTurbe
still strugling with plural, sorry

[Sponsa-Christi]

I don't know them personally, but Caritas Christi is an international women's secular institute which has a strong practice of discretion. Here is the American version of their website: http://www.ccinfo.org/ 

[NadaTeTurbe]

I know them from their religious branch (the Little sisters of Jesus), and like very much the spirituality. Thank you  

[beatitude]

NadeTeTurbe, Caritas Christi is a Dominican-inspired secular institute, not the one that shares the Little Sisters' spirituality. You're thinking of the Jesus Caritas Fraternity. I am coming over to France to meet up with some fraternity members in September or October. If you can make it to Lille, I'm sure you'd be welcome to join us.  They have members all over France, so if you can't get to Lille, there are sure to be some women nearer you. They have also printed a beautiful book of members' personal stories, Cry the Gospel with Your Life, which they gave me when I met them the first time - it describes how each woman lives out the hidden spirituality of Nazareth in her daily life. You would definitely like that book even if you don't discern with them any further. It isn't commercially published, so you can't buy it in shops, but if you ask them I am sure they would be delighted to send you a copy.

It sounds as though we are in similar situations. My disability would prevent me from the living the life of a Little Sister of Jesus (although they were very open-minded and had me to stay with them several times to see how it would work out), so I turned to the secular institute. It is a very special and exciting way of life. Sometimes I still get restless and wonder if I should really be in religious life, but in my most still and peaceful depths I am sure that the secular institute is a good thing for me.

[NadaTeTurbe]

Oh, sorry ! I'm going to look on the website so ! 

I can't make it to Lille (I can't drive, and my parents are short on monney), but I plan to do more contact with the Little Sisters this month. I just need to get over my shyness. In fact, I'm going to send a mail now. I hope I can read the book, I like the title ! 

The life in a Secular Institute seems very difficult for me, because I lack of willpower/determination. I want to do something, but I never end it. I really need a well-defined "cadre" (can't find a good enough translation) to do thing. For my study, I had to go to a private university, because I knew I could not work in a normal background, with too much independence. I try to do little thing to work on this (like going back to learn music theory, something I have never been consistent with in my life, or trying to sew something for my future nephew because in my whole life, I started many sewing project but NEVER finished one), but still, I can't imagine myself living in something that ask for a lot of self-discipline. I know that sisters need a lot of self-discipline, too, but they have some limits (superiors, etc...) that can help them. 

[josephine]

Hi Nada,

I can totaly understand this "fear" (but it is not really fear, but more selfknowledge? English is so hard to find the right words) for a lack of a 'cadre'. It is something that i have been wondering about secular institutes as well: religious life is hard. Life in a secular institute is also hard. (BOTH are very very beautiful and joyful etc. But also hard.), and there you don't have a community with bells and an horarium and direct superiors etc. So, question for Beatitude: HOW DO YOU DO THAT!?!

i too, lack discipline. But i have noticed that i can replace discipline by forming sort of wellworking habits and having people around me who keep me accountible.

(funny/failure story. Once, i was on retreat with the Betlehem sisters. Normaly i love retreats because i'm so productive and always feel like i have had a good and full day in a monastery. With the Sisters, I stayed in my own hermitage. And even there i found some weird excuse not to do my dishes even though i was bored, there was nothing on my schedule etc. I managed to procrastinate an entire DAY even though i had nothing to do, i didn't even say the liturgy of the hours (i don't remember why, probably couldn't find the right page or something). It was so weird because in my "normal life"  i always find excuses not to do something, like being busy or something important on my schedule. But there, there was nothing else, and i still managed to procrastinate...reality check regarding the virtue of selfcontrol...)

anyway, beatitude (and other phatmass members who are part of secular communities) please enlighten us on how you live community in a secular order and how you can manage the lack of 'cadre'.

 

[Vin]

I know a very devout lady who uses a wheelchair and belongs to this institute:

http://www.fmjccommunity.com/

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

Translation note: There really isn't a good word for "cadre" in English, and sometimes I've even seen the word cadre used in English. The closest equivalent is probably "group." In business, the are often "work groups" or "units" (business slang that I hate). "Community" would be rougly equivalent, too, except that it suggests a larger group, and here on Vocation Station, "Community" has a very specific meaning.

I need to move soon, but I keep putting it off because I am looking for a "cadre," too, although almost certainly not a religious one. My religious beliefs are closest to Anglican, but not exactly, so I doubt I'd find any religious community that matched my beliefs (even a 3rd Order Community). It's a very long story that I won't detail here.

[beatitude]

Nada and Josephine, procrastination is one of my biggest weaknesses. I've got better over time, but it is not easy. This is one of the reasons why I sometimes wonder wistfully if a religious community might not be a better fit for me after all: I feel like jelly and custard, likely to wobble everywhere if I don't have structure and people around me to see that I keep it. I have so many good intentions - taking up my calligraphy again, doing an hour of language study every day, etc. - and most of them end up falling through. But I am improving. There is a saying that I have often heard on Phatmass - "God does not call the qualified, he qualifies the called" - and this is just as true for consecrated secular life in the world as it is for life in a religious community.

The first step to tackling procrastination is a morning offering. I make my morning offering by reflecting on the day ahead, asking for God's grace to illuminate it, and praying over and over again, very simply and quietly, "Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in you." The second step is acknowledging your own weakness and praying for humility. Sometimes I dream up marvellous timetables for myself that realistically I don't have a hope of following. I have to humble myself and accept that I can't manage all those things in one day. Instead I choose just one or two things and give them to God as part of my morning offering. If I plan to do twenty things, they don't happen; if I plan to do two, they might happen. I find that if I take baby steps like this, I end up walking further than I realise.

I also find that taking life one step at a time like this is a very good way to increase my reverence and appreciation for what some saints have termed 'the sacrament of the present moment'. This is where we meet God, in the here and now, and when I start worrying about all the many things I could be doing and should be doing, I lose sight of him. When I become aware of my own smallness and frailty, and tell him, "Help me to get through my work at least until the tea break, because you know it's all going to belly-flop without you (and by the way, make the tea break come soon!)," I find him waiting for me.

The third thing to remember is that every saint has faced struggles. You don't enter a convent because you're good at every single thing in it and all aspects of religious life come easily to you. It's the same with consecrated single life in the world. There are some things you are going to find spectacularly hard. This is just the nature of being a Christian. Your vocation will bring you face-to-face with your frailties and faults, and on some mornings you will wake up and your most honest prayer will be, "Oh croutons, this again?" But you will never be without help, and as a consecrated woman in the world, you are free to think up creative responses to your spiritual needs. For example, after I finish my PhD I am seriously considering going either to a Catholic Worker community or to a L'Arche house (Jean Vanier's community living project for people with intellectual disabilities) as a residential volunteer, mostly because I feel a particular call to stand in solidarity with people who are marginalised (especially those with intellectual disabilities) but partly because I think I could benefit from a period of community living. That might be for a few months, it might be for a year, it might be for a few years. I don't know. Life in a secular institute gives you the freedom to change your living situation as needed, and providing you are guarding against flightiness by remaining faithful and steadfast in prayer, this enables you to find the help you need at any given time.

Finally ,you never lack a cadre, even though you don't experience it in the same way that religious sisters and brothers do. Members of secular institutes meet together for prayer, we're friends with each other, we encourage each other. One of the particular beauties of this vocation is that it sharpens your appreciation for friendship and your sense of just how interconnected human beings really are. I receive wonderful support from my church community, people in my neighbourhood, the Jewish rabbi friend whom I have just been visiting, the complete stranger in the train station who was kind to me earlier - I am not doing this on my own. Every night, when I make my examen and give thanks for my day, I can identify many sources of strength. I am also acutely aware of the presence of the communion of saints, in a way I never used to be. It's like having an invisible army and cheerleading squad going about with you. I have found that if I am facing a particular battle, the right help will always come providing I'm open to receive it.

One more thing that I forgot to add: I have certain obligations to keep, such as daily Mass and an hour of prayer before the Blessed Sacrament, but these don't feel like duties - they're more like batteries.  It gets much easier to be faithful to them when they start to feel that way.