Attracted and repulsed

[Gabriela]

Just curious as to what it was like, what you got up to, what you talked about with the superiors, what kind of general impression they gave of what they're about and who they want to join them. Ya know. Stuff.

It was quiet, that's for sure. Lots of solitude. I asked for work and they gave it to me: laundry (folding, ironing). I spent one of the three weeks trying out the converse life (cleaned empty cells, mostly, and a guest room outside the cloister), but that wasn't for me. I went back to the choir life my third week.

In cell, I prayed the Hours, read spiritual books, practiced calligraphy, worked, and heated up food. (One meal a day comes through the guichet, which is enough food for three meals. You eat one hot and the other two you heat up on a single burner if you want it hot.) I swept a lot (southern France is dusty) and had rosary walks in the garden.

Once a week we went for a 3-hour "walk" (more like a grueling oh-my-gosh-I-can't-believe-these-nuns-think-this-is-a-"walk" hike) through the Alps. We walked and talked in ever-rotating pairs. The rotation was timed so everyone got to speak to everyone else by the end of the three hours. I speak three foreign languages, so spoke to a few sisters in another language, but most of the sisters spoke decent English. They're a fairly international community. We didn't walk with the professed sisters, who don't speak as much English. Professed sisters take their walks together and the novitiate takes theirs together. They plan out separate paths in advance so that they don't cross. One nods politely to non-religious hikers (they're always out around there) as they pass, rather than speak.

On Sundays, we had a common meal in the refectory, silent, with someone reading in French. Also on Sundays, the novitiate met for a short study of the Bible readings, with personal reflections shared, and for prayer.

I only spoke to the novice mistress, not the superior. We mostly talked by letters and notes, but a few times she came to my cell, and she would talk when she assigned me work, unless it could be done in a note. Outside of work, we talked about how I was feeling, what I was discerning, etc.

The books they gave me were all about God's love. Apparently that's the heart of the Carthusian life. Most of their spiritual books are about that. There was some about offering atonement for the world, solitude, and prayer, but mostly it was about God's love.

One thing the novice mistress said to me stood out above all else: "Our life is like the tabernacle lamp. It isn't bright enough to give light for reading. It isn't large enough to warm yourself by. All it does is say, 'God is here.'"

(To which my first thought was: "Wow, that's really beautiful." And my immediate second thought was: "But people SEE the tabernacle light. Nobody sees YOU!"  Obviously I'm not called to their life. One of the things I learned on that visit was that I have a very missionary spirit.)

I was disappointed with the liturgy, but only because I had no idea how much the Carthusian liturgy had changed since VII. They chant Lauds and Matins at midnight, and almost all of it is in French (call and response-style). Now and then there's a Latin antiphon, but that's it. Mass is in the morning, and it's basically a very silent NO with no homily. Vespers is at 5, and it's the same as Lauds and Matins.

I was there for the Feast of St. Bruno, on which they do a kind of procession around the monastery grounds, with lots of stops for prayers. But then it's right back to the cell. I was also there for their annual all-day outing, for which they travel by bus to a different location each year, have a look around, have a picnic (at which lots of French passers-by gawk), and do more hiking. We went to the ruins of an ancient Benedictine monastery about half an hour away from the monastery.

Who they want to join them? Women who can handle giving up everything. And I do mean everything, including company and likely your own language and culture and expectation of being understood. That's another important thing I learned there: I couldn't handle an international vocation because I'd be perpetually ticked off by others thinking that my cultural norms were "wrong" or "personal hang-ups" rather than cultural norms. People who can't see their own cultural norms as just that drive me nuts, and unfortunately, that's the large majority of people who have never spent any significant amount of time outside their own culture.

So yeah, mega-respect to those sisters who leave their lands and languages and countrymen to follow Him.

(French "hygiene" drove me particularly insane. No offense to any Frenchies out there.  )

If you make a visit with them, you'll know pretty quickly whether you're called to the life. I learned an enormous amount about myself in those three weeks. It's probably the most productive three weeks of discernment I've ever had. I realized a lot of things about God in that time, too—important insights and whatnot. It's pretty hard not to make any progress in such a quiet, austere environment. And since the life is so different, you either have a strong positive or a strong negative reaction to it after just a week or so. It's pretty impossible not to know whether you're called to the Carthusian life after a visit. 

For me, my strong negative reaction was: "What is the POINT of all this?!?!?!" I just couldn't see it. And after the first hike through the Alps, I couldn't understand why people would choose to live cooped up in a cell in a place that beautiful. I realized my spirituality is very tied to God's creation—I flourish spiritually in nature—and that while I am indeed extremely solitary, I am also very zealous to share Christ. Those last two are still something of a conundrum for me, but I expect it will work out through writing. If you can see what I mean.

Edited August 6, 2015 by Gabriela

[MarysLittleFlower]

That's so fascinating wow! It sounds really silent? Like you need to be ok with silence... That can be hard. On the other hand its beautiful too. Of course it depends on your vocation cause souls are different. It reminds me of that movie Into Great Silence- and just watching the monks pray and do regular things in silence. I did hear them chant in Latin though? I recognised a chant from my church too and the Gregorian notation. It seemed in the movie one young monk spent a night in prayer in the chapel. I don't know if I understood correctly. I don't know if that's a common practice. 

[HopefulHeart]

Thank you for sharing, Gabriela! I find the Carthusians fascinating, though I don't believe I am called to become one. I've looked at their website, which includes pictures of most of the monasteries around the world, and the settings look so picturesque.

[Benedictus]

Gabriela -  thanks for sharing that.  You lasted longer than me. I did 72 hours at Parkminster and that, although fascinating, was enough for me. The monastery was amazing though and it had a massive cloister, that alone made the trip all the worthwhile. I understand the vocation and appreciate it, but it's not mine.

In terms of the liturgy -  I think it must vary as I experienced more latin and I believe, if I remember correctly, they used the Carthusian rite for mass. The readings of the mass where in English though. I personally don't mind a simple mass, as long as it's done with reverance, feeling and isn't rushed.  There was a fair amount of latin for the offices too. There was a book used in cell, including Office of Our Lady, etc.

Did the nuns rely on a local or retired priest to say mass? Maybe, I wonder, if that's why there were variances. Convents often to put up with whoever they can get to say mass I guess.

[Benedictus]

Who they want to join them? Women who can handle giving up everything. And I do mean everything, including company and likely your own language and culture and expectation of being understood. That's another important thing I learned there: I couldn't handle an international vocation because I'd be perpetually ticked off by others thinking that my cultural norms were "wrong" or "personal hang-ups" rather than cultural norms. People who can't see their own cultural norms as just that drive me nuts, and unfortunately, that's the large majority of people who have never spent any significant amount of time outside their own culture.

So yeah, mega-respect to those sisters who leave their lands and languages and countrymen to follow Him.

(French "hygiene" drove me particularly insane. No offense to any Frenchies out there.  )

Oh yes! I find enough trouble between the UK and the US. I find myself thinking is this me or a cultural difference/expectation But I tend to make lemons into lemonade  I'd imagine a bigger melting pot of cultures and language differences within one community would be even more intense though

[Gabriela]

Gabriela -  thanks for sharing that.  You lasted longer than me. I did 72 hours at Parkminster and that, although fascinating, was enough for me. The monastery was amazing though and it had a massive cloister, that alone made the trip all the worthwhile. I understand the vocation and appreciate it, but it's not mine.

In terms of the liturgy -  I think it must vary as I experienced more latin and I believe, if I remember correctly, they used the Carthusian rite for mass. The readings of the mass where in English though. I personally don't mind a simple mass, as long as it's done with reverance, feeling and isn't rushed.  There was a fair amount of latin for the offices too. There was a book used in cell, including Office of Our Lady, etc.

Did the nuns rely on a local or retired priest to say mass? Maybe, I wonder, if that's why there were variances. Convents often to put up with whoever they can get to say mass I guess.

They had a resident chaplain, a Carthusian father. The brothers sent them one every few months, so he changed out now and then, but once there, he stayed for several months at a time.

They did use the Carthusian Rite. It's just that the Carthusian Rite post-VII looks A LOT like the NO! It was certainly simple and very reverent; it just violated my expectations, which is always unpleasant (and a good reason not to go in with expectations!).

I've heard stories of people breaking down and crying/screaming after a few hours/days in a charterhouse. I was totally fine with the silence and solitude. I just couldn't see the point of doing it for a lifetime. It's amesome for a once- or twice-a-year retreat, but I'm a very "let's get stuff done" kind of person, so I just wouldn't want that for my whole life.

They do say that whatever is buried deep, deep in your heart and soul will come right to the surface in a charterhouse. In my experience, that's true. It can be disturbing if you want to deny what you are, but very enlightening if you're open to knowing.

[marigold]

Fascinating. Thank you!

[orapronobis]

Thank you for sharing that Gabriela!

I think that story is actually really relevant to what has been discussed in this thread- Gabriela went into the Charterhouse with an idea of what life in one particular order was like and left feeling different about it. Maybe the OP should apply what has been shared to their own experiences and learn to just visit communities with an open mind and heart (without thinking about the "laxity" of their life) and just allow the Holy Spirit to guide them- you'll be surprised at where you could end up!

[Gabriela]

Thank you for sharing that Gabriela!

I think that story is actually really relevant to what has been discussed in this thread- Gabriela went into the Charterhouse with an idea of what life in one particular order was like and left feeling different about it. Maybe the OP should apply what has been shared to their own experiences and learn to just visit communities with an open mind and heart (without thinking about the "laxity" of their life) and just allow the Holy Spirit to guide them- you'll be surprised at where you could end up!

Amen.

And my, how skillfully you drew relevance out of that tangent!