Vocation Confusion

[Crucesignata]

+JMJ+

Salvete omnes!

So I've been discerning a vocation to the religious life for about 11 years now and have longed to be a Sister -- particularly one of the Dominican charism.  Due to potential health issues and a wacky diet, I have faced quite a bit of "we can't accept those with diets like yours."  However, in reading canon law recently, I discovered that "With vigilant care, superiors are only to admit those who, besides the required age, have the health, suitable character, and sufficient qualities of maturity to embrace the proper life of the institute" (Canon 642, emphasis mine).  However, I have heard that there may still be some orders out there who can handle cases such as mine (good health, but dependent on a strict diet, with the failure of fulfilling said diet resulting in the return of a chronic illness).  Anyone know of any convents like this / know if this sort of thing is even possible?  

It just seems like I'm blindfolded while trying to find my way through a tricky maze in pitch blackness.  Every time I think I know what I'm supposed to do, where I'm supposed to go, what I am supposed to aspire towards, or what/who I'm working to be, I walk into a closed door and bonk my nose on it.  I know Our Lord is guiding me somewhere, but sometimes, it's just so hard to stop groping in the dark and start letting Him guide the process.  Any advice for a struggling sister in Christ?

In Corde Matris,

Crucesignata

[OnlySunshine]

I know your struggles all to well.  I was discerning religious life, continually, for at least a year after I discovered I was gluten sensitive (I suspect I have Celiac disease but I haven't had the test yet; my doctor seems to think I have it, too, because of the symptoms displayed).  Since then, my diet has become even more strict as I have to avoid all grains due to inflammation in the gut and my doctor put me on the Primal diet. 

I contacted a few communities and most of them had the same response - we cannot accommodate special diets due to our vow of poverty.  This mainly applies to the more austere orders like Franciscans or others who rely heavily on donations for food.

Over the years, I've come across some orders that are a little more accommodating than others.  Most of these have medical background.  The best one I can think of is Religious Sisters of Mercy of Alma, MI.  They were more open to my medical issues and have several doctors as Sisters since one of the primary apostolates is medicine.  You might try others of a similar nature.  Hope this helps!

[marigold]

Off the top of my head, I know the Visitation sisters were founded for women who couldn't fulfil the requirements for certain other orders, on medical or other grounds. I'm probably not the person to ask, but from what I've seen of them, they lead a very dedicated life that has a bit more flexibility to accommodate things like diet.

[Sr Mary Catharine OP]

Crucesignata, I do understand your sorrow but I also understand why most religious orders say they can't accept you because of your strict diet restrictions. A huge part of religious life is the common life and that means eating from the common table. While communities are much more accommodating to diet than in the past, mainly because there is a better understanding of the relationship of diet and health a gluten free diet basically means that a person has to have an entire pantry and menu for herself or she will be very ill. This may happen for a sister who has been in religious life for many years of course but to start out religious life this way means basically one doesn't have the health for it. And because one's diet will basically be out of your personal control it can be a huge stress and preoccupation without even meaning it to be.

Perhaps there needs to be a religious community founded for such things as this. That would mean that the charism would reflect and provide for such health issues.

You say that you aspire to be a Sister but perhaps the Lord is trying to show you He has other plans for you. You can be consecrated to God in ways other than religious life.
I will pray for you! Let the Holy Spirit work gentle in your soul and truly surrender as our Lady did! Our Lord loves you dearly and madly! Don't ever question that!

[Egeria]

I don't know them personally, and they're not Dominicans, but it may be worth investigating the Benedictines of Jesus Crucified, who were specifically founded so that women with health issues could also follow a monastic life.

[Nunsuch]

Crucesignata, according to the website above, the Benedictines of Jesus Crucified in Connecticut offer accommodations for private retreats. So, if you are in the US, you may want to pay them a visit to see if they are an option for you.

[marigold]

I'm not sure that Crucesignata specified that it was a gluten intolerance - MaterMisericordiae mentioned that about herself though.

Edited July 30, 2015 by marigold

[OnlySunshine]

I'm not sure that Crucesignata specified that it was a gluten intolerance - MaterMisericordiae mentioned that about herself though.

Yes, that was me.  I even have to avoid any sort of communion wafers - even those that are made for people with gluten issues - because of grain exposure.  I only take the Precious Blood at Mass.

[Benedictus]

You'll probably have more opportunity with apostolic orders than some monastic ones. That is, at least, in my experience. The routine and manner of life in some communities can make it hard for them to adapt around diet and such things, unless they have to do so because a long term member has become ill or something.

However, I know priests/brothers who have joined orders with medical issues such as diabetes, crohn's, sensory issues, and coeliac disease etc. So it is possible. It seems easier for those in Europe than the US, probably due to the differences in health systems.

I'm Vegetarian, which is also difficult for some communities. However, it hasn't been a barrier for me and I've found I'm not alone. Communities devise ways to manage such things. Some plan and do batch cooking (and then freeze) parts of meals etc. It really depends on skills, time and availability.

If you have dual nationality (or will travel) it also could open the selection pool a bit -  I was lucky in this regard although it didn't really alter things for me in the end. 

Anyway, I wouldn't give up but persist and see how it goes.

[Sr Mary Catharine OP]

I'm not sure that Crucesignata specified that it was a gluten intolerance - MaterMisericordiae mentioned that about herself though.

Correct.

 

You'll probably have more opportunity with apostolic orders than some monastic ones. That is, at least, in my experience. The routine and manner of life in some communities can make it hard for them to adapt around diet and such things, unless they have to do so because a long term member has become ill or something.

However, I know priests/brothers who have joined orders with medical issues such as diabetes, crohn's, sensory issues, and coeliac disease etc. So it is possible. It seems easier for those in Europe than the US, probably due to the differences in health systems.

I'm Vegetarian, which is also difficult for some communities. However, it hasn't been a barrier for me and I've found I'm not alone. Communities devise ways to manage such things. Some plan and do batch cooking (and then freeze) parts of meals etc. It really depends on skills, time and availability.

If you have dual nationality (or will travel) it also could open the selection pool a bit -  I was lucky in this regard although it didn't really alter things for me in the end. 

Anyway, I wouldn't give up but persist and see how it goes.

Benedictus, traditionally one doesn't present oneself at the monastery and except them to adapt to us. WE are supposed to be adapting to the life of the monastery.
It really does depend on the health issue vis a vis the charism of the community. For example, a community that has cheese and dairy as a significant part of their diet probably won't consider lactose intolerance whereas for another community that is not a problem.

[OnlySunshine]

You'll probably have more opportunity with apostolic orders than some monastic ones. That is, at least, in my experience. The routine and manner of life in some communities can make it hard for them to adapt around diet and such things, unless they have to do so because a long term member has become ill or something.

However, I know priests/brothers who have joined orders with medical issues such as diabetes, crohn's, sensory issues, and coeliac disease etc. So it is possible. It seems easier for those in Europe than the US, probably due to the differences in health systems.

I'm Vegetarian, which is also difficult for some communities. However, it hasn't been a barrier for me and I've found I'm not alone. Communities devise ways to manage such things. Some plan and do batch cooking (and then freeze) parts of meals etc. It really depends on skills, time and availability.

If you have dual nationality (or will travel) it also could open the selection pool a bit -  I was lucky in this regard although it didn't really alter things for me in the end. 

Anyway, I wouldn't give up but persist and see how it goes.

Even so, it's a question of whether the community is financially able to accommodate as well as having the time to prepare a separate meal.  Meal planning is time consuming, especially if it's for a large community.  Individual diets take more time to plan, especially since the community cook has to make sure each ingredient is safe for consumption and won't cause problems to the individual eating it.

[Egeria]

Something else to bear in mind is that the larger a community is, the more institutional it is likely to be, and therefore the less likely to be able to adapt and find ways of working around these things. Not so much out of ill will, but because of the sort of institutional culture that tends to develop in larger communities. I've seen quite striking differences in this regard, even between large and small communities in the same Order.

[Pax_et bonum]

Benedictus, traditionally one doesn't present oneself at the monastery and except them to adapt to us. WE are supposed to be adapting to the life of the monastery.It really does depend on the health issue vis a vis the charism of the community. For example, a community that has cheese and dairy as a significant part of their diet probably won't consider lactose intolerance whereas for another community that is not a problem.

That makes sense. Of course we want to adapt our lives to the life of the community, but it seems kinda ableist to expect someone to conform when there's a something out of her control such as a health problem or otherwise she's not allowed. Jesus can't just be calling able-bodied, neuotypicals to follow Him in religious life. St. Br. Andre Bessette is an example of someone with ill health who was a religious. No, a convent is not a nursing home, but it isn't unfair to others when reasonable accommodations are made for someone who needs them. Thoughts?

[Benedictus]

Benedictus, traditionally one doesn't present oneself at the monastery and except them to adapt to us. WE are supposed to be adapting to the life of the monastery.It really does depend on the health issue vis a vis the charism of the community. For example, a community that has cheese and dairy as a significant part of their diet probably won't consider lactose intolerance whereas for another community that is not a problem.

A person with a health issue that needs to eat a certain diet can't adapt though.  If the community can't or won't consider a person then that's up to them. However, there are some monastic communities that, as part of their hospitality and engagement, are able to provide for different diets if advised (be it for guests or entrants). There are institutes out there that will accept people with health issues, special diets, ethical diets etc. If they are able then that's good and people not accepted elsewhere need to know they exist.

Do I think some communities exclude some people when they maybe should consider thinking about things a bit more? In my experience, yes. I do think some people, religious as well as others, often see those with impairments or issues as a problem. They might not be as willing as they could to see beyond notions of disability, cost and 'burden' to see that things could maybe work out. I've seen signs of change though. But, of course, some communities may have the will but their life just makes things nearly impossible to adapt or adjust. I guess the important thing is that they would have actually tried to think about issues of disability, access and vocation in the first place.

Something else to bear in mind is that the larger a community is, the more institutional it is likely to be, and therefore the less likely to be able to adapt and find ways of working around these things. Not so much out of ill will, but because of the sort of institutional culture that tends to develop in larger communities. I've seen quite striking differences in this regard, even between large and small communities in the same Order.

yes, so true. My experience of monastic communites in the same congregation was similar to that. It's odd though because some of the bigger ones would say they could be flexible more easily because of their size. Others would say their large size made it hard to adapt. Some of the small ones would say they can be more attentive to needs whilst others would say they are so small they can't alter things much. . Like with anything, some can and some can't. Some could, but won't etc

That makes sense. Of course we want to adapt our lives to the life of the community, but it seems kinda ableist to expect someone to conform when there's a something out of her control such as a health problem or otherwise she's not allowed. Jesus can't just be calling able-bodied, neuotypicals to follow Him in religious life. St. Br. Andre Bessette is an example of someone with ill health who was a religious. No, a convent is not a nursing home, but it isn't unfair to others when reasonable accommodations are made for someone who needs them. Thoughts?

Totally agree. I'd give you lots of props if I could

[Spem in alium]

I'm praying for you. This must be very hard and stressful, but look to God and find Him in your days. He is constant.  

That makes sense. Of course we want to adapt our lives to the life of the community, but it seems kinda ableist to expect someone to conform when there's a something out of her control such as a health problem or otherwise she's not allowed. Jesus can't just be calling able-bodied, neuotypicals to follow Him in religious life. St. Br. Andre Bessette is an example of someone with ill health who was a religious. No, a convent is not a nursing home, but it isn't unfair to others when reasonable accommodations are made for someone who needs them. Thoughts?

I love that you mention St Br Andre here. He's been a dear friend to me these last few weeks, and yes, he is a great example of someone who would normally be considered "incapable" living religious life, and living it in a profound way. I also think here of St Josephine Bakhita, as a good example of someone considered "extraordinary" living religious life.

You may like to look at the lives of similar saints as inspiration for prayer or meditation. They will certainly help you.

 

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