Part Update/Part Small Vent

[marigold]

‌@beatitude Thanks for introducing me to Caryll Houselander!

[beatitude]

‌@beatitude Thanks for introducing me to Caryll Houselander!

She was amazing - a helpful woman for anyone who is living as a single person, and for anyone who wants to see how mysticism can permeate ordinary life. I read her book The Reed of God (about Mary) for Advent one year and I think I may revisit this year.

In other news...the sisters replied to me and asked me just to let them know when I want to come. It will probably be in October. I am pretty terrified. Also excited. Last night I remembered with a flash that Bl. Charles de Foucauld had a connection with this order in his lifetime, so it seems that wherever I go he is still not far behind.

[marigold]

She was amazing - a helpful woman for anyone who is living as a single person, and for anyone who wants to see how mysticism can permeate ordinary life. I read her book The Reed of God (about Mary) for Advent one year and I think I may revisit this year.

In other news...the sisters replied to me and asked me just to let them know when I want to come. It will probably be in October. I am pretty terrified. Also excited. Last night I remembered with a flash that Bl. Charles de Foucauld had a connection with this order in his lifetime, so it seems that wherever I go he is still not far behind.

No, you're in good hands I am so excited for you! I know that feeling of terror though...

[:o)Katherine:o)]

Prayers for you Hopeful Heart! Thank you for the update! Please keep us updated as to where God continues to guide you.

[beatitude]

I'm going on 23rd September for three days. I'm not one for countdowns, especially not to small things like visits, but this small thing feels like kind of a big thing to me.

[veritasluxmea]

I've been adjusting to my new life (which I love, no rough or desolate periods so far. I feel so free and capable) and processing my internal life and where I'm at, so I haven't been ready to share until now.

I *finally* talked to the CFRs. Basically, the conversation confirmed to myself I don't really feel called there and I'm relieved to have internally shut that door. I feel a little bad saying that as they really are a wonderful community! (check them out if you're interested.) I wasn't able to meet with them, but after talking with them I don't feel the need to.

Their advice was to wait on my discernment, and come back to it in a few years or even finish college (my projected graduation rate is four to six years out) if I still felt called. (I was kind of relieved they said that because I didn't have to turn down a visit with them or feel pressure to move forward or something). It was surprising to hear because I hadn't thought about doing that. But I trust them and I want to do what's right for me and give myself a good foundation to religious life, so I'm considering it. 

I'm going on my semiannual retreat with the other community soon. It's not specifically vocations related and of course I plan to keep growing and learning with them by visited on retreats even if I do wait. Last time we talked they said this school year might be a good time to start moving forward for entrance this summer. Now that I'm considering waiting, I don't know if that will be the case. I will have to just explain it to them and see what they say. 

I feel a little uncomfortable- one community says wait, another thinks I'm ready to go ahead. I know it's one of those things where there's no black and white answer, but that means someone's wrong! Now that someone has said to me, "wait", I just don't feel like I can move forward with the community. I don't know, it feels inappropriate to go against a trustworthy adult's advice! Ack. Well, the good news is I don't really feel anxiety or conflicted about it. It's not saying no or going against pursuing a vocation, it's just about making a mature decision to help me grow into the person God wants me to be- to help me find the maturity and growth so I will be ready when it is the right time. Plus, I love my school and work and friends and area so staying another year or even two, while it makes me a little sad to put entrance off, is no loss!

And the best news of all, I start seeing a spiritual director in a few weeks! I'm praying he is able to understand me, my perception of events, and how God is leading me and I need to grow, and is able to communicate clearly and well with me and I'm able to understand him. If ya'll could pray for that too, that would be a great relief. My family seems to be doing well enough- everyone getting to school on time and they're picking up chores around the house. It's crazy how fast children grow. How is everyone else doing, if you have anything new to share? I'm curious. 

[Charbel]

I'm going on a visit at the end of the month for a week. It will be my second visit and I haven't been there in over a year. I think I'm most excited for going to be able to spend extended periods of time with Jesus in silence. And I really miss the nuns.

[veritasluxmea]

I'm leaving to see "my" sisters this Friday. 

I saw my SD after mass the other day and told him about my upcoming visit, and that I was thinking of taking another year off based off their advice. He just said something along the lines of there are different paths to different orders. If you feel comfortable discerning with the (sisters I'm going to see on Friday), and you're working with the vocations director, you don't have to listen to the CFRs. And a few other things were said which were helpful for me. Of course, after I talked with him, I realized he's right. How do people ever make through discernment without a spiritual director?

So I'd appreciate prayers for my retreat and meeting with the vocations director this weekend. I've been walking this path since high school. It's been years of waiting and praying for the "right time". I'm holding back from allowing myself to feel (to) excited until I know "for sure", but at least this part is really happening. And I love these retreats! I will be praying for you all, and your intentions. 

[TheresaThoma]

With the different time frames the communities gave you it may just be that the one community has known you for longer than the CFR's. So it would be natural for the CFRs to encourage you to take a little bit more time as they don't know you too well. It sounds like you have had regular contact with the other community so they probably have a better idea of where you are at and who you are.

Good spiritual directors are such a blessing. I started meeting with one a couple of months ago and it has been so helpful. To be able to talk things out with someone and also to have guidance is amazing. I started a great new job and so I was debating about putting off moving forward in my discernment (ie asking to apply) however my SD pointed out that I should move forward because if I really felt like I needed an extra year I could always ask the community if my entrance could be delayed. 

I'm hopefully going for a short visit mid-October. I miss the silence and the community! I haven't visited since the end of May and it feels like forever. I have to remember that I am blessed to live within driving distance so weekend visits are possible!

[petitpèlerin]

Hi veritasluxmea. Great to hear all your good news! I'm so glad you found a spiritual director who can help you sort things out, and you were able to discern where you weren't being led. And I admire your patience, waiting all these years for the right time. I'm learning that lesson myself right now, that the timing of a vocation is essential, isn't it?

I can't remember if I chimed in previously on this thread or another but my latest is that, after spending a year with my sisters and stepping back into the world this summer, I'm feeling drawn back. It's not how I expected to feel led - I thought I was done with this whole religious life thing - but it's undeniable. (Figures that, whatever my vocation, my path couldn't just be a straight line!) I've been having a good and fruitful conversation with my novice mistress sister in e-mail and looking forward to visiting them sometime this winter during our slow season at work. It's hard trusting God. Most of the time now I don't (really trust him).  I'm someone who likes to understand everything clearly, and when things happen that I don't understand . . . But I'm hanging in there.

Life has been good to me. I have a great apartment, a job I enjoy and excel in and make a decent living in. Life is great. And it's all empty to me. My heart isn't in it. This isn't what I'm called to do with my life. I'm called to something else, to God himself, and to my community, specifically, I believe. At least that's how I'm experiencing and interpreting it. Pray for my discernment and I'll pray for all of yours.

[veritasluxmea]

I love reading about how everyone else is doing in their journey- doing something in unison with other people makes it so much more interesting. Thank you for sharing!

Wow. I have returned home... The retreat was a blessed experience. Thank you everyone who prayed for me! Every time I request prayers on phatmass, I can "feel" the intercession- there must be some powerful prayer warriors around here. Anyways, the good news is... I was accepted to discern deeper with the community! I will be visiting them again in January for a vocation retreat. God willing, I will start the application then, if the invitation from the Lord is there. I don't know anything for certain, except that He's leading me and working on a need-to-know basis. Praise God! 

And I'm happy to share everything else is doing well. I've applied to join a Catholic young adult group in the area. Work is stress-free and a good time to practice virtue and interior prayer. My family is moving forward and doing well. I've been spending more time with friends and young adults I grew up with. Not to say I don't experience challenges or struggles, but just that I have more interior freedom and capability to handle them. I'll continue to pray for you all by username! 

Edited October 5, 2015 by veritasluxmea

[TheresaThoma]

I'm glad the retreat went well. Isn't it exciting when you are are able to move forward with discernment?

I finally confirmed a date to visit the community I am discerning with. I worked a Saturday so my boss is letting me have Friday off. So I will basically have a long weekend with them. I'm excited to see the Sisters in formation again and to meet the new postulants. I promised them I would bring some treats for them when I came next. I'm also hoping to talk to the prioress about entering. I'm nervous but excited and at peace all at once.