Part Update/Part Small Vent

[HopefulHeart]

The VD of the community I contacted last week has not yet responded to my email. I'm trying to be patient, but I'm still eager to talk to her. Maybe I'll have to follow up with a phone call.... I'm glad I am making steps to contact this community, even if it is disconcerting to investigate this door that's been left ajar and sometimes flaps noisily against its frame. Hopefully it's the wind of the Holy Spirit moving the door and drawing it to my attention.

[AccountDeleted]

The VD of the community I contacted last week has not yet responded to my email. I'm trying to be patient, but I'm still eager to talk to her. Maybe I'll have to follow up with a phone call.... I'm glad I am making steps to contact this community, even if it is disconcerting to investigate this door that's been left ajar and sometimes flaps noisily against its frame. Hopefully it's the wind of the Holy Spirit moving the door and drawing it to my attention.

I hope you hear soon but remember that not everything in life happens when we want it to. That's not just for vocations either - that's for jobs, spouses, events - almost anything requires some degree of patience. We need to pace ourselves and accept that just because we want something, we can't become like Veruca Salt and demand, 'I want it and I want it NOW!' 

I'm not saying you have that attitude, just reminding everyone of us that waiting actually increases patience, if we let it. As my brother said to me recently, 'Hope is good but obsession is not.' So it's good to be hopeful and eager, but not obsessive and impatient. Not only for you - just saying...  

[marigold]

The first thing I did was to sleep on it, the second thing Im going to do is pray about it and see if the Holy Spirit cant give me a little light into this.  Ill read some stuff by St Ignatius of Loyola because he always keeps me grounded as well. 

I will also discuss with my best friend who isnt short on opinions or pieces of her mind!

Sounds good!

[HopefulHeart]

I hope you hear soon but remember that not everything in life happens when we want it to. That's not just for vocations either - that's for jobs, spouses, events - almost anything requires some degree of patience. We need to pace ourselves and accept that just because we want something, we can't become like Veruca Salt and demand, 'I want it and I want it NOW!' 

I'm not saying you have that attitude, just reminding everyone of us that waiting actually increases patience, if we let it. As my brother said to me recently, 'Hope is good but obsession is not.' So it's good to be hopeful and eager, but not obsessive and impatient. Not only for you - just saying...  

Thanks, I appreciate your advice.

[vee]

Sounds good!

After prayer, reflection and discussion I will take no further action toward this other flame and will peacefully let it go.  Id had my answer in the past already and have to remember and accept that.

The VD of the community I contacted last week has not yet responded to my email. I'm trying to be patient, but I'm still eager to talk to her. Maybe I'll have to follow up with a phone call.... I'm glad I am making steps to contact this community, even if it is disconcerting to investigate this door that's been left ajar and sometimes flaps noisily against its frame. Hopefully it's the wind of the Holy Spirit moving the door and drawing it to my attention.

I wouldnt call after a week because that is too soon in convent time.  Sisters are busy so just try to pray and wait.  I wouldnt take further action until its been a month. 

[HopefulHeart]

I wouldnt call after a week because that is too soon in convent time.  Sisters are busy so just try to pray and wait.  I wouldnt take further action until its been a month. 

Yes, you're right, a month sounds reasonable. All in the Lord's time. 

[veritasluxmea]

Same with my HH! I will give the sisters a month or so- if I never hear back from them, I might just wait year, keep doing what I'm doing, and then consider contacting them again. If that doesn't work out then I might need to drop it, I think. 

[veritasluxmea]

So I sill haven't heard back from them, but I know that's pretty normal. In my experience they always get back to you at some point. I'm leaving soon for a week and I won't have my phone, so we might play some phone tag... but it will happen eventually, ha! There's only one person I'm telling that I hope to visit the CFRs. I'm not closing any doors or "picking which one" right now, so I didn't see why I shouldn't keep visiting and learning more about the first order. I do like them! I just want to visit and see but if the Lord says not with the CFRs- I will be ok with that. And if it is there- I can easily discern more deeply with them, I'm not committed to another order or anything. 

Anyways, recently someone I know was talking about how they are going to see some sisters from the first order I'm discerning with. I told her to say hi for me, and ask how Sister so-and-so is doing. She said she was going to tell them I'm discerning (she's been excited about it for a year) and how I'm going to join them and everything. I said they probably know me and make sure to get their names. I didn't see any need to share with her that I'm interested in the CFRs and might "switch" to them if they Lord is guiding me there, because I very well might not. Again, I just want to see! I still have my desire to join the first order "open" if after I go on retreat with them and talk with them we think it's a good idea. Sometimes I can see myself joining one order, sometimes the other- I just have to see.  

I get a text message and a missed phone call from them and turns out they told... everyone, according to them. (probably an exaggeration). They want to know why I hadn't told anyone yet, and how "everyone is excited for me." I feel like those couples where they were planning a pregnancy or in the early stages and instead of announcing it themselves, their sister or their mother goes and tells everyone for them. Like... no.

I feel uncomfortable with the idea of announcing right now I'm discerning this seriously. I don't like the pressure it puts on me. I prefer to keep things like this private until it's in the stages where it is a public thing, when you've actually been accepted and are joining. It's not a secret... but it's not something I wave around either. If I change my mind, I'd like to have the freedom to do so without feeling that I'm letting anyone down or worrying how other people will think. People who need to know, or who it's ok to tell, already know. Everyone else... well, I guess they know now. 

I'm not terribly upset and it's not a big deal. I literally haven't seen these people for three years and and I don't really talk to them, even online. So it doesn't really affect me on a personal level, it's just something that's out there, and it's ok. I can still discern and I'm not as influenced by them as I used to be, so it's ok. I'm just venting about it, I guess. I feel like discernment is a thing best kept private. 

Edited August 1, 2015 by veritasluxmea

[veritasluxmea]

The sisters are out of the convent (maybe on retreat) for August, so I won't hear from them until September. 

I caught up with a friend last week and we had a really good conversation about vocations that changed my perspective on my "decision". They threw out this idea about how St Thomas proposed everyone is called to a vocation to religious life. There is no special "only this person is called" sort of call from God; everyone is invited to religious life. Someone people accept and some don't. With priesthood, however, it is God's specific will for your life (that's the short version as I understood it). I've been mulling the idea over ever since and while I don't know if that's really what he said, or what he meant, I like the basic idea. Religious life is an imitation, a preparation, for heaven. It helps me start reaching the fulfillment of who I am (a bride of Christ) on earth. I think some people genuinely can't be religious for various obstacles (St Therese's parents come to mind) but it makes sense it would be open to everyone on some level. We'll all be in heaven some day. (I hope). 

Anyways, the point of that was it got me thinking about how I chose to pursue a vocation once I sensed an invitation from God. I realized a lot of the success in religious life is responding to God's grace, but it's also making choices- working for it, you could say- that support pursing God and living a life of grace. I don't think God is going to tell me this community over another. I think He is open to me thinking it over and deciding one over another. I trust I'm making the right decision, and I decided to go for the second community. While it's true God made you for one life when He created you, He also makes you into that life through your choices and your pursuing Him. I'm glad I was able to contact the CFRs and I still plan on talking to them (it's nice to let vocations directors know when you've "made a choice" and I think the talk I will have with them will be a good source of guidance). But I think God is guiding me, and I choose, the second community. If that makes sense. 

So yeah. I'm really happy with where I am right now. It's been busy but good things are happening. 

Edited August 12, 2015 by veritasluxmea

[marigold]

amesome!

[HopefulHeart]

This is an interesting thread, since I'm going through something very similar. I've attended several retreats with the Daughters of St. Paul, and really like their charism, but I also still feel some attraction to a community that I visited a couple of years ago. I had such a sense of joy when I visited this community, and I felt I should reconnect with them. So I ended up sending an email to the VD yesterday.

 

Quick update: The community emailed me back last week, and I'll be talking on the phone with the VD later today.

[TheresaThoma]

This will require another update!!!

[marigold]

Quick update: The community emailed me back last week, and I'll be talking on the phone with the VD later today.

This will require another update!!!

Yes! How did it go?

[HopefulHeart]

The call went well! The VD and I chatted for about 20-25 minutes. She was so sweet and encouraging.  I shared how my discernment has progressed over the past couple of years and how I would like to revisit her community. She said I'd be welcome to attend one of their retreats next year, which is very exciting. I felt a lot of peace when I went on one of the retreats back in early 2013, and I'd like to see if that feeling remains consistent, especially since I've matured a good deal since that last retreat. We'll see where the Lord takes me. 

[beatitude]

I am praying for you, HopefulHeart. I love reading people's good news on Vocation Station.

I'm excited but jumpy about my upcoming visit and I keep wanting to check my e-mail to see if Sister has got back to my latest. I still don't know if all this is just stress-induced restlessness on my part or whether it is the sign of something more, so I keep reminding myself of what Caryll Houselander wrote on vocations and I have banned myself from looking at e-mails more than twice a day.

"God's will for you is to serve Him, in His way, as He chooses now. It is only a want of humility to think of extreme vocations, like being a nun or a nurse, while you try to by-pass your present obvious vocation . . . Today you have to use what you have today, and do not look beyond it." - Caryll Houselander.