Living poverty: a year without new possessions

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I'm currently homeless, living out of my car. I feel tremendously grateful that I have a car to live in, and to get me around for work and everything else I need to do as I get on my feet. Every morning on my drive to work I pass a guy, the same guy every day, who holds a sign and says good morning to the people in each car. His sign says, "Your help is a blessing to me." I feel kind of weird passing him by, we're both in the same boat...kind of...but nobody is ever in the same boat. Everyone's life is different, and who can imagine what the other lives through. The other day I went to a Catholic young adult bible study, it was small, mainly a guy, his wife, his mother, and a couple other young college kids. Their son was running around while we had the bible study. They had no idea how I'm living, and I have no idea what it's like to have a wife and a son and to live their life...maybe I would be stifled. They had pizza, but I wasn't comfortable eating their food, even though it was for everyone...I suspect that's a vice on my part, partly pride. Am I poor? Externally yes, but I don't know...maybe they're poor, who knows. I was reading a book about the spirituality of the Rule of St. Benedict recently, and one of the chapters talked about how important the physical areas and possessions of the monastery are...each location and each utensil has its own purpose, and are to be used for that purpose...whether it's the kitchen, the eating area, etc. Nothing is irrelevant, and the Rule discusses all the mundane aspects of daily life because possessions have to be sanctified through use. If my car breaks down...my poverty will take a serious turn, and who knows what that will be like. But for now, I wake up in the morning with my window down, and feel the cool morning air, hear the birds and the trees whistling, and thank God because I feel like I have everything I need in life. Of course, if I'm going to do anything in life, my relationship to possessions will have to change...I can't live like this forever (or maybe I can, who knows). But just wanted to add my own reflections on poverty, I'm learning that poverty and gratitude go together for it to be anything positive, and maybe that poverty and simplicity are not the same thing. Anyway, great thread, keep up the journey.

It is certainly a life-changing experience, being poor. And there are so many different levels of poverty, as we are seeing from this thread. When I was in the convent where we had a vow of poverty, I was actually appalled at the apparent over abundance of foodstuffs kept in storage. But then I tried to change my definition of poverty as meaning not actually having ownership of anything individually, rather than simply living without things. 

Like you though, when I was living on my own and was poor, I became very grateful for the smallest of things, especially life itself. It was harder for me being poor at one stage when I had a daughter to care for because it was my responsibility to provide for her. Now that I am on my own, poverty isn't as scary as it was then. I much prefer having an income now, but I also know that I can live very poor when needed.

Era, I do hope things start looking up for you financially. You sound as if you are coping very well, but it would be nice if things were a little bit easier for you, wouldn't it? Prayers and good thoughts for you.

[BarbTherese]

nunsense :   "Era, I do hope things start looking up for you financially. You sound as if you are coping very well, but it would be nice if things were a little bit easier for you, wouldn't it? Prayers and good thoughts for you."

Era, I underscore the above

[beatitude]

Era, I thought I'd replied to your post, but obviously I didn't. I'm joining my prayers to Barbara's and Nunsense's and I hope things are easier for you now. I read the Rule of St Benedict last Lent, for the first time in my life, and I thought that parts of it were very mundane and nuts-and-boltsy and I was having trouble treating them as spiritual - you've provided the spiritual perspective that I was missing with the idea that everyday objects are sanctified through humdrum use.

Two other observations: this year of not buying things has got me reading much more. I go into the literature section of the university library and I select a new book to borrow without thinking too much about it, knowing I may land on some new author or style that I've never tried and may love. When I was buying books for myself I was far less likely to experiment. I just picked things that I knew I'd like, as I was spending my money on them. This has given me the freedom to experiment and I'm reading lots of good fiction. It's opening my mind, I hope.

The second thing is that I feel a much stronger interest in the lives of the homeless people I meet on the street, and a stronger urge to help. Not just my usual sense of "Oh, poor guy, I hope he's all right in this rain" - a real sense that something has to be done and an interest in chatting to them and getting to know them as neighbours. I have noticed that I am recognising homeless people in a way I never used to. There are a lot of them here, and I only used to recognise the few I saw most often - now almost all their faces stick with me. This is unusual in itself, as I have a terrible memory for faces.

[beatitude]

I've started to go to an ecumenical Bible study on Wednesday lunchtimes. The theme is justice and liberation, and the study is led by a Protestant pastor from India who is from the Dalit (untouchable) community. The term Dalit means 'broken', and it was used by Gandhi in place of 'untouchable' as it sounds more dignified, emphasising the damage that has been done to the Dalits by others' actions rather than what they supposedly are. This pastor grew up as a literal outcast, unable to use the same wells and toilets as others because even his presence was viewed as pollution. It's fascinating to read the Bible with someone who was forced into such painful poverty of spirit from his birth. What we're reading and discussing in these studies is enriching this year of voluntary poverty for me, even the material that doesn't explicitly relate to poverty. I am finding that if you make a commitment to one aspect of Gospel living, such as poverty or humility or whatever, then others will start to become clearer and you start to discover how they all fit together. Life becomes more harmonious.

Recently I heard from an old high school friend, an evangelical Christian who studied fashion design and has been working for a fashion company for the past ten years. She's also been running sewing and design workshops for Congolese refugees to help them find their feet and earn an income. Now she's preparing to launch her own brand, which will be ethical - fair wages for the workers, no massive profits to herself, low environmental impact. I wrote back to tell her what I'm doing (she's the only person in my 'real life' to know about it) and we are praying for each other. Please join me in praying for her success - not just that the business is financially viable, but that she will provide a Christian witness to those around her and encourage people to think about the rights and dignity of the workers who make the clothes on our backs. What she's doing is helping me to see that when we buy things, we should think about it in the context of a relationship: me, the seller, the worker, God. Is it necessary to buy this? Am I contributing to someone's livelihood, or tearing it down? Am I encouraging others to exploit people? Our whole Christian life should be about relationships (the Holy Trinity tells us this much) but I don't always see it consciously even though on one level I know it. Living more simply makes it easier to remember.

[NadaTeTurbe]

That was amazing, beatitude. 

 What she's doing is helping me to see that when we buy things, we should think about it in the context of a relationship: me, the seller, the worker, God.

That why I stopped smoking. I began when I was young, and I did not really care about my health, but I saw a reportage on how the smoking industry work, about the kids exploited in the tobacco culture, etc... and I could not look at my cigarette anymore. 
It's the same about food. There's something very good in France (and in Spain, I don't know in the rest of the world), it's called "AMAP". Farmers sell their products directly to the consumers, and they are organic. You don't exploit farmers like supermarket does, and you have fresh, seasonal, organic foods that don't hurt our earth. It's a little expensive, so people are trying to make it accessible to low-wage workers. It's a little like the philosophy of the "slow food" movement. It's all about seeing the connexion between us, the earth, the farmers, and the produtcs we eat - and for us christian, God. The fast-food restaurant broke this connexion, and we have now to restaure it. 

Prayer for your friend  ! Please post her brand if she has a website ! There's an indian brand like this. Clothes (that are amazing) are made by ex-prostitute. 

[beatitude]

I'm halfway through my year. I've slipped up a few times and bought things that had an extremely flexible definition of 'essential' - circus-acrobat level of flexible! - but on the whole my spending on myself has dropped a lot and I've noticed a shift in my attitude to possessions and what it means to be generous. I've just been on a New Year's retreat. I had two rosaries with me, the only two I use - a very beautiful unusual one that a good friend gave me for my birthday, made of tiger eye and dark jade; and an olivewood rosary from Bethlehem that's even more precious despite only costing the equivalent of $4. I've prayed with it in so many places associated with Jesus - his birthplace, Calvary, the shores of Galilee - and the beads feel permeated by prayer and memory. If I mislay it, I worry until I find it again. At the retreat, during Adoration, I suddenly wanted to give these rosaries away: the jade one to a new Catholic who God willing will be baptised at Easter, and who had nothing except the free plastic rosary the retreat leaders give out, and the olivewood one to a physiotherapy student. I chose her because I have so often used that rosary to pray for sick people and it seemed right to pass it on to someone who will work in healthcare. It didn't feel like a sacrifice when it came down to it: they were both so pleased and I just felt happy they were happy. God made it easier for me. As I go into 2016 I am going to fight harder to free my heart from attachments like this. As I said at the beginning of the thread, often I like my devotional aids for their own sake rather than just as aids to prayer. I am trying to focus more on the prayer itself, the relationship with Jesus.

[Spem in alium]

4 hours ago, beatitude said:

I'm halfway through my year. I've slipped up a few times and bought things that had an extremely flexible definition of 'essential' - circus-acrobat level of flexible! - but on the whole my spending on myself has dropped a lot and I've noticed a shift in my attitude to possessions and what it means to be generous. I've just been on a New Year's retreat. I had two rosaries with me, the only two I use - a very beautiful unusual one that a good friend gave me for my birthday, made of tiger eye and dark jade; and an olivewood rosary from Bethlehem that's even more precious despite only costing the equivalent of $4. I've prayed with it in so many places associated with Jesus - his birthplace, Calvary, the shores of Galilee - and the beads feel permeated by prayer and memory. If I mislay it, I worry until I find it again. At the retreat, during Adoration, I suddenly wanted to give these rosaries away: the jade one to a new Catholic who God willing will be baptised at Easter, and who had nothing except the free plastic rosary the retreat leaders give out, and the olivewood one to a physiotherapy student. I chose her because I have so often used that rosary to pray for sick people and it seemed right to pass it on to someone who will work in healthcare. It didn't feel like a sacrifice when it came down to it: they were both so pleased and I just felt happy they were happy. God made it easier for me. As I go into 2016 I am going to fight harder to free my heart from attachments like this. As I said at the beginning of the thread, often I like my devotional aids for their own sake rather than just as aids to prayer. I am trying to focus more on the prayer itself, the relationship with Jesus.

This is amazing. It's been so wonderful to read this thread and to learn from you. I have myself learnt a lot about poverty this past year, and about what it means for me as a religious. I notice that people are often surprised that sisters have phones and computers, and I've actually been in situations where I or one of my sisters have been confronted about it. My formation director gave a great answer to the question "How can you own XYZ but still live a vow of poverty?" She essentially said that it's not so much in what you own, but in how you use it and if you would be able to detach yourself from it if needed. This past year I've needed to spend more money on myself than I usually do (buying clothes, etc. for postulancy), but what I've bought has been very good-quality and so likely to last for several years. My director has encouraged me to see this as another way of living poverty - to choose something that may last instead of something that will need to be replaced quickly.
Your words about your rosaries made me think also. I have a rosary that my great-grandfather received on his 21st birthday, and my grandfather gave it to me when I entered the convent. It's beautiful and I use it every day, but would I be able to part from it if necessary or if I saw there was someone who needed it more than I did? It's interesting to think about. At this stage I don't know I'd be able to give it up, but your words make a lot of sense - it is just an accessory, not the prayer itself. Several times I've prayed the Rosary while walking and used my fingers rather than beads, and I've had meaningful encounters with God even though I wasn't carrying a devotional object, just my own two hands. This is a sign of what you're saying about seeking a relationship with Jesus, not with items.

Edited January 3, 2016 by Spem in alium

[beatitude]

It's an interesting one. On one level, rosaries and statues and so on are just accessories to prayer. On another, they're more than that. I have a crucifix that my grandma used to stand on her coffee table when the EMHC came to bring her Communion (in the last years of her life she was too unwell to get to Mass) and when I look at that crucifix it brings to mind her joy and her love in the face of so much pain. We treasure a rosary belonging to a saint because his or her prayer and life sanctified it, so I do believe that devotional aids can become special through loving use. But this is why they need to be shared, not hoarded. I realised that my olivewood rosary would be meaningful to the physiotherapy student partly because she was so excited when she heard I'd lived in Bethlehem, and partly because I used it specially to pray for sick people, so it felt right to give it to her - I probably wouldn't have just handed it to a random person on the Tube to cultivate my detachment. With the other woman, I realised that a fancy rosary would be a nice gift for a convert who had never had one before, and I felt grateful to her for our conversations in the retreat - watching someone discover the faith with that fire and excitement is wonderful, it stops you from taking it for granted. So I wanted a way to say thank you. I think this goes back to what various people were saying earlier in the thread: living poverty shifts your focus from things to relationships. I feel quite close to those girls now in a way that maybe I couldn't if I'd hung onto the rosaries, even though I don't even know their full names or if I'll ever meet them again.

[MarysLittleFlower]

I can really relate to this. I get attached to devotional objects just from memories. I read recently that if we keep our hearts on earthly things its like they would be our treasure instead of God, and giving them away helps to avoid that - its not always easy having something and not being attached, if we don't have it through necessity. The Holy Family only had what is necessary. Then I look at my things and not everything is necessary, though I've cut back compared to the past. But even devotional objects can become 'treasures' that keep us from loving God first, and I think especially if we are consecrated to Him or hoping to be, He needs to have all our heart. I think it would be worth the effort to look at my devotional objects and ask myself which are for practicality and which ones I keep more from a sentimental reason. If God inspires to give something away then its not necessary. I read a long time ago that we can be greedy with religious objects too and now I think it makes sense how. I hope one day I'll get to being able to love God alone! I don't think I'm there yet at all. Apparently we have no attachment if we give things away with no pain at all. That's a grace to pray for I guess :) 

[beatitude]

I was at my parents' church for Epiphany Mass this evening and they have a wonderful custom at that parish. People are invited to bring practical gifts for the homeless people at a local shelter, for prisoners who are about to be released, for refugees, and for others in need in this area. During the offertory, these gifts are taken up to the crib. By the end of the Mass the baby Jesus was surrounded by warm clothing and tinned food and toys. It made me reflect on the sheer joy of giving: how wonderful it is to be able to respond to another person's need, and how comforting to know that others have seen you for who you are - not just the ex-prisoner, the refugee, the drunken man who sleeps rough, but as a real flesh and blood person with needs and hopes and dreams. Detaching from possessions may be hard and horrible at times (when the ring my grandma gave me before she died was stolen from me, I cried and felt miserable for days) but at other times it's not hard, it's exhilarating. You feel much closer to your neighbours and you start to see things in a wholly new light.

[A Yearning Heart]

I wanted to give props to every post in this thread and ran out. You all are just amazing. It's been a while since I've been around people who are actively working on their spiritual life (and sharing it) and I feel lighter just reading the posts here. Reminded me of St Mary MacKillop who said 'we are but travellers here'. It's so easy to forget and get caught up in the world.

Keep going and God bless

[beatitude]

I went to France over Easter and met with some women from the institute, including my responsable. (I use the French term because I'm not sure what the English equivalent would be - 'prioress' has the wrong connotations in this context, and formation director sounds too formal. Basically she is responsible for me, God help her.) There were some amusing moments as she doesn't speak any English and my French is rusty. At one point (typically when the only English-speaking woman was out of the room) she mentioned responsable polonais and I heard it as "responsible for the nose". When I tapped my nose in bewilderment and exclaimed, "Responsable pour le nez?" hilarity ensued, because she was referring to her Polish opposite number.) In spite of the miscommunications, we established that I'm on course to make my first vows in two to three years. That sounds like a long time but I know it really isn't. Thinking about it, I have decided to extend my time without buying new possessions (which has been very shaky lately) to the time of my first vows. There is a practical reason for this: over the next couple of years I will have to go over to France much more frequently than I do now for various formation events. The train isn't too badly priced with my railcard, but I will need to save every spare penny for these trips. The other reason is spiritual. I feel like the best way to absorb the meaning of the poverty vow is to live without unnecessary purchases cluttering up my home and heart. The women did talk with me about how the meaning and emphasis of my poverty vow will change at different stages in my life (for them, as older women, it means living with the knowledge that they have no family or community to support them in old age and may well end up dying in the anonymity of a care home), so I know it will be impossible to 'learn the meaning' in three years as though I'm studying a textbook. However, I feel that this is the first chapter of the lesson.

[Swami Mommy]

In the Hindu culture it is felt that perhaps one of the deepest levels of experiencing inner poverty occurs as we shed our attachment to our own bodies as possessions we 'own' or identify with as being who we are, and come to the embodied understanding that there is absolutely nothing, not even our own flesh and blood, that we can call our own.  We come to experience ourselves as being like the eternal emptiness of the backdrop of the blue sky upon which the clouds of beingness arise and dissolve.

Poverty relates to the first chakra which involves the very survival of the ego, and on the spiritual path our identification with and ownership of the 'I' is gradually dissolved as we recognize our inherent formlessness in the midst of form.

i know that this is not what the teaching is in Christianity, but I thought it might be interesting to describe other ways that inner and outer poverty can be worked with. 

Edited April 2, 2016 by Swami Mommy

[beatitude]

As for how poverty affects our relationship with our bodies, I think St Francis of Assisi summed it up best. He referred to his body as 'Brother Ass', he saw fasting and other physical penance as intrinsic to poverty, but then composed the wonderful Canticle of the Sun which is a homage to all the joy that comes to us through our physical senses, and close to death he cheerfully apologised to poor Brother Ass for being so harsh with the penances. His exact words were, "Rejoice, Brother Body, and forgive me." He had learned a lesson or two from other friars about being too hard on himself in his love of poverty.

Christianity is about the Incarnation, and while we can't treat our bodies as possessions either (they're not just any old thing, they're God's gift to us), they're certainly still important. We can see this especially at Easter time, when Jesus appears in his glorious body with his wounds still deep in his hands and side, inviting Thomas to touch them. Our own bodies are going to be transfigured like his. For me, poverty enables me to appreciate that gift better - to know and love and be grateful - rather than to lose sight of the gift's existence.

[Spem in alium]

9 hours ago, beatitude said:

I went to France over Easter and met with some women from the institute, including my responsable. (I use the French term because I'm not sure what the English equivalent would be - 'prioress' has the wrong connotations in this context, and formation director sounds too formal. Basically she is responsible for me, God help her.) There were some amusing moments as she doesn't speak any English and my French is rusty. At one point (typically when the only English-speaking woman was out of the room) she mentioned responsable polonais and I heard it as "responsible for the nose". When I tapped my nose in bewilderment and exclaimed, "Responsable pour le nez?" hilarity ensued, because she was referring to her Polish opposite number.) In spite of the miscommunications, we established that I'm on course to make my first vows in two to three years. That sounds like a long time but I know it really isn't. Thinking about it, I have decided to extend my time without buying new possessions (which has been very shaky lately) to the time of my first vows. There is a practical reason for this: over the next couple of years I will have to go over to France much more frequently than I do now for various formation events. The train isn't too badly priced with my railcard, but I will need to save every spare penny for these trips. The other reason is spiritual. I feel like the best way to absorb the meaning of the poverty vow is to live without unnecessary purchases cluttering up my home and heart. The women did talk with me about how the meaning and emphasis of my poverty vow will change at different stages in my life (for them, as older women, it means living with the knowledge that they have no family or community to support them in old age and may well end up dying in the anonymity of a care home), so I know it will be impossible to 'learn the meaning' in three years as though I'm studying a textbook. However, I feel that this is the first chapter of the lesson.

This is wonderful. And you're right, two to three years isn't a long time at all. It will fly by! I think it's also a good idea that you're choosing to extend your time of not buying new possessions. It sounds like you've really discerned that well. Congratulations.