Living poverty: a year without new possessions

[puellapaschalis]

I think this is inspirational, @beatitude

[AccountDeleted]

The past few days have been a test for what I mean by 'essential'. I'm back in the UK for several months. The only hooded waterproof coat I own is extremely thick and the sort of thing you'd wear on an Arctic expedition. I can't wear it now, I'd boil, but I have nothing else waterproof or with a hood. Judging this to be a case of necessity, I bought something. Once I'd done it, I was assailed by doubts, People who have no money to buy a light coat would just have to deal with it as best they can - carry an umbrella everywhere through the autumn, wear warm layers, and hope for the best. I backed out of an important part of this commitment by not trying to cope as they would cope. One of the early Church Fathers wrote, "Your second coat belongs to the poor" - not just that it would be a kind act to give it away, but that giving it away is simply restoring it to someone who should have it by right. And now I have not two but three coats.

Other things I am noticing: now that I can't buy anything new I'm having an urge to use skincare products I very rarely used before, things that are luxuries rather than essential to keeping clean. It's amazing how even the gentlest self-denial the body starts crying out for attention.

I'm not sure that buying that coat wasn't a necessity for you, given the circumstances. When you leave the UK, you can always give it away to the poor. But if the first coat was too hot, then for your health, it might have been necessary. There is a difference between buying luxuries (expensive skin care products) and just being over scrupulous. If you really want to live like the poor, then you have to give up baths and showers and use a bucket, like Mother Teresa's nuns - use only cold water,etc, etc. But you live in the First World, not the Third World, so poverty means something different. Use common sense as to what is a necessity and what is a luxury.

Your other option is to do what low income people (not homeless, just poor) do in a similar situation.When I was unemployed, if I needed a new coat, I went to an op shop (second hand stores like Salvos, GoodWill in the US, etc) and bought a cheap one. That's not a  luxury. I have been poor for most of my life, and there are plenty of ways to supply necessities on a low income without spending a lot of money.One thing, avoid going into those department stores. I could never afford to shop in them! Try $1 and $2 shops, op shops, Sunday markets etc. 

It's an interesting thing you are doing. I have the opposite problem - I find that even now that I have more income, I can't spend it. I double and triple think everything before parting with any money - even for necessities. It's a reaction to being poor for so long. Maybe I'm afraid that if I lose this income, I will be back to being poor again, so I don't want to spend anything. Finding the balance is the key.

[beatitude]

Puella, thanks. It's an interesting journey to share. No one in my real life knows about it so it's helpful to reflect a little here.

You make good points, Nunsense. I am not usually overscrupulous, but I think I am having an adjustment problem. I have been living in a refugee camp for the past eighteen months, where we would often have power cuts and water cuts, and getting a tin of food imported from the UK was the height of luxury for me.  (And it really did feel like such a luxury and a treat!) Even before that, I was in a neighbourhood that wasn't particularly affluent, with frequent stays in camps. Now I'm back in England it is difficult to establish what poverty means in this context. In the camp it was easier to see. For example, in the summer of 2013, there were sporadic water cuts, and one day the mother of the family I was living with quietly brought a jerrycan of water into my room and said, "You will need this, this is for you." She had noticed that I got my period around that time (sorry for TMI, but there is no such thing as personal space in that camp) and she had saved water here and there to make things more comfortable for me during that week, so I would always have some to wash in even if the mains supply went down. She was very discreet about it, and I was so moved that in a situation where she had so little herself she was still able to be thoughtful and attentive with what she had. I have taken that as my model for poverty - always being available for others, but in a quiet way, not sounding the trumpets about it. But of course poverty looks different in England and I am still working out how to respond to the call to live out this vow over here.

I have decided not to think too much over the coat. Last week I gave away a box of clothes as was suggested earlier in this thread, so it's not as if I'm hoarding stuff, and England certainly is rainy enough to need this. I got it from a regular shop, though, not Oxfam or anywhere like that, and I'm ashamed to say it's because the clothes in Oxfam usually seem to be for the older person and I'm not quite sure I want my 87-year-old nana to be my fashion doppelganger just yet.  

Edited September 2, 2015 by beatitude

[Gabriela]

I have the opposite problem - I find that even now that I have more income, I can't spend it. I double and triple think everything before parting with any money - even for necessities. It's a reaction to being poor for so long. Maybe I'm afraid that if I lose this income, I will be back to being poor again, so I don't want to spend anything.

I so know what you are talking about.

[beatitude]

I wanted to share this excerpt from the Rule of St Clare. I must have read it a few times before, but some months ago I saw it again and it hit me with the force of a bomb.

"Always wear inexpensive garments out of love for the most holy and beloved Child, who was wrapped in such poor little swaddling clothes and laid in a manger."

It makes me wonder how I could ever want anything else. I know tomorrow my old attachments will get hold of me again. They always do. But sometimes, for a moment, they no longer have their hold.

Today when I read these words of St Clare again that terrible image of the poor little three-year-old Syrian boy who was recently drowned as his family tried to escape to Europe came into my mind. For love of the most holy and beloved Child. The refugees often arrive with barely anything, only the clothes they stand up in. Please pray for them.

[Gabriela]

What does one do when "inexpensive garments" will be viewed negatively in one's job?

[beatitude]

What does one do when "inexpensive garments" will be viewed negatively in one's job?

That is a snippet from Clare's rule for her nuns, and she then goes on to specify how many tunics each sister is to have (two). Outside the monastery I don't think it's possible to be so exact, but it's possible to choose inexpensive clothes according to your state in life.

I work in hospitals and the dress code is professional but comfortable enough to move around in, as we spend a lot of time on our feet. I can't go looking as if I put my outfit together from the ragbag. That is not considerate to patients. But I can think more carefully about how and where I shop. If I buy new clothes, I try to make sure they come from an ethical/Fair Trade supplier, even if this means paying extra. I don't think inexpensive means 'as cheap as possible for me' - clothes made for places like Primark are very expensive, it's just that someone somewhere else is paying the price instead of me. I try to be realistic about what I need: yes, I have to look smart and professional, but that doesn't mean designer. It also doesn't mean I need ten work outfits. About three would probably be enough. This might attract some odd looks from staff but providing I'm neat and smart it doesn't matter what they think about the lack of variety in my clothing. They are not paying me to be a fashion model. When I start my new job I think I will just rotate between three outfits from the start and let them take me as they find me.

When I need clothes I will often go on eBay to try and get them second hand. I can often find things on there that match the hospital dress code but aren't going to break the bank. Unfortunately this is what opens me up to temptation - I will see a shirt on there for £3, and think, wow, it's almost new and it's cheap, I should get it! And before I know it I end up with about six different shirts that I don't particularly need and only bought because they didn't cost a lot. This is the tendency that I am trying to fight by not buying anything at all this year.

Edited September 3, 2015 by beatitude

[BarbTherese]

I wear the same set (3 sets) of clothing around the house and to local shops etc.  For voluntary work and social gatherings, I have been able fortunately to buy some very smart clothing in excellent condition at a Red Cross Second Hand store - with one near me.  I always wear black slacks and so all I ever need do is vary tops.  I am a mother and I am very conscious to strive not to embarrass my sons especially socially.
 

Edited September 4, 2015 by BarbaraTherese

[Gabriela]

I am a mother and I am very conscious to strive not to embarrass my sons especially socially.

Oh God bless you. That is very considerate of you!  

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

The past few days have been a test for what I mean by 'essential'. I'm back in the UK for several months. The only hooded waterproof coat I own is extremely thick and the sort of thing you'd wear on an Arctic expedition. I can't wear it now, I'd boil, but I have nothing else waterproof or with a hood. Judging this to be a case of necessity, I bought something. Once I'd done it, I was assailed by doubts, People who have no money to buy a light coat would just have to deal with it as best they can - carry an umbrella everywhere through the autumn, wear warm layers, and hope for the best. I backed out of an important part of this commitment by not trying to cope as they would cope. One of the early Church Fathers wrote, "Your second coat belongs to the poor" - not just that it would be a kind act to give it away, but that giving it away is simply restoring it to someone who should have it by right. And now I have not two but three coats.

Other things I am noticing: now that I can't buy anything new I'm having an urge to use skincare products I very rarely used before, things that are luxuries rather than essential to keeping clean. It's amazing how even the gentlest self-denial the body starts crying out for attention.

Part of the challenge you're facing in living your year of poverty is that, unlike an established religious Community, other people around you, don't necessarily know that you are doing this, and might not realize you need a coat. Most of us here know that you are trying your best to live for a year without buying new things, but Phatmassers are all over the map (literally) making it more difficult. Although, come to think of it, I suspect that if you had told us of your need of a light coat, one of us might have been able to send you one. I have some extra coats of varying degrees of warmth, and could have sent you one, but, of course, I have no idea if my coats would fit you. And, the cost of postage for sending a coat from the U.S. to the UK could easily be more than the cost of buying a secondhand coat.

Does the town where you live have a place where people donate clothes that are then given away free to those who need them? "Coat drives" and places where you can get free coats is a big deal in Chicago, because our bitter winters mean that coats are a necessity for people to stay alive, not a luxury. 

Perhaps there are people in your new parish who could help, if they knew of the need.

If nothing else, you've learned a lot by this, both about yourself, and about the problems of living a life of poverty. I hope you're not beating yourself up too much.

 

[MarysLittleFlower]

Instead of starting a new thread I thought Id put this here as its along similar lines.  I just realized that if I were to go to the convent Id be permitted to bring one or two photos.  ONE or TWO!  I HAVE THOUSANDS!  Some are very dear because they are of now deceased family members and the rest are years of memories.  Id probably go through them getting rid of the excess and leave the important ones with my sister but still the thought of giving up treasured photos and mementos is hard.  I guess its not supposed to be easy but like I said I just realized my attachment.

that would be tough for me too! I guess what I'd do is I would give the other photos to relatives. I guess it's another form of detachment!

[MarysLittleFlower]

This whole thread has been interesting to think about. Over the past few years I've felt drawn to simplifying my life. It's hard  however I have found there's some special joy in living more simply. It helped that this year I didn't have a lot of money to spend, so for example clothing mostly came from second hand shops. I also couldn't always buy something I wanted at least not right away. This summer when I was at a gift shop on a family trip, I was surprised how freeing it felt to just think "I don't really NEED any of this, so I won't get it". I like the idea of only buying things that you really need. Sometimes there's a lot of temptation though especially as you make this decision! suddenly things you never wanted, you start wanting. lol. But then there's a lot of peace too.

I find there's other things I've been doing that involve spending too much money on myself. For example, eating out too much and getting things I like rather than getting a cheaper option. I think it's okay to eat out with friends sometimes just to build relationships with them (people tend to eat out just to talk mainly, it's not about the food) but I don't like how I've been getting my favourite dishes even if they're a bit more expensive.

Haircuts were mentioned... I used to go to the expensive salon for haircuts, and then a place at the mall. I actually found I liked the haircut more from the mall. However this summer, I found myself with no money at all and my hair needed trimming cause it was just all over the place. I was really surprised when I let my mom cut my hair lol - this would never have happened in those salon-only days. (I know the idea of a relative or friend cutting your hair is scary, but my hair is thin and very straight and easy to cut. I don't have layers but I like it and it fits my style which is more classic anyways :)).

I was also reminded of this blog I read today: http://www.sarahkroger.com/blog/2015/8/31/the-closet-challenge

That's so true that in our culture, it's very looked down on to wear the same outfit twice.

[MarysLittleFlower]

But I think there's something very meaningful in trying to dress more simply, like the quote that Beatitude posted from the Poor Clare rule.. and in not having too much clothes. I used to have a full closet and I've been trying to give stuff away, but I still have things I want to give away. Yet there are days when I think "I'd like to go to the mall and buy that nice... (whatever)", though I don't need it.

Regarding inexpensive clothes and work... I have to dress business-casual for work and I'm also trying to find the balance between appropriate but still not something I'd get really attached to. If I like something too much and would have a problem giving it up that means there's an attachment. I figured out no attachment means you have no problem at all giving it up if you had to. Since the goal is to have no attachments... this is tough! What I've been doing is trying to limit my clothes and I found some work appropriate things at the second hand store that looked very new, but cost little. There are also some things that my mom made for me because she can sew and knit very well, and there's something simple in wearing home made clothes (if someone is good at sewing).

Edited September 4, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower

[beatitude]

Part of the challenge you're facing in living your year of poverty is that, unlike an established religious Community, other people around you, don't necessarily know that you are doing this, and might not realize you need a coat. Most of us here know that you are trying your best to live for a year without buying new things, but Phatmassers are all over the map (literally) making it more difficult. Although, come to think of it, I suspect that if you had told us of your need of a light coat, one of us might have been able to send you one. I have some extra coats of varying degrees of warmth, and could have sent you one, but, of course, I have no idea if my coats would fit you. And, the cost of postage for sending a coat from the U.S. to the UK could easily be more than the cost of buying a secondhand coat.

Does the town where you live have a place where people donate clothes that are then given away free to those who need them? "Coat drives" and places where you can get free coats is a big deal in Chicago, because our bitter winters mean that coats are a necessity for people to stay alive, not a luxury. 

Perhaps there are people in your new parish who could help, if they knew of the need.

If nothing else, you've learned a lot by this, both about yourself, and about the problems of living a life of poverty. I hope you're not beating yourself up too much.

 

I'm not beating myself up or even feeling guilty - my post was just to demonstrate that it's surprisingly difficult to determine what's needed and what isn't.  You are very kind, but I would not take a donated coat from anyone, because I do have the means to buy necessities. It would feel wrong to take something when I could get it for myself, because there are so many people out there who need these things and can't get them. But if this thread inspires any Phatmasser to take a hard look at their possessions and give things away to people in that horrible position, then all to the good.

[Era Might]

I'm currently homeless, living out of my car. I feel tremendously grateful that I have a car to live in, and to get me around for work and everything else I need to do as I get on my feet. Every morning on my drive to work I pass a guy, the same guy every day, who holds a sign and says good morning to the people in each car. His sign says, "Your help is a blessing to me." I feel kind of weird passing him by, we're both in the same boat...kind of...but nobody is ever in the same boat. Everyone's life is different, and who can imagine what the other lives through. The other day I went to a Catholic young adult bible study, it was small, mainly a guy, his wife, his mother, and a couple other young college kids. Their son was running around while we had the bible study. They had no idea how I'm living, and I have no idea what it's like to have a wife and a son and to live their life...maybe I would be stifled. They had pizza, but I wasn't comfortable eating their food, even though it was for everyone...I suspect that's a vice on my part, partly pride. Am I poor? Externally yes, but I don't know...maybe they're poor, who knows. I was reading a book about the spirituality of the Rule of St. Benedict recently, and one of the chapters talked about how important the physical areas and possessions of the monastery are...each location and each utensil has its own purpose, and are to be used for that purpose...whether it's the kitchen, the eating area, etc. Nothing is irrelevant, and the Rule discusses all the mundane aspects of daily life because possessions have to be sanctified through use. If my car breaks down...my poverty will take a serious turn, and who knows what that will be like. But for now, I wake up in the morning with my window down, and feel the cool morning air, hear the birds and the trees whistling, and thank God because I feel like I have everything I need in life. Of course, if I'm going to do anything in life, my relationship to possessions will have to change...I can't live like this forever (or maybe I can, who knows). But just wanted to add my own reflections on poverty, I'm learning that poverty and gratitude go together for it to be anything positive, and maybe that poverty and simplicity are not the same thing. Anyway, great thread, keep up the journey.