puellapaschalis Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 even if its just a friendly hug or touch of hands? We live quite far apart now and only see each other once or twice a year. We hug on saying hello and goodbye, and it's not prolonged (we could both go down the route of setting some kind of time limit - cf the Duggars' 30 second side hugs - but whilst we're both finnickity, we're neither of us that finnickity). I mean there isn't some kind of scrupulous meltdown if one has to grab the other's hand or arm or something (traffic and tourists are homicidal sometimes), but there's no reason for us to walk around hand in hand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarysLittleFlower Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I think it would be fine for an interested woman to try to pull a seminarian into the vocation of Marriage instead. You are not a priest until you are a priest. And just because one has started the process does not necessarily mean that becoming a priest is God's will. Is there anything that the Church has said about that though? i don't think its right to do that. If he's not meant to be a priest let him discern that himself withoit playing around with his feelings. A guy could lose his vocation that way. Sounds harsh perhaps but people discerning celibacy should not date in my opinion. I would definitely not be comfortable hugging etc a seminarian... I don't even like to hug my guy friends anymore and try to avoid that. Many of them feel the same though. I hug my girl friends and that's it its easy to get confused feelings with a guy like that... ESPECIALLY with a seminarian that's something to avoid:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 We live quite far apart now and only see each other once or twice a year. We hug on saying hello and goodbye, and it's not prolonged (we could both go down the route of setting some kind of time limit - cf the Duggars' 30 second side hugs - but whilst we're both finnickity, we're neither of us that finnickity). I mean there isn't some kind of scrupulous meltdown if one has to grab the other's hand or arm or something (traffic and tourists are homicidal sometimes), but there's no reason for us to walk around hand in hand. And really, thirty seconds is a LONG time for a hug. My hugs (when I actually give them) are a couple seconds long. Maybe 10 seconds for someone I missed particularly intensely or something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basilisa Marie Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Some of my seminarian friends are too "touchy". Like it's very usual for them to hold hands or hug, which I experienced a lot. Its too awkward for me but I just bring out the thought of not bringing any malice of their moves, their just being friendly and maybe got too attached by me. But I love hanging out with them they're fun to be with! And they also serve as one of my bridges in increasing my spiritual faith Yeah that's not cool. The only time I can remember touching my seminarian (now priest) friends outside the sign of peace was maybe a quick goodbye hug at the end the year, and that was after they'd been in formation for years, moreso after they had been made deacons. I remember how some of us undergrads would play a game where we'd say hi and wave and enthusiastically smile at the younger seminarians in passing, who would either look at us like scared rabbits or awkwardly wave and say hi back. Boundaries were very clear, though, You're probably right that there's nothing wrong about their motives, but you're also right to want to establish firmer physical boundaries. Don't be afraid to step back and make sure those boundaries are in place while still hanging out with them. I absolutely adore my priest friends, they had an important impact on my spiritual life when I was in college. But the whole fence around the law thing that marigold was talking about is totally on point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gabriela Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Wait a second, everybody. The OP is in the Philippines. I don't know about the Philippines, but I do know that a lot of other cultures are way more chill on the touch-feely thing than we are. I've been to Spain and Italy, and lived in the Middle East, and people are way more hands-y than in the US—and it's totally okay and not meant sexually. So if that's the case in the Philippines, I'd say no worries. (Although, if you're from that culture and you feel weird about a particular touch, then you're probably totally right that it's "off".) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ice_nine Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Wait a second, everybody. The OP is in the Philippines. I don't know about the Philippines, but I do know that a lot of other cultures are way more chill on the touch-feely thing than we are. I've been to Spain and Italy, and lived in the Middle East, and people are way more hands-y than in the US—and it's totally okay and not meant sexually. So if that's the case in the Philippines, I'd say no worries. (Although, if you're from that culture and you feel weird about a particular touch, then you're probably totally right that it's "off".) I was gonna say something similar. Beat me to it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilverSeminarian Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 It is very difficult for us seminarians.... But totally worth it. I know exactly what I'm giving up and I'm okay with it (for the most part) because I know that God will bless me with so much. I look at it this way. I give up something great to gain something even better. It's hard, but it's worth it. Anything easy is not worth trying for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NadaTeTurbe Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Wait a second, everybody. The OP is in the Philippines. I don't know about the Philippines, but I do know that a lot of other cultures are way more chill on the touch-feely thing than we are. I've been to Spain and Italy, and lived in the Middle East, and people are way more hands-y than in the US—and it's totally okay and not meant sexually. So if that's the case in the Philippines, I'd say no worries. (Although, if you're from that culture and you feel weird about a particular touch, then you're probably totally right that it's "off".) Agree. TOuching depends on culture. If an american seminarist would hugged me to greet me, I would push and ask him what is wrong with him, because here, it's something for very close friends or parents. and if a french seminarist would "faire la bise" (kissing on the cheeks), to greet an american, I guess the american would not like it and think something is weird. In middle-eastern countries, man often holds hands when they're friends, and some tourist (from Europe, North America), often think they're gay. But ultimately, OP, you have to follow your instinct, and listen to your body. Even if a touching is acceptable in your country, if you don't want to be touched, tell it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
puellapaschalis Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 I know something of Filipino culture, and outside of the close family circle the physical affection being described would be frowned upon. With a seminarian you're not related to it would be almost anathema. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basilisa Marie Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Wait a second, everybody. The OP is in the Philippines. I don't know about the Philippines, but I do know that a lot of other cultures are way more chill on the touch-feely thing than we are. I've been to Spain and Italy, and lived in the Middle East, and people are way more hands-y than in the US—and it's totally okay and not meant sexually. So if that's the case in the Philippines, I'd say no worries. (Although, if you're from that culture and you feel weird about a particular touch, then you're probably totally right that it's "off".) Well shoot! Nevermind then, yes, they're definitely more of a touchy culture than us weirdo Americans. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Credo in Deum Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 (edited) Every time I see the title of this thread I imagine some weird iPhone game app like Candy Crush. Edited July 7, 2015 by Credo in Deum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gabriela Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Every time I see the title of this thread I imagine some weird iPhone game app like Candy Crush. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 I don't think Americans would think it was aggressive or weird if a French person greeted us with kisses to both cheeks. We have a different culture but we aren't unaware of others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 I don't think Americans would think it was aggressive or weird if a French person greeted us with kisses to both cheeks. We have a different culture but we aren't unaware of others. I would be a bit put off, but in classic Canadian fashion I am sure I would just apologize for doing it wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seven77 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 (edited) Wait a second, everybody. The OP is in the Philippines. I don't know about the Philippines, but I do know that a lot of other cultures are way more chill on the touch-feely thing than we are. I've been to Spain and Italy, and lived in the Middle East, and people are way more hands-y than in the US—and it's totally okay and not meant sexually. So if that's the case in the Philippines, I'd say no worries. (Although, if you're from that culture and you feel weird about a particular touch, then you're probably totally right that it's "off".) As someone who was raised in a technically Asian family, I'm pretty sure that a man in the continent of Asia would not be normally seen holding hands or giving hugs to women who they were not married to, or not related to, or not in some sort of relationship with. And I'm pretty certain that in the case of a seminarian it would be something definitely looked down upon as it could give scandal. In comparison, American and Europeans are way more touchy-feely with the opposite sexes I think. I know something of Filipino culture, and outside of the close family circle the physical affection being described would be frowned upon. With a seminarian you're not related to it would be almost anathema. Exactly. I wish I read this 1st… Edited July 9, 2015 by Seven77 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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