Help

[marigold]

I'm feeling incredibly stuck and I need to let it out somewhere and ask for ideas.

As some of you know, I was made redundant in March from a job that paid really well and I thought was secure. That was just when I was starting to come out of my shell and visit communities and save up for long-term nun plans. My confidence took a real hit, but I leaned on my friends for support and my relatives were able to loan me some money to tide me over.

Mid-May I got a new job through connections with a friend. It was less great all round, but I jumped at the chance, and was prepared to work really hard to pay back the loaned money and start all over in saving up to travel to monasteries. Our lease is up at the end of August, and that seemed like a good timeframe to aim at. The new employer said the work would be full time, and I didn't think anything of it when I only had a couple of shifts a week. Training, newbies start slow etc. But I've been there like 6 weeks now and the shifts have only gotten fewer. This week I had two scheduled, and one was cancelled!

This past month I barely made rent. I can't quite explain the mounting feeling of frustration, fear, and constant stress... We can talk about accepting each moment from God (and I really, really try to) - it's not that I'm unaware of him or don't believe he is doing something, it's more that my stress levels and confidence have taken such a knock that I feel totally stuck. I'm stress-eating like I did when I first left the monastery, and avoiding the gym, and both of those things have a knock-on effect on physical strength and mood, and it all starts going in a lovely circle of frustration and inaction. I'm finding it harder to get up and go.

There are other stressors - my mum's getting remarried; helping my flatmates find new homes; a couple of my monastic friends are also at some kind of crisis point and I don't know how to help them...

Do I look for yet another job? Do I sit tight and keep praying for a miracle? What do I tell the nice abbesses who occasionally write me and ask what's happening with my plans to visit them?

The funny thing is that it's such a tiny amount of money! All I borrowed was like 1000 pounds, and there's another 1000 of rent left to pay. When I think of how much my fellow VSers, for starters, sometimes have to pay off in student loans, it humbles me - and at the same time, cranks up the ol' frustration, because it just feels like a simple puzzle that I'm too dumb to solve.

Edited July 1, 2015 by marigold

[vee]

The main thing is you need a stable income and if you arent getting it at your current job then get looking for another job ASAP!  You need to be able to afford the necessities in life, food clothes and shelter, once those are secure then you can deal with other things.  Hand out resumes today.

[Egeria]

I can sympathize, Marigold, having sometimes been in a similar position. This sort of depends on your skills and background, but is there any chance of doing any freelance work? That would enable you to earn something but not be tied down long-term. I have something more specific in mind, but had perhaps better try and PM you. I'm not sure if that works or if I'm allowed to do it, but will try...

[Strictlyinkblot]

I'm also in a situation with work. I'm struggling with whether to look for another job or stay where I am. Where I am is well paid but I'm being bullied. And I've just received a written reprimand about the paperwork, I've been there just over a month and haven't received an induction. I also haven't been given a written contract by my employer yet. When I moved down I was told it would be full time, yet it turns out that the hours are less than was promised. 

Having had my moan, it does sound like you need to find another job, or at least supplementary work. Have you got anything in your contract saying how many hours you should be working?

[TheresaThoma]

I would start looking for some more stable work. It takes time to find a new position and get hired.

[MarysLittleFlower]

Is there any way to maybe ask your boss about the possibility of getting more shifts and if this is something temporary?

I'm thinking also maybe would it be possible to look for work alongside still working at your current position? Or doing something freelance on the side... For example there's no way I can pay my loans with my current job... So I'm planning on doing art this summer to help me because I have a background in that.

I understand being frustrated about this... I have a huge amount of loans and many orders have an age limit. It can get really stressful not to see discernment moving along. I also don't have savings to visit anywhere. 

I think... We do the best we can and if things still don't work, all we can do is surrender them to God's Will and timing. Sometimes our confidence is tested just so we can learn trust I've seen we only grow in a virtue when its being tested! If things werent very uncertain and everything happened on time we wouldn't have the opportunity to truly learn trust we would have trust but not tested under trial. I learned this a bit through the hard way recently and now I wish I had trusted more looking back on it, but that's probably why I had to go through it probably you have much more trust than I do! Just try to not feel overwhelmed if nothing seems to be moving... I know easier said than done... Our Lord spent 30 years in quiet work before His ministry. Now we prepare for ours  even if not how we expect. God can use everything maybemaybe you can ask Him to understand how He wants to use this .But it might be more perfect to just trust blindly:)

[NadaTeTurbe]

The main thing is you need a stable income and if you arent getting it at your current job then get looking for another job ASAP!  You need to be able to afford the necessities in life, food clothes and shelter, once those are secure then you can deal with other things.  Hand out resumes today.

yes, yes, yes ! I can agree more. You can end up homeless even if you have a good job, you know. Please, before all, make sure that you have a job that allow you to have a home, food, and clothes. 

My prayer are with you. Because you speak french, you can sing this song : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLKLVr6Me2o writed according to this prayer by Blessed Charles de Foucault. I have prayed this in time of stress, thinking "just another prayer, will not work", and it have had a big effect. 

 

Father,
I abandon myself into your hands;
do with me what you will.
Whatever you may do, I thank you:
I am ready for all, I accept all.

Let only your will be done in me,
and in all your creatures –
I wish no more than this, O Lord.

Into your hands I commend my soul:
I offer it to you with all the love of my heart,
for I love you, Lord, and so need to give myself,
to surrender myself into your hands without reserve,
and with boundless confidence,
for you are my Father.

 

[MarysLittleFlower]

Yes giving one's will to God is the best most powerful thing. I think... That's what holiness is, when we always do that, and Jesus transforms us with His Will.

[Feankie]

Marigold,

This is what I would suggest to you....sit down, get a cup of tea, breath deeply......and then make a plan and a timeline.  I mean actually draw one out on paper. Where are you today?  What is your final goal?  What steps do you need to take to get there?  It's not glamorous, but it helps put things in perspective, forces you to come up with concrete action steps to reach your goal.  Don't freak out when you look at the big picture, rather determine what you need to do to get there in increments.  In other words, if you are at point A, what are points B,C,D, etc. to get to point Z. What are the steps you need to complete each point and move on.  For example, if point A is to pay the rent,,then what do you need to do to accomplish that goal to get to point B.  Speak proactively with your employer regarding expectations?  Look for another position while still working? Work double shifts if available? What do you need to do?  How can others help? You get my drift.

It's helpful to put it down on paper and review it at least twice a week.  Pray over it and ask God's blessings on your plan.  Looking at things in small steps is less anxiety producing than looking at the entirety of the situation.

This is what I would suggest to a directee ( and have in the past)

God bless.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Yaatee]

Marigold,

This is what I would suggest to you....sit down, get a cup of tea, breath deeply......and then make a plan and a timeline.  I mean actually draw one out on paper. Where are you today?  What is your final goal?  What steps do you need to take to get there?  It's not glamorous, but it helps put things in perspective, forces you to come up with concrete action steps to reach your goal.  Don't freak out when you look at the big picture, rather determine what you need to do to get there in increments.  In other words, if you are at point A, what are points B,C,D, etc. to get to point Z. What are the steps you need to complete each point and move on.  For example, if point A is to pay the rent,,then what do you need to do to accomplish that goal to get to point B.  Speak proactively with your employer regarding expectations?  Look for another position while still working? Work double shifts if available? What do you need to do?  How can others help? You get my drift.

It's helpful to put it down on paper and review it at least twice a week.  Pray over it and ask God's blessings on your plan.  Looking at things in small steps is less anxiety producing than looking at the entirety of the situation.

This is what I would suggest to a directee ( and have in the past)

God bless.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I agree with all of the above.

[Yaatee]

The main thing is you need a stable income and if you arent getting it at your current job then get looking for another job ASAP!  You need to be able to afford the necessities in life, food clothes and shelter, once those are secure then you can deal with other things.  Hand out resumes today.

I agree with this, also.

Good luck, Marigold.  You can do it!

[Gabriela]

Pray to St. Joseph for stable, well-paying employment multiple times a day. Wear a band on your wrist or something uncomfortable to remind you to say a little prayer to him every time you feel or notice it.

Then, start applying for every job you can imagine yourself doing. Just apply. And apply. And apply. Set aside an hour or two a day as a "temporary part-time job" itself to just look for jobs and send out resumes.

What do you do well? Can you make rosaries? Knit? Sew? Bake? Start making stuff in all the free time you have and put it up for sale on Etsy or wherever else you can find a place to sell it. Your parish? A local community market? The creative outlet will do you good, and hopefully you will make some cash!

Babysit for people you know or people at your parish. Offer to clean houses. Whatever you can find, just do it so that you feel more secure!

As for discerning: Believe it or not, now may be a good time to go discern with houses. You've got a lot of free time, right? On the other hand, to get a new job, you need to be constantly near your phone/email, and that's not possible on a live-in. So decide how you're going to do this: Maybe ask the houses you've been talking to if there's any way they can help pay for a visit (if abbesses are contacting YOU, they're probably interested enough to help if they can), and if they can, go now while you have the time "off work". That way, when you get back, you can apply and work like crazy to get yourself established again.

I'd also suggest that, every morning, as soon as you wake up, go do some exercise. It will help jumpstart your body and your emotional wellbeing so you have the energy to get through the day. Do it even before you pray. Or pray while you exercise. But you have to do it first thing in the morning or otherwise the "slump" of the depressing day will prevent you from doing it at all, and then you'll just keep spiraling down this rabbit hole. You need the exercise to pull yourself out.

And you need our prayers—which you've got! 

[:o)Katherine:o)]

Prayers for you Marigold! I am going to echo a lot of what has been previously stated. Start applying for another job. Having a place to sleep and food to keep you nourished is the most important thing. I know that you are concerned about paying back those that you have borrowed from yet I am sure that their main priority is for you to be safe and healthy. I am sure if you wrote to the abbesses and explained your current situation they would understand. Plus, they would add your situation to their prayers. If there are any side hobbies you can do to help supplement income that would be helpful as well.

[Yaatee]

No help from your parents, or do you not want to accept this?

Have you decided on another monastery--or not yet?  If you had decided and wished to enter, they may well help you with that amount of debt.

Any prospect of help from your local church or diocese? 

Edited July 2, 2015 by Yaatee

[marigold]

I'm out of props, but thank you everyone for your thoughtfulness. I'm seeing the consensus is on investing in new work... Egeria PMed me quite a good suggestion so watch this space.

Hugs to Strictly and MLF - neither of those are easy situations...