Being afraid of going out

[NadaTeTurbe]

Okay, so it will look a little stupid... But I often have to go in a part of my city (I will call it B.) with a lot of sunni & salafist muslim (with women who wear burka AND sitar, with ISIS flag...). Add to that some facist. Most of the time, police is here, and things are okay. But when the police is not here, sometimes the man can insult me and other normal women (even women who just wear hijab), or just agressive stares, enough to not feel confortable. 
The last terrorist attack really frightened me. I can not stop thinking about this. And yesterday, I had to go to B., and I began to shake, and I was too afraid to go out. 
My dad was angry about it, he told me that ISIS want us to have fear, and that it is weakness to be afraid, and that our ancestors were not afraid of nazis, etc... and I know it is weakness to be afraid, but still, I can't control it, and I am becoming more and more afraid to go out. More and more paranoid, also. I don't know what to do agains this feeling. Anyone ? 

[superblue]

Being afraid is normal, the thing is to not let fear control your life.  Be alert, and aware of your surroundings and do the best you can to relax.

People who are not in a war torn area still develop phobias, over things that to people who do not suffer a mental illness does not make sense, but to that person with the phobia with that mental illness it is very real....

If it isn't ISIS, it will be a million other things that can get you, from a drunk driver, to cancer, to what ever. 

 

To help ease things, maybe you can find someone to go with you when you have to go out, or if you have a cell phone just periodically call a friend, to say hello when you are feeling nervous ( if you can )....  

 

Peace

[Credo in Deum]

Pray this prayer:

 

Act of Resignation to the Divine Will

O Lord my God, I now, at this moment, readily and willingly accept at Your hands whatever kind of death it may please you to send me, with all its pains, penalties sorrows. Amen.

As SB said being afraid is normal, but it should not control your life.  Now this is not to say you should throw caution to the wind.  It means when there are things beyond your control you should make an act of resignation and affirm your faith that whatever happens, God is in control. 

I will keep you and this situation in my prayers.  

[Yaatee]

I would think that an area inhabited by muslims would be quite safe. What you might fear is that you'd get in the way of some muslim-haters attacking them.

It sounds pretty safe to me.  A kid was shot by a drive-by in a nice neighborhood in my town.  Clean kid, no gang associations.  Out of the blue.   A real tragedy.

[Seven77]

Nada, you are in  my prayers.

[beatitude]

I would think that an area inhabited by muslims would be quite safe. What you might fear is that you'd get in the way of some muslim-haters attacking them.

It sounds pretty safe to me.  A kid was shot by a drive-by in a nice neighborhood in my town.  Clean kid, no gang associations.  Out of the blue.   A real tragedy.

Yaatee, Nada has said that she has faced harassment from a particularly dour group of Muslim men in this area. Worry for her physical safety may be irrational (after all, how many people get beheaded in the streets of France in statistical terms? Beheading hasn't been a terribly popular past-time among any group in France since the Revolution!) but verbal harassment is still nasty and can make women frightened even if it's unlikely to translate into a physical attack. She has also said that another source of fear is of the fascists who come to the area, presumably to harass the Muslims (there is a lot of ethnic friction in France that stems from the colonial era in Algeria, and it is taking on an increasingly religious element). Personally I wouldn't feel "pretty safe" around fascists and neo-Nazis, even if the statistical likelihood of something violent happening was small. This is clearly not a comfortable environment.

Nada, did you mention that the Little Sisters of Jesus live in this area? I think the best answer to your fear would be to pray alongside them. Ask Brother Charles to pray for you to have courage, and to inspire love in you for all its residents.

[Yaatee]

I agree in view of this information.  Actually if a place makes you feel uncomfortable, there's probably a reason to avoid it, if at all necessary. 

Can you go there less often, another time of day, using another route, etc.? Any prospect of going there with a male companion?

[julianneoflongbeach]

I know it's nothing like the same thing, but I work and travel in a 99% male industry all alone. And I have absolutely been spoken to, yelled at, and touched by strange men who thought they were harmless or justified and I was just a b*%$h if I defended myself. Don't ever feel ashamed to be afraid. It gives the wonderful opportunity of being brave. Here's what I do: I walk tall, I walk purposefully, I mastered the seemingly impossible task of keeping my eyes fixed on where I'm going while constantly scanning my surroundings for threats, I don't make eye contact, but when I do make eye contact by accident I DO NOT break it until I'm in danger of walking into something. I make sure everything about me screams to the world, "I am confident. I am strong. I am woman, hear me roar!"

[puellapaschalis]

I used to live in a mainly Turkish neighbourhood in a major European city. It was tense at best and awful at worst: I was spat on, called a silly sally and whore for not wearing a headscarf, and young boys would throw stones at me when I walked between my flat and the bus stop. Ramadan meant getting no sleep because of their partying late into the night. Walking to the shops meant being stared at by old men who would sit outside the mosque all day long.

It was very hard to deal with at times; my home became my fortress (and then the neighbours complained that I never went to their street parties!). Eventually I moved.

You have my sympathies. I try not to remember those years any more, but I remember the reluctance to go outside unless it was absolutely necessary.

[NadaTeTurbe]

I would think that an area inhabited by muslims would be quite safe. What you might fear is that you'd get in the way of some muslim-haters attacking them.

It sounds pretty safe to me.  A kid was shot by a drive-by in a nice neighborhood in my town.  Clean kid, no gang associations.  Out of the blue.   A real tragedy.

To give a little context, salafist muslims also attacks and target "normal" muslims. One day, a kurdish friend, who wear a very simple veil, was insulted by some brothers. In 2012, in my city, an extremist also killed three muslims soldiers, and four jewish (three little children, and the father). In France, in "banlieue", there's a lot of tension between muslisms, and neonazis. But there's also less death and shooting because guns are forbidden. 

It's sure that I need to pray. Beatitude, you're right, the Little Sisters lives not far away. I need to abandon myself to God, and to hand the people that I meet over the heart of Jesus and Mary. I try to do this when I'm in the tramway & metro, so I need to do this in the street ! 

Julianne, I really liked your "Don't ever feel ashamed to be afraid. It gives the wonderful opportunity of being brave", it gives me strenght. 

I will try to ask a friend to come with me, also. Thank you all for your answers and prayers. 

[puellapaschalis]

Just to be clear, when the board software says I was called a 'silly sally', it's actually its own truth-confuddling way of hiding that they called me a slut.

[NadaTeTurbe]

 A question, was it in Germany ? My mother had similar problems when she was here, but was chocked to see there was little to no police. It's a good thing that now you are safe. 
It's ramadan where I live, but my flat is very quiet. Some neighbours gave us some pastries and and let us know that they will maybe make a little noise for the end of ramadan. I live in a new district of my city, and many people who live here come from B. or other banlieue of the big city next to us : they all dream of silence and peace. 

[beatitude]

 A question, was it in Germany ? My mother had similar problems when she was here, but was chocked to see there was little to no police. It's a good thing that now you are safe. 
It's ramadan where I live, but my flat is very quiet. Some neighbours gave us some pastries and and let us know that they will maybe make a little noise for the end of ramadan. I live in a new district of my city, and many people who live here come from B. or other banlieue of the big city next to us : they all dream of silence and peace. 

I am beginning to see more clearly that there is a link between poverty/overcrowding and violence, not because poor people are naturally more violent (obviously), but because difficult living conditions scrape and sting at people until they lash out. Recently, to oblige a friend, I've been teaching English in a refugee camp that over the years has become a particularly squalid overcrowded urban neighbourhood with heavy military presence. Water shortages, cramped apartments, no green spaces. My friend teaches in the camp school, where the classrooms are basically concrete cupboards and have no resources other than whiteboards. These children can't sit still, they scramble around screaming, they punch each other, bite each other...at other times they are very loving with one another, as they've been through a lot together, but during class there will still be several altercations. I only teach there for four hours, but by the end of the first half-hour I'm counting down until I can go home, and by the end of two hours I'm ready to snap with irritation at the noise. Last week my friend took me into the teachers' room for a cup of tea, and that was the last place I wanted to be - I wanted to be by myself and recover my calm, not to socialise, and it was a real effort to stay patient. That's when it hit me: this is how those children feel all the time. And unlike me they don't get to go home to a nice quiet apartment with a balcony, they're stuck in there. They have no park in which to burn off energy like other children, just dirty narrow streets. I know no situation in Europe is as extreme, but it's still easier to be kind and considerate in a pleasant neighbourhood. It's chastening to realise that so much of our good behaviour depends on our surroundings. Living situations such as these test you and bring out what you're really made of.

[puellapaschalis]

This was not in Germany and this was not a particularly poverty-stricken area. The men generally owned businesses and had big fancy new cars each year. As immigrants they start off by claiming welfare, then bring family members over to also claim welfare and thus supplement their income from their businesses. And then they become indignant when others who work just as hard are refused benefits etc because they're not immigrants, but are still much in need of help.

[puellapaschalis]

Oh, I fail so much at writing coherently today. Apologies, everyone.