MarysLittleFlower Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 I'm sorry if this is something that I went over before here but I just need to make sure I have it right... 1. Its not disobedience to follow your vocation if your parents are against it, if you're an adult? And 2. I read that neglecting or abandoning elderly parents is a sin... If someone is an only child and there's no one else to take care of parents, can they have a vocation, and if they do, how do they make sure their parents are taken care of? I was told that in becoming religious we don't abandon our parents... How does this practically happen? I just need a few reminders I think and a clarification.. Thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NadaTeTurbe Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 1) I don't think. But I think it's a sin to disrespect your parents while you follow your vocation, like : not praying for them, insulting them, not giving regular news (if you can send letters to your parents and you don't), and not seeking reconciliation. 2) Neglecting elderly parents is a sin. Not only it is a sin, but morally it is horrible. Medias are always speaking about neglected childre, but many elderly are neglected today. I guess our society don't care because they are old and "useless". Anyway, I think they can have a vocation, and God will provide. I know a SSPX parish where a sister from a SSPX convent was allowed to leave to take care of a family where the mother just had quintuplets (and she had 7 kids before that !). I think you should trust GOd about that : a mother superior will never let a sister abandoned her parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinMarie Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 For what my two cents is worth as a newbie... I totally get this. (In my last thread I had stopped discerning because of parent worries, but God simply WOULD NOT allow that; I was pulled back to it just like the other two times I decided to stop discerning) I think that true abandonment of parents because caring for them would interfere with something that you wanted to do is definitely a sin. But (and please take this with a grain of salt because I don't know what I am talking about) if someone is as reasonably sure as they can be that God is calling them to do something that precludes them being able to care for their parents, then I would see that as not abandoning them, but leaving them in God's hands, which is the safest place that anyone could be, really. I have always been told that once you are an adult and providing for yourself that you are obliged to honor your parents, but not necessarily obey them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheresaThoma Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 1. If you are an adult and independent then obedience is less of a factor and it becomes more about honoring your parents. Moving out and being independent changes a lot of things. I lived with my parents when I was technically an adult but still finishing school. There was a good bit of obedience in that setting. Now I'm out living on my own (and a few states away) so I don't have to be obedient any more. I do honor them though. I always say this but you can't plan your life around your parents wishes and desires. Eventually they will not be there anymore and if your whole life was focused on pleasing them you will be left with nothing. I realized this after my dad passed away suddenly. I hadn't thought about loosing either of my parents at a relatively young age but it can and does happen. Tomorrow is guaranteed to no one so you must follow what is right for you. 2. As far as taking care of parents if the parents know that you are entering and can make other plans than no it is not a sin.It would be a sin if you are already the caretaker for your parents but then just leave them to enter religious life without making a plan as to how they will be taken care of. I think the biggest key is here is to have a plan in place for your parents. There are many reasons besides religious life why someone would not be able to be the primary caretaker for their parents (living in a different country, can't get enough time away from work etc). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarysLittleFlower Posted June 27, 2015 Author Share Posted June 27, 2015 1) I don't think. But I think it's a sin to disrespect your parents while you follow your vocation, like : not praying for them, insulting them, not giving regular news (if you can send letters to your parents and you don't), and not seeking reconciliation. 2) Neglecting elderly parents is a sin. Not only it is a sin, but morally it is horrible. Medias are always speaking about neglected childre, but many elderly are neglected today. I guess our society don't care because they are old and "useless". Anyway, I think they can have a vocation, and God will provide. I know a SSPX parish where a sister from a SSPX convent was allowed to leave to take care of a family where the mother just had quintuplets (and she had 7 kids before that !). I think you should trust GOd about that : a mother superior will never let a sister abandoned her parents. Good points! I'm sure also this is something that could be discussed with the community and a plan worked out, so that the parents are not abandoned. I mean God knows my situation... a Mother Superior even told me that we don't abandon our parents as religious so they understand that. And she told me about priests who are an only child etc. It happens... I hope there's a way to still provide for them. Of course that needs to be arranged and also much depends on Divine Providence. I've been afraid at times that I can't have a vocation due to this but I wasn't told it's any impediment.. a plan just needs to be worked out. I want to follow God's Will first but of course I don't want my parents to be left with no help either.. there must be a way? thanks for the reply! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarysLittleFlower Posted June 27, 2015 Author Share Posted June 27, 2015 For what my two cents is worth as a newbie... I totally get this. (In my last thread I had stopped discerning because of parent worries, but God simply WOULD NOT allow that; I was pulled back to it just like the other two times I decided to stop discerning) I think that true abandonment of parents because caring for them would interfere with something that you wanted to do is definitely a sin. But (and please take this with a grain of salt because I don't know what I am talking about) if someone is as reasonably sure as they can be that God is calling them to do something that precludes them being able to care for their parents, then I would see that as not abandoning them, but leaving them in God's hands, which is the safest place that anyone could be, really. I have always been told that once you are an adult and providing for yourself that you are obliged to honor your parents, but not necessarily obey them. thanks for the reply! I'm much like you in that I also stopped discerning in my heart a few times because of fear (always family related too), and each time God pulled me back... and this happened in prayer or after Communion... it just becomes impossible to love Him in the same way if I reject this, it feels like rejecting a grace. I don't know if you can relate and if that's what it's like for others too but I'm saying that in case it is I see what you mean about the other point.. I also think this is something to talk to the community about - because I was told there are still ways to take care of the parents.. I just don't always understand what they are. It might not be - you literally being there to take care of them.... but still ensuring they are safe etc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarysLittleFlower Posted June 27, 2015 Author Share Posted June 27, 2015 1. If you are an adult and independent then obedience is less of a factor and it becomes more about honoring your parents. Moving out and being independent changes a lot of things. I lived with my parents when I was technically an adult but still finishing school. There was a good bit of obedience in that setting. Now I'm out living on my own (and a few states away) so I don't have to be obedient any more. I do honor them though. I always say this but you can't plan your life around your parents wishes and desires. Eventually they will not be there anymore and if your whole life was focused on pleasing them you will be left with nothing. I realized this after my dad passed away suddenly. I hadn't thought about loosing either of my parents at a relatively young age but it can and does happen. Tomorrow is guaranteed to no one so you must follow what is right for you. 2. As far as taking care of parents if the parents know that you are entering and can make other plans than no it is not a sin.It would be a sin if you are already the caretaker for your parents but then just leave them to enter religious life without making a plan as to how they will be taken care of. I think the biggest key is here is to have a plan in place for your parents. There are many reasons besides religious life why someone would not be able to be the primary caretaker for their parents (living in a different country, can't get enough time away from work etc). that makes sense! thanks for the reply.. I'm living separately from my parents in a different city. I also have a job and provide for myself. Sometimes when I don't have enough money they help me out but I understand they're not obligated to. I'm guessing that this would mean I'm living independently, mostly. I am in my late 20s though so there's the age thing too, and the fact that I have a job. I see what you mean about having a plan for them to be taken care of... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinMarie Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 Also, you have mentioned before that your parents are not Catholic. I don't know if this complicates things even further for you or not (although I can see how it would, especially with the obedience vs. honor point). I don't know the specifics of your situation and I know that sometimes Catholic parents are opposed to their children's vocations. Personally, I am frankly dreading the day (which is fast approaching, as I have started visiting communities) when I have to tell my non-Catholic dad that I am discerning. I don't know the future and maybe God will surprise me (as He so often does) but based on previous experience, I think it would be awhile before my dad could think rationally about the subject enough to even make a plan for his support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarysLittleFlower Posted June 27, 2015 Author Share Posted June 27, 2015 (edited) Also, you have mentioned before that your parents are not Catholic. I don't know if this complicates things even further for you or not (although I can see how it would, especially with the obedience vs. honor point). I don't know the specifics of your situation and I know that sometimes Catholic parents are opposed to their children's vocations. Personally, I am frankly dreading the day (which is fast approaching, as I have started visiting communities) when I have to tell my non-Catholic dad that I am discerning. I don't know the future and maybe God will surprise me (as He so often does) but based on previous experience, I think it would be awhile before my dad could think rationally about the subject enough to even make a plan for his support ErinMarie, yes my parents are not Catholic and they wish for me to marry. The fear of telling them and then them being heart broken , rejecting the faith or getting ill - has been my main fear. And the only child issue and how they would be taken care of. Yet if I'm correct Jesus repeatedly draws me back to discernment and even more, a commitment. A priest said in a book when it progresses it would be doing impossible violence to the heart to undo it - its like giving your heart completely to God and then taking it back. There's sometimes fear - am I just making this up, is it only my will... I hope not because it keeps progressing! In such a situation I think all we can do is only look at Jesus. Didn't St Peter begin to sink only when he looked away from Our Lord and at the water? We can only look at Him and not look away, to not be overcome by fears I believe His Will needs to become the primary and only objective. Edited June 27, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sr.christinaosf Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 I've been thinking about the recent posts on parents and vocations and just thought I'd share the link to an article my mom wrote back around Mother's Day. It shares her thoughts and feelings and may shed some light for someone: https://ourfranciscanfiat.wordpress.com/2015/05/07/as-mothers-day-approaches-a-mother-of-a-sister-reflects/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vee Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 I've been thinking about the recent posts on parents and vocations and just thought I'd share the link to an article my mom wrote back around Mother's Day. It shares her thoughts and feelings and may shed some light for someone: https://ourfranciscanfiat.wordpress.com/2015/05/07/as-mothers-day-approaches-a-mother-of-a-sister-reflects/ What a beautiful article your mom wrote. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sr.christinaosf Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 On her behalf, thank you. I hope it helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheresaThoma Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Lovely article by your mom! Thank you for sharing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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