Young Searcher Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Please excuse my english, im not really good at it. I just want to share something. Before I got too involved in our parish, I had a dream that I was a nun. I believed that's the first part of my "calling" but during that time, I wasn't really aware of how imporant is that to my life. Until I participated a 4-day Search In the Siervas de Maria Convent and realized that everything was really planned for me. Like, I had to stop studying because of financial problem then I got too attached to our church as if it was already my home. Til one of my co-parishoners sent me the good news via text message asking if I want to attend the Search In the convent. Of course, my mother doesnt want me to go because she said that I might be carried by the sisters but I said "Dont worry ma, I promise that I won't be like them." It slipped out of my mouth because I was too depressed to go in the convent, I don't know why but it felt like my heart was the one forcing me As we finished the search in, I felt in love with the religious life: Dedicating yourself to God, becoming the spouse of Christ, living in the virtues of Virgin Mary. But my parents, especially my mother who was not a catholic, was forcing me not to follow my vocation. She even made me think that when I enter the religious life, expect that I don't belong to their family ever. All I can do was to cry and defend my vocation inspite of her offending words :'( I don't know what to do. I understand that we're not a wealthy family. There's only two of us whom our parents will depend when they get old. But do they also think about my vocation? They're killing me inside crushing my heart into pieces. I don't want to hurt their feelings, BUT I WANT TO FOLLOW JESUS! I can hear him calling my name :') Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarysLittleFlower Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 (edited) Please excuse my english, im not really good at it. I just want to share something. Before I got too involved in our parish, I had a dream that I was a nun. I believed that's the first part of my "calling" but during that time, I wasn't really aware of how imporant is that to my life. Until I participated a 4-day Search In the Siervas de Maria Convent and realized that everything was really planned for me. Like, I had to stop studying because of financial problem then I got too attached to our church as if it was already my home. Til one of my co-parishoners sent me the good news via text message asking if I want to attend the Search In the convent. Of course, my mother doesnt want me to go because she said that I might be carried by the sisters but I said "Dont worry ma, I promise that I won't be like them." It slipped out of my mouth because I was too depressed to go in the convent, I don't know why but it felt like my heart was the one forcing me As we finished the search in, I felt in love with the religious life: Dedicating yourself to God, becoming the spouse of Christ, living in the virtues of Virgin Mary. But my parents, especially my mother who was not a catholic, was forcing me not to follow my vocation. She even made me think that when I enter the religious life, expect that I don't belong to their family ever. All I can do was to cry and defend my vocation inspite of her offending words :'( I don't know what to do. I understand that we're not a wealthy family. There's only two of us whom our parents will depend when they get old. But do they also think about my vocation? They're killing me inside crushing my heart into pieces. I don't want to hurt their feelings, BUT I WANT TO FOLLOW JESUS! I can hear him calling my name :') Young Searcher, I can really relate to you... I'm discerning religious life and my family is not Catholic, also I grew up an only child so I don't have any brothers or sisters to help take care of my parents and I'd have to figure that out myself and make sure they'll be safe - with God's help. My family isn't wealthy either. My family also wish me to marry and are worried I won't be happy if I don't marry. But I feel Jesus calling me and I think I will be unhappy if I marry. I've already given Him my heart and I can't undo that. I've gone through much fear this year about all this... And each time I distanced myself from my decision through fear, it really affected my spiritual life and God brought me back... Also I believe He sent me so many reminders to not be afraid. I know its so painful because you love your family but how can you say no to Christ? He loves you more than anyone could and He loves your family more than even you do. Though they might suffer emotionally they would eventually receive many more graces through you following your vocation, if its to be a religious they might suffer less if you marry but they'll receive less graces if you don't follow your vocation. There are Sisters whose parents disowned them at first but later accepted their vocation when they saw how happy they were there... Your parents just want you to be happy and maybe need time to see that religious life is what would make you happy, if this is your call. Don't be afraid! I read that our first duty is for the salvation of our soul. If we say no to our vocation that puts our salvation in danger because that is where God has prepared graces for us. But we don't choose it out of fear, but out of love I know it might be easier to carry the suffering of your family yourself than see them suffer from such a decision... But try to give them to Our Blessed Mother to take care of. Doing this really helped me. We need to trust God it helped me to read about Saints who had to deal with this. There are SO many!! Many Saints had their vocations opposed by family. St Clare, St Faustina both ran away from home.. St Margaret Mary was told her mother would die as a result and she (St Margaret) would be in hell for this. What a fearful thing to tell someone! There are a whole number of Saints whose parents wanted them to be knights lawyers etc. Basically we're not alone in this do you have a spiritual director? Talking about this with a priest or Mother Superior can help... God bless you!! Edited June 25, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Paul Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 What Marys Little Flower said is good advice.Welcome to Phatmass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yaatee Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 (edited) It is very understandable for parents not to want their children to enter religious life. There are a number of very valid reasons. First, for themselves, parents may look forward to being close to the children and grandchildren as they age. This may or may not be possible in religious life. Cloisters limit visits. Missionary orders post abroad. Parents also may become dependent on their children for financial support, also not possible in religious life. Parents also know their children. They (the children) may not be very mature, in spite of their age. They may be recent converts, in the honeymoon phase of their newfound religion. I know that canon law requires a two year wait, but you could still be very immature in your religious understanding and beliefs. There is a long period before one says final vows but the person may have left school, broken ties with friends, lost opportunities for jobs and end up several years later financially and psychologically stranded, their friends married and gone, jobs and scholarships no longer available. Parents who are not Catholic know that there will be a barrier between them and their children for the rest of their lives. It is very understandable to oppose it. However, if I were in their shoes, I would keep my mouth shut as is advisable whenever our children make potentially unwise decisions. You end up just hoping for the best. Edited June 25, 2015 by Yaatee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yaatee Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 (edited) I don't think that salvation depends on this. Many people might feel called to a variety of things, such as teaching, with or without entering religious life. Once people enter, persevere and commit, parents may indeed come around, but they will have lost a lot. However, this might be true in other settings also, if their child marries and lives abroad, for example. What I see in VS , especially involving women, is a lot of immaturity and dissatisfaction with the lives the discerners are in. Hints come out about bad home situations, problems in school and with interpersonal relations, including with the opposite sex. Young people want structure, even through they don't admit it, in their lives. Religious life offers this. These factors, together with attractive websites, photos of lots of young women in veils, and possibly come-hither tactics from communities' vocation directors, could lead to a false sense of vocation and of wanting to enter "right now!", which in time might be regretted. Edited June 25, 2015 by Yaatee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheresaThoma Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 I'm not sure how old you are (and you don't have to say) but if you are still young and at home I think it is harder for a parent to accept that you can make your own choice regarding your vocation. I understand where you are coming from, my mother is VERY opposed to my vocation (and the Church in general). When the topic would come up it would turn into a nasty fight and I would become very anxious. Since then I have finished my education, moved out and now I'm working and living pretty far away. As a result I know she views me more as an adult now and even though I have not talked with her about my vocation in a long time I hope that even if she doesn't agree with me about it she will be more able to accept that I am an adult and can make my own choices. I also get where you want to enter right now. I know when I first realized I might have a vocation I wanted to enter ASAP. I know it is frustrating but give yourself some time. If you truely have a vocation it won't disappear. It may change a bit but it won't go away completely.I think of it like when you first light a fire there are lots of big bright flames. Impressive but they can't be maintained and don't give off a good steady heat. It isn't until the fire dies back a bit and create coals that you can see if the fire is a good fire. There are less showy flames but that type of fire will go for a long time and produce a lot of heat. It becomes a more productive fire. This takes time though, very similar to discerning a vocation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antigonos Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 What I see in VS , especially involving women, is a lot of immaturity and dissatisfaction with the lives the discerners are in. Hints come out about bad home situations, problems in school and with interpersonal relations, including with the opposite sex. Young people want structure, even through they don't admit it, in their lives. Religious life offers this. These factors, together with attractive websites, photos of lots of young women in veils, and possibly come-hither tactics from communities' vocation directors, could lead to a false sense of vocation and of wanting to enter "right now!", which in time might be regretted. I think you've written something very, very important, Yaatee! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NadaTeTurbe Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 I think you've written something very, very important, Yaatee! What I see in VS , especially involving women, is a lot of immaturity and dissatisfaction with the lives the discerners are in. Hints come out about bad home situations, problems in school and with interpersonal relations, including with the opposite sex. Young people want structure, even through they don't admit it, in their lives. Religious life offers this. These factors, together with attractive websites, photos of lots of young women in veils, and possibly come-hither tactics from communities' vocation directors, could lead to a false sense of vocation and of wanting to enter "right now!", which in time might be regretted. I agree. That's why Spiritual Director are so important. My parents will be against my vocation. They are atheist, they can't understand this. All the communities that I have been in contact have asked me to wait the end of my school to begin formal inquiry, so I'm waiting until this (4 years to go) to speak with them about it. I think, for atheist parents to accept vocation, you need to prove to them : it's a deliberate decision, you have done many retreats, you have a good spiritual director, the community is healthy and can take care of you, and to show them that you will have real hapiness in religious life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NadaTeTurbe Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 btw, are you from Spain ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarysLittleFlower Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 I don't think that salvation depends on this. Many people might feel called to a variety of things, such as teaching, with or without entering religious life. Once people enter, persevere and commit, parents may indeed come around, but they will have lost a lot. However, this might be true in other settings also, if their child marries and lives abroad, for example. What I see in VS , especially involving women, is a lot of immaturity and dissatisfaction with the lives the discerners are in. Hints come out about bad home situations, problems in school and with interpersonal relations, including with the opposite sex. Young people want structure, even through they don't admit it, in their lives. Religious life offers this. These factors, together with attractive websites, photos of lots of young women in veils, and possibly come-hither tactics from communities' vocation directors, could lead to a false sense of vocation and of wanting to enter "right now!", which in time might be regretted. I don't want to scare anyone but pretty much all the authors about this - including St Alphonsus Liguori- that our vocation is related to salvation because that's where God has prepared graces for us. Its not a job or what we do like teaching. I'm actually a teacher but my vocation is not teaching. Vocation is not what I do or the apostolate I would do as a religious but who I am vocations seem to be - marriage, religious life, some sort of consecrated life in the world, or priesthood for men. We don't need to be driven by fear when we discern though because God isn't waiting for us to make a mistake, He loves us and wants to guide us and if someone is discerning and being open they have no rejection of their vocation. God also understands the fears people have that make choosing religious life difficult - but I believe He wants us to rely on Him for this. Fear is understandable.. I'm trying to give my fears to Him. I know that sometimes people might want religious life as a way to deal with a situation etc... However, I wouldn't say that just because someone is in a rough situation that's necessarily why they want religious life. I think that the best reason to want consecrated life in general is about Our Lord. A person might feel drawn to more structure etc at the same time, while there being a deeper reason.. Many young women want to be nuns simply because during prayer they feel Jesus calling them to give their heart to Him as to their only Beloved. After this marriage becomes impossible. As Fr Thomas Dubay said - it would involve doing a great violence to the heart that you just can't do. This is how a woman might feel after making a commitment especially... I don't mean necessarily a vow but an interior commitment. However at the beginning of discernment it might not be very clear... A person might feel nothing more than a pull to the life. Then for others its more from reason and for others still its a very miraculous type of call like St Paul. Anyway what I wanted to say is that I think discernment is much less like trying to find theright occupation or place to live, its more like falling in love and once you commit to it nothing else seems possible. Am I correct? Maybe someone can comment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
puellapaschalis Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 This 'maturing' in one's sense of vocation can just as well take place after entrance; it's part of the growing-up that takes place in formation. We don't and will never enter with (near) perfect knowledge of ourselves or our mission in life; there is no 'perfect' moment to enter. In contrast to what I thought a few years ago, I think there is much to be said for, once you have a reasonable idea of where you want to be and are able to live the life, and once practical obstacles are removed, just packing up and going. I think (i.e. have no sources) that in this way, the merits granted from persevering through the struggles of maturation are greater, because they're part of your religious life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarysLittleFlower Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 I'm not saying that there aren't people who discern just out of the externals.. But based on what I've read of many women here I don't think that is common... I don't know. But I think its possible to be drawn to certain externals but the main reason still be something else. I think the main reason is wanting to give yourself fully to Jesus in some way, to love Him more than now. That could be religious life or consecrated life in the world. I went through a time where I had no clue which of these it could be and that forced me to make my choice more about the essential aspect of it. I'm sure I still have many attachments but I mean that's something that could be purified over time. So I wouldn't say that someone shouldn't discern if they have certain attachments to form as long as their main reason is spiritual - attachments should be fought but they also get purified slowly, and we need to be patient with our selves. Also something could look like an attachment but be a pull towards a particular type of community... And vice versa... I'd still just go with what Fr Thomas Dubay said - vocation is not just what you do but who you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarysLittleFlower Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 This 'maturing' in one's sense of vocation can just as well take place after entrance; it's part of the growing-up that takes place in formation. We don't and will never enter with (near) perfect knowledge of ourselves or our mission in life; there is no 'perfect' moment to enter. In contrast to what I thought a few years ago, I think there is much to be said for, once you have a reasonable idea of where you want to be and are able to live the life, and once practical obstacles are removed, just packing up and going. I think (i.e. have no sources) that in this way, the merits granted from persevering through the struggles of maturation are greater, because they're part of your religious life. I agree with this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Young Searcher Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 thank you so much! You brought such relief to my sorrowing feeling. Oh sure I will read each saints' life story on their vocation, these will surely inspire me on my vocation too And speaking about spiritual directors, yes I have mother slyvia, She adviced me to just OBEY for now. First because disobedience is a very bad act, second, God already planned His will for me. Maybe its just not my time to enter the convent now,for me to discern deeply and honestly. I decided to work for 1 year so that I can pay some of our debts then after that, if my heart Is really pure and sure, then thats the time when I will follow my vocation no matter what. I believed that God will make ways for me and also for my family. By the way, my dream last night was I am in the convent together with the aspirants and siervas de maria sisters I asked God to give me a lovely dream and He did! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarysLittleFlower Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 I'm glad you are feeling better about this! regarding obedience does it have to do with your age or being reliant on your parents? Am I correct that for adults they are no longer bound by this and first obedience is to God? I also read that no one can forbid you to have a vocation - like parents. But in terms of entering now or later - it can depend on age. Am I correct? Obedience to parents wouldn't be an issue for someone in their late 20s for example? I just wanted to check my understanding you might also be interested in reading about how to keep your vocation safe while in the world I think St Alphonsus might have written on that... Its generally advised to have spiritual direction, pray much, stay away from attachments, not to date if you are really considering religious life, etc... Just because its easy to get distracted. I also would caution against talking to your parents about this for now if they are not open - I mean continual arguments and discussions... I think its better to just pray for them for now so God prepares them too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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